TresSugar

News Flash: Women Have a Hard Time Keeping Secrets

TresSugar — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 14:00:00 -0700

A new British study finds that about four in 10 women cannot keep a secret no matter how confidential the subject. What really surprised the researchers was the speed with which the confidantes spilled the beans: in less than 48 hours!

The study, which was commissioned by the UK Director of Wines of Chile (?!), involved 3,000 women between the ages of 18 and 65. The most common recipients of their secrets? Boyfriends, husbands, best friends, and their mothers.

I think there may be something to this last bit of information. I recently told a friend a secret, and she said, "I won't even tell my husband," which made me pause. I wonder if women tell themselves that those people don't count, whereas telling a co-worker, for example, would count. Do you have a hard time keeping secrets? If you're curious about some of the research's other fascinating (if not surprising) findings on women and secrets, read more.

Women hear an average of three items of gossip a week.
Three in 10 women have "the urge" to reveal secrets.
Two-thirds of women felt guilty after revealing a secret.
More than four in 10 women think it's OK to tell a friend's secret with someone who doesn't know them.
83 percent of women consider themselves 100 percent trustworthy.

Awkward! I Feel Guilty For Believing Hateful Gossip

TresSugar — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Thanks to a reader with an issue (sorry, reader!), we have an awkward scenario for you that she needs you to weigh in on.

"I recently discovered that a friend had been lying and conning me for about eight years. As the friendship dissolved, I realized she'd played everyone in her life against the others, to the point of telling people I had been abusing her daughter.

During the friendship, she told me horror stories about a friend that I met through her. As with most con artists, her lies were based on readily available information, making them seem very plausible. Because of this, I told the mutual friend I thought she was neglecting her son and being a bad parent. Now that I don't believe a word this con artist has ever told me, I feel a tremendous amount of guilt and regret having accused and lectured the mutual friend.

This mutual friend (who is still friends with the con artist) cut off all ties with me, but should I reach out to her and explain everything or let it rest? The ex-friend has been telling terrible lies about me since I stopped talking to the mutual friend."

DearSugar Needs Your Help: His Trash Talking Is Getting to Me

DearSugar — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 09:00:00 -0800

DearSugar and Irked Izzy need your help. Her ex-fiance is badmouthing her and it's recently hit too close to home. Should she let it go, or confront him and stir up all those emotions from her split?

Dear Sugar,

Last February, my fiance, who I had been with for six years, called off our wedding that was only four months away. I am eternally grateful that he did this because it turns out that he was very wrong for me, but he wasn't very nice about our breakup and he left me completely high and dry. He refused to pay my parents back for any of the deposits for the huge wedding they were throwing for us; however, I let bygones be bygones.

I recently met a friend of my new co-worker who, lo and behold, dates my ex. Before we put two and two together, she went on to tell me about him, that he was once engaged, and she proceeded to run her mouth about his ex: me. Everything she said was a total lie, obviously fed to her by him, and I was left mortified. While I know the truth about our relationship and breakup, it still angers me to no end that he's lying to people about it. What should I do? Talk to him? Tell this girl the truth? Just forget about him altogether? I'm at a loss. - Irked Izzy

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Do You Enjoy the Beginning of Relationships?

DearSugar — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 11:00:00 -0800

The Hills has wrapped for the season, but not to worry, we now have The City! With a new cast of characters comes a slew of new drama - the good, the bad, and I'm sure, the ugly. If you tuned in last night, you know that Whitney moved to the big apple for a new career and a new man, but it seems like her new love interest has already caused his fair share of turmoil within the group.

As we all know, the beginning of a relationship can be tough - you don't always know where you stand, and it's easy for feelings and rumors to be misconstrued. On the other hand, there's nothing as exciting as the unknown future with that person. Most of us have experienced this so tell me, do you enjoy the excitement of a blossoming relationship or could you do without the awkward stage?

To get all the fashion from last night's episode, check out our new site, CelebStyle.

Photo courtesy of MTV

You Asked: Can I Save Our Christmas?

DearSugar — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My husband and I are hosting Christmas dinner this year, but I'm feeling very uncomfortable for the following reason. This past year, the relationship between my six siblings and mother has become very fractured for a number of reasons, but mostly because my mom and eldest sister create too much toxic drama. Some of the siblings are fed up, and don't want to come to Christmas unless I can 100 percent guarantee that my mom and sister won't be there. I seem to be the only one concerned that the young children are able to see each other, so I invited everyone; it's Christmas after all!

I did an evite so that everyone could see who's coming, but no one is responding. What should I do at this point? I've been preparing for 20 guests but at this point it might just be my husband and me. What should I do? - Disappointed Dede

To see DearSugar's answer read more.

Dear Disappointed Dede,

While your siblings say they don't want to be around your mom and eldest sister because they are too dramatic, they're just adding more fuel to the fire by not RSVPing. The holidays are supposed to be about family, but there's really not much else you can do to get everyone together. You've already offered your home -which was very gracious. If I were you, I'd call each of them and ask if they plan on attending, and leave it at that. I understand that you're trying to be the ring leader, but the outcome is out of your hands. Hopefully, everyone will be willing to put their differences aside for one day, but if you do end up spending the holiday alone with your husband, know that you did your part to keep the peace. Happy Holidays.

Source

Dear Poll: Do You Have an Office Gossip?

DearSugar — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 09:00:00 -0800

No matter how much you try to avoid it, gossip is an ever-present part of life. It can be mean and hurtful if what you're gossiping about isn't true, but at the same time, it can be kind of fun to share news and other personal tidbits of information with your significant other or best friend! Gossip around the office, however, is a whole different story. While it's inevitable, it can put someone's reputation in jeopardy. In my past office experiences, there's been one token office gossip that everyone knew to avoid, so tell me, do you have one in your office too?

Source

A Do or a Don't: Going Into Detail

DearSugar — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 14:00:00 -0700

When I’m being told one of my friend’s dating escapades, I like all the details. Maybe I’m just nosy, but I'd want to make an informed opinion if I’m asked for it. Likewise, I’m apt to walk my friends step-by-step through a situation I've been through. That’s me - I’m all about the details. But not all my friends share my enthusiasm for sharing the specifics.

Recently when I asked a friend to tell me all the juicy details about her date, she reproached me and said, “I want to keep some things to myself.” Immediately, I apologized, because I knew exactly what she meant - butt out. Are there things you’d rather just gloss over when dishing to your friends? Or when it comes to reliving your personal drama, are you a detail-oriented woman like myself?

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Do Tell: What Do Your Girlfriends Talk the Most About?

DearSugar — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 13:00:00 -0700

When girls get together, it's a time for them to talk about everything from their careers to their love lives, and all the fun stuff in between. And even if you have a few different groups of friends, there are usually reoccurring topics that get touched upon each and every time. When I'm with my friends, we catch up first but the conversation always finds its way back to men, dating, and relationships. Does this sound familiar? Do tell, what's the most common topic of conversation between you and your girlfriends?

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Do Tell: Do You Talk About Your Co-Workers to Other Friends at Work?

DearSugar — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:00:00 -0700

Even if you don't spend time with your work buddies outside of the office, you've probably made some pretty good "work friends" - you know those people you can vent to, share exciting news with, and gossip. And when the going gets tough between nine and five, they are the only ones that can understand your frustration so it's no wonder we all rely so much on them. And I know it's not the most PC thing to do, but it's pretty common to vent about other people in the office to those trusted confidants. I'll admit that I do it on occasion so do tell, do you talk about other co-workers, even your boss, to your friends at work? Don't worry, I won't tattle on you!

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Dear Poll: Have You Ever Had a Rumor Spread About You?

DearSugar — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 14:00:00 -0700

Although it would be nice to think that the world of rumors and talking behind someone’s back is left in the halls of our high schools, I think we all know that’s just not the case. In fact, most workplaces are rife with gossip as are many circles of friends. That said, not all gossip is bad; some rumors are simply a matter of misinformation. Either way, they can hurt so tell me, have you ever had one spread about you?

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