TresSugar

Berlusconi's Mistress Tells Us More Than We Need to Know

TresSugar — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 13:30:23 -0800

Italians really take their sex scandals to the next level. Today, Patrizia D'Addario, former call girl mistress to Italy's "I'm no saint" prime minister, adds a "lesbian dimension" to her tale of sex, power, and retaliation.

Patrizia has a book coming out and excerpts reveal that she has been the target of threats, robbery, and violence after going public about her affair with Silvio Berlusconi. But that's not stopping her. Describing a party held at Berlusconi's home, Patrizia shares the prime minister's preference for white silk pajamas and women who like other women. To see an excerpt, read more.

Patrizia writes:

"Other girls arrived, including a pair of lesbians, and a few other escorts. . . My first thought was that I'd found myself in a harem. He was on the couch and all of us, 20 girls in all, were at his disposition."

While the presence of lesbians probably seems relatively inconsequential, it might upset Italian citizens who were otherwise willing to dismiss heterosexual escapades. And as the Guardian reports, Berlusconi can say good-bye to a recent break from bad press: "The publication of D'Addario's book will divert public attention back to the affair after a period in which the focus had been on another sex scandal involving the former center-left governor of the region around Rome. Piero Marrazzo resigned after being filmed taking drugs and having sex with a transsexual." Mama mia.

Say What? Hero Sex Rocks

TresSugar — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 10:30:56 -0800

"The hero sex really helps a 20-year-old marriage."

- Captain Sully's wife Laurie explains how her husband also saved their sex life when he successfully landed his plane in the Hudson River earlier this year. File this under TMI?

Ask a Wife: How Do I Stop Being the Other Woman?

TresSugar — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 08:00:58 -0800

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, a woman in a happy marriage tries to help out a woman stuck in an affair. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's Question:

I am involved with a married man and I don't know how to stop. He's been married for a couple of years, and his wife often goes out of town. I feel like I'm in a relationship with him: he calls or texts before he goes to sleep, cooks me dinner when he can, and we talk about almost anything with each other. I don't expect him to leave his wife for me, and it doesn't seem like he's going to. He just says he wishes we would have met before he got married. I know deep down that this is so wrong, but I feel like I can't do anything about it. I feel too happy when I'm around him. Help!

Signed,
The Other Woman

To see the advice, read more.

Dear The Other Woman,

I have some bad news and some good news. First, the bad news: you are not happy. You are in a relationship that is damaging to both you and this man's wife. The only person remotely benefiting from the situation is this unfaithful person you are involved with.

Now the good news: real happiness does exist. You can find someone - who's not married - to talk, laugh, cry, and have sex with. And it will be so much better. But first you need to do some work on yourself. Look at your life and decide what type of person you want to be. Do you want the adjectives selfish, dishonest, and disrespectful to describe who you are? Or would you rather have the words loving, faithful, and complete describe your behavior and your relationship? Next you need to boost your confidence. Think about what has made you do something that is undoubtedly so hurtful to yourself and this other woman. Is it because you are afraid of being alone? Is it because you think this is the best thing you can get? If so, let me tell you that a little patience can go a long way. Focus on the things you really enjoy in life (do you like running? painting? traveling?), the things that make you excited, and you will only become more desirable.

The search for love is a hard and frustrating one, but you are just going down a dark and depressing path with nothing but hurt waiting at the end of it. End things with this unavailable man, figure out why you love yourself, and then you will find someone who loves you for all those qualities too.

Signed,
A Wife

Hump Day: Sex Makes Her Uncomfortable

TresSugar — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 07:30:23 -0800

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. If you have questions about sex, send them to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:
I'm 24 and in my first relationship. I really like the guy, we've been going out for six months, but I get nervous whenever he slips his hand under my underwear. He gets the hint and stops. I don't mind him doing other things (we haven't slept together yet), but I wish I wasn't such a prude. I don't know what he expects and I worry that he will be grossed out, as I only shave/wax the bikini line but not the whole thing. What if he thinks it is ugly? I also don't know what I should expect; he knows I'm a virgin, but I don't know how to speak to him about why I get uncomfortable, and I don't know how to overcome it! I also have a few stretch marks and worry that he will be grossed out by them. Please help?

To read Dr. Glickman's response, read more.

Thank you for sharing this challenging situation. I know that it can be scary to talk about things like this, but these are all really common thoughts.

One of the things that can help when you’re on the edge of your comfort zone is to take it very slowly. It’ll probably help to tell your guy about your discomfort, even if you can’t tell him why it’s there. You could simply say "I have a lot of discomfort around sex." You also might want to do a little solo exploration. It takes the pressure off because there aren’t any partner expectations. Check out the wonderful book Becoming Orgasmic. If you’re looking for tips or ideas for techniques, Tickle Your Fancy is full of suggestions. Once you know a bit more about what you like or dislike, you and your boyfriend might be able to find something that you both like to do.

It’s worth mentioning that vulvas come in all different shapes. (The vulva is the external female anatomy. The vagina is the inside part.) There’s a long history of negative attitudes towards the vulva, but each one is unique and beautiful in its own way. A lot of women have the idea that there’s something wrong with their vulvas because they don’t look like what we see in porn or because they have hair, and I think that’s unfortunate. I strongly recommend getting to know your parts and Scarleteen has a great site about that. It’s geared towards teens, but there's lots of amazing info about sex, bodies, and pleasure.

Another option would be to explore some of these concerns with a therapist. When you have an itch on your back, you need someone else to scratch it. Therapists help us by reaching the spots we can’t reach on our own. Lastly, depending on where you are, you could join a body-image support group. While they tend not to focus on sexuality, they can be an incredibly helpful way to work through our concerns about our bodies and how we (or other people) feel about them.

Working through these challenges isn’t always easy, but it can be very rewarding. Whatever route you choose, I hope you find the pleasure and joy that you deserve.

US STD Rate Highest of Developed Countries - and Rising!

TresSugar — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 10:00:49 -0800

Let's talk about sex . . . or else! According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, reluctance to talk about sex is keeping STD infection rates on the rise in the US, especially among teens. After practically being eradicated, syphilis is resurgent, and chlamydia and gonorrhea are also at "unacceptably high levels." Thanks to our prudishness, the US has the highest rate of STDs of any developed country in the world.

It's no secret that abstinence-only sex education is popular in America. Thankfully, after confronting the fact that abstinence-only education does not effectively reduce STD infection rates, some school districts are moving to abstinence-plus education, which reasonably stresses the importance of using protection if a teen is sexually active.

Of course, parents can also do something to reduce STD risks by providing a little sex education at home. When I asked a while back, more than half of TrèsSugar readers said their parents avoided having an awkward conversation about contraception. Maybe these new statistics will remind parents that reducing health risks are worth a few uncomfortable minutes.

Stranger Than Fiction: To Catch a Husband

TresSugar — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 11:00:32 -0800

Sitting in her living room in South Wales, Cheryl Roberts entered a chat room posing as a 14-year-old girl. Why, you ask? After finding suspicious messages on her husband's computer, Cheryl wanted to catch him in the act of trying to seduce young schoolgirls. Unfortunately, she succeeded.

Cheryl's husband David had no idea that as he chatted away in his study, he was really talking to his wife in the living room. Using a webcam, David filmed himself performing "acts of indecency" on himself and he thought he was broadcasting the images to a 14-year-old girl, but it was really his wife. Upon seeing this horrifying display, Cheryl called the cops, who then found a bunch of child porn on his computer. No word if Chris Hansen made an appearance.

David went on to face legal repercussions, and I think it's needless to say that the couple is now divorced. This poor woman!

Victorian Sex Slang: Test Your Vocab

TresSugar — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 04:00:00 -0800

From high-neck shirts to floor-length skirts, Victorian fashion left much to the imagination. Neo-Puritanical ideals may have dominated polite society, but sex was by no means hard to find. You just needed to talk the talk!

Source: Flickr User Gabriela Camerotti

Take the quiz

Are You Loud in Bed?

TresSugar — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 09:00:00 -0800

Englishwoman Caroline Cartwright likes to be loud when she makes love - so loud that her "unnatural" screams that sounded like "murder" and which were heard by the neighborhood children and postman got her convicted for a statutory noise violation.

Cartwright tried to appeal the conviction on grounds that it violated her right to privacy, but a magistrate upheld the conviction. The court reasoned:

"It certainly was intrusive and constituted a statutory nuisance. It was clearly of a very disturbing nature and it was also compounded by the duration - this was not a one-off, it went on for hours at a time. It is further compounded by the frequency of the episode, virtually every night."

Well, now we know that Caroline was having hours-long sex almost every night. Not bad! While I'm sure none of you would get a noise violation for your sexual screams, do you consider yourself loud in bed?

Sex Toy or Roller Coaster? Part Two!

TresSugar — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 07:00:00 -0800

Sex can be a wild ride, and amusement park rides sure sound like sex toys. After making the first sex toy or roller coaster quiz, I had so many more ridiculous names to choose from that I figured I'd test your sex-toy savvy yet again. Do you feel the need for speed? See if you can tell the sex toys from the roller coasters.

Take the quiz

Ask a Trader: Is He Into Me?

TresSugar — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 06:00:00 -0800

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, a trader helps out a frustrated woman. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's question:

I have been seeing this man for a little over a month. He is significantly older than me (13 years) and pretty busy. We talked last weekend and both said we wanted to take things slow due to failed past relationships (jumping into them too quickly; he was engaged).

That's perfectly fine with me, but the problem is that we never talk. We Facebook message each other, but it's extremely brief two word phrases. When the weekend hits, we might see each other one day. When we do see each other, he acts like he really enjoys my company until I say something nice (he runs a gallery, so I told him if he ever needs help getting a show set up, to let me know) in which case he kind of buries his head. He also won't respond if I send him a compliment via one of our Facebook messages.

He does let me keep some toiletries at his house if I ever spend the night, which is rare - we don't have sex either. I really like this guy and want to get to know him, but it seems impossible and I feel like I'm just getting strung along. Should I talk to him and tell him what I expect with "taking it slow" or something? Or does it seem he really isn't into me at all? Would he really string me along if he knows I don't want to get hurt anymore?

Signed,
Taking it Too Slow

To see the trader's answer, read more.

Dear Taking it Too Slow,

It sounds like, for whatever reason, this guy is not romantically attracted to you. You are right to worry that he lets you stay overnight and keep toiletries at his house, without ever making a move. You say you really like him, but I must recommend that you not waste too much more time on him without knowing he feels the same way because it sounds like you keep putting forth effort, without getting anything back from him. Tell him how you feel, and if he shares those feelings then you can explore the possibility of a real relationship together. If he says he's just not ready, this is your cue to move on and trade up. And no need to second-guess breaking off your sexless sleepovers: if he really does have feelings for you, he'll come back when he's ready, and if you want to, you can give him another shot.

Signed,
A Trader