TresSugar

Want to Be Successful? Start Worrying

Emily Co — Wed, 18 May 2011 11:14:34 PDT

We're always espousing the importance of work-life balance, because it's important to have a healthy mindset. Although anxiety is generally associated with being a negative feeling, a New York Times piece by professor Robert Frank of Cornell University's MBA program says that worry can actually motivate us and push us to be more successful. In fact, evolution has actually programmed us to become more competitive when we're worrying. Frank says:

In [Darwin's] framework, the brain has evolved not to make us happy, but to motivate actions that help push our DNA into the next round. Much of the time, in fact, the brain accomplishes that by making us unhappy. Anxiety, hunger, fatigue, loneliness, thirst, anger and fear spur action to meet the competitive challenges we face . . . Within limits, worry about success causes students to study harder to gain admission to better universities. It makes assistant professors work harder to earn tenure. It leads film makers to strive harder to create the perfect scene, and songwriters to dig deeper for the most pleasing melody. In every domain, people who work harder are more likely to succeed professionally, more likely to make a difference. The anxiety we feel about whether we'll succeed is evolution's way of motivating us.

This reminds me of a recent quote by Indra Nooyi, the female CEO of PepsiCo, who spilled the secret to her success. She said, "I have an immigrant mentality, which is that the job can be taken away at any time, so make sure you earn it every day." Although Nooyi is already the head of a billion-dollar company, she still worries about her position, which pushes her to succeed day after day. If she has been complacent and happy about her job, there will be less incentive for her to work hard.

Actually, seeing as our economy still has a lot of recovering to do, the sentiment of possibly losing your job might not be too unrealistic. However, you need to make sure that this anxiety does not eat you up inside, and manage it properly so it does not manifest into extreme symptoms like panic attacks.

Group Therapy: Return From Vacation Plagued With Panic

Tres Community — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 06:00:29 PDT

This question is an excerpt from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

After a wonderfully relaxing long weekend away at my parents house in the mountains, I returned to the city yesterday evening with plenty of time to unpack, clean my house, and prepare myself for the week. However, when I went to bed, I was struck with a horrible bout of insomnia due to a panic attack. Basically, I started to obsess about all of the work I had to do. I couldn't sleep and woke up feeling uneasy and stressed.

This isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened to me. Last year when I went on a two-week vacation to Spain, the night before I came back, I had the worst panic attack of my life. I kept thinking about how much work I had to do when I returned home. I'm wondering how I can keep the state of mind I had while on the weekend/vacation during the week? How can I not get overwhelmed by the work that I know is waiting for me? Any advice would be appreciated!

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

You Asked: I'm Scared Every Day

DearSugar — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 17:00:00 PDT

Dear Sugar,

My father is a firefighter, and I grew up with the mentality that I needed to tell my dad I loved him every single time he went to work. When my parents divorced things changed, and since I no longer live with him or my mom, I don't get nervous every time he goes to work anymore. However, my brother just graduated from the police academy in Cleveland. He's posted in an absolutely terrible neighborhood, where people get shot on a daily basis, there's not a window without bars to be seen, and 8-year-olds are selling drugs.

I'm terrified. I get these images that he's going to get shot, or worse. He has a really bad temper, and I'm afraid he's going to get himself in trouble. Now, with my brother starting his police work, I'm starting to freak out about my dad again too. Both of their jobs are dangerous, and I think I am actually more scared for them than they are! How can I learn to deal with this fear and cope with their life-threatening jobs?

- Terrified Teresa

To see DearSugar's answer,

read more. Dear Terrified Teresa, I certainly applaud the men in your life for taking on such difficult but important duties, but I'm sure I'd be a worried mess if I were in your position too. Being scared is normal, but letting it overwhelm you will only make you a stress case, and certainly won't serve to protect your brother or your father. But of course ending such worries is much easier said than done. I would recommend reaching out to a support group for family members of firefighters and police officers, which many counties do have. Just articulating your fears to other people might help you shoulder the burden. Also, get into the habit of reminding yourself, as often as you need to, that worrying isn't going to help. Instead, channel your energy into connecting with them as much as possible and letting them know that you're always thinking about them. There is no easy answer, and I'm sure this is something that will always be in the back of your mind, but there are certain things in this life we have no control over. It is possible to be both realistic and hopeful at the same time; focus on achieving that balance. Source

The How-To Lounge: Ending Those Obsessive Worries

DearSugar — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 10:00:00 PST

If you’re anything like me then you probably have the tendency to obsess over little things all day long. I keep wondering things like what did that conversation mean? Was I wrong? The problem with these obsessive thoughts is they don’t get you anywhere, instead you just end up turning around in circles, rehashing the same thing over and over again in your head. To learn some tips for banishing these obsessive thoughts,

I actually think that a little obsessing can be beneficial when you’re processing something, so I don’t recommend avoiding it all together. The next time the worrying begins, really embrace it. Give yourself thirty minutes and put all of your energy into it. You might be able to work through it faster that way.
Sometimes we get shy when we’re obsessing over something because we don’t want people to know how obsessive we are. However, opening up and leaning on your friends for support is another great way to process your concerns. Another person's point of view could be just the thing you need. Keep in mind that your friends will only have a limited capacity to listen so don't overwhelm them.
Write it down. You can either write in a journal recounting the experience or your feelings, or you can write a letter to the person who you’re thinking of. You don’t have to send it, but it can be a great way to get everything out all at once.
Get distracted. Start planning something, a dinner party, your sister’s birthday, a work happy hour, anything that will keep you busy.

And of course, time will usually do the trick. Be patient with yourself, and forgiving too! Source

Do Tell: Worrying About Men

DearSugar — Wed, 14 Mar 2007 03:31:00 PDT

I found an article in this month's Psychologies magazine, from the UK, in which Diane Keaton talks about her career, her infamous liaisons, and her life as an unmarried woman. I was struck by this one quote in particular: "I spent too much time worrying about men I was in love with."

It made me wonder, ladies, just how much time we spend worrying about the men in our lives? If we added up all the minutes and hours, how much time would that be? Do tell, can you relate to what Ms. Keaton said?

Source

Is Your Anxiety Level In Overtime?

FitSugar — Tue, 19 Dec 2006 16:30:00 PST

Everyone can relate to feeling anxious at one time or another. Maybe you're nervous to meet your boyfriend's parents, or you're worried about an upcoming doctor's appointment. It's totally normal to feel this way, and it can actually help you cope.

Having an Anxiety Disorder is a lot different. You can feel worried, anxious, or shy for no reason. Your heart starts pounding, your stomach is in knots, you start sweating. You can't see straight or think straight. Anxiety can take over so you can't get normal day to day things done.

There's a few different kinds. Panic Disorder involves unexpected episodes of intense fear and terror that causes physical symptoms like chest tightness, difficulty breathing, dizziness or tummy problems.

People who have Social Anxiety Disorder have a persistent and intense fear of social situations, of being watched or judged, or of being around people in general. Physical symptoms include profuse sweating, trembling, nausea or difficulty talking.

If you can relate to any of these disorders, you should seek professional help if possible. If not, please remember you are not alone and look on the internet or in the phone book for low cost/no cost resources to help you.

Makin' Bacon: 15 Amazing Bacon Dishes

Mandy Harris — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 09:13:17 PST

Bacon seems to be the trend that just won't stop, as evidenced by its appearance in a Jack in the Box milkshake. If this bacon concoction isn't really your thing, don't worry. We've got a whole arsenal of recipes that feature, or are enhanced by, the salty cured pork that we all know and love.

5 Harmful Pet Toxins Lurking Around Your House

Sara Yoo — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 04:00:00 PST

Pets face many of the scariest hazards out on the street: speeding cars, aggressive animals, and inconsiderate people are just a few of the terrors that keep us pet parents up at night. But some of the most terrifying dangers come from items lying around our own homes. Last year, the ASPCA's Animal Poison Control Center fielded over 165,000 phone calls from panicked pet owners worried that their companions had been exposed to toxic substances. Here are the top five things you should lock up tight, and it doesn't hurt to keep the ASPCA's 24-hour hotline (888-426-4435) handy for your own emergencies.

Edun Fall 2012

FabSugar — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 16:06:37 PST

Bono and wife Ali Hewson's elevated eco-conscious clothing brand showed off a darker mood this season, but not to worry, the presence of Edun's signature exotic prints abounded in pops of silky fuchsia and electric blue combos. Even as the first model took her turn on the runway, the clothes delivered a strong message: the Edun girl, as the program notes, "has taken her punk rock roots on safari." With that said, this is one urban-infused African safari trip we've ever embarked upon. Among the most prevalently featured prints were zebra, leopard, gazelles - reincarnated into prettily draped shoulder dresses, loud shirt dresses, and even twist dresses. To add a layer of functional Winter warmth into the mix, Edun's Fall '12 lineup showcased boxy ribbed turtlenecks, leather slickers, and a plethora of structured, tough-girl overcoats. Cold weather, beware - this cool mix of animal-inspired patterns and chunky outerwear packs a seasonal punch.

Trends: Graphic animal prints, leather, and oversized turtlenecks.
Colors: Pops of electric blue, neon green, bronze, black, navy blue, fuchsia.
Key Piece: The silky, relaxed gazelle-printed blouse paired with slouch black pants.
Accessories: Utilitarian-inspired black ankle boots.
Who Would Wear It: The fair-trade fashionista á la Stella McCartney and Charlize Theron.

8 Ways to Celebrate Valentine's Day as a Family

LilSugar — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 04:27:16 PST

If you can't find a babysitter for Valentine's Day, not to worry - we've come up with plenty of fun ways to celebrate with the whole family! Skip the expensive dinner for two and pick something you can enjoy with the kids. From quality time in the kitchen to holiday-appropriate craft classes, these eight sweet activities are sure to spread the love.