If you're new to GiggleSugar, you might not know that we heart Maury Povich. Aside from his regularly scaring the bejeezus out of people who have phobias, he lets careless mothers (usually of the teenage variety) know whether some dude they got horizontal with once is the baby daddy or not. Hence, these completely inappropriate onesies.
The Godfather of Paternity Testing found the messiest love triangle, took some blood, and astonished the crowd with the mind-blowing results. Our momma slept with her boyfriend's brother and isn't sure who the father is. Given the genetics involved, the baby looks like both of the bros.
In addition to those graying good looks and sexy turtle neck sweaters, Maury Povich is the MacDaddy of paternity testing. Is there anything more attractive than a man who has devoted his life to helping the hoards of not-so-sure parents out there? He may make a show of getting their facts straight, but it's the thought — and blood work!
You gotta give Maury Povich some points for consistency. If he's not terrifying the bejeezus out of his phobic guests or keeping desperate couples on pins and needles trying to figure out who the baby daddy is, he's showcasing ninth graders with sexual habits that would make a hooker blush. The question is, who's trashier — Maury or poor Angel?
Maury has officially cornered the market on publicly torturing humiliating "helping" people who live with crippling phobias. From cottonphobia, to picklephobia, to peachphobia, to balloonphobia, Maury's covered it. He's now found a woman who's chicken when it comes to chickens, so what unlicensed therapeutic move does Maury use to help?
Maury's completely run out of show ideas, so he gathers up some chicks, transgendered folks, and drag queens and asks, "Are these hot spring bunnies or men dressed as honeys?" This episode of Maury seems desperate, provides no redeeming social value, and possibly causes brain damage in viewers. You know, business as usual chez Maury.
You saw it first on the "The Maury Show," now watch how it happens in nature. I'm referring to the phenomenon known as the "I'm Not The Baby Daddy" boogie. The paternity test results are in and this female emu is not a happy camper.
I know I have to justify my continued coverage of Chris Crocker--so here's the rationale. Unlike Paris and Nicole, two people who have done virtually nothing to get fame, girlfriend here has been working his well-toned buns off to get media attention. Call him a ho, if you must, but it's the American way.
When he's not making everyone take a paternity test, Maury's exploring the world of irrational phobias. From peachphobia to cottonphobia to picklephobia, he's been there, done that. And the following phobia will blow your mind: balloonphobia.