TresSugar

Stop That Thought, Part II: Managing Important Worries

DearSugar — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 11:00:00 -0700

If you worry too much, you're not alone. But it's important to consider what kinds of worries are plaguing you. Some worries are totally unproductive, meaning that thinking about them won't change anything, and I have some tips for banishing those from your brain. But what about things you actually need to worry about, like paying the bills, making travel plans, whatever?

For these concerns, you need to make sure you're worrying at the right time. Fretting about giving a presentation when you're stuck on the train or trying to plan a dinner party when you should be working just makes you more stressed out. You should manage those worries and compartmentalize them so they don't dominate your day. For some coping mechanisms, read more.

Make a list. Who doesn't love making a list? If you find that something is occupying your thoughts, take a moment to make a list of things you need to do later, or write a note to yourself listing the things that are on your mind. Now that you've written the worries down, put the list aside along with your thoughts.
Pick a worry time. This may sound a bit silly, but it works for many people. Pick a specific time in your day - maybe 15 minutes when you get home from work - that is reserved for worrying. You aren't allowed to worry any other time, so use those 15 minutes to sort out what's on your mind and come up with a plan of action.
Accomplish something else. If you're worrying about something you have to do later, you may not be able to take care of it right away, so occupy your mind by doing something else that will give you a sense of accomplishment. Respond to some emails, clean your desk, or get some exercise. Just accomplishing one thing will help you feel better about your worries.

Got any other tips for taming worries? Share them below!

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Stop That Thought, Part I: Taming Unproductive Worries

DearSugar — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 10:00:00 -0700

We all worry from time to time, but worrying is often totally unproductive. We have to sweat a lot of details and dilemmas in life, but getting stressed about things when you can't actually do anything about them isn't very helpful.

For instance, worrying about your upcoming dentist appointment won't make your filling hurt any less. Similarly, when you're at work, thinking about all the things you need to do when you get home will just stress you out. If you need a little help taming your worries, why not try a technique called "thought stopping"? The method can help you dismiss unproductive worries all together and save the important ones for another time.

For a few tips on pushing unproductive thoughts out of your mind, read more.

Some worries have a purpose - say, planning a dinner party or remembering to pay your bills. But other worries, like anxiety over a dentist visit, aren't doing you any favors. So why not push them out of your mind entirely? Try these tips and see what works for you.

Count to 10. When an unproductive worry enters your head, count to 10 and tell yourself you'll stop thinking about it when you're done counting. In your mind, shout "stop!" when you hit 10.
Go somewhere else. In your mind, that is. Pick a place that makes you happy - maybe curled up in bed or somewhere on your last vacation - and imagine yourself there every time a nasty thought plagues you.
Replace the unhealthy with something healthy. Instead of dwelling on something that's only going to stress you out, replace your worry with a healthy thought. Remind yourself about something you're happy about or thankful for.

What about the things you really need to worry about? Stay tuned for my tips on saving the important worries for another time. Meanwhile, share your tips below.

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Berlusconi's Mistress Tells Us More Than We Need to Know

TresSugar — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 13:30:23 -0800

Italians really take their sex scandals to the next level. Today, Patrizia D'Addario, former call girl mistress to Italy's "I'm no saint" prime minister, adds a "lesbian dimension" to her tale of sex, power, and retaliation.

Patrizia has a book coming out and excerpts reveal that she has been the target of threats, robbery, and violence after going public about her affair with Silvio Berlusconi. But that's not stopping her. Describing a party held at Berlusconi's home, Patrizia shares the prime minister's preference for white silk pajamas and women who like other women. To see an excerpt, read more.

Patrizia writes:

"Other girls arrived, including a pair of lesbians, and a few other escorts. . . My first thought was that I'd found myself in a harem. He was on the couch and all of us, 20 girls in all, were at his disposition."

While the presence of lesbians probably seems relatively inconsequential, it might upset Italian citizens who were otherwise willing to dismiss heterosexual escapades. And as the Guardian reports, Berlusconi can say good-bye to a recent break from bad press: "The publication of D'Addario's book will divert public attention back to the affair after a period in which the focus had been on another sex scandal involving the former center-left governor of the region around Rome. Piero Marrazzo resigned after being filmed taking drugs and having sex with a transsexual." Mama mia.

How Do I Handle This Strip Club Situation?

Tres Community — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 06:00:15 -0800

This post comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

First of all my husband and I have been married for half of a year now. He's in the Navy and just got deployed, but right before the deployment he was sent to Hawaii for one day. I dropped him off at the airport and it was so hard for me to let him go. He called from Hawaii and we talked for five minutes then he said he had to go and he would call back.

As I was checking our bank account to check on the bills I noticed he had paid to go in to some type of club. While crying my eyes out because of how much I already missed him and knowing he wasn't coming home any time soon, I waited for him to call back. When he finally did I got him to tell me the truth and it turned out to be a strip club. This was his first time going into a strip club. The problem is that I feel so offended and disrespected. I know I'm not unattractive, and I'm very open minded in our sex life. So to me it seems as if I'm not enough for him, and that he didn't care about how I feel about strip clubs. The fact that he was lusting over those girls makes me so angry and upset.

To see the rest, .

When we talked I was so mad and disappointed and couldn't stop crying. But after a while I realized that I've been told not to say anything negative or upsetting to him since he was going on deployment to a very stressful environment. I won't be able to talk to him at all while he's gone, I can only send emails but I can't confront him there either. So I had to pretend that I got over it and that I was OK, so he wouldn't feel bad and guilty. But in reality I feel so disgusted and can't take the thought of him wanting someone else. I'm alone and don't have any family here, this is our first deployment and I'm still trying to handle it. He made things so much worse for me, now I'm not just worried about his safety, but also at the thought of when he goes to a port he's going to cheat on me. I'm just hurt and feel resentment towards him, but for as long as he's out I have to pretend I'm fine and support him through the emails. I know some people might think I'm over reacting, but to me this is just like cheating.

There's lots of great stuff going on in our community - join it, check it out, share your posts or advice in the great groups and maybe we'll feature it here on TrèsSugar!

Hump Day: Sex Makes Her Uncomfortable

TresSugar — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 07:30:23 -0800

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. If you have questions about sex, send them to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:
I'm 24 and in my first relationship. I really like the guy, we've been going out for six months, but I get nervous whenever he slips his hand under my underwear. He gets the hint and stops. I don't mind him doing other things (we haven't slept together yet), but I wish I wasn't such a prude. I don't know what he expects and I worry that he will be grossed out, as I only shave/wax the bikini line but not the whole thing. What if he thinks it is ugly? I also don't know what I should expect; he knows I'm a virgin, but I don't know how to speak to him about why I get uncomfortable, and I don't know how to overcome it! I also have a few stretch marks and worry that he will be grossed out by them. Please help?

To read Dr. Glickman's response, read more.

Thank you for sharing this challenging situation. I know that it can be scary to talk about things like this, but these are all really common thoughts.

One of the things that can help when you’re on the edge of your comfort zone is to take it very slowly. It’ll probably help to tell your guy about your discomfort, even if you can’t tell him why it’s there. You could simply say "I have a lot of discomfort around sex." You also might want to do a little solo exploration. It takes the pressure off because there aren’t any partner expectations. Check out the wonderful book Becoming Orgasmic. If you’re looking for tips or ideas for techniques, Tickle Your Fancy is full of suggestions. Once you know a bit more about what you like or dislike, you and your boyfriend might be able to find something that you both like to do.

It’s worth mentioning that vulvas come in all different shapes. (The vulva is the external female anatomy. The vagina is the inside part.) There’s a long history of negative attitudes towards the vulva, but each one is unique and beautiful in its own way. A lot of women have the idea that there’s something wrong with their vulvas because they don’t look like what we see in porn or because they have hair, and I think that’s unfortunate. I strongly recommend getting to know your parts and Scarleteen has a great site about that. It’s geared towards teens, but there's lots of amazing info about sex, bodies, and pleasure.

Another option would be to explore some of these concerns with a therapist. When you have an itch on your back, you need someone else to scratch it. Therapists help us by reaching the spots we can’t reach on our own. Lastly, depending on where you are, you could join a body-image support group. While they tend not to focus on sexuality, they can be an incredibly helpful way to work through our concerns about our bodies and how we (or other people) feel about them.

Working through these challenges isn’t always easy, but it can be very rewarding. Whatever route you choose, I hope you find the pleasure and joy that you deserve.

Kristen Stewart in Sheer and Black Leather Elizabeth and James: Love It or Hate It?

FabSugar — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 10:38:35 -0800

Yesterday we discussed Kristen's life aquatic in Proenza Schouler - I'm surprised more of you didn't love it. I thought it was youthful and unique. The Luna Nueva star stopped in Madrid in her favorite vampy color. Black. But she mixed her sheer top, black-bustier Elizabeth and James mini dress with blood-red pumps. Girl's got some stems, albeit pale ones, but that's the way Edward likes them. Do you like?

Vote on all Kristen's New Moon looks!

Rob, Kristen, and Taylor Are This Week's Entertainment

BuzzSugar — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 07:56:22 -0800

Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, and Taylor Lautner have been posing for photo ops all over town - check out Pop's favorite promo tour moments - and it wouldn't be complete without an interview with Entertainment Weekly. In the cute interview, the costars quip about everything from Rob's attachment to his signature hair to Kristen's confession that she'd like to quit smoking to Taylor's obsession with hitting the gym for New Moon. There're also tidbits about Rob and Kristen's off-screen relationship and how Robert handles fandom. They're clearly a tight-knight trio, so check out the highlights below. If you can't get enough Twilight, keep the convos going in the Twilight Saga community group, and be sure to check back next week for my own interview with Ashley Greene and Kellan Lutz!

Robert Pattinson on his hair in Eclipse: I swear to you I’ve never experienced anything like this. It's every single day. In Twilight, they wanted me to have extensions down to my hips.
Kristen Stewart: He's a liar. He doesn't remember. He's remembering how they made him feel, but they were just, like, down to here [pointing to her shoulders].
Pattinson: So I told them, "Look, that's just not going to happen." I said, "It looks like this already – I'll come to set like this." I sound so stupid, but in a lot of ways the hair is 75 percent of my performance, so in the second one I said, "Listen, I need to tone down the hair. Let's make it a little more real, a little bit more . . . Method.” [Laughs] And then in the third one, I'm doing fight scenes and there's a strand going down my forehead and they're like, "We need to do it again because no one will recognize you! No one will know who it is!" I'm like, really, is my face that generic?
Stewart: They want proof that you're doing your own stunts, man!
Pattinson: I have to look like the poster at all times. Just in case they want to use any clip for the trailer. Any clip at all! There were about five people in different departments who, because of my forelock, ended up in tears.

For tons of more quotes, just read more.

EW: How are you all coping with living in a fishbowl?
Pattinson: It really depends on the mood. When I met you last year [before Twilight came out], I was doing interviews very sporadically and I never got recognized. Now it's like anywhere I go there's immediate recognition. So there's more of a responsibility . . .
Stewart: I don't mind working every day. It's just, suddenly, I have this other role. And that's really disappointing. All I'd like to do is go outside with a book and figure out what to do with the day. And if I can't do that, then I'm just going to sit in my hotel room on my balcony and chain smoke. [Pauses] I'm going to stop smoking. I'm not such a good smoker, anyway. It's not in my bones. I'm gonna drop it.
Pattinson: The three of us have been working for two years [straight]. It does feel like your day has a shape just as soon as you wake up. I just forget what it's like when you're free.
EW: Taylor, you're the only one who almost lost a shot at the sequels. Do you have a different relationship with fame because you had to fight for your job?
Lautner: No, I kept my eye on the prize 100 percent of the time. I was motivated. I wasn't even thinking about anything else.
Stewart: Thank God you got the job. I wouldn't have wanted to deal with you if you didn’t. After all those months of working out!
Lautner: I just wanted to focus on what I could control, and I worked really hard.
EW: You mean in the gym? Because I see your abs everywhere these days.
Lautner: Yeah, the gym was a major part, but I really studied the books and the character, too. And it all turned out good.
EW: Kristen, it must be nice to watch the guys' appearances get obsessed over for a change.
Stewart: Seriously, it's a trip to sit back and look at the sexual objectification of these dudes. I've never been asked to do any of this stuff.
EW: You guys are lucky. You clearly all dig each other.
Lautner: The amount of time we have to spend with each other – if I didn't like these two, it would be exhausting.
EW: Rob, you made Remember Me this summer, between sequels. Was that the set in New York, where you were knocked into a cab by hordes of fans?
Pattinson: That was completely made up. I was walking across the street, and there was one cab going about one mile an hour and it nudged my leg. The story ended up being how I got hit by a cab because of a mob of screaming fans, [but] it was 4 o'clock in the morning and there was one person there – a paparazzi. . . . And then there was another time – apparently they said on the news that I had a drug overdose. The security guy saw it on TV, and I wasn't in my room, and he was like, "Uh-oh!" It's just so weird. I wake up and my room is too messy to order room service, and so I end up eating a pack of M&M’s for breakfast – and it takes me about five hours to find it. That's my first five hours of the day. [Laughing] And then you see the news and think, "Who cares if he had a drug overdose? It would probably make him more interesting!"
EW: Kristen and Rob, why do you think people are so obsessed with the state of your off-screen relationship?
Pattinson: Good question. That's a little thing I have to think about every day.
Stewart: Maybe it's just my personality, but I'm never going to answer it. I probably would've answered it if people hadn't made such a big deal about it. But I'm not going to give the fiending an answer. I know that people are really funny about "Well, you chose to be an actor, why don’t you just f---ing give your whole life away? Can I have your firstborn child?"
EW: You don’t think just saying, for example, "Listen, we dated for a few months, it was weird, we're better off as friends" would end the speculation?
Pattinson: No way.
Stewart: People are deeply judgmental and I'm not strong enough. I would love to be like, "I don't care what anybody thinks." But I'm a very private person. And think about every hypothetical answer: "Okay, we are. We aren't. I’m a lesbian." I've thought about this a lot. There's no answer that's not going to tip you one way or the other. I'm just trying to keep something. If people started asking me if I was dating Taylor, I'd be like, "F--- off." I would answer the exact same way."

Robert Shakes His Fans' Hands After Holding Kristen's!

PopSugar — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 08:36:16 -0800

Robert Pattinson was in London this morning for a meet and greet with fans. He's back at home in England after country-hopping for the last two weeks, with a stop in Japan before heading back to the US and then France. He opened up to OK! magazine about all the attention at the event, saying, "I was kind of trapped while filming Eclipse, but there’s always ways and there’s always places where you can disappear to. . . It just involves a bit more thought and you can’t wander around willy-nilly." It's always fun to see Rob mixing and mingling with Twilight lovers, but we just can't stop thinking about yesterday's photos of him and Kristen holding hands - ICYMI, check out the can't-miss images! You guys seem to think that the PDA is a basic confirmation of their relationship, but there's sure to be lots more speculation about their status as the New Moon press tour goes forward. Meanwhile, Kristen was avoiding questions about their romance during her new interview with Entertainment Tonight - check that one out after the jump.

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To see Kristen's video, just read more.

Season One of Bored to Death: Yay or Nay?

BuzzSugar — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 08:30:00 -0800

This week marked the finale of Bored to Death's debut season, and I'm wondering what you all thought of the show. It took me a few episodes to warm up to the comedy, but my love for Jason Schwartzman can't be stopped.

We already know that Bored to Death will be back for a second season, but what do you think of the first - yay or nay?

Powerhouse Hit the Deck Workout System

FitSugar — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 03:00:17 -0800

Powerhouse Hit the Deck ($20) is a new workout system that you can do "anywhere, anytime, with no fitness equipment needed." It's made up of 35 color-coded cards and an interval timer. Each card has a strength/cardio exercise on it, and its color denotes the exercise's level of difficulty. The levels are broken down in a cute way - no sweat (easy), I'm glistening (medium), and sweating buckets (hard) - and there are five warmup/cooldown cards too.

Using the Powerhouse deck is pretty simple:

Set the interval timer to how long you want to do an individual exercise - I set mine to 30-second intervals.
Always start each workout by drawing the yellow cards; these are the warmup exercises.
Read over the first card, hit the timer, and do as many repetitions of the exercise on the card as possible until the timer beeps.
Stop the timer, draw the next card and repeat.
After getting through the warmup exercises, draw from the rest of the deck and continue the process for as long as you like.

To see what I thought of the system, read more.

I liked the Powerhouse deck and thought it was a great cross-training workout. There are all sorts of variations you can do to change it up: go totally random and draw cards regardless of difficulty, keep your workout limited to one difficulty level, or build on difficulty as the workout progresses. You can also decide how much time you want to spend on your workout by pulling a certain number of cards before you begin. I liked shuffling the cards I pulled before starting so that my workout would always be a complete surprise.

The pace of the workout is a lot like the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred DVD, but the drawback is you don't have Jillian's motivation or anyone there to explain proper form. Given that it's just you and a deck of cards, you really have to rely on yourself for motivation. Also, you have to make sure you're following the cards as closely as possible so you don't injure yourself.

Though I wouldn't use the deck in place of my gym or even a workout DVD, this is a great set to have for traveling or if you need a quick way to relieve some stress.

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