TresSugar

Sunday Confessional - I'm Ashamed of How We Met

DearSugar — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 09:00:00 -0700

My boyfriend and I have been together for just under three months and everything has been absolutely amazing. We have a wonderful connection, he's sweet, generous, and loving, and the passion is undeniable. Things have been going so well that we recently decided to meet each other's families.

While I'm really excited to take this next step in our relationship, I've also been experiencing a lot of anxiety about it - my family has no idea that we met through an online dating website; and neither do my friends. I know my older brothers and sister will never let me hear the end of it and I fear that this news will spread like wildfire. I know that how we met is just a formality, but I can't help but feel incredibly embarrassed that I had to resort to such measures.

My boyfriend is perfectly comfortable with the truth of how we met, and I know that my insecurity about it can't make him feel very good, but I just can't help it - I'm ashamed to admit that I was an online dater! Would it be terrible if I asked my boyfriend to lie to my family for me?

Submit your own Sunday Confessionals here and see if you are forgiven!

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You Asked: Why Hasn't He Said I Love You?

DearSugar — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 12:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

Is meeting the parents a big deal? My boyfriend of almost a year recently had his mom visit for two days while she was passing through town. I ended up having dinner with her both nights but he hasn't said I love you yet. He's very close to his mom so should I take that as a good sign? He wouldn't introduce me to his family if he didn't see long-term potential with me, right? If so, why can't he say I love you yet? - Becoming Impatient Brenda

To see DearSugar's answer read more.

Dear Becoming Impatient Brenda,

There is no right time to say I love you - it's different for everyone. The same thing goes for meeting the parents. Some guys introduce all their girlfriends to their family while others are more selective. The fact that your boyfriend had you come to dinner with his mom both nights she was in town makes me think he was excited for you two to meet - a good sign - but I can't say if that means he's thinking long term per se.

If you're concerned with how he feels about you, just ask him. We could sit here and make assumptions about what his actions mean until we're blue in the face, but the only way to get straight answers is by talking to him. You've been together a long time so if you're still in the unsure phase, something's got to change. Open the lines of communication and get the answers you need to feel secure in this relationship. Good luck.

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Handle This: Your Luggage Gets Lost

DearSugar — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 08:00:00 -0800

You've been with your boyfriend for six months and he's finally ready to introduce you to his family, who live across the country. You know how important this trip is, which is why your nerves have been running wild all week. From the way he's always described his mother, she seems overcritical and very materialistic - the complete opposite of you. In an effort to make a good first impression, you packed all of your favorite outfits, including matching handbags, shoes, and accessories - you feel completely prepared!

After landing, you head straight to baggage claim. Your boyfriend's bag comes off the conveyor belt, but yours is nowhere in sight. You panic and when the bags stop coming, you're forced to accept the fact that your suitcase is missing. You're stuck with the clothes on your back for the next four days, and all you can think of is his mother's reaction. How would you handle this?

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Five Rules For Meeting His Parents

DearSugar — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 10:00:00 -0700

The holidays are fast approaching, so if you're meeting your boyfriend's parents for the first time, you might want to check out the five helpful tips that Glamour magazine is sharing with us in their November issue. As we all know, meeting the parents is a huge rite of passage, one that is never taken lightly, so check out my take on their five suggestions below and a few of my own, too.

Be present. If you're overly consumed with a pimple on your face or worrying that you're not saying the right thing, you could in turn come off aloof. Make sure his parents know you're interested in the conversation and in the moment.
Don't overspend to impress. Sending a thank you note, flowers, or bringing a small gift as a thank you for hosting you is always a nice gesture, but don't go overboard - you don't want to seem like you're trying too hard.
Volley the hard questions to him. If his parents put you on the spot to the point of uncomfortableness, turn to your boyfriend and cue him to take over. He'll know how to pull back the reins.

To see two more of Glamour's tips and to check out my additions, just read more.

Drink in moderation (the night before, too!). Being hung over isn't cute, so make sure you're bright-eyed and bushy-tailed when meeting his parents for the first time. No one likes a drunk and chances are his parents will notice how much you drink, so know your limits and act like a lady.
Treat them like friends, not fogies. You don't want to age his parents by sparking up dull conversation about the weather. They are people in addition to being your boyfriend's parents so engage them like you'd want to be engaged!

In addition, here's what I suggest!

Have your boyfriend debrief you pre-visit. If you go in knowing what they are interested in, you'll be able to have an edge by knowing exactly what to say!
Be yourself. There's a reason your boyfriend wants to show you off to his parents so relax, take a deep breath, and let them get to know you.
Don't be too affectionate with your boyfriend. A little PDA goes a long way, especially in front of adults. Even if you're usually a very touchy-feely couple, tone it down a notch; you don't want to make them feel uncomfortable or come off as needy.

If you've already been through this, do you have any tips to add? If so, please share them in the comments below.

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A Do or a Don't: Taking a Date to Meet the Folks

DearSugar — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Normally when we talk about meeting the parents, it’s thought of as a formal introduction of boyfriend to family. In other words, it’s a big step. But lately, I’ve noticed a somewhat blasé attitude about family intros. In fact, more and more people I know seem to be giving up the formality and presenting their parents with their newest date or even crush!

Certainly many rituals surrounding dating and family no longer exist, and I wonder if the conventional family meet and greet is the next to go. So ladies, tell me, is the unceremonious interaction between family and new boyfriends or even potential boyfriends a do or a don't? And if it's a do, is there ever such thing as “too soon”?

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This or That: Completely Late or a Terrible Dinner Date?

DearSugar — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 15:00:00 -0700

Your parents are hosting a Sunday night dinner at their house to meet your boyfriend for the first time. You’re a mix of excitement and nerves, and you know that your parents’ expectations are high. Unfortunately, your boyfriend is coming from a weekend away so you haven’t seen him or done any of the obligatory meet-the-parents prep talk beforehand. Would it be worse if . . .

This: He’s unbelievably late and doesn’t answer his phone when you call? You’re not sure whether to be worried or angry. He shows up an hour and a half late with dinner cold and only a mediocre excuse.

Or . . .

That: He’s right on time, even bearing a bottle of wine but then proceeds to be a rude dinner guest? He has zero manners and barely manages to answer a question with more than one word.

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When Is the Right Time to Introduce Him to the Fam?

DearSugar — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 12:00:00 -0700

When you meet someone really amazing, all you want to do is shout it from the rooftops. Usually, though, it's a better idea to give a more practical introduction, especially when it comes to your family. Parents can be very protective of their children - no matter how grown up they might be - thus, meeting the parents ends up being kind of a big deal, even if you’re not thinking of it as one. So I’m curious, when do you think is the best time to introduce him to your family? One month, four months, six months? Is there such a thing as too soon? Is there such a thing as too late?

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Sunday Confessional: He Lied to My Parents

DearSugar — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 06:58:54 -0700

My boyfriend and I have been together for about six months, and recently, I decided it was time to introduce him to my parents. Both of my parents are fairly intimidating. They’re both highly opinionated and have high-profile careers. My boyfriend was extremely nervous about meeting them because he’s currently unemployed and living at home - he’s trying to finish his last semester of schooling to become an x-ray technician. My boyfriend is an extremely hard worker, and I have absolutely no worries that he’ll be successful down the road.

At the dinner, things were going well until my parents asked about his future plans. Instead of being honest, he started in on a bunch of lies about what he does for a living - talking about his last job as a marketing assistant as if he’s still doing it. The lie might not have been so bad if I hadn’t already told my parents that he was unemployed and in school. I could tell they were very confused and realized that he was blatantly lying to them.

I confronted him on the way home, and he said he lied because he wanted them to like him, but it seemed more like a machismo thing to me. We got into a huge fight. He thought I was being judgmental and blowing it out of proportion. The irony is that my parents didn’t even care about the unemployment, but now they feel like he’s untrustworthy; they're no longer supportive of our relationship. I also can't help but wonder what else he might lie about just to make himself look better. Should I assume this is a one-time thing and just forgive him?

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The How-To Lounge: Attending Your Boyfriend's Thanksgiving For the First Time

DearSugar — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 10:00:00 -0800

Attending holidays with your significant other is a big step and one not to be taken lightly. Since many companies don't offer much vacation for the Thanksgiving weekend, it's sometimes difficult for people to get home to see their own families. If you fall into that category and are attending Thanksgiving dinner for the first time with your significant other, here are some tips to abide by. Click here to read more

Dress to impress without going overboard. Make sure to ask your boyfriend how fancy or casual his Thanksgiving tends to be and dress accordingly. Don't wear anything too low cut, too short, or too revealing. Although you want to be fashionable, you're still trying to make a great first impression.
Don't come empty handed. If you and your boyfriend weren't in charge of cooking anything, bring flowers, a bottle of wine, a Christmas ornament, or even an additional dessert.
Since many people avoid sitting couples next to each other, be prepared to be sat at the other end of the table.
Thanksgiving can be incredibly stressful holiday, so offer to help where ever you can: serving, clearing, doing the dishes, pouring wine, etc.
Whatever you do, don't drink too much
If you're shy by nature or tend to clam up in front of strangers, prepare a little speech beforehand. His family is going to want to get to know you so be prepared to talk about yourself, almost like you're on a job interview. And don't forget to smile!

I hope these tips are helpful come Turkey day, and don't forget to write a prompt thank-you note.

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Do You Hold Family Meetings?

LilSugar — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 06:00:23 -0800

The family that eats together, stays together, right? While dinners often serve as a family meeting of sorts, some busy broods pencil in a separate meeting time in hopes of improving family communication, conflict resolution, and discussing other issues that may come up. The digital age of emailing, cell phones, and social networking has made it possible for many families to interact without coming face-to-face with one another. Though it may seem old-fashioned, some crews choose to assemble the troops on a regular basis.

Do tell, does your family hold meetings?