TresSugar

Want to Be Successful? Start Worrying

Emily Co — Wed, 18 May 2011 11:14:34 PDT

We're always espousing the importance of work-life balance, because it's important to have a healthy mindset. Although anxiety is generally associated with being a negative feeling, a New York Times piece by professor Robert Frank of Cornell University's MBA program says that worry can actually motivate us and push us to be more successful. In fact, evolution has actually programmed us to become more competitive when we're worrying. Frank says:

In [Darwin's] framework, the brain has evolved not to make us happy, but to motivate actions that help push our DNA into the next round. Much of the time, in fact, the brain accomplishes that by making us unhappy. Anxiety, hunger, fatigue, loneliness, thirst, anger and fear spur action to meet the competitive challenges we face . . . Within limits, worry about success causes students to study harder to gain admission to better universities. It makes assistant professors work harder to earn tenure. It leads film makers to strive harder to create the perfect scene, and songwriters to dig deeper for the most pleasing melody. In every domain, people who work harder are more likely to succeed professionally, more likely to make a difference. The anxiety we feel about whether we'll succeed is evolution's way of motivating us.

This reminds me of a recent quote by Indra Nooyi, the female CEO of PepsiCo, who spilled the secret to her success. She said, "I have an immigrant mentality, which is that the job can be taken away at any time, so make sure you earn it every day." Although Nooyi is already the head of a billion-dollar company, she still worries about her position, which pushes her to succeed day after day. If she has been complacent and happy about her job, there will be less incentive for her to work hard.

Actually, seeing as our economy still has a lot of recovering to do, the sentiment of possibly losing your job might not be too unrealistic. However, you need to make sure that this anxiety does not eat you up inside, and manage it properly so it does not manifest into extreme symptoms like panic attacks.

Group Therapy: Return From Vacation Plagued With Panic

Tres Community — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 06:00:29 PDT

This question is an excerpt from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

After a wonderfully relaxing long weekend away at my parents house in the mountains, I returned to the city yesterday evening with plenty of time to unpack, clean my house, and prepare myself for the week. However, when I went to bed, I was struck with a horrible bout of insomnia due to a panic attack. Basically, I started to obsess about all of the work I had to do. I couldn't sleep and woke up feeling uneasy and stressed.

This isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened to me. Last year when I went on a two-week vacation to Spain, the night before I came back, I had the worst panic attack of my life. I kept thinking about how much work I had to do when I returned home. I'm wondering how I can keep the state of mind I had while on the weekend/vacation during the week? How can I not get overwhelmed by the work that I know is waiting for me? Any advice would be appreciated!

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

You Asked: I'm Scared Every Day

DearSugar — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 17:00:00 PDT

Dear Sugar,

My father is a firefighter, and I grew up with the mentality that I needed to tell my dad I loved him every single time he went to work. When my parents divorced things changed, and since I no longer live with him or my mom, I don't get nervous every time he goes to work anymore. However, my brother just graduated from the police academy in Cleveland. He's posted in an absolutely terrible neighborhood, where people get shot on a daily basis, there's not a window without bars to be seen, and 8-year-olds are selling drugs.

I'm terrified. I get these images that he's going to get shot, or worse. He has a really bad temper, and I'm afraid he's going to get himself in trouble. Now, with my brother starting his police work, I'm starting to freak out about my dad again too. Both of their jobs are dangerous, and I think I am actually more scared for them than they are! How can I learn to deal with this fear and cope with their life-threatening jobs?

- Terrified Teresa

To see DearSugar's answer,

Dear Terrified Teresa,

I certainly applaud the men in your life for taking on such difficult but important duties, but I'm sure I'd be a worried mess if I were in your position too. Being scared is normal, but letting it overwhelm you will only make you a stress case, and certainly won't serve to protect your brother or your father. But of course ending such worries is much easier said than done.

I would recommend reaching out to a support group for family members of firefighters and police officers, which many counties do have. Just articulating your fears to other people might help you shoulder the burden. Also, get into the habit of reminding yourself, as often as you need to, that worrying isn't going to help. Instead, channel your energy into connecting with them as much as possible and letting them know that you're always thinking about them.

There is no easy answer, and I'm sure this is something that will always be in the back of your mind, but there are certain things in this life we have no control over. It is possible to be both realistic and hopeful at the same time; focus on achieving that balance.

Source

The How-To Lounge: Ending Those Obsessive Worries

DearSugar — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 10:00:00 PST

If you’re anything like me then you probably have the tendency to obsess over little things all day long. I keep wondering things like what did that conversation mean? Was I wrong? The problem with these obsessive thoughts is they don’t get you anywhere, instead you just end up turning around in circles, rehashing the same thing over and over again in your head. To learn some tips for banishing these obsessive thoughts,

I actually think that a little obsessing can be beneficial when you’re processing something, so I don’t recommend avoiding it all together. The next time the worrying begins, really embrace it. Give yourself thirty minutes and put all of your energy into it. You might be able to work through it faster that way.
Sometimes we get shy when we’re obsessing over something because we don’t want people to know how obsessive we are. However, opening up and leaning on your friends for support is another great way to process your concerns. Another person's point of view could be just the thing you need. Keep in mind that your friends will only have a limited capacity to listen so don't overwhelm them.
Write it down. You can either write in a journal recounting the experience or your feelings, or you can write a letter to the person who you’re thinking of. You don’t have to send it, but it can be a great way to get everything out all at once.
Get distracted. Start planning something, a dinner party, your sister’s birthday, a work happy hour, anything that will keep you busy.

And of course, time will usually do the trick. Be patient with yourself, and forgiving too!

Source

Do Tell: Worrying About Men

DearSugar — Wed, 14 Mar 2007 03:31:00 PDT

I found an article in this month's Psychologies magazine, from the UK, in which Diane Keaton talks about her career, her infamous liaisons, and her life as an unmarried woman. I was struck by this one quote in particular: "I spent too much time worrying about men I was in love with."

It made me wonder, ladies, just how much time we spend worrying about the men in our lives? If we added up all the minutes and hours, how much time would that be? Do tell, can you relate to what Ms. Keaton said?

Source

Is Your Anxiety Level In Overtime?

FitSugar — Tue, 19 Dec 2006 16:30:00 PST

Everyone can relate to feeling anxious at one time or another. Maybe you're nervous to meet your boyfriend's parents, or you're worried about an upcoming doctor's appointment. It's totally normal to feel this way, and it can actually help you cope.

Having an Anxiety Disorder is a lot different. You can feel worried, anxious, or shy for no reason. Your heart starts pounding, your stomach is in knots, you start sweating. You can't see straight or think straight. Anxiety can take over so you can't get normal day to day things done.

There's a few different kinds. Panic Disorder involves unexpected episodes of intense fear and terror that causes physical symptoms like chest tightness, difficulty breathing, dizziness or tummy problems.

People who have Social Anxiety Disorder have a persistent and intense fear of social situations, of being watched or judged, or of being around people in general. Physical symptoms include profuse sweating, trembling, nausea or difficulty talking.

If you can relate to any of these disorders, you should seek professional help if possible. If not, please remember you are not alone and look on the internet or in the phone book for low cost/no cost resources to help you.

Game of Thrones' "Blackwater": What We're Still Talking About

Shannon Vestal — Mon, 28 May 2012 17:44:02 PDT

War ain't coming to Game of Thrones - war is here. This week, the Lannisters each deal with the attack on King's Landing in their own way: Joffrey tucks his tail between his legs, Tyrion rallies the troops, and Cersei gets drunk. The episode only shows us what's happening in King's Landing, and though we don't get to see any Jon Snow, Robb Stark, Daenerys Targaryen, or Arya Stark, it doesn't feel lacking to me in any way. In fact, it's one of my favorite episodes this season.

There's only one more episode left in season two, and I'm wondering just how intense next week will be, because this week is crazy. I'm ready to chat about what I'm still thinking about from "Blackwater," so if you're ready to relive it, just keep reading.

Heat It Up: 5 Cool Outfits Inspired by Our Favorite Summer Movies

Brittney Stephens — Mon, 28 May 2012 05:00:56 PDT

When the heat is sweltering and you can literally fry an egg on the sidewalk, sometimes all you can do is stay inside with a fan, a glass of iced tea, and a good Summer movie - and even when it's not quite warm enough to hit the beach or lie in the park, watching a flick about the warm-weather months can get you in the right frame of mind, sartorially speaking. If you're like us and are missing the days of having zero worries in the Summer (when your only responsibilities in life were sleeping in, riding bikes with your friends, and packing for Summer camp), we've got a treat for you. From Marilyn Monroe's classic sexpot style in The Seven Year Itch to Vada Sultenfuss's tomboy cool in My Girl, we've culled some warm-weather wardrobe inspiration from some of our favorite Summer films. Click through to see and shop each look, and let us know your favorite Summer movie in the comments!

Hello, Memorial Day: Vacation Sex Is the Best Sex, Says America

YourTango — Mon, 28 May 2012 04:00:17 PDT

We're happy to present this excerpt from one of our favorite sites, YourTango. Today, we have some thoughts on vacation sex.

Memorial Day Weekend is upon us, ladies and gentlemen - 'tis the season to wear white jeans, indulge in a back yard barbeque and, of course, go on vacation.

Speaking of vacation, traveling can be quite the romantic experience. Sure, there is likely plenty of nagging, awkward sunburns and uncomfortable TSA frisking associated with getaways, but there's lots of sex involved, too, say the survey aficionados at Zoosk. They picked the brains of 1,500 Americans for their thoughts on travel, romance and - of course - sex.

Zoosk found that 69 percent of men and 72 percent of women think having sex while on vacation is better than doing it at home. Is sun and sand the reason we're so turned on while at the beach? Or, perhaps, the musty smell of a muggy hotel room in the Caribbean? Sadly, those questions aren't answered, but there's plenty to learn about the best - and worst - of couples vacations.

Getting there. As relaxing as lying on a beach with a cocktail in hand sounds, the preparation for vacation can cause copious amounts of stress, especially for couples. One-third of Americans worry that they'll be selected for an additional pat down (or worse) by the TSA before takeoff.

Where to go. The beach was the most popular destination for a romantic getaway, with 22 percent of the vote. A romantic city (Paris comes to mind) came in second with 19 percent, with cruises and "exotic, far-flung locales" tied at third with 15 percent each. Other romantic destinations included bed and breakfasts and camping, but we're having trouble associating the "best sex ever" with mosquito bites getting in the way.

For the rest of the article, head to YourTango: Hello, Memorial Day: Vacation Sex Is The Best Sex, Says America

Written by Lydia Belton for YourTango.

Ways to Slim Down Your BBQ

Jenny Sugar — Sun, 27 May 2012 19:37:59 PDT

It's officially barbecuing season, and with this comes tons of burgers, hot dogs, potato salad, and beer. To avoid packing on the pounds this Summer, here are some ways to add a healthy spin to your barbecues.

Go for homemade guacamole instead of creamy dips: Avocados offer the healthy fats your body needs, which is a much better option than the saturated fats found in dairy-based dips. If you're worried about calories, whip up some homemade low-cal salsa, and throw in some fresh pineapple and mango for added vitamins.
Grill up some veggies: Use a grill basket, corn holders, or skewers and choose a variety of veggies to grill alongside your meat dishes. Load up your plate to fill you up and help prevent overeating high-calorie dishes.

Keep reading to learn more ways to save barbecue calories.