TresSugar

Ask a Bad Boy: Making It Through New Year's Eve

DearSugar — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 07:30:00 -0800

Steve Santagati, of BadBoysFinishFirst.com and author of the best-selling book The Manual, answers your burning questions when it comes to dating, love, and how men think. He's a veteran at giving street-smart, straight-to-the-point advice, so ladies, tell me, what do you want to ask Steve about men? This is your chance to get answers, so don't hold back! Submit your questions here.

New Year's Eve! Ugh, Ryan Seacrest, the Jonas Brothers, precocious Miley, or some Lifetime special. Are those our choices? It's as if we share the New Year with a TV! Of course there is always the overpriced bar/restaurant party that promises "All your wildest dreams will come true." You know that scenario all too well; 11:48 p.m. clicks, and you scan the room like a shark looking for a helpless seal - a.k.a, someone to kiss when the clock strikes 12:01. You've jacked yourself up on more alcohol than is safe, so he doesn't have to be cute, just available. Let's not do that this year.

To see what Steve suggests, read more.

It's not about the venue, it's about the pressure women put on themselves not to be alone. Funny though, because you're alone right now reading this and you don't feel like any less of a woman. You may have been alone on the 29th and you may be alone on the 2nd, but come hell or high water, you can't bear to be alone on the 31st! Do you see how ridiculous that is? I've got news for you; a lot of guys are on to this. Not only that, but I look at New Year's Eve as easy pickin's - drunk desperate girls. That simple. Hate me for it, but it's true. My job is to let you know how guys think, and that is how we think. If your New Year's resolution is to wake up with some louse, then go for it, but if not, keep it all relative.

My best New Year's Eve - one of - was spent on the side of a mountain in Vermont with two other people, a bottle of champagne, cheap sparklers, standing in the snow, and braving minus-20-degree weather. My point is, if you're even going to bother celebrating this eve, make it with someone you care about, and with someone who cares about you. You may not have bragging rights at the water cooler, but you'll have something much deeper; a bond with your close friends.

Whatever you do this year, don't get drunk and act stupid; get buzzed and act stupid! It's just another night. That is the reality. Don't you want to live in reality?

Check out his Bad Girls Finish First t-shirts and for individual attention, visit Steve at BadBoysFinishFirst.com or email him at askstevesantagati@gmail.com.

Ask a Bad Boy: How Much Should I Spend on My Significant Other?

DearSugar — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 06:00:00 -0800

Since Christmas is here, Steve has some advice when it comes to holiday shopping for your significant other. Check out what he has to say below:

It's here, Christmas. After Christmas it will be his/her birthday or any number of "events" that require us to contemplate; "How much do I spend?" You don't want to seem cheap, but you don't want to make someone feel uncomfortable with your extravagance - like they will be expected to be equally generous. You want to show them you care - at least a little, but you want to be smart with your money, especially now. So here's your simple rule of thumb, broken down by economic status.

To see Steve's tips, read more

If you're broke, spend $10 for every month you've been monogamously dating, or cook them something wonderful.
If you're sort of middle of the road (they killed the middle class but you get my point) you can jack that to $15-$20 for each month you've been dating.
If you're rich, then you can spend what ever you want. However, don't go crazy with the cash because it can make someone feel really uncomfortable (you know, like you think the relationship is further along than it really is). However, if you buy him/her a car and they don't flinch, you might have a gold digger on your hands.
If you're married or have been in a long relationship, have a solid discussion on a dollar figure you can both live with.

The most important thing a person can do is to buy their lover something that shows you've been listening and shows you understand what they like. It doesn't have to be expensive. In the end, we all want to think someone adores us and is paying attention. Guys really need to get a grip on this because most are clueless as to what to get their woman. It would help if they started paying attention the day they met you because that information will prove invaluable later on.

Now, here's my personal philosophy. I don't feel pressured to buy anyone anything just because Hallmark is slapping me in the face while I'm drinking a Budweiser and trying to get through A Charlie Brown Christmas special. What I do is simple; all year long I'm open to buying something for friends or paramours, regardless of the date. If I'm in a music store and I see an album I know she'll like, I get it. If I'm getting my oil changed and I see a gift certificate, I get it for her. I try to think of things that will make someone's life easier or bring a smile to her face.

Steve will be back next Monday to offer up some New Year's Eve advice so be sure not to miss it!

Check out his Bad Girls Finish First tee shirts and, for individual attention, visit Steve at BadBoysFinishFirst.com or email him at askstevesantagati@gmail.com

Ask a Bad Boy: What Can You Teach Me About Women?

DearSugar — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 09:00:00 -0800

The truth is, no one knows everything about relationships; no matter how many diplomas they boast or books they've written. No one is really an "expert"; it's just that some of us have way more experience and are, therefore, better at it than others - it's really that simple. The folks in this business (myself included) have to call ourselves relationship experts because the media (to which we diligently pander) needs an identifiable label for their audience. I call myself a "relationship mechanic" because I get under your hood, take a look at your engine, and can successfully fix 87 percent of the problems I see. Moreover, even I, as bad as I've been and as much experience as I've had, don't know everything; though women have taught me a great deal over the years. So what we're going to do this week is called teach the expert. You will teach and advise me. Maybe some of what you impart will be passed onto other men and therefore make the life of some woman out there that much easier!

Below you'll see my list of the top three things I've learned about women in relationships, and I want you to give me yours. Tell me the three things that guys just don't understand about women. It can be about sex, affection, understanding, your body image, or commitment - anything you want to tell me that you think I wouldn't already know by now or something you just have to get off your chest. Try not to go off on long tangents about what you hate about men, let's keep it positive. Deal?

I go first:

Making a woman feel beautiful and sexy will go a long way in making the relationship more harmonious.
When I argue with a woman, I can usually see her side of the story - even if I disagree - but she will never be able to see mine.
Women are just as naughty as men. Men don't care if everyone knows they're a pig, but women have to feel safe to let their naughty side shine. The better I've become at making a woman feel safe being her mischievous self, the more I see of the real her.

So, this week, you are the experts. Let's see what you know.

Check out his Bad Girls Finish First tee shirts and, for individual attention, visit Steve at BadBoysFinishFirst.com or email him at askstevesantagati@gmail.com

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Ask a Bad Boy: Why Do Taken Men Still Flirt With Single Women?

DearSugar — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 09:00:00 -0800

Dear Steve,

I can't tell you how many times I've been out some place - like a bar or a restaurant - and I'll find out the guy that's been flirting with me and my girls is either married or in a relationship, what's up with that? Why do they even bother if they can't "swing through the ball" - so to speak? I feel like I need to preface every conversation I have with a man with "wait, do you have a girlfriend?" - Perplexed Penelope

To see Steve's answer read more

Dear Perplexed Penelope,

This question makes me laugh. The longer I live, the more I realize how similar men and women truly are. Boys and Girls may go about things differently and often appear to speak different languages, but in the end, we have more similarities in what we like and don't like than differences. After all, we're both human and us "beings" are almost identical. That's super good news - if you're paying attention. Moreover, women are the founding fathers - errr mothers - of the "tease" and isn't a man flirting - yet unavailable - just being a tease? You know, like when a girl walks into a bar flaunting major cleavage, a super short skirt, and playing with her hair yet doesn't have the slightest intention of having sex with any of us. Isn't Flirt Boy just doing what women have done for hundreds of years?

Teasing is one of the things men and women differ in; men can tease you by pulling your hair, but women tease on a much more visceral level, right down to the loins. Men don't tease. If we weren't so horny all the time maybe we would, but we are so we can't. Teasing implies we could actually "hold out" if you showed us you wanted to have sex. Very few of us can.

The Male Facts when it comes to flirting while in a relationship:

We do it because we enjoy the art of flirting
We do it because we're smart and know you have to keep the engine warm in case things fall apart with the current flame.
It's an ego boost when women respond
It helps us have a reality check to make sure "we still got it".
It's naughty and mischievous (obsessions any man, worth his salt, will not lose with age). It's like playing with fire because we know we have to be loyal, but it allows us to fantasize with the "what if".

The Female Solution:

Don't just talk to a man because you want a man. That's too cut and dry. Talk to him because you want to enjoy the person, enjoy the opposite sex, learn something that you can utilize when the right one comes along - Stop boyfriend/husband hunting.
See how far you can push Mr. Committed into crossing the line. It's not nice but you'll learn a lot about how good your game is and you'll be one step closer to understanding why bad girls finish first!
Enjoy the fact that you can do something us guys can't; tease. Teasing is one of those things that can define a woman; but just the right amount of sexy, too much and she's classless. The girls of Hooters have it down to a science.
Realize it's a cruel joke that most of the people we'll find ourselves attracted to will be taken. That's life. But I said it's a "joke" and jokes are meant to be laughed at, not cause anxiety.

Check out his Bad Girls Finish First tee shirts and, for individual attention, visit Steve at BadBoysFinishFirst.com or email him at askstevesantagati@gmail.com

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Ask a Bad Boy: Are Hot Men Only Interested in Hot Women?

DearSugar — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 07:30:00 -0800

Steve Santagati, the author of The Manual, is back! To ask Steve questions of your own, simply submit them here or in the comments section below. Enjoy!

Dear Steve,

I'm no Ugly Betty, but I'm not a super model either, and I'm having a hard time meeting a man. It seems like the hot men I'm attracted to are only attracted to beautiful women - regardless of their personality - and I'm starting to feel incredibly discouraged. Whatever happened to a guy being interested in a woman for her charisma, her humor, or her intelligence? I'm trying hard not to lump all men into the same category, but not one has proven me wrong. Are men really that shallow? Are looks all that matter? - Frustrated Faith

To see Steve's answer read more

Dear Frustrated Faith,

It can be argued that men are - in fact - more shallow than women. Yes, men are more visually driven creatures and we're often obvious in the reasons behind our female selections. At least with men you know what you're up against. But women are tricky in what they say versus how they execute their mating decisions. Women are often just as bad as men, though their criteria may be different, the superficial standards garner the same results; women want someone hot.

How often have you heard this, it's like a broken record; "I want him to love me for me, I want him to love me for my inside." Yea, well what if the "outside" is lazy, unkempt, and lacks basic femininity? There are women out there who will blame men for being a "Shallow Hal" when in fact it's their own fault men don't notice or ask them out. Think about it, if you saw a house covered in vines with rats running around the front yard, I doubt you'd want to take a look inside. Even if that "inside" is the Taj Mahal, you have to look good inside and outside.

The problem(s):

Many women and men try to date out of their league in looks, education, and life interests.
Many women and men don't take the time to eat properly, dress well, or take care of their bodies, yet they still expect to get a stud or a studette.
Many women make excuses and blame people - other than themselves - for their misfortune in love. Remember; whenever you point your finger, you have three fingers pointing back at yourself. Cliche maybe, but true.

The solution:

Stand in the mirror naked. Love your body type regardless of what type it is. Don't read women's magazines or let TV tell you what sexy is. Men love all types. We just don't love lazy and unhealthy. It's not more complicated than that.
Take stock of "what you have to bring to the table". Are you well traveled? Do you have a ton of hobbies? Are you funny and fun to be with? Do you like music? How smart are you? What kind of shape are you in? Are you a sex machine? Go for someone that is equal or maybe one rung up in those categories.
Be culpable and honest with yourself; we're all shallow to some degree or another. I've challenged the "love me for my inside" types by telling them I had a great guy for them. I explained that he weighed 350 pounds, didn't have all his teeth, and was balding. I also explained that he's loyal, cooks, loves sex, and adores women. To this match attempt I've received a steady breath of "no ways".

So in the end - ladies and gentlemen - we are all shallow; some of which is based in our proclivity towards following natural selection and part of which is rooted in stupidity or delusion. The news you can use is: In the beginning, we're all a bit shallow, but what keeps a relationship going is charisma, humor, and intelligence. [And a million other things, but I'll leave it at that!]

To purchase The Manual, click here and if you're wondering where Steve got that T-shirt he's wearing, click here to shop his entire assortment!

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Ask a Bad Boy: Putting Out on the First Date

DearSugar — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 06:00:00 -0800

Steve Santagati, the author of The Manual, is back to answer another question for all of you - I hope advice from the male point of view helps! To ask Steve questions of your own, simply submit them here or in the comments section below. Enjoy!

Dear Steve,

This is a debate I've been having with my girl friends for years now and I'd love to hear your take on it. Do guys have a lower opinion of you if you "put out" on the first date? Can a relationship ever come to fruition if there's no longer any sense of mystery? - Wondering Wednesday

To see Steve's answer, read more.

Dear Wondering Wednesday,

It's not when you have sex that matters, it's the attitude you have when you engage in the act. I'll explain. The very term "put out" implies you're giving something away; you're giving in to something you "don't want to do." That attitude is so 1950. I don't know about the kind of guys you're dating, but when I fool around, it's a very fair trade; you're getting just as much - if not more - than I am out of it. I've been with women on the first night and on the 30th night, and I've fallen in love and been loyal after first date sex. How men feel about the women has everything to do with them believing something very special about her. The women that I've been with that projected this best had a certain attitude, almost like a guy; she didn't say it, she showed me with how she acted and treated me. It was loud and clear:

Steve, I'm doing this under my own volition. You didn't charm me, con me, and I'm not drunk. I want to be with you because I feel like it at this moment. I'm a woman and I've made this decision, and Stevie Poo, just because we're fooling around doesn't mean it will ever happen again, unless you deserve it!

It's so very provocative when a woman is strong and empowered. Stop thinking of it as putting out and start thinking of it as you're in control and enjoying something with him and he's enjoying something with you.

Warning: 80 percent of the female population will find it difficult to think like this so in general, it's best to take as long as you can before jumping in the sack. Notice I said take as long as you can, not wait as long as you can. You shouldn't be waiting, you should be actively getting to know this guy. This attitude is actually good no matter how confident you are. Regarding the sense of mystery: sexual mystery lasts about three months of steady sex. It's the person that creates mystery in a relationship. It's who you are. It's your ability to be spontaneous. Sex is fantasy. Both men and women are mentally designed to hate routine and enjoy the unknown so keep that in mind.

To purchase The Manual, click here and if you're wondering where Steve got that T-shirt he's wearing, click here to shop his entire assortment!

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Ask a Bad Boy: What Do Guys Think When They Gawk?

DearSugar — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 06:00:00 -0800

Steve Santagati, the Author of The Manual, is back to answer his first question for all of you - I hope advice from the male point of view helps! To ask Steve questions of your own, simply submit them here or in the comments section below. Enjoy!

Dear Steve,

What are guys thinking when they are "discreetly" checking out other women when they are in a loving, happy relationship? Do they have sexual thoughts like, "She's so hot I'd love to do her," or is it more like what I think, "Oh she's pretty," and leave it at that? - Curious Casey

To see Steve's answer read more

Dear Curious Casey,

First of all, who said guys "think"? It depends on who we're looking at and the guy in question, but it can mean a lot of things. A: Is this woman a circus freak? If so, you're probably looking too. B: Does she have a huge chest or showing cleavage? We can't help to look. C: Is she super hot? You'll notice a hot guy even if you love your man so we're the same there.

If it's a quick glance, we don't mean any ill will to our girlfriends or wives and you have nothing to fear - it's just a guy thing - we're just looking because it's - almost - impossible not to. It's literally a genetic trait that we will look at a woman's chest or body.

Usually, "spank bank" sexual thoughts are reserved for the women we look at when you're not around. However, yes, sometimes a split second moment happens where we think; "she's so hot I'd love to do her," but just a split second, if at all. And you're so naive, a guy's idea of pretty - if he doesn't know the girl - is solely determined by; would he or wouldn't he want to fool around with her. Which means we may not want to ruin the greatest relationship we have with you, but we'll think of the "stranger" for a second. It's healthy, normal, and, in most cases, harmless. It happens very very fast in our brains and leaves our thoughts as fast as it came in.

In conclusion:

If your guy stares at another woman - for any reason (other than because she's engulfed in flames) while he's with you, he's rude and you need to correct him or keep on guard.
If he "glances," do not make a big deal about it. You can do the same thing. Make it normal for you both to notice attractive people and even make comments. That way he (and you) won't have to sneak around. Because sneaking around opens up a whole other can of worms.

To purchase The Manual, click here and if you're wondering where Steve got that T-shirt he's wearing, click here to shop his entire assortment!

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Ask Steve Santagati: What Are Your Burning Questions?

DearSugar — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 10:03:29 -0800

Have you ever wanted to know exactly what he was thinking when dealing with guy trouble? I know I have, so if you're interested in getting an unbiased perspective from a man's point of view, you're in luck! I'm thrilled with the opportunity to have Steve Santagati - the Author of the New York Times best-selling book The Manual - answer some of your burning questions and concerns when it comes to dating, love, and how men think. He's a veteran at giving street-smart, straight-to-the-point advice, so ladies, tell me, what do you want to ask Steve about men? This is your chance to get answers so don't hold back!

To see more from Steve Santagati, click here, and to purchase The Manual, click here.

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This Week With DearSugar

DearSugar — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 04:00:00 -0800

Check out my six holiday gift ideas for your significant other that require little to no money at all - enjoy!
In these tough times, would you sell your eggs for money?
Steve Santagati wants you to teach him about women, so tell him something he might not already know!
What is your fondest memory of your childhood home?
If you're going to a holiday party this year, make sure to take these six etiquette reminders into consideration.
Do you have a friend that's been laid off? Here are some tips on how to support him or her.
In your relationships, which comes first: sex or oral sex?
If you need to add some cheer to your condom drawer, check out these festive condoms!
What was your favorite sexual position in 2008?

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This Week With DearSugar

DearSugar — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 04:00:00 -0800

Intimacy expert Patty Brisben joined forces with DearSugar this week to give us tips on how to avoid a sex slump this holiday season. Check out her tips here!
Do you know the early signs of pregnancy? Take this quiz and find out!
What was your favorite breakup song of '08?
Is withholding sex a do or a don't?
Steve Santagati is back telling us why taken men flirt with single girls.
Don't miss my December Must Haves!
What was your favorite form of birth control in '08?
E. Jean is back offering advice as to whether or not Knock Out should take a job just for the money. What do you think?
Don't forget to take the DearSugar survey!

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