TresSugar

A Do or a Don't: Lying For Someone You Love

DearSugar — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Though I’ve certainly been let in on some big secrets throughout the years, fortunately I’ve never been put into a position where I’ve been forced to lie on someone’s behalf, because honestly, I’m not sure I could do it. A white lie is one thing, but serious lies make me nervous. Still, I’m sure much of it depends on the person and the circumstance. What are your thoughts on this? Would you ever lie for someone you love? Or would even being asked to do so be a violation of your relationship?

Source

Dear Poll: Do You Ever Lie to Get Out of a Commitment?

DearSugar — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Life is hectic, and it’s all too easy to sign on for more than you can or want to handle. Fortunately, I’ve practiced saying no often enough to avoid locking myself into an obligation I know I’ll regret later. Though I’m sure we’re all the type to try our best and follow through on commitments, every once and a while, when the time comes, it's normal to not feel up to making the effort. Sometimes a lie is easier than the truth, so do you ever lie to get out of a commitment?

Source

You Asked: My Ex Lied to Me About His Sexual History

DearSugar — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I was with my ex-boyfriend for 11 months, and we had sex after six. I was a virgin at the time and didn't feel ready to have sex yet. He had told me that he was also a virgin, and we had numerous talks about how I believed premarital sex was wrong; his view was that if it was with the right person for the right reasons, it couldn't be wrong. In the end, we had sex, and over time I became comfortable with the idea of it and my views on premarital sex changed.

Eventually we broke up because I could sense he wasn't right for me - I caught him telling white lies a lot, and he was constantly sharing the more intimate details of our relationship with his friends. After a few months had passed, we decided to try being friends again. Everything was going great, until he informed me that he had lied when he said he was a virgin. Even though it's been months since our breakup, it still hurts to hear that; I feel betrayed and used.

Apparently he felt guilty about lying to me and wanted to come clean. Now he's asking for forgiveness, and I don't know what to do. I've never felt more disrespected and stupid. How do I deal with this?

- Lied to Lila

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Lied to Lila,

I don't blame you for feeling betrayed! He lied to you in order to take advantage of something that you were obviously unsure about, and in my book, there's absolutely no excuse for that. While I tend to be a big believer in the notion that nothing is unforgivable, this particular lie and admission don't say much about his character. If you need to forgive him in order to process this, then I think you should, but forgiveness aside, I'd be wary when considering him your friend.

While I can't say whether or not your ex has changed in the few months since you've broken up, my best bet is that he hasn't. And even if he has made some changes, admitting that he lied to you before doesn't suddenly make lying in the first place OK. I think you need to tell him what you told me- that what he did was wrong, and you feel betrayed and used. In the meantime, remind yourself that you can't control others' actions. It's upsetting that he lied to you, but try to avoid looking back on your time together as a mistake; rather, consider it a personal learning experience.

Source

Where Do You Stand: White Lies

DearSugar — Mon, 12 May 2008 09:00:00 -0700

A white lie, by its definition, is one without ill-intent, but still, even the most innocent lie can bloom into something much larger and damaging than you intended. Admittedly, I use a white lie every now and again to protect someone’s feelings, but even then I feel a wave of guilt - so am I protecting their feelings for them or for me? It seems that lying in any form just isn’t OK. If honesty really is the best policy, then where do you stand when it comes to using white lies?

Source

Do Tell: Your Little White Lies

DearSugar — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 08:30:00 -0700

We are all guilty of telling little white lies from time to time, it is just human nature, and although it isn't smart to get into the habit of fibbing, it happens. But when you're on a first date, 37% of you said you are not 100% truthful to the man you are with, so whether it's lying about your age or how you spend your Sundays, ladies do tell, what is the worst lie you have ever told on a first date?

Source

True Confession - Is This White Lie OK?

DearSugar — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 08:00:00 -0700

Weigh in and tell us if you forgive or not forgive this True Confession.

"I'm really, REALLY good at faking orgasms. I know it's not going to satisfy me, but is this little white lie forgivable?"

Source

Should I Be Worried About His Little White Lies?

DearSugar — Mon, 06 Nov 2006 14:54:42 -0800

Dear Sugar
My husband and I got married a year and a half ago and we are deeply in love, however, we’ve seem to have headed into unfamiliar territory and it’s upsetting to both of us. We used to fight infrequently, and lately all we do is bicker. I am saddened that there is this distance between us right now because I know how much we really do love and care for each other.

I need some help finding communication tools that will be useful for us. Lately, my husband has been telling me little white lies. They are small things such as telling me that he watched the game with his buddy, when in actuality he went to the game with his buddy.

Or, he'll tell me that he'll be home at 6 and then he will come home but then leave again for a dinner meeting. The latest and greatest was that he was going to a meeting with clients, but really he was meeting his clients at a casino to gamble. He claims they were doing business there. Hey, maybe they were, but that just isn't the same as the whole truth.

Like I said, these aren’t big lies, but why can't he just tell me what he's really doing? I feel like he’s thinks I am going to be upset so he just leaves out the details. If he only knew that omitting the full truth is what is really upsetting to me. Why doesn’t he want to talk to me anymore? We used to be best friends and I want to get that back. Also, do you think the lies are going to get bigger? Trust Me Trista

To see DEARSUGAR’s answer read more

Dear Trust Me Trista
Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Women tend to have floral vocabularies and can talk for hours while men feel bothered and bogged down by details and minutia. But you are right, you guys need to figure out what language each other is speaking to have a successful marriage where you can feel secure and trust each other.

I would suggest going in for a few sessions of couples counseling. You are perceptive enough to have your problem targeted - and really all that you need is for someone to observe and then referee your communication styles. Be sure and let the therapist know that you only plan on coming in for a few sessions and that you would like to focus on finding ways to help talk to each other before your problems get bigger.

There definitely seems to be a distance between you two right now. Before you go to counseling do a little bit of work on yourself and try to own up to your end of the conversation. Do you often jump to conclusions or get angry when your husband wants to have some fun without you? Are you more controlling than you'd like to be? Knowing your own downfalls will not only surprise him, but it will help you emotionally prepare for constructive criticism which can sometimes be painful.

Do Tell: What's the Last Lie You Told?

TresSugar — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 09:00:00 -0700

I've yet to see Ricky Gervais's new movie The Invention of Lying, but I can't escape the commercials! Every time I see an ad about the movie's imaginary universe where lying is impossible, I wonder: could I go without lying?

I then search my mind for all the big lies or small fibs I might have told in the past. I'm happy to reveal that I'm not guilty of any Don-Draper-sized lies, but I have told a few white ones to avoid embarrassment or hurting someone's feelings.

What was the last lie you told? (And don't forget, you can always get confessions off your chest anonymously in our Confession Booth group.)

White House Commends Jim Cramer Roast on The Daily Show

CitizenSugar — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 10:56:23 -0700

Thursday's roast on The Daily Show made it into Friday's White House press briefing. Press Secretary Robert Gibbs was asked if the White House believed it was the obligation of journalists to call out lies as Jon Stewart did to the CNBC host. While he wasn't sure if President Obama saw it (though he did talk him about watching it beforehand), he "thoroughly enjoyed" it. Watch his full response below.

Did Any Of These "Effects" Have Any Effect?

Molly — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 00:01:00 -0800

Leading up to the election, talk of the Bradley effect was all over the place - everyone was watching to see whether in the privacy of the voting booth, people would really pull the lever (or fill in the arrow) for the first black president. Then there was talk about the "Obama effect" - people voting for him because of his race rather than his qualifications. Since Barack Obama's decisive victory, neither theory has been thrown around too much, but there's a new effect in town.

This week, Thomas Freidman floated the theory of the "Buffett effect", meaning that older white men told their buddies they would go McCain, but when filling out their ballots, Obama got the votes. The name, of course, refers to Warren Buffett, who may have influenced the affluent community to have faith in bringing America together, despite higher taxes. That, combined with the energy of the youth vote - the children and grandchildren of these men - inspired the change of heart.

While there's something to be said for that, how about the possibility of no effect at all? Just read more.

As it turns out, people were honest about who they were planning to vote for which means that all these "effects" may have had no effect at all. In fact, only 19 percent of voters said that race was a factor in their decision, down from twice as many earlier this year, and it doesn't seem like people were lying. While hopefully this is further proof that the election was about finding the right leader for our country, it was still a historical moment for the United States.

Any Obama/Bradley/Buffett effect loses some credibility when the record-breaking youth vote is taken into account. Perhaps it wasn't about what the older population was doing in the booths so much as the youth population actually figuring out where the booth was, and not feeling any pressure to cover up their choice. So what do you think, did any of these catch phrase "effects" affect the election? Or do you have a name for an effect all your own?

Source