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Sunday Confessional: She Has Post-Wedding Blues

TresSugar — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 03:00:00 -0800

We're scouring the juicy (but anonymous!) secrets posted on Truu Confessions and letting you weigh in. This week, a confessor admits that she's sad her wedding is over. She says:

"I have post-wedding blues. Not because I really want to keep planning a wedding and crap like that, but because now it's gone. That is one more thing checked off the list, and that means I am getting older. I wanted to be his wife. I didn't want to feel like I had nothing left to look forward to."

Do you think this is a big deal?

Which Will Be Legalized First: Pot or Gay Marriage?

TresSugar — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 07:00:46 -0800

Can you believe it used to be against the law in America to have a nice cold beer or a refreshing glass of wine? I can't! Perhaps that's what future generations will say when they look back at some of our more moralistic laws, specifically those banning marijuana and gay marriage.

Slate ran a piece yesterday arguing that America will soon get rid of these modern prohibitions. In fact, Maine is voting today on a referendum that would legalize gay marriage and another that would legalize medical marijuana, so I guess we'll get to test that thesis soon.

Now that we have a justice department that will not prosecute medical marijuana possession - not to mention a president who once said: "I inhaled. . . frequently. That was the point." - it's not such a stretch to think Americans might soon be able to get high without fear of the jail time. And while many states still have all-out bans on same-sex marriage, the public seems increasingly supportive of marriage equality. Which do you think has a better chance of becoming fully legalized first?

Très Bizarre: Plastic Surgeon Sculpts His Perfect Bride

TresSugar — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 10:15:00 -0800

This story is très bizarre and très depressing. When plastic surgeon Reza Vossough met his future bride Cany, he identified a few areas for improvement - specifically, her chest, thighs, eyes, lips, butt, stomach, and forehead. Lucky for Reza, once he and Cany got married he performed eight procedures that would turn his 33-year-old wife into his "perfect woman."

Speaking about his work, Reza said: "It's almost like being God - you have the ability to change nature." No promise that it will look natural, however. And don't feel too bad for Cany. She seems pretty happy, explaining that when you marry a plastic surgeon, "the scalpel is your friend."

I guess the old adage that you can never really change someone isn't true in this case.

Forget Dinner: A Dating Website Just For Quickies

TresSugar — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 14:30:00 -0700

Forget Dinner is a website that caters to people in sexless marriages. The casual dating site is particularly popular in the UK and boasts the tag line: "Forget dinner and go straight to bed!" Subtle!

While many people use online dating (and dating in general) just to get laid, Forget Dinner removes any confusion. The site explains: "Forget Dinner allows people to be direct and honest about what they want without having to waste time, money, and effort sifting through the many thousands of singles who want a partner for life." Almost all the users are married, and the site has a 10-to-1 ratio of men to women. Some users say that they want to avoid long-term affairs that could get messy, so instead they look for no-strings-attached sex to make up for what they're evidently not getting at home.

There's a trend among dating sites to declare people's motives right from the start. We have the site 7 or Better for people looking for well-endowed men, and there's even a Sugar Daddies site. Basically, there's a dating destination for everyone. What do you think about a concept like Forget Dinner?

I Do, I Do, I Do! How Popular Is Remarriage in the US?

TresSugar — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 06:00:00 -0700

We've all heard that 50 percent of marriages will end in divorce, but do you know what happens after that? For the first time in 2008, the Census Bureau gathered remarriage stats for Americans. It found that 5 percent of people who have ever been married have been married three times or more. See what you know about marriage, divorce, and remarriage in the US.

Source: Flickr User theCarol

Take the quiz

First Couple Had to Negotiate Their Roles in Marriage

TresSugar — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 13:00:00 -0700

Last night, President Obama spoke to NBC about how he and Michelle had a discussion about gender roles and marriage once they had kids. He explained:

"Michelle was trying to figure out, OK, if the kids get sick why is it that she's the one who has to take time off of her job to go pick them up from school, as opposed to me? What I tried to do was to learn to be thoughtful enough and introspective enough that I wasn't always having to be told that things were unfair."

Based on the Obamas's visibly happy marriage, and the new study that suggests splitting housework leads to a better sex life, it seems that sharing responsibilities for the family and house can only be a win-win for spouses. Still, the president admits that because she's a woman, Michelle still had to make sacrifices he didn't have to. Have you ever spoken to your partner about expectations based on gender roles?

To see video of the president talking about his relationship with Michelle, read more.

Couples Who Clean Together, Sleep Together

TresSugar — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 15:00:00 -0700

I recently went to my friend's bachelorette party and got her the book Porn For Women as a gag gift. The PG porn book suggests that women get turned on by men doing things like vacuuming, folding clothes, or making dinner.

But according to a new study, seeing your spouse do household chores might actually be an aphrodisiac - and not just for women. The study revealed that the more housework a husband or wife does, the more likely they are to have sex with their spouses.

Many of the participating couples reasoned that showing an interest in household work - defined as cleaning, preparing meals, washing dishes, washing and ironing clothes, driving family members around, shopping, yard work, maintaining cars, and paying bills - demonstrates a greater willingness to invest in shared interests. It's a symbol of teamwork and commitment. One husband told researchers that sharing chores reflects a "willingness to hold my wife's needs and wants on par with my own." He sounds like a keeper.

Do you do and your significant other split up the household chores? Has it led to a better sex life?

Ask a Divorced Woman: Can I Save My Marriage?

TresSugar — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

This week, a divorced woman offers advice to a woman struggling with her marriage. After you read her answer, be sure to check out our Group Therapy group where I found this question.

Today's Question:
I've been married for a long time, and last year around Christmas my husband told me out of the blue that he didn't love me. I asked him to move out, and he did in February. We started seeing each other again in April and he has now moved back in swearing undying love, and it does feel different as he is attentive, etc.

The problem I have is that he slept with a work "friend" when we spilt up, and he still works with her. She is looking for another job, but he is not because he is trying to get funding for an MA from his employer. I have aired my dislike at them working together. I just need outside input on the different paths I can take. Should I throw him out or just bide my time and wait. I love him but hate this situation.

Signed,
Confused

To see the divorced woman's answer, read more.

Dear Confused,

It seems like you are having a hard time trusting your husband, and based on what has happened, I don't blame you.

Your husband told you out of the blue that "he didn't love you." This statement makes it hard for you to trust that he won't just change his mind again in the future. Then, once you split up, he had a relationship with someone else that he still sees every day. While it's true he didn't technically cheat, I think you are completely rational for taking issue with this.

It is eating away at you knowing that he works with this woman and it will probably keep you from repairing your marriage. You can give it some time, but if after a few months she is not gone, you should tell him to get a new job. If he doesn't make an effort to get away from this woman, then you should question his level of commitment. I'm happy you feel that he is more attentive now that he has come back, but I think you need to spend more time focusing on your needs.

In the end, I think you should take things one day at a time until you determine whether or not you feel complete in the relationship. I'm sure you have a lot invested in this marriage, so don't feel guilty for trying to make it work. But if it can't work for you, don't be afraid to move on.

Signed,
A divorced woman

Skip the Pill: Some Young Women Want to Be Sterilized

TresSugar — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 14:00:00 -0700

Kerry Balley, 24, is regular woman who knows she never wants to have kids. In today's Daily Mail, Kerry reveals that she plans to be sterilized before her upcoming wedding. She writes:

I can't bear the thought of being tied down, a dependable mother and stable. I admire women who do it, but I've come to terms with the fact that it's just not who I am and I would be completely hopeless at it, not to mention resentful. It's not really a decision I've made, I just know.

There is debate about whether women of a certain age, like Kerry, should be denied permanent sterilization. While some argue that healthcare providers should not help a younger woman do something irreversible that she might later regret, others, like the International Planed Parenthood Federation, say that each woman, regardless of age, should be able to decide whether or not she wants children.

Do you think there should be a minimum age requirement for irreversible procedures like sterilization?

Do You Think You Could Have a Last-Minute Wedding?

TresSugar — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 14:50:18 -0700

It's only the third season of Gossip Girl and we're seeing Lily wed for the second time - nevermind her countless marriages before the show! When the last-minute wedding fails to materialize, Lily and Rufus make another snap decision to get married that night in the Humphreys' Brooklyn loft with Sonic Youth as the wedding band (weird!).

I like the idea of a spontaneous wedding, especially when you've had an on-off relationship for 20 years, but I'm not sure I could actually go through with it. Do you think you could tie the knot on the spot without worrying about loose strings?

For more Gossip Girl coverage, check out Buzz's recap, CelebStyle's fashion breakdowns, and the quizzes on Bella, Fab, and Geek.