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Furniture and Fried Chicken: Together at Last!
This commercial gets off to an unimpressive start — take a look at that rat hole they call a warehouse — and it only gets worse from there. "I say, I say, I say" are Frankie and Johnnie selling furniture, dance lessons, or fried chicken? Bad dancing belongs in every low-budget commercial, but I'm still trying to connect the dots between furniture and fried chicken— buy a couch, get a grease stain for free?
Isn't the "Cashman" a Little Too Old for This?
This ad starts out as any low-budget pawn shop commercial would: some overly energetic douche stands too close to the camera while begging to buy your junk from you. But William Oliver, the self-titled "Cashman," doesn't settle for run-of-the-mill. He knows how to differentiate himself from the rest — by way of a sleazy jingle and a few scantily-clad backup dancers.
Gotta Go, Gotta Go, Gotta Go Buy Junk
As if the crap for sale at pawn shops isn't questionable enough, these dudes think talking like Ahnold and taking a public leak in the middle of their own shop will compel customers to "get down here now." More like, get outta here now — and they won't be back. Unless, of course, they discover that the oversized diamond engagement ring they bought was really an overpriced cubic zirconia set on a band of fool's gold.
Flashback: Low-Budget '80s Advertising
Don't let the awkward dancing and forced hype fool you. This is not an infomercial for another lame-ass "greatest hits" album. It's a low-budget ad for another lame-ass local restaurant posing as a lame-ass "greatest hits" album — natch.
Sharon and Fred Do Movies
Sharon and Fred do movies, but they should really do their own sitcom. Just watch Sharon. Her deadpan stare and robotic script reading couldn't be more uncomfortable or entertaining.
Low-Budget Commercial Needs to "Back That Thang Up!"
I'm confused. Are we selling furniture, a check cashing service, or unbridled patriotism here? And why is a half-dressed chick shaking her bon-bon while standing atop a couch, why are the salesmen shirtless, and what's with all the hootin', hollerin', and flag waving?
The Eagle of All Commercials Has Landed (Again)
Remember Eagle Man, the creepy talking bird who laid an egg on some chick's car? He's ba-ack and more explosive than ever. Eagle Insurance amped up the budget for the ad below, but this didn't improve the quality of the commercial— it just made the insanity last even longer.
Star-Studded BMW Commercial Is a Big Buzzkill
This BMW dealer wanted to avoid looking like every other low-budget ad, so he got a few professional athletes to step in as his spokesmen. But hockey players are trained to work the ice rink, not the camera. Throwing some free fried chicken into the deal would have done a better job of getting people's attention.
Furniture and Fried Chicken: Together at Last!
This commercial gets off to an unimpressive start — take a look at that rat hole they call a warehouse — and it only gets worse from there. "I say, I say, I say" are Frankie and Johnnie selling furniture, dance lessons, or fried chicken? Bad dancing belongs in every low-budget commercial, but I'm still trying to connect the dots between furniture and fried chicken— buy a couch, get a grease stain for free?
Need A Time Machine?
Then Ken Swizzle has a deal for you! He's invented a time machine (yes, a real time machine) that he's willing to sell to you. And if you wanna make the most of your new time machine, Ken has a few crafty ideas for you.
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