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Awkward! Wedding Planning With Fiancé Causing Tension

TresSugar — Fri, 01 May 2009 07:00:00 -0700

I know a very modern bride who is beginning to wonder if she really knows the guy she's marrying. It's not that she's having second thoughts - it's just that planning their wedding is highlighting differences of opinion about tradition and convention she didn't know were there.

For example, this bride is hip to the fact that weddings are not unique events. Lots of people get married. At the same time, she wants her wedding to have a personal, nonconformist touch. This is where the conflict with her more traditional fiancé has come in. He values conformity and sees it as a social good. Unlike his fiancée, he actually cares what other people think.

So what are the differences of opinion they have about how they should plan their wedding? To find out read more.

First off, she doesn't want name cards at the table. He thinks they're classy; she thinks they're an unnecessary cost and a waste of paper.

Secondly, both have agreed to cupcakes instead of wedding cake (OK, so traditional guy is a little nonconformist), but he wants vanilla (because "it's supposed to be that way") and she likes chocolate because . . . it's more delicious.

Last but not least - the guest list. The bride wants to give their moms a guest limit so that they don't invite too many people and overrun the wedding with people they don't know. He doesn't want to tell his mom that there's a limit and, in addition, he thinks having a lot of diverse people will make them look good to other people.

Should weddings conform to traditional wedding etiquette at the expense of personal touches, practicality - or the bride's wishes? How should this bride and groom get over their differences and celebrate their union? And finally, have you ever experienced something similar?

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5 Wedding Traditions and What They Mean

DearSugar — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Something borrowed, something blue, and something . . . . totally bizarre. Don't you sometimes wonder where our weirder wedding traditions come from? From throwing rice to wearing blue, lots of things happen at weddings that I've never totally understood. Mental Floss has a fun list of eight weird origins of wedding traditions. Here are five of my favorite back stories from MF's list of bizarre traditions.

Brides wearing white. Apparently, it wasn't until Queen Victoria donned a white gown that this virginal shade became the wedding-dress color of choice. Before that, a bride was merely expected to dress in her finest finery.
Dads giving the bride away. The tradition of fathers walking daughters down the aisle actually goes back to the days when dads used female offspring as bartering tools to pay off debts or make peace.

Three more fun facts, so read more.

Tossing the bouquet. This one is hilarious: In the past, newlyweds would just sneak off to a separate room after the ceremony to consummate their union, and the wedding guests would crowd outside the door. The bride tossing her bouquet started as a way to divert guests' attention.
Saving the top of the wedding cake. Some couples save the top of their wedding cake to eat on their one-year anniversary. But the original reason people saved part of the sweet treat was so that it could be served at the first baby's christening.
Throwing rice as the couple leaves. Initially, this tradition wasn't limited to rice; guests could also opt for oats and corn. Either way, the sentiment is the same: showering the newly married couple with good fortune and fertility.

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A Do or a Don't: Garter Belts

DearSugar — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 13:00:00 -0700

The garter-belt toss is a particular wedding tradition that though still in use, hasn’t stood the test of time quite like the bouquet toss and the white dress. I’ve never seen a garter-belt toss that didn’t somehow feel awkward or forced, but I imagine if it's done tastefully, it can be cute. I'm a traditional girl, but still, there’s something weird about watching the bride lift her skirt in front of her closest family and friends! But what do you think? Are garter belts classic or just plain crass?

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

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In Love and Marriage, Do Traditional Titles Matter?

DearSugar — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 08:00:00 -0700

The overturning of the ban on same-sex marriage in California has changed many lives and simultaneously sparked a slew of arguments. In fact, as reported by the Sacramento Bee, a recently wed couple - Rachel Bird and Gideon Codding - are starting their own debate over the wording of the new gender-neutral marriage license, which has changed the traditional reference of Bride and Groom to Party A and Party B.

Bird offered her own explanation, saying: "We are traditionalists - we just want to be called bride and groom," and for this couple, anything else is unacceptable; they refuse to sign the license as-is. The article also mentions that this particular fight is a personal one, rather than religious. But whatever the motivation for standing their ground, I find the attachment to these two words interesting. They do represent tradition and their cultural significance is vast, but are they truly necessary? When it comes down to it, do these types of traditional titles matter to you and your relationship?

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Dear Quiz: Out With the Old (Lingerie), in With the New

DearSugar — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Although I can't think of a better reason to buy some new lingerie than a honeymoon, showing off new skivvies as a married woman certainly isn't mandatory. But back when tradition ruled courtship and marriage, things were different. A wedding was the transition from girl to woman, and this step was reflected in a myriad of customs. One such practice that a soon-to-be bride partook in before her wedding was to collect new linens, personal effects, and particularly, lingerie to bring to her new home. Do you know what this compilation of bridal items was called?

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

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Saving Yourself but Rushing Into Marriage?

TresSugar — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 12:00:28 -0700

I have a high school friend who was raised in a church-going family and got married right out of college. In her late 20s, she admitted to me that while she and her husband have a great time together, most of her other friends are still single or living with their boyfriends. "I don't really know why we got married so young," she said.

What I wanted to say - but didn't - was "Because you wanted to have sex!" For some couples, saving themselves for marriage means getting married sooner rather than later. Not surprisingly, some evangelicals are encouraging couples to marry younger, but modern-day, abstinence-practicing lovebirds sometimes find it difficult to balance that with their peers' tendency to get married later in life. To discuss this dilemma, read more.

Think of it as a wholesome twist on the traditional shotgun wedding, with its own complications:

The call for young marriage raises questions: How young is too young? What if marriage is viewed as a ticket to guilt-free sex? What about the fact that marrying young is the No. 1 predictor of divorce?

A recent story in Christianity Today, titled "The Case For Young Marriage," acknowledges that it's unrealistic to expect couples to save themselves for marriage if marriage isn't happening until their late 20s or early 30s. But the article doesn't endorse premarital sex; it merely suggests that the abstinence message may be coming on too strong.

Megan and Jay Mkrtschjan also got married right out of college, and the groom says it had a lot to do with sex. But now the couple says getting married young may have helped them, since they worked out their early hardships while both were still maturing, rather than getting married older, when both were set in their ways.

Do you think that abstaining from sex leads to earlier marriages? And if so, is there really anything so wrong with getting married young?

Church of England Reaches Out to Those "Living in Sin"

TresSugar — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 13:00:00 -0700

Accepting that modern couples may be turned off by traditionally rigid morals, the Church of England is making an effort to welcome families who have had children out of wedlock.

Today, the Church unveiled a new "hatch and match" service that offers a two-for-one wedding and baptism ceremony. Now couples can get married and have their children baptized all in one day!

But not everyone is happy by the Church's effort to stay relevant. Some argue that it condones having children before marriage, while another member of the faith said: "It's a shame that what should be a bride's day now stands to be hijacked by screaming kids."

The Church hopes the new offering will atone for the tradition of shunning unmarried mothers by welcoming them back into the Church without judgment. Now let's just see if the women (and their partners and children) will take the offer.

Source: Flickr User Cornell University Library

Shotgun Weddings on the Rise in Japan

TresSugar — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 14:00:50 -0700

Almost one third of brides in Japan are what the Japanese call "double happy." In other words, they have two things to celebrate: an impending marriage and a baby already on the way!

Japanese society used to frown on shotgun weddings, but recently more and more women are walking down the aisle visibly pregnant. Who do experts thank? Celebrities of course! Over the last decade, the country's well-known pop stars and actresses have demonstrated that it's perfectly fine to be pregnant on your wedding day.

Back in America, traditional attitudes about what comes first - the marriage or the baby carriage?- have been changing, too. "Wholesome" actresses like Jennifer Garner and Reese Witherspoon were pregnant brides. And along the same lines, we've previously debated whether celebrities are turning pregnancy and motherhood before marriage into a trend.

Do you think it's still taboo to get married while obviously pregnant?

Do Tell: Where Would You Hold a Destination Wedding?

TresSugar — Tue, 19 May 2009 09:00:00 -0700

I'm heading to Paris later this year to be a bridesmaid in my good friend's wedding. Anywhere they chose was bound to be a faraway destination for many guests, considering she's from Chicago, her fiancé is from Australia, and they live together in England. They chose Paris for the wedding, since they got engaged there, and well, it's très romantique!

While a destination wedding can be inconvenient for guests, and extra planning for the bride and groom, it's also a great way to mix your wedding celebration with travel. Since it's hard to get hundreds of people to attend, a destination wedding can also be more intimate than traditional hometown weddings.

If you were going to organize a destination wedding, where would it be?

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Alternative Weddings: A Guide

TresSugar — Wed, 13 May 2009 13:30:00 -0700

Are you having, as one writer puts it, a "bridentity crisis"? Maybe you don't want to plan a traditional wedding (or can't afford one), or just want to make sure you don't lose yourself in the Bridal Industrial Complex that is wedding planning. Here are a few books that may help you plan that hipster/feminist/eco wedding of your dreams. Source

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