TresSugar

Have You Ever Had a One-Night Stand?

TresSugar — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 13:00:00 -0700

The infamous one-night stand takes the concept of casual sex to the extreme. There are serious risks to consider when having sex with someone you don't know too well, like STIs and regret, but there can be something exciting and enjoyable about no-strings-attached sex.

Since even a serial monogamist might have had a one-night stand once in her life, I'm curious - have you?

Group Therapy: I Left Jewelry at the House of a One Night Stand!

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 04:00:00 -0700

A couple of months ago I had a one night stand with an older bachelor. It was after a crazy night of drinking and when I woke up, all I wanted to do was get out of his disgusting apartment as quickly as possible. I couldn't find the ring I was wearing and mentioned it to him, but left without it. Since that night he's contacted me a couple of times and expressed an interest in taking me out, however I have no desire to see him ever again. But, over the weekend, he sent me an email telling me he had found my ring! Although the ring was costume jewelry (it was a gift from my mom), I would like it back. What's the best way to go about this? Can I ask him to mail it to me? Should I have him drop it through my mail slot? Should I meet him somewhere? What's the etiquette for something like this?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

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Group Therapy: Was This a One-Night Stand?

Sat, 07 Mar 2009 10:00:00 -0800

I recently went to a bar to celebrate a co-worker's birthday. While I was there, I met someone unaffiliated with work. We spoke all night over drinks and then before the bar closed, he kissed me and then proposed three options: one) his place, two) my place, and three) dinner sometime next week. I chose one and three!

I went back with him and we had a wonderful evening. The next morning, after more kissing, cuddling, etc., he made me breakfast and then drove me home. His phone was dead so he gave me his number which I called right away so that he'd have mine. If he doesn't call, how long should I wait before calling him? I'd prefer not to call at all because I want to know if he's truly interested in me, but if there's a chance that his phone was off, then his caller ID wouldn't have captured my number - I wouldn't want to miss the opportunity to go out again. What should I do?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

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Love It or Leave It: The Overnighter Set

DearSugar — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 15:00:00 -0800

If you're single and dating, being prepared for the unexpected is key, which is why the Hanky Panky Justine Case Overnighter Set ($38) could come in quite handy. It comes complete with lacy black thong and a Benefit cosmetics kit that includes foundation, lip shine, eye cream, and cheek stain - you know, so you can look your best at all times!

Is this something you'd carry with you for those impromptu one night stands, or is this a total waste of money and space in your purse?

Dear Poll: Have You Ever Actually Had a One-Night Stand?

DearSugar — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 16:00:00 -0700

One-night stands are tricky territory, especially when considering STIs. There are some who truly do enjoy a casual sex encounter, but for many, keeping sex casual is extremely difficult. I know both men and women who had greater expectations from hookupz than just a one-night stand, which left them feeling disappointed and dissatisfied. And yet, they still happen all the time. Since we're all anonymous here, I want to know: Have you ever participated in a one-night stand?

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Do Tell: Do STI Rates Make You Reconsider One Night Stands?

DearSugar — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Although most of you say you've never had a one night stand, 48 percent of you admitted to doing it at least once. Sure, one night stands have a negative stigma attached to them, but if you're safe and smart about it, I say to each her own. But as we all know, STIs are on the rise and condoms won't necessarily protect you 100 percent. So knowing what you know, and realizing that getting tested is the only way to know for sure if someone is clean, tell me, do you still have or consider having one night stands?

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Dear Poll: Have You Ever Had a Wedding Hookup?

DearSugar — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 10:00:00 -0700

For single guys and gals, weddings have a reputation for matchmaking - even if that match is sometimes for just one night. After all, you're surrounded by friends, love is in the air, and booze and bad dancing are plentiful. It's no wonder that for some wedding guests, the night ends with a little bit of making out or hooking up with a fellow wedding goer. Some couples even try to seat their single friends next to each other in hopes of making a connection. I've seen it work a few times so have you ever indulged in a wedding hookup?

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You Asked: One Night Stand

DearSugar — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I recently had a one night stand for the first time. I met him while interviewing roommates for my new apartment. It didn't work out as roomies, but he invited me to a friend's party a few weeks after our initial meeting. I showed up and we drank quite a bit. We started to make out heavily and before I knew it, we were back at my place having sex. This was totally out of character for me and I was mortified the next day. Much to my surprise, he ended up calling me a few days later asking me out to dinner. I went, but it was a bit awkward. The conversation was very one-sided (I asked questions and he talked about himself) and he seemed a little on the nervous side, though we went back at his place and made out again - this time no sex.

I can't help but feel a bit off about all of this. I have a feeling he was just trying to seem like a "nice guy," all the while trying to get some. I just got out of a really stupid relationship with a guy who I thought was my boyfriend but in the end, he just wanted regular sex, so I'm a little defensive when it comes to dating. While I admit that it was kind of my fault that I had the one night stand to begin with, how do I not paint that picture of myself even though that might be the picture he's seeing? I want something real, is that too much to ask? - Embarrassed Emily

To see DearSugar's answer read more.

Dear Embarrassed Emily,

Having a one night stand doesn't make you a bad person so try not to beat yourself up about it. While it may be out of character for you, take it as a lesson learned. I understand being guarded after a breakup, but look at your situation from an outsider - this guy called you and took you on a proper date! Before assuming the worst, perhaps you should see if there's any potential here. Sure, he could just be going through the motions, but if he wasn't interested, chances are he would have just never called again.

Asking for the entire package isn't too much to ask and you shouldn't settle, so if this guy doesn't give you butterflies, someone else will; you just have to be patient. But Emily, if you're just telling yourself that he's not interested as a way to protect yourself, realize that you're not going to get very far with walls up. Gaining trust back after a breakup takes time so hang in there and try not to be so hard on yourself. You never know, this guy could end up surprising you!

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Women Aren't Into Casual Sex?

DearSugar — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 07:00:00 -0700

Many men have an ability to be spontaneous when it comes to sex. They're free of their emotions and can have one-night stands without even so much as batting an eye. Ever since the sexual revolution of the sixties, women have tried to do the same, but according to an article in Science Daily, new research published by the journal Human Nature indicates that women's negative emotions get in the way of a satisfying casual-sex encounter.

In the study, 1,743 men and women had one-night stands, and the following morning were asked to rate both their positive and negative feelings. It's no surprise that 80 percent of the men had said the experience was great, and only 54 percent of the women felt the same way. The men felt sexual satisfaction, contentment, and a greater sense of well-being and confidence, while the women felt "used." Science Daily writes:

Women were also more likely to feel that they had let themselves down and were worried about the potential damage to their reputation if other people found out. Women found the experience less sexually satisfying and, contrary to popular belief, they did not seem to view taking part in casual sex as a prelude to long-term relationships.

Perhaps women are also affected by the added burden of a potential pregnancy. Whatever the reason, I don't find it all too surprising that women feel sex is more satisfying with someone they share an emotional connection with. But ladies, what are your thoughts on casual sex? Does this study ring true for you? Or do you find one-night stands exciting and fun?

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You Asked: Is It Too Late to Be Friends?

DearSugar — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I could really use some advice. I met this cute guy in one of my classes first semester of law school. We hung out for the first time a couple of weeks ago and had sex. We weren't drinking or anything; one thing just lead to the other. When he drove me home the next day, we casually talked about hanging out again, but he's avoided me ever since. I'm not looking for a relationship, but I figured we could talk, be friends, or at least act civil to each other. He's only the second person I've had sex with, so I'm not really sure how to go about something like this. Do you have any advice? - Neglected Nancy

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Neglected Nancy,

Having sex with someone who you're not in a committed relationship with can often complicate things, and it's pretty clear that that's exactly what's happened here. Since you're not looking for anything to come from this, be the bigger person and cut the tension. Try to pick up where you left off before sleeping together without making it awkward or uncomfortable. Once he sees that you're able to be an adult about the situation, hopefully he'll follow suit.

If he decides to take the immature route and continue with the silent treatment, you have two choices. You can call him out on it - ask him why he's being so sheepish around you and ask him to explain himself - or you can simply wait it out. Once his nerves settle down, hopefully he'll be able to realize that you are both adults who made a consensual decision to have sex. If nothing is meant to be out of your one-night stand, everything will work itself out in the wash in due time. Good luck.

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