TresSugar

The How-To Lounge: Sending Wedding Invitations

DearSugar — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Once the save the dates have been mailed, it's time to get your wedding invitations ordered. Even if you aren't having a fancy affair, your guests need to know the date, time, location, and formality of your big day. Of course there are no rules when it comes to your invite, but to see some of the traditions to consider, read more.

Wedding invitations are usually sent out at least six to eight weeks before the wedding date and even earlier for destination weddings.
The style of the invitation will set the tone of the overall theme of your wedding day, so choose your invites accordingly. While most wedding invitations are a bit fancier than the save the date cards, that's by no means a strict rule.
Most invitations are written in the third person. Dates, times, and streets are typically spelled out, and no punctuation is used to finish a statement.
When writing out the invitation, make sure to add all the names of the people hosting the wedding. For example, if the bride's family is hosting, the invitation should read, for example, "Mr. and Mrs. James Roberts request the honor of your presence." If the mother and father of the bride are divorced but both contributing, both names should be present. If both the bride's and groom's families are contributing, all names should be listed, and if the bride and groom are hosting their own wedding, their full names should be written out - e.g., "Katie Anne Smith and Jacob Allen Lee request the pleasure of your company at their marriage."
Inviting guests to bring a date is completely discretionary if they are not living together or married - many people firmly believe in the "no ring no bring" policy. The size of your venue and any monetary constraints will play a big role in making your decisions but tread lightly because you don't want anyone to have hurt feelings.
When addressing wedding envelopes, remember to use the proper title - Mr., Mrs., Miss, Dr., etc. Address the invite to married couples as Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, single couples with a guest as Mr. John Smith and Guest, and unmarried couples living together as Mr. John Smith and Mrs. Jane Johnson.
In addition to adding your stamped response card in with your wedding invitation, remember to include any driving directions or additional wedding day information in the envelope as well.

Found! A Wedding Invitation

GiggleSugar — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 15:00:00 -0800

After the annulment, we should hook up the "cheap two-bit tramp" with that "sorry, no count worthless, shiftless John Patterson." They might hit it off.

Source

Awkward! Destination Wedding Invitee Wants to Invite Friend

TresSugar — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 08:30:00 -0700

Thanks to a reader with an issue (sorry, reader!), we have an awkward scenario for you that she needs you to weigh in on.

"I have been invited to a destination wedding in Mexico. The bride has graciously invited me plus a guest. The problem is that I am not currently dating anyone and I am not really comfortable inviting any of my male friends. I may know some of the other guests, as I went to college with the bride, but I wouldn't be surprised if I didn't. While I'm not opposed to traveling alone, I feel the whole trip would be more enjoyable if I had someone with me. Can I bring a platonic girlfriend to the wedding or is that misusing the privilege of being invited with a guest? Is it appropriate to ask the bride?"

Source: IMDB

You Asked: Should We Invite Them to Our Wedding?

DearSugar — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 13:11:57 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My fiance and I are getting married in August, and we are torn about whether we should invite one of our friends and his wife. We have been friends with him since college (nearly a decade) and he has been a wonderful, sweet, supportive, understanding friend and husband. His wife, on the other hand, could not be less supportive or more selfish. Several months before their wedding, she told him that he had to stop talking to all of us because she found out that he had a minicrush on one of the girls in our group during our freshman year of college- long before he even met his wife. She said that we all reminded her of the "other" girl, who is happily married to someone else! She threatened to break off their engagement, so he cut all ties with us immediately. She eventually eased up, but things are definitely awkward for everyone.

We were quite surprised to receive an invitation to their wedding last year (none of our other friends did), but she did not even acknowledge our presence during the rehearsal or the big day. I would like to invite him to our wedding, and I would like him to feel comfortable bringing his wife. However, it is difficult for me to stomach the thought of someone attending our special day who has caused so much pain and heartbreak within my group of dear friends. I really want this day to be drama free, so what should we do? - Don't Need the Drama Nina

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Don't Need the Drama Nina,

This is a very tough situation, and I'm sorry to hear that this woman has caused so much heartache for your friends. Although your wedding is supposed to be about you and your husband, I do understand how political the day can be too. The decision is ultimately up to you, but have you thought about inviting them but seating them (far) away from your other friends so she doesn't have an opportunity to make them feel uncomfortable?

I know this isn't an easy decision, so perhaps you and your fiance should write out a pro and con list to weigh your options. If you have some time to make the decision, maybe having a heart to heart with this woman would be beneficial, as it's pretty clear by her behavior that she's simply just jealous of you and your friends.

I know this is the last thing you need on your plate right now, so listen to your gut and make whatever decision will cause the least amount of drama. Good luck!

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You Asked: Should We Un-Invite Them to Our Wedding?

DearSugar — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I got engaged last November, and our wedding is set for Oct. 18. Last March, my fiancé's company was bought out by a corporation and in early April, the entire office was shut down unexpectedly. He was out of work until July when he was hired by a small independent technology company (and by small, I mean a total of seven employees). He was having a great time for the first few months; he really enjoyed his new boss, co-workers and responsibilities. During that time, we were writing out our wedding guest list and to be friendly, we invited his new co-workers and their significant others. A few months later, he became really unhappy with the company as a whole and is at the point now where he's going to apply elsewhere. If he finds something, he may quit before the wedding. So my question is this: if he does quit before the wedding, how do we handle his current co-workers that have RSVP'd yes? Do we un-invite them? Do we tell them that we still want them there but we understand if they change their minds? I have no idea how to handle this, so any advice you could offer would be greatly appreciated. - About to Wed Wendy

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear About to Wed Wendy,

Since you've already sent the invitations and some of the guests have already RSVP'd, I'd have to say that the right thing to do is nothing at all. There is still a big question mark around whether or not your fiancé will still be working at his current company come October, so worrying about the unknown will just add unnecessary stress to your wedding planning. If your fiancé does in fact get another job before the big day, it's not to say that his former co-workers wouldn't want to celebrate with you - just because they won't be working together anymore doesn't mean they can't be friends.

If inviting these seven guests really stretched your budget, and if they were just courtesy invites, do what you need to do, even if it means uninviting them. But Wendy, if you decide to go that route, understand that there may be some ill will toward you both. You don't want to burn any professional bridges - the technology industry can be a small world. Since these guests were taken into consideration in your original wedding count, I'd leave well enough alone if I were you. Good luck.

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You Asked: She Invited Her Family to My Wedding!

DearSugar — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My fiancé and I are pulling together our wedding on our own with no help from a wedding planner and minimal financial help from our families. We are trying to keep our guest list reasonable so that we can stick to our budget. This has proven to be difficult since we both have large extended families, so we've had to pick and choose who we're inviting. So imagine my surprise when my fiancé's brother's wife called me to insist that her parents (who I've never met) be invited to the wedding to care for her 2-year-old child. It would be one thing if she was a direct family member, but they are a few degrees removed. To add insult to injury, my fiancé's brother's wife is already bringing a nanny, which makes her request even more outlandish.

When she first asked me about this, she did ask, however as I told her about our budgeting concerns, she became increasingly adamant, and ending up basically instructing me to invite them. Since we are paying for 90 percent of this wedding, I feel like I should be able to just say no, but I don't want to start off my marriage on the wrong foot, this is part of his family after all. I'm really told but most of all astounded by her query. Do you have any advice?
- Broke Bride Brooke

To see DearSugar's answer read more.

Dear Broke Bride Brooke,

First and foremost, I must commend you and your fiancé for planning and hosting your wedding alone, I know that's not an easy task. Since you're sticking to a pretty tight budget here, I completely understand how you'd feel taken aback by this woman's request. Like you, I'd think having a nanny there to help care for her child would be more than enough, so something tells me there's more to her wanting her parents there. The etiquette for inviting quests is all very circumstantial, but at the end of the day, it's your wedding, not hers, so the choice is ultimately up to you and your fiancé.

Of course, starting off your marriage on the right foot is important, as is not burning any bridges, but it's even more important to not go into debt all because of one night - remember, it's about the marriage, not the wedding. So with that said, I'd talk it over with your fiancé, tell him how you feel and if you both see eye to eye, I advise you to say no to her. Now if your fiancé feels that it's important to have them there, unfortunately you're going to have to extend the invite - while this is your special day, it's his, too. I think we can agree that this was a pretty presumptuous request, but you should not, by any means, feel badly for saying no if that's the decision you make. I hope I was of some help, and good luck.

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

Source

You Asked: Do I Have to Invite Her to My Wedding?

DearSugar — Tue, 13 May 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,
I am getting married, and my fiancé and I are paying for our own wedding. We are keeping it small, and I don't want to invite my aunt and her family who both my mother and I have a long history of ill will toward. Our families have had numerous verbal blowouts, and my aunt hasn't even acknowledged my engagement with a call, card, or a gift.

My mom wants me to invite them to keep peace in the family for my 90-year-old grandfather, but I feel that having them there in such a small intimate setting will be bad karma and could ruin my wedding day. Do I have an obligation to invite them? I could use some objective advice to present to my mother. - Torn Tammy

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Torn Tammy,

The greatest part about having a small wedding is that you don't have to invite everyone. It sounds as though this part of your family is a huge source of contention for not only you but your mom as well, so I don't blame you for not wanting to include them. Your wedding day will no doubt be stressful enough as it is, so I don't see why you should add even more reason to worry. With that said, I do understand your mother's intentions of keeping the peace, but this is your day, not hers. Although your grandfather is elderly, hopefully he and the rest of your family understand your rationale and desire to keep your wedding small, intimate, and filled with love and good wishes.

Source

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

You Asked: My Boyfriend Wasn't Invited to Her Wedding!

DearSugar — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I'm the maid of honor in my best friend's wedding this summer. It's a three day destination wedding and when I received my invitation yesterday, my boyfriend, of four months, wasn't invited. I understand that some people have a strict "no ring, no bring" policy, but I'm her maid of honor, and it's a destination wedding, not to mention my boyfriend and I are inseparable! I know this is her special day and I don't want to add more stress to her life right now, but I can't help but feel incredibly hurt that she didn't invite me with a date, knowing darn well that I have a serious boyfriend. Could this have been an oversight? Can I say something to her? I need your advice ASAP! - Irate Izzy

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more

Dear Irate Izzy,

I'm sorry to hear that your boyfriend was left out, but I can sense the anger in your tone so I advise you to wait until you've cooled off a bit before talking to the bride. You're right, she's probably already stressed out enough as it is and part of the maid of honor's job is to ease some of that worry, so I'd proceed with caution. Honestly, I'd be pretty upset too, but keep in mind that she might be on a very tight budget or have guest restraints due to venue size or catering limitations. She also might have her own set of rules, similar to "no ring, no bring" in which case she'd have to draw the line somewhere.

With that said, it's doubtful to me that this was an oversight, so if these restrictions don't apply to her, I'd be straight up and ask her if your boyfriend can come. Unfortunately there's nothing more you can do after asking, so try to keep in mind that although it would be nice to have him there with you, it's ultimately her decision. I hope it all works out at the end, but if she doesn't extend him the invite, try not to let her decision put a damper on her special day - we all know brides can do the darnedest things!

Source

Ask an Older Woman: Help! My Friend's With a Married Man

TresSugar — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 06:00:00 -0800

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's question: One of my good friends has been seeing a married man for about a year. He also just happens to be her boss. When we get together, she bombards me with the details of their relationship. He tells her he's never been happier, and that he'll leave his wife for her soon (yeah, we've heard that one before!) and she seems to believe him. My problem with this whole thing is that not only am I sick of listening to her, and of course could tell her so, but I've lost respect for her. Is it wrong to break up with a friend who's doing things I find morally reprehensible? Is there anything I can do to get through to her that what she is doing is horrible for her, not to mention this man's wife?

Signed, Confused Friend.

To hear what an older woman has to say, read more
Dear Confused Friend,

Ahh, the folly of youth. For every bad relationship I bored my friends with, I in turn listened to details about men (or women) they were with who didn't deserve them. It's part of being a friend.

My best advice to you is to be honest with your friend. You don't mention if you've told her how you feel, or if you did, how she reacted. If you haven't, now is the time to start. Tell her you care about her, but you think that contributing to cheating is morally messed up, and that in the end she's probably just going to get hurt. (I guess "the other woman" sometimes ends up with the guy, but who wants to end up with a cheater?) Also, sleeping with your married boss? Pretty dumb. Do other people in her office know? This is not good for her professional life either. I'd tell her that, too, although it's hard to imagine an adult who doesn't know this.

If you really like this friend and this is the only thing she's done that makes you question her character, ride it out and hope she comes to her senses. There's only so much advice we can give people. If you've told her how you feel and she continues with this affair, that's her decision. If she steers you toward this topic when you hang out, just let her know you don't feel comfortable listening to it anymore.

Sometimes, though, if friends do sketchy things, those acts are a window into the rest of their sketchy selves. I had a friend who not only cheated on her husband once, but throughout their marriage, and I began to notice that her behavior towards him mirrored her behavior towards me and everyone else. She was selfish, narcissistic and unable to ever admit fault. We'd had fun partying together when we were younger, but as we grew older, I realized I needed to respect my friends. After a blowout fight when she said horrible things to me, I took it as my cue to get out, and I dumped her.

You're in a tricky situation, but honesty is the best policy. If you can't be honest with her, maybe you aren't really great friends to begin with, in which case slowly turning down her invitations to hang out and discuss him should send her a message. Good luck!

Should I Invite my EX to my Wedding?

DearSugar — Fri, 18 May 2007 13:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

About 6 years ago, I was engaged to be married. Just about everything for the wedding was planned - the date, the place, the band, and the photographer. After an afternoon of probably my 8th time trying on wedding gowns, I came home all excited and said to my then fiancé, "I think I found my dress!! Should I order it?"

He just looked at me and said, "I don't know." I said, "What do you mean you don't know?" His response was, "Well, you really want kids, and I just don't know if I will ever be ready to have a family." I was a teacher - of course I wanted kids!! Well, to make a long story short, we ended up calling off the wedding, and my parents lost about $6,000 because their deposits were non-refundable. I was so mad at hurt at first, but then became grateful that he told me before the wedding, before it was too late.

I know it defies the laws of exes, but we actually stayed close friends up until I met my current boyfriend. Even then we remained friends, and my ex and current boyfriend were even on the same hockey team. My boyfriend knows I'm in love with him and would NEVER EVER get back together with my ex, and because of that, he doesn't mind that we are still friends.

My current relationship is so much better for me - he is so supportive, and helpful, and caring, and loving, and he WANTS a family too. He proposed 3 months ago and our wedding is planned for next summer. My question is, should I invite my ex-fiancé to the wedding?

--Still Friends With My Ex Stacey

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Still Friends With My Ex Stacey--

I'd like to offer you the Mature Adult Award for remaining civil with your ex, but nobody ever said you had to be best friends with the guy!

I'm going to be blunt and say "NO". No - you should NOT invite your ex-fiancé to your wedding. On your wedding day, the declaration of your love and commitment to your real fiancé is the main focus here. You think your fiance really wants your ex to be there on your special day? And what about your parents and close friends? You think they want someone who "hurt" you (not to mention cost them a ton of moolah) to be present on the happiest day of their daughter's/close friends life? No way!

You should also consider how your ex will feel. Probably pretty awkward to say the least. I'm sure everyone in your family knows what happened between the two of you, so let's avoid all the disapproving stares and unnecessary whispers, shall we? Since you are friends with your ex, I'm sure he'll understand that it would be quite inappropriate for him to be there. I hope this helps and congrats!

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