TresSugar

You Asked: Do I Have a Right to Feel Cheated?

DearSugar — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My husband and I had a decent size wedding of about 120 people. Each guest cost my parents about $130. One family we invited sticks out in particular. Eight people in their party showed up (all adults) and when it came time to open gifts after the wedding, theirs was $100 - $100 from eight grown, working adults!! My husband and I were both shocked initially because the family is pretty well-off, but my husband decided we should let it go.

We've been married for over a year now and I can't seem to completely get over this. They are family friends of my husband so I hate to mention it to him, but it still hurts me to this day. I know I'm being selfish, but do I have a right to feel kind of cheated? I would never dare approach the family about it, but I've lost a lot of respect for them. In fact, their daughter (who attended our wedding) is getting married at the end of the month and I'm tempted to skimp out on her gift just in spite. Are my feelings justified? And when it comes to wedding gifts, what are the general rules anyway? - Holding a Grudge Gretta

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Holding a Grudge Gretta,

Giving a gift of $100 from eight people is definitely a little cheap, but you might not know what their financial situation is - while they appear to have a lot of money, times are tough right now for pretty much everyone. With that said, you have a right to be a little annoyed, sure, but since a year has past, I'd say it's time to just let it go. If you're tempted to be stingy with this woman's wedding gift, go ahead, but I think the better option would be to rise above your anger, be the bigger person, and give them a moderate wedding gift as if nothing happened.

When it comes to wedding etiquette, there are no black and white rules. I prefer to think of each wedding on a case-by-case basis. Factor in what you've already done for the couple: if you've given the couple a shower and engagement gift, bought a bridesmaid dress, or traveled far just to attend their wedding, I think it's perfectly acceptable to give a less expensive gift. If the wedding is the only event you've attended, I suggest purchasing something off their registry in a price range that fits your financial situation - anywhere from $50 to $100 is adequate. Consider how close you are to the couple as well, but like I said before, there are no real rules so do whatever feels right. I hope I was of some help!

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You Asked: The Pots on Her Wedding Registry Cost $700!

DearSugar — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 13:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

My husband's sister is getting married and I asked her if she wants cash or something from her registry for her wedding present. She told me that she really wanted the pots and pans that she registered for. When I checked how much they were, I found out they cost $700! I asked some other family members if they wanted to go in on it with us, but they've already gotten presents.

That's so much more money than we wanted to give as a present so is it okay to give them a similar (yet cheaper) set of pots that aren't on their registry?

--Need to Know Nancy

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Need to Know Nancy--

First of all, I'm a bit surprised that your sister-in-law would expect that you and your husband would spend that much on a wedding present since I am assuming you are also a part of her wedding party which is also quite expensive. With that said, since they asked for a specific set, you shouldn't get them something different that they won't be happy with.

If I were you, I would give them a gift certificate for the store where they registered. That way they can use their gift card (plus the cash they receive from other wedding presents) to buy that set of pots they really want. I hope this helps Nancy!

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Awkward! Boyfriend Wants Her to Chip in For Wedding Present For People She Doesn't Know

TresSugar — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 11:00:00 -0700

Thanks to a reader with an issue (sorry, reader!), we have an awkward scenario for you that she needs you to weigh in on.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half. I've met his family, I know his friends and have become friends with many/most of them as well, and things are really going well with us. One of his friends who I have not met is getting married at the end of the month. The bride and groom are both friends of his from college, and I am close with other people who will be attending this wedding. We do not live together, and I am his "plus guest."

A week ago, he mentioned to me what gift he picked out from the couples' registry and asked my opinion. I approved and he said something to the effect of, "Great, it was just about $200 so you can just give me $50 for it since you don't really know them." I brushed it off at the time, but it's been irking me more and more as time goes on. These are not people I know, these are not friends of mine, and if her family were not generous enough to offer to invite a guest, I would not even be going to this event.

It is not about the money (I am happy to spend $50 towards a wedding present), but am I in the wrong for bristling at this assumption of his?

Have you been in this awkward situation? Has a boyfriend asked you to pay for something in such a way that put you off? How did you deal with it?

Do Tell: What's the Most Interesting Wedding You've Been To?

TresSugar — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 07:00:00 -0700

It's Wedding Planning Mania time on the Sugar network, and as brides-to-be surely know - it may be one of the most stressful times they may ever experience. From planning the guest list, to deciding the registry, to choosing a location for the big day - it's almost understandable that some women go into Bridezilla mode.

But for some daredevils (or financially strapped and/or free spirits), there's a way of getting married - short of hightailing it to Vegas without telling anyone - that can turn the day into a near-spontaneous and yet memorable and poetic event. Want to hear about one such wedding I attended? Now read more.

Years ago in New York, a boyfriend's coworker invited us to his wedding. He told us it would be simple, short and sweet. Not expecting much, I was nevertheless, floored by how lovely the ceremony was. To this day, after attending many weddings, I cite it as one of the most magical I've attended.

The venue? Sleepy Hollow, a village in Westchester County, New York on the eastern bank of the Hudson River, only thirty miles north of midtown Manhattan. (Take a peek at it in the picture above.) The wedding took place late afternoon, and as soon as we got off the train, I knew this was going to be special.

As we walked toward the woodsy locale (it inspired Washington Irving's The Legend of Sleepy Hollow), strains of a solo violin could be heard. Soon after, the bride and groom (both struggling theater actors) read carefully selected poems to each other while we all tried not to choke up. Sunlight was still visible through dappled leaves.

After the ceremony was over, there were delicious passed hors d'oeuvres, champagne toasts, and, of course, wedding cake. As it began to get dark, we all said our goodbyes as the forest cooled in the night air. Simple and beautiful. I remember it like it was yesterday.

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Do Your Wedding-Planning Friends Make You Envious?

TresSugar — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Traditional wedding planning can seem like a full-time job. You have to choose a dress, venue, photographer, band, registry, guest list . . . the to-do list goes on.

For those who wait their whole lives for the big day, planning a wedding is not only a full-time job - it's a dream job! Other people see the time (and money) consuming planning as a necessary evil.

And if you're not getting married soon, you might be watching from the sidelines as your engaged friends figure out all the details.

I'm curious, would you rather be in their shoes planning your wedding, or are you thankful that you don't have to deal with the headaches? Of course, you might be totally neutral.

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Wedding Party Gift Giving Etiquette

DearSugar — Tue, 31 Oct 2006 08:15:00 -0800

Dear Sugar
I am getting married this winter and I have some questions about gifts for my wedding party. Who do you typically give gifts to and how much money should you spend on them? I know you are supposed to give gifts to the bridesmaids and the groomsmen, but what about the flower girls and the parents of the bride and groom?

I am also going to be in a wedding in a few weeks. I am wondering what I should get for the bride and groom? Should you shop off their registry or get them something extravagant or both? I could use any advice that you have for me. Baffled Bride

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Baffled Bride
Gifts for your wedding party are discretionary. Your bridesmaids and groomsmen are standing up for you in support of your love for each other - so showing your gratitude through a gift is a customary and sweet gesture that represents your friendship. You could give a traditional gift or come up with something unique and special that you think your wedding party would appreciate.

Some idea's for personalized unisex traditional gifts are: engraved picture frames, letter openers, or flasks. Ties, cuff links and money clips are also useful and easy gifts for men and ring bearers. For the ladies, yo might consider giving jewelry or any type of scarf or accessory for them to wear the day of the wedding.

If you want to get a little bit more creative, make your own CD for them. Better yet; you could buy them iPods with pre-loaded play lists of your favorite songs that you've listened to together. Here are a few more suggestions that I've written about in a past post as well.

Giving gifts to the parents of the bride and groom should act as more of a heartfelt thank you. A good idea is a framed family picture from the wedding day or putting together a wedding album of their own. If you choose to not go the gift route, a thank you note is a must!

To answer the last part of your question, sticking to the engaged couple's registry is not required but can be used as a good guide for ideas. How much money you spend is completely up to what you feel you can afford. Use your judgement and consider how long you have known the couple and how close you are to both of them. Good luck on your big day!

The How-To Lounge: Wedding Timeline, Part II

DearSugar — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Weddings are notoriously stressful, but all it takes is a little organization to make them much more manageable and a wedding timeline can make all the difference in the world! To check out part two in our wedding time line series read more.

Nine months in advance

Not only do you want to start compiling your guest list, but you also want to start gathering up addresses. This can take a lot more time than it may seem. Often parents have an entirely different set of people that they want included, so compromise may be necessary at this time.
Choose your color spectrum, and decide which color you want your wedding party to be wearing.
If you're going the classic honeymoon route, then start planning now. You'll get the best deals by planning ahead.
Get your gift registry started. There is also the option of having money given to a honeymoon plan as well as going the donation route, so explore every possibility. There will be parties galore in the upcoming month, so plan in advance for your gift-getting bonanza.

Stay tuned in the next few weeks for part three of our Wedding Timeline, and if you missed it, be sure to check out part one.

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

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You Asked: Do I Have to Buy a Gift For Every Party?

DearSugar — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I'm a bridesmaid this Summer in the wedding of one of my closest friends. She comes from a a very traditional Southern family, and she is having a ton of parties to celebrate her upcoming nuptials. Since I'm in her wedding party, I'm invited to all of them. I'd love to attend them all if I can, but buying a gift for all these parties is really going to break my bank. Is it tacky as a bridesmaid not to bring a present to every occasion? - Broke Brook

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Broke Brook,

I've said it once and I'll say it again - being in a wedding is expensive, and there are no right or wrong answers when it comes to bridesmaid etiquette. When a bride asks you to be a part of her special day, she's asking you to do her a big favor, so my advice to you is to attend what you can, but try not to feel obligated to make an appearance at every party, let alone bring a gift to each one. When you factor in travel costs, dress costs, hair and makeup costs, and buying engagement party and shower gifts, it's no wonder being a bridesmaid can make your bank account feel depleted.

If you do decide to attend every event and you don't want to come empty-handed, buy something less expensive off the couple's registry, such as kitchen towels, a cookbook, or that great wooden spoon they've had their eyes on. If you don't mind coming empty-handed, I'm pretty certain your bride will just be honored to have you there. Now if this specific wedding is one of many this Spring, try to make it to at least one of her events. Since you're a part of her wedding day, chances are you're one of her closest friends so hopefully she'll be understanding about your time and budget constraints.

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

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The How-To Lounge: Bridal Shower Etiquette

DearSugar — Mon, 12 May 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Traditionally a bridal shower is an opportunity for women to get together to "shower" the bride in the presents that she’ll need to make a home. While certainly times have changed in terms of wedding etiquette, generally, bridal showers have remained the same. To find out some basic shower etiquette and ways to make this traditional event more contemporary, read more.

Typically the shower is thrown and planned by the maid of honor and/or a female relative - the bride’s mother may be involved in the planning, but she's not in charge of the occasion.
Women who are not invited to the wedding should not be asked to attend the bridal shower. However, of the wedding invitees, feel free to ask everyone from coworkers to great-grandmothers.
Nowadays, it’s not uncommon to have a co-ed shower, which is usually thrown at night and is more similar to a traditional engagement party. But if you're planning the occasion, be sure to check in with the bride and groom and see what works for them.
Showers usually take place four to eight weeks before the wedding day in order to ensure the bride isn’t completely overwhelmed with scheduling right before the big day. If multiple showers are being thrown, the more time that’s given the better. You want the bride’s shower to be special, not another thing she has to stress over.
Formal invitations are expected for bridal showers. If you're following a specific theme, make sure to either utilize it in the look of the invitation or mention it within. While the invites can include an insert mentioning the couple’s website and gift registry, it's best not to include that information on the invitation itself.
Though many showers incorporate games and themes, neither of these are necessary. Just make sure that whatever is chosen works for the brides and keeps in mind that women of all ages will be attending.

Bridal showers may not be as exciting a bachelorette party, but they should still be fun, so don't be afraid to think outside of the box and try something totally untraditional!

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

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I Hate to Ask But . . . Should Sarah Palin Step Aside?

CitizenSugar — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 07:42:35 -0700

We are t-minus four days (including today) from the Vice Presidential Debate starring Joe Biden and Sarah Palin, and the anticipation is mounting like a bull moose in season. And stacked equally as high as that anticipation? Criticisms waged against Palin's performance thus far.

From the skewering "Bono, King of Ireland" sketch on SNL ripping her Katie Couric interview to conservative columnist Kathleen Parker's call late last week for Palin to excuse herself from the race, the idea is in the wind. Here's Parker's reasoning:

My cringe reflex is exhausted. . . Only Palin can save McCain, her party, and the country she loves. She can bow out for personal reasons, perhaps because she wants to spend more time with her newborn. No one would criticize a mother who puts her family first. Do it for your country.

Added to that view is the revelation this weekend that some would look askance at - the proximity Palin puts to humans and dinosaurs - then the noticeable absence of Palin post-debate, and the tour of moms and coffee shops the campaign has dispatched her on. Is the campaign having second thoughts as well?

Whatever happens, Palin might have something exciting to look forward to on Nov. 4 - JC Penney has a registry for Bristol and Levi with their wedding date listed as that very day. Should that be the only big event for Palin that day?

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