TresSugar

Sex Toy or Roller Coaster? Part Two!

TresSugar — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 07:00:00 -0800

Sex can be a wild ride, and amusement park rides sure sound like sex toys. After making the first sex toy or roller coaster quiz, I had so many more ridiculous names to choose from that I figured I'd test your sex-toy savvy yet again. Do you feel the need for speed? See if you can tell the sex toys from the roller coasters.

Take the quiz

Ask a Trader: Is He Into Me?

TresSugar — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 06:00:00 -0800

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, a trader helps out a frustrated woman. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's question:

I have been seeing this man for a little over a month. He is significantly older than me (13 years) and pretty busy. We talked last weekend and both said we wanted to take things slow due to failed past relationships (jumping into them too quickly; he was engaged).

That's perfectly fine with me, but the problem is that we never talk. We Facebook message each other, but it's extremely brief two word phrases. When the weekend hits, we might see each other one day. When we do see each other, he acts like he really enjoys my company until I say something nice (he runs a gallery, so I told him if he ever needs help getting a show set up, to let me know) in which case he kind of buries his head. He also won't respond if I send him a compliment via one of our Facebook messages.

He does let me keep some toiletries at his house if I ever spend the night, which is rare - we don't have sex either. I really like this guy and want to get to know him, but it seems impossible and I feel like I'm just getting strung along. Should I talk to him and tell him what I expect with "taking it slow" or something? Or does it seem he really isn't into me at all? Would he really string me along if he knows I don't want to get hurt anymore?

Signed,
Taking it Too Slow

To see the trader's answer, read more.

Dear Taking it Too Slow,

It sounds like, for whatever reason, this guy is not romantically attracted to you. You are right to worry that he lets you stay overnight and keep toiletries at his house, without ever making a move. You say you really like him, but I must recommend that you not waste too much more time on him without knowing he feels the same way because it sounds like you keep putting forth effort, without getting anything back from him. Tell him how you feel, and if he shares those feelings then you can explore the possibility of a real relationship together. If he says he's just not ready, this is your cue to move on and trade up. And no need to second-guess breaking off your sexless sleepovers: if he really does have feelings for you, he'll come back when he's ready, and if you want to, you can give him another shot.

Signed,
A Trader

Bad Relationship, Great Sex?

TresSugar — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 11:00:00 -0800

Is it possible to have great sex with someone you hate? That was the hot and heavy debate on last night's Parks and Recreation, when mustachioed Ron reunites with his ex-wife Tammy. The toxic couple can't talk without fighting - and the fighting inevitably leads to sex. Sex that Ron compares to "doing peyote and sneezing slowly for six hours."

Ron eventually learns that hooking up with a toxic ex can be a very bad idea: "It took years of intense, focused hatred to get over her, and now I've undone all that great work." Have you ever had amazing sex with someone you couldn't stand? Or hooked up with an ex only to discover it was a terrible idea?

Behind the Iron Curtain: Was Sex Better Before the Wall's Fall?

TresSugar — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 10:13:52 -0800

Life may be better since the fall of the Berlin Wall, but is sex? It was at first. Prostitutes came in vans, porn was everywhere, and sex shops opened like wine bars in a gentrifying neighborhood. Yet interest waned throughout the '90s, and nostalgia set in for "love as it was before."

Before, men and women didn't need porn to get excited or toys to orgasm. What did they need? Imagination, says former relationship columnist Jutta Resch-Treuwerth, and they had it. Poll after poll shows there was lots of "imagination" behind the iron curtain. On average, East Germans lost their virginity earlier, had twice as much sex, and had more orgasms than their Western counterparts.

So what made sex so "gut"? Find out after the jump

Flashback: The Secret Sex Lives of Dictators

TresSugar — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 04:00:00 -0800

Thanks to the book The Other Side of Desire: Four Journeys into the Far Realms of Lust and Longing, I've heard of people getting off on feet, sadism, or even amputees. But all that seems normal compared to a salacious desire to know about Hitler's sex life! This vintage ad touts a series that promises to tell "the intimate, and shocking love stories of Hitler and Mussolini." If you read it too fast, you almost think that these two dictators had an affair with each other.

Source

Sex Once Every Two Weeks?

Tres Community — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 14:03:31 -0800

This post comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

Sex once a week or every two weeks - is this normal? I feel like my boyfriend has lost interest in me. I've tried to spice it up a bit, but I don't know what else to do! I talk to him, and all he says is that I take the fun out by asking and nagging him about it all the time. So I try not to say anything and then nothing ever happens, or after a week or so he just wants oral. We have some of the best sex I've ever had and I'd be fine having sex daily - I'm so attracted to him! We live together and have for about a year now. Sometimes I wonder if that takes the spice out of it. I try to not just be a roommate though and to still be the girlfriend I was before. He just isn't very affectionate either; maybe that has something to do with it. I find it difficult to try to turn on someone who I can't make out with anytime of the day or touch him without him freaking out. What is his deal?! Do I dare say anything about him going to the doctor for Viagra? He's only 26!

There's lots of fun stuff going on in our community - join it, check it out, share your posts or advice in the great groups and maybe we'll feature it here on TrèsSugar!

Awkward! She's Worried Everyone Thinks She's a Lesbian

TresSugar — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 14:00:00 -0800

Looking around our Confession Booth group I discovered that one reader finds herself in a very awkward situation. Here's what she has to say:

"Last week, I went out with a few of my girlfriends for drinks and we all got a bit tipsy and headed back to one of their homes to sleep. I ended up on the floor next to an acquaintance, and we chatted before we went to sleep. One thing led to another and she kissed me and wanted to take it further. I was tipsy but still realized that I wasn't a lesbian and wouldn't feel happy with myself the next morning, so I said no and went to sleep. The next morning she asked me what it meant and when I replied that it was a silly drunken mistake she got really upset. I later found out she told all of my friends what happened. I don't know what to do and why this is happening, but I'm worried rumors will get around to family and other friends that I am something I'm not."

Do you have any advice for this reader? (And if you have some awkward tales of your own, join our Awkward! group to share etiquette questions and stories with other readers.)

This American Life Faithfully Takes on Infidelity

TresSugar — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 13:00:00 -0800

I am a faithful listener of the radio program This American Life. Each week the show offers an entertaining and in-depth look into various themes ranging from the financial crisis, to children switched at birth, to the perfect break-up song. This week, the program took on an invariably popular topic of discussion: cheating.

In the intro, host Ira Glass discuses how some happy couples have no problem admitting that they got together because one or both of them cheated. You can see evidence of this in the New York Times Vows page, where newlyweds often use coded language implying that it took infidelity to bring them together. (Of course, they also want to believe that fate was somehow involved too.)

These write-ups will say that a couple's romance was a "bumpy road" or that they "encountered some obstacles." The episode suggests that these couples justify their infidelity by believing that whatever happened, everybody (including the exes) is better off because fate brought together two people who were meant to be. True or not, this is definitely a self-serving conclusion!

Do you think there can ever be a happy ending when infidelity is involved?

US Lifts HIV/AIDS Travel Ban

TresSugar — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 01:00:00 -0700

For the last 22 years, foreign citizens living with HIV or AIDS have been forbidden to legally enter the US. As of Monday, that ban will be a thing of the past. On Friday, President Obama announced the decision to overturn the policy he called "rooted in fear rather than fact." He said:

"We talk about reducing the stigma of this disease - yet we've treated a visitor living with it as a threat. We lead the world when it comes to helping stem the AIDS pandemic - yet we are one of only a dozen countries that still bar people from HIV from entering our own country. If we want to be the global leader in combating HIV/AIDS, we need to act like it."

Before this decision, the US joined a less-than-impressive list of countries that banned HIV-positive outsiders. The list still includes: Armenia, Colombia, Iraq, Oman, Qatar, Russia, Saudi Arabia, Solomon Islands, South Korea, Sudan, and Yemen. Considering there are already Americans living with HIV/AIDS, it served little purpose to "quarantine" the country. I'm happy to see that our HIV/AIDS prevention strategies will no longer include an ineffective and discriminatory ban.

Forget Dinner: A Dating Website Just For Quickies

TresSugar — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 14:30:00 -0700

Forget Dinner is a website that caters to people in sexless marriages. The casual dating site is particularly popular in the UK and boasts the tag line: "Forget dinner and go straight to bed!" Subtle!

While many people use online dating (and dating in general) just to get laid, Forget Dinner removes any confusion. The site explains: "Forget Dinner allows people to be direct and honest about what they want without having to waste time, money, and effort sifting through the many thousands of singles who want a partner for life." Almost all the users are married, and the site has a 10-to-1 ratio of men to women. Some users say that they want to avoid long-term affairs that could get messy, so instead they look for no-strings-attached sex to make up for what they're evidently not getting at home.

There's a trend among dating sites to declare people's motives right from the start. We have the site 7 or Better for people looking for well-endowed men, and there's even a Sugar Daddies site. Basically, there's a dating destination for everyone. What do you think about a concept like Forget Dinner?