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This Is Why I Don't Have a Facebook Page
Cuz I'd get poked by fools with Cheeto dust all over their faces who get mad that I'm not pokin' back. I'm online too much as it is!
Rapper Inspired Math
What if Snoop and Jay-Z were math teachers back in grade school? What if DJ Unk taught algebra, and Fat Joe taught linear equations? What if rap music inspired word problems?
Where Not To Host Your Kid's B-Day Party
Showbiz Pizza provides animatronic entertainment for kids in the form of The Rock-afire Explosion. When I was a kid, this robot band sang horrendous songs while looking slightly possessed and bobbing their heads unrhythmically. But the times, they are a changing...
A Monday Musical Interlude!
Set the choreography of Bob Fosse to Unk's "Walk It Out," and you got a perfect match. Who knew? Now if only I could say the same about the brightly colored, polyester pantsuits these women are thrusting about in.
The 50 Cent Orchestra
You won't find him "In Da Club" these days, but taking charge of The National Symphony in this commercial. Has 50 Cent refined his taste in tunes? Or has he orchestrated a new way to experience classical music?
Fast Food Rap
If you want evidence of the decline of civilization, look no further than this video. Two guys in a fast food drive-thru freestyle rap their junk food orders to a surprisingly patient crew inside, who seem to be able to catch only basic words here and there. "We need some chicken up in here, in this hizzle, for rizzle my mizzle extra salt on the frizzle..."
Cupid Raps Up A Hard Day's Work
Cupid can't dance, but he sure can rap! And I'm warning you now, his rhymes reveal some major anger issues, which would be fine...if the overgrown cherub didn't insist on carrying that bow-and-arrow around all the damn time. Watch.
Vanilla Ice Ice Penguins!
Last week, we watched Gollum and Smeagol, of Lord Of The Rings, get slugged with the Barry White bat. This week, the Ice Age penguins get hit with the thugly stick- but it's all good, cuz they know how to "walk it out."
Raptastic Rosie Spooks Barbara
FYI, Barb: Body language speaks louder than false words or nervous giggles, so your scooch away from Rosie on the couch makes it screamingly apparent that her rap 'n wiggle is freaking you out. Just give up the act and go ballistic on her already!
Natalie Portman Gets Raptastically Real
She's a charmer, that Natalie Portman, that is, when she's not cussing, and getting high, and cheating, and drinking while driving, and fighting, and screaming, and throwing crap all over the place. Yeah, she's a real sweetheart.
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