TresSugar

Group Therapy: He Won't Lift a Finger!

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 03:00:00 -0800

I have been married for almost six years. At first my husband would help out around the house, nothing big, but he would at least pick up after himself. Now, he does nothing. At first I figured he was just comfortable being his messy self, but now I think he is just lazy. He rarely does anything, even when I ask him to. Today for example, I cooked him a big dinner (roast beef, mashed potatoes, stuffing) and asked him to help me out with the dishes. He didn't even have the guts to tell me no, he just laughed and walked away.

I am sick of being treated more like a maid than a wife, and I really resent that he won't at least pick up after himself so my "job" of cleaning up the place isn't more difficult. Help!

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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Dear Poll: Do you Feel Like you Need a Wife?

DearSugar — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 16:00:00 -0700

Now that two-income families are the norm, the chores and odd jobs that used to get done during the week by a stay at home mom are neglected, leaving many wives, according to an article in The New York Times, asking for a wife of their own, aka a personal assistant. Joyce Lustbader, a research scientist at Columbia University who has been married for 29 years, was quoted saying, "I work all day, sometimes seven days a week, and still have to go home and make dinner and have all those things to do around the house." I can say with certainty that she is not alone in feeling like there are just not enough hours in a day to get everything done.

While some people can hire a nanny and a housekeeper, others can afford it or simply don't feel like someone else can do "their job" the right way. So while everyone has busy days, busy seasons, even busy years, would you want a wife so to speak? And if so, how badly do you need the extra help?

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Gender Roles - How Do You Feel?

DearSugar — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 11:00:00 -0700

I have a friend who is a vegetarian and when she recently got engaged, she told me that her grandmother asked, "Are you going to cook your fiance meat now?" We both agreed that that was totally absurd. Just because you are getting married or in a relationship, doesn't mean you would give up your values, right?

Her grandmother was just seeing her as a "wife," and back then, wives took care of their husbands, had children, and took care of them too. That was their sole job in life, and they were "happy" doing it. Even my mother's generation still has beliefs like these, although my mom and dad live the typical gender roles that irk some people to no end, I've realized that they are sharing the responsibility of taking care of their family, their home, and each other, which is so important in marriage and relationships.

So what do you think about gender roles in a relationship? Do you agree with them? Have you had experience with people (or darling relatives) trying to force them on you? How do you deal and cope with the pressures of wearing the female/caregiver hat all the time?

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Ask a Wife: How Do I Stop Being the Other Woman?

TresSugar — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 08:00:58 -0800

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, a woman in a happy marriage tries to help out a woman stuck in an affair. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's Question:

I am involved with a married man and I don't know how to stop. He's been married for a couple of years, and his wife often goes out of town. I feel like I'm in a relationship with him: he calls or texts before he goes to sleep, cooks me dinner when he can, and we talk about almost anything with each other. I don't expect him to leave his wife for me, and it doesn't seem like he's going to. He just says he wishes we would have met before he got married. I know deep down that this is so wrong, but I feel like I can't do anything about it. I feel too happy when I'm around him. Help!

Signed,
The Other Woman

To see the advice, read more.

Dear The Other Woman,

I have some bad news and some good news. First, the bad news: you are not happy. You are in a relationship that is damaging to both you and this man's wife. The only person remotely benefiting from the situation is this unfaithful person you are involved with.

Now the good news: real happiness does exist. You can find someone - who's not married - to talk, laugh, cry, and have sex with. And it will be so much better. But first you need to do some work on yourself. Look at your life and decide what type of person you want to be. Do you want the adjectives selfish, dishonest, and disrespectful to describe who you are? Or would you rather have the words loving, faithful, and complete describe your behavior and your relationship? Next you need to boost your confidence. Think about what has made you do something that is undoubtedly so hurtful to yourself and this other woman. Is it because you are afraid of being alone? Is it because you think this is the best thing you can get? If so, let me tell you that a little patience can go a long way. Focus on the things you really enjoy in life (do you like running? painting? traveling?), the things that make you excited, and you will only become more desirable.

The search for love is a hard and frustrating one, but you are just going down a dark and depressing path with nothing but hurt waiting at the end of it. End things with this unavailable man, figure out why you love yourself, and then you will find someone who loves you for all those qualities too.

Signed,
A Wife

Finnish Culture 101: Traditional Wife Carrying

LibertySugar — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 09:00:14 -0700

It may seem like a joke, but wife carrying competition is a serious tradition in Finland. The practice comes from an early tribal practice of wife stealing. Sacks of rye have been swapped with wives, as the relay race is modeled after the work of 1800's bandit leader Ronkainen, who screened wannabe robbers by testing how they faired racing with sacks.

The tradition has gone global. Couples from 14 countries, including the US, Britain, China, Australia, Canada, Ireland, Israel, and Kenya, competed in this weekend's Wife Carrying World Championships. A husband from Estonia won the big prize - his wife's weight in beer!

To see video of the competition, read more.

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Author Curtis Sittenfeld Talks About Using Laura Bush as Muse

LibertySugar — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 06:00:53 -0700

Author Curtis Sittenfeld's new book American Wife - a novel about a quiet librarian and wife of a bumbling American president - hits the stands this week. Buzz and I put our heads together to come up with a few politically-oriented questions before she chatted with Sittenfeld. Here's what the author had to say:

Do you think readers will forget that the book is based on Laura Bush? Do you hope they will forget?
I do think if a person didn’t know anything about this book she could read three quarters of it and NEVER think of Laura Bush. And then in the fourth section, then it might sort of be like, “Oh!” But . . . I don’t think that it totally hinges on familiarly with the Bushes. I would like to think that it stands on its own just as a story.

Are you at all as intrigued by the Bush twins as you were by Laura?
No. I know that’s kind of strange because I’m much closer in age to them. When Jenna Bush had that book, I read some articles about it and I saw her a little bit on TV . . . I don’t know, for some reason they aren’t super interesting to me! (laughs)

Alice is decidedly pretty, which is different than your other characters who were fretting about what they looked like.
Laura Bush is very attractive. If you look at pictures of her from her adolescence or from her 20s or 30s I mean – and I’m definitely a Democrat – she and George Bush were a good looking couple. . . I think they’re still attractive but you know there was something very cute about them when they were in their 30s and I think Alice Blackwell, like Laura Bush, is pretty . . . If the character is not really guided by her insecurities then it’s sort of there just (as) a distraction.

To find out why Curtis decided to set the book in the Midwest instead of Texas, and what she thinks of readers who may feel sorry for the Bushes, read more.

Why isn't the book set in Texas?
The Midwest is more familiar to me I felt like I could write about it better as a native. . . Of course I could have made the characters have the same birthdays that Laura and George Bush have, but I just felt like what’s interesting is this sort of big dramatic episodes in their lives and not the kind of back story.

It's funny because you write that Charlie has a little bit of a drawl, is he just trying to prepare for running for office?
People say, about George Bush, (that) . . . you wouldn’t have guessed he’d become president. . . if you met him decades before he did. . . Where, as you know, a lot of politicians are laying the ground work literally from adolescence on.

The funny part is that I’ve started to sympathize with Charlie and feel sort of bad for the pressure that comes with these dynasty families which is surprising!
Again I'm a Democrat but I like and admire Laura Bush, you know some readers have said to me – I like the book but I was frustrated because I found the Charlie character endearing and it made me feel like George Bush is more endearing and I don’t want to see him that way. I want to dislike him!

I was going to say, I think you’re going to mess with a lot of left-leaning minds with this book. Especially during an election period.
(laughs) I know! Believe me the last thing I want to do is convince anyone to vote for Bush.

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Bookmobile: Lewd American Wife Based on Laura Bush?

LibertySugar — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 10:00:48 -0700

Best-selling author Curtis Sittenfeld has written American Wife - a novel about a quiet librarian, and wife of a bumbling American president. The main character "Alice" might as well be called "Laura," as the story meshes snippets from Mrs. Bush's life with the stories of Sittenfeld's imagination.

Radar has provided some arousing excerpts from the book. Details of the presidential sex life are chronicled, as well as the realization that "Alice" had an abortion, and that her grandmother is a lesbian. The book graphs details from Laura Bush's pre-White House days, including a fatal car accident she was a part of when she was 16. But, Sittenfeld amplifies the drama by writing that "Alice" proceeded to have sex with the brother of the boyfriend she killed with her car.

Do fascinating public figures make for good literary muses? Would you indulge in a good read even if it bothered you that the author treated the First Lady disrespectfully to sell books?

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Beauty Queen Needs a Makeover

GiggleSugar — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 02:00:00 -0800

Before she could even walk, Alicia was a pageant queen. Predictably, all them years of primping and crowning have gone to her head. Appearance is everything in Alicia's skin-deep world of swimsuits, head shots, and glossy gowns, but when she and her parents appeared on Wife Swap a few weeks ago, the family dynamic was far from pretty. Can we get this clan a clue? Oh, that's right- they'd much rather have world peace.

Thanks, Huffington Post!

Dear Poll: Whose Trophy Wife Would you Want to be?

DearSugar — Wed, 11 Jul 2007 09:00:00 -0700

Men in Hollywood are looking better and better with age. But the older these leading men get, the younger their girlfriends or wives seem to be! Since these men tend to be well established in their career and incredibly wealthy, it's no wonder they always have some nice eye candy on their arm. So if you were to be the trophy wife of any male celebrity, whose well known mate would you want to be?

Stranger Than Fiction! Man Marries Video Game Character

TresSugar — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 11:00:55 -0800

This past Sunday a man known as "Sal9000" and his fiancé Nene Anegasaki vowed to stay together until death, or a power outage, do them part. You see Sal9000's new wife Nene happens to be a video game character in the addictive Nintendo DS game Love Plus. A priest, live audience, MC, and friends of the happy couple were also present at the event, and the bride's virtual maid of honor even gave a speech. A slideshow recounted how the couple met and teased Sal for being quite the player before he met Nene - he had lots of other video game girlfriends. The whole event was livecasted, and Boing Boing put together the video below so we could all witness this unique wedding.

This story might be the first time I've heard of someone marrying an anime character, but I have read about those who "marry" other inanimate objects. The term "objectum sexuals" describes people who feel attraction, arousal, love, and commitment for objects. One woman even held a ceremony in Paris and married the Eiffel Tower. Talk about nontraditional weddings.