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The How-To Lounge: Creating your Wedding Guest List

DearSugar — Mon, 16 Apr 2007 09:30:00 -0700

Creating your wedding guest list takes careful consideration. Some couples want a huge, blow out wedding while other couples want to keep their big day special and intimate. I'm here to give you some helpful tips so you can create your dream guest list for your dream day.

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Talk with your fiancé and make sure you are on the same page in terms of numbers
If your parents are paying for your wedding, make sure to consult them on your ideas for your list as they may have a different budget in mind than you anticipated
Before you can start making your list, be sure you have your venue booked. The ceremony and reception site will play a big role in determining the number of guests you can invite
Start with a big number, you can always take names off your list
Discuss who won't be invited to your wedding. Be sure you see eye to eye on if you are comfortable with ex girlfriends/boyfriends or children attending your wedding
Decide how many invitations will be given to your parents. Typically each set of parents are allowed to invite some of their friends to your big day
If you and your fiancé are finding it difficult to whittle down your numbers, make an A List and a B List. Mail A Listers first and depending upon your responses, mail out your B List invites. This option might sound tacky, but sometimes it is an easy way to come to final guest list decisions

While you are sure to be overwhelmed with excitement, remember not to verbally invite people to your wedding until you are 150% certain you have room on your guest list. Congratulations and good luck!

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You Asked: Should We Un-Invite Them to Our Wedding?

DearSugar — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I got engaged last November, and our wedding is set for Oct. 18. Last March, my fiancé's company was bought out by a corporation and in early April, the entire office was shut down unexpectedly. He was out of work until July when he was hired by a small independent technology company (and by small, I mean a total of seven employees). He was having a great time for the first few months; he really enjoyed his new boss, co-workers and responsibilities. During that time, we were writing out our wedding guest list and to be friendly, we invited his new co-workers and their significant others. A few months later, he became really unhappy with the company as a whole and is at the point now where he's going to apply elsewhere. If he finds something, he may quit before the wedding. So my question is this: if he does quit before the wedding, how do we handle his current co-workers that have RSVP'd yes? Do we un-invite them? Do we tell them that we still want them there but we understand if they change their minds? I have no idea how to handle this, so any advice you could offer would be greatly appreciated. - About to Wed Wendy

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear About to Wed Wendy,

Since you've already sent the invitations and some of the guests have already RSVP'd, I'd have to say that the right thing to do is nothing at all. There is still a big question mark around whether or not your fiancé will still be working at his current company come October, so worrying about the unknown will just add unnecessary stress to your wedding planning. If your fiancé does in fact get another job before the big day, it's not to say that his former co-workers wouldn't want to celebrate with you - just because they won't be working together anymore doesn't mean they can't be friends.

If inviting these seven guests really stretched your budget, and if they were just courtesy invites, do what you need to do, even if it means uninviting them. But Wendy, if you decide to go that route, understand that there may be some ill will toward you both. You don't want to burn any professional bridges - the technology industry can be a small world. Since these guests were taken into consideration in your original wedding count, I'd leave well enough alone if I were you. Good luck.

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The How-To Lounge: Creating Your Wedding Guest List

DearSugar — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 10:00:00 -0700

When it comes to the perfect wedding day, it’s all about being happy and having fun, so it’s incredibly important to make sure that the special people in your lives are there to celebrate with you and your fiancé. Although writing up a guest list might sound like an easy task, things can get pretty tricky when you incorporate factors like budget, venue, space, and your parents' preferences. However, there certainly are a few tips you can follow to avoid the headache - or at least some of it! To check them out, read more

First and foremost, be very clear on how many people you want to invite, factoring in the budget and the venue.
Talk to your fiancé, and decide who you won’t be inviting - exes, children, dates for each guest, etc…
Keep in mind that it is customary for both sets of your parents to partake in the creation of the guest list - this is a special day for them too! If they’re contributing financially, you’ll want to make sure they’re given a number of guests they can invite as well.
On the first sit down, let everyone put in the name of people who they would like to come, then start to whittle down the list. Sometimes this can take quite a few weeks so refer to your wedding timeline so you can leave yourselves plenty of time.
While you’ll surely be talking about your wedding at work, it’s not mandatory that you invite the entire office. You can either choose to not include any of them or just ask your closest work friends. But like we learned back in grade school, if you invite everyone but one person, there will be hurt feelings so do use some tact.
Don’t feel like you have to invite every person whose wedding you’ve been to, but if your wedding is in the same wedding season, it's expected that you'll return the invite. If your wedding is on the small side, it’s much easier to avoid inviting someone whose wedding you enjoyed recently, but if you’re having a big wedding, I recommend at least trying to fit her in.

Avoid inviting anyone verbally prior to finalizing your guest list. You never know what can happen, and you don’t want any disappointed or hurt friends.

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

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Awkward! Cut From the Wedding Guest List!

TresSugar — Wed, 27 May 2009 06:00:00 -0700

Beware. Bad behavior can get you cut from a wedding guest list. At least it happened to a friend of mine last year.

The bride in question was throwing an engagement party. Without any warning, my friend pulled a no show. The bride later found out that instead of going to the long-planned party, she spent the day with a new crush! And the bride was particularly hurt because my friend (also her good friend) never even followed up to apologize.

So when it came time to send the official invitations, the flaky friend didn't get one in the mail. Since the wedding, the two have remained friendly, but more distant than before.

If a friend seemed flippant about your wedding festivities would you bump her from the guest list and invite someone else who hadn't been so disrespectful? Or do you think the bride overreacted?

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Awkward! Wedding Planning With Fiancé Causing Tension

TresSugar — Fri, 01 May 2009 07:00:00 -0700

I know a very modern bride who is beginning to wonder if she really knows the guy she's marrying. It's not that she's having second thoughts - it's just that planning their wedding is highlighting differences of opinion about tradition and convention she didn't know were there.

For example, this bride is hip to the fact that weddings are not unique events. Lots of people get married. At the same time, she wants her wedding to have a personal, nonconformist touch. This is where the conflict with her more traditional fiancé has come in. He values conformity and sees it as a social good. Unlike his fiancée, he actually cares what other people think.

So what are the differences of opinion they have about how they should plan their wedding? To find out read more.

First off, she doesn't want name cards at the table. He thinks they're classy; she thinks they're an unnecessary cost and a waste of paper.

Secondly, both have agreed to cupcakes instead of wedding cake (OK, so traditional guy is a little nonconformist), but he wants vanilla (because "it's supposed to be that way") and she likes chocolate because . . . it's more delicious.

Last but not least - the guest list. The bride wants to give their moms a guest limit so that they don't invite too many people and overrun the wedding with people they don't know. He doesn't want to tell his mom that there's a limit and, in addition, he thinks having a lot of diverse people will make them look good to other people.

Should weddings conform to traditional wedding etiquette at the expense of personal touches, practicality - or the bride's wishes? How should this bride and groom get over their differences and celebrate their union? And finally, have you ever experienced something similar?

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Do Tell: What's the Most Interesting Wedding You've Been To?

TresSugar — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 07:00:00 -0700

It's Wedding Planning Mania time on the Sugar network, and as brides-to-be surely know - it may be one of the most stressful times they may ever experience. From planning the guest list, to deciding the registry, to choosing a location for the big day - it's almost understandable that some women go into Bridezilla mode.

But for some daredevils (or financially strapped and/or free spirits), there's a way of getting married - short of hightailing it to Vegas without telling anyone - that can turn the day into a near-spontaneous and yet memorable and poetic event. Want to hear about one such wedding I attended? Now read more.

Years ago in New York, a boyfriend's coworker invited us to his wedding. He told us it would be simple, short and sweet. Not expecting much, I was nevertheless, floored by how lovely the ceremony was. To this day, after attending many weddings, I cite it as one of the most magical I've attended.

The venue? Sleepy Hollow, a village in Westchester County, New York on the eastern bank of the Hudson River, only thirty miles north of midtown Manhattan. (Take a peek at it in the picture above.) The wedding took place late afternoon, and as soon as we got off the train, I knew this was going to be special.

As we walked toward the woodsy locale (it inspired Washington Irving's The Legend of Sleepy Hollow), strains of a solo violin could be heard. Soon after, the bride and groom (both struggling theater actors) read carefully selected poems to each other while we all tried not to choke up. Sunlight was still visible through dappled leaves.

After the ceremony was over, there were delicious passed hors d'oeuvres, champagne toasts, and, of course, wedding cake. As it began to get dark, we all said our goodbyes as the forest cooled in the night air. Simple and beautiful. I remember it like it was yesterday.

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Do Your Wedding-Planning Friends Make You Envious?

TresSugar — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Traditional wedding planning can seem like a full-time job. You have to choose a dress, venue, photographer, band, registry, guest list . . . the to-do list goes on.

For those who wait their whole lives for the big day, planning a wedding is not only a full-time job - it's a dream job! Other people see the time (and money) consuming planning as a necessary evil.

And if you're not getting married soon, you might be watching from the sidelines as your engaged friends figure out all the details.

I'm curious, would you rather be in their shoes planning your wedding, or are you thankful that you don't have to deal with the headaches? Of course, you might be totally neutral.

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Awkward! Wedding Guest's Plus One Is Disliked by the Bride

TresSugar — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Getting your guest list sorted out is one of the most crucial and stressful parts of wedding planning. For example, do single friends get to bring dates? From my experience, if a guest is a good friend of the couple, she is afforded a plus one. But what would you do if someone abuses that extra invitation and invites someone you just can't stand?

Recently, my cousin got married and one of her bridesmaids chose an ex-boyfriend as her plus one. The bride had been there for her friend through the tough breakup, which included some less than kind behavior on the part of the ex-boyfriend. But when it came time to choose a date, the bridesmaid seemed to have amnesia! While my cousin wouldn't have invited the guy in a million years to her wedding, there he was raising his glass at every toast!

If I were the bride, I probably would have just sucked it up like my cousin. While it is your special day, you can't micromanage your friends' love lives.

What about you? What would you do if a good friend invited a date that you really couldn't stand?

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The How-To Lounge: Save the Date Etiquette

DearSugar — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Now that you're engaged, it's time to spread the word! Since wedding venues book up so quickly during wedding season, it's time to get planning. First things first - pick your date and secure your location. Once that's checked off your list, you'll need to alert your friends and family of your special day by sending a save the date. There's no right or wrong way to send a save the date, but there are some key points to remember.

Click here to read more.

Before you send the save the date, hammer out your guest list. There's no turning back after someone has been invited, so be certain that you won't be making any adjustments to your list.
Regardless of the size of your wedding, save the dates should be sent out 6-12 months prior to your wedding day. If you're having a destination wedding, the sooner you send them out the better.
Save the dates are meant to be much less formal than the wedding invitations, but they should be informative. Include your names, the date, time, and location. Some feel the save the date should match the wedding invitation, but that is completely discretionary so if you want to have fun with it, go for it!
If you're having a destination wedding, the save the dates should be much more revealing. Include hotel and airline information including phone numbers and any special rates or packages if applicable, rental car companies, a schedule of events (so guests know how long to book their travel), and the location of your wedding site.
If your guests are invited with a date, be sure to address the envelope properly so they can save the date, too.

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

The How-To Lounge: Sending Wedding Invitations

DearSugar — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Once the save the dates have been mailed, it's time to get your wedding invitations ordered. Even if you aren't having a fancy affair, your guests need to know the date, time, location, and formality of your big day. Of course there are no rules when it comes to your invite, but to see some of the traditions to consider, read more.

Wedding invitations are usually sent out at least six to eight weeks before the wedding date and even earlier for destination weddings.
The style of the invitation will set the tone of the overall theme of your wedding day, so choose your invites accordingly. While most wedding invitations are a bit fancier than the save the date cards, that's by no means a strict rule.
Most invitations are written in the third person. Dates, times, and streets are typically spelled out, and no punctuation is used to finish a statement.
When writing out the invitation, make sure to add all the names of the people hosting the wedding. For example, if the bride's family is hosting, the invitation should read, for example, "Mr. and Mrs. James Roberts request the honor of your presence." If the mother and father of the bride are divorced but both contributing, both names should be present. If both the bride's and groom's families are contributing, all names should be listed, and if the bride and groom are hosting their own wedding, their full names should be written out - e.g., "Katie Anne Smith and Jacob Allen Lee request the pleasure of your company at their marriage."
Inviting guests to bring a date is completely discretionary if they are not living together or married - many people firmly believe in the "no ring no bring" policy. The size of your venue and any monetary constraints will play a big role in making your decisions but tread lightly because you don't want anyone to have hurt feelings.
When addressing wedding envelopes, remember to use the proper title - Mr., Mrs., Miss, Dr., etc. Address the invite to married couples as Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, single couples with a guest as Mr. John Smith and Guest, and unmarried couples living together as Mr. John Smith and Mrs. Jane Johnson.
In addition to adding your stamped response card in with your wedding invitation, remember to include any driving directions or additional wedding day information in the envelope as well.