TresSugar

You Asked: He Was Too Honest With Me

DearSugar — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I met and fell in love with a great guy and we've been together for a little over a year now. Everything is wonderful and we don't have many problems except for the occasional disagreement. But recently, he told me that when we first became official, and I was finally "his girl" that other women became 10 times more attractive to him. Everywhere he went, women were enhanced and they seemed much sexier in his eyes; even woman who aren't usually his type. I was hurt when he told me this, and I haven't been able to let it go. He keeps telling me it was just a comment he made in passing and he would never make advances on anyone, but his comment is making me insecure. Is it normal for guys who are in loving relationships to find random women desirable? - Confused Constance

To see DearSugar's answer read more.

Dear Confused Constance,

I think all men find attractive women attractive - it's just human nature - except most men probably wouldn't tell their girlfriends outright! Since he did, he has to understand why you'd be insecure (I'm sure he'd feel the same way if you told him you were fancying other men). So if you need to talk it out with him until you have a better understanding of what he meant, or if you need him to make you feel safer in your relationship, ask for for it.

Though I don't know your boyfriend's intentions, I highly doubt he meant to purposely hurt your feelings. It sounds like he made a comment to you that should have been directed to a guy friend, so try and just take it with a grain of salt. If he's never given you a reason to doubt him, I wouldn't start now - I'm sure the forbidden fruit is simply looking sweeter, that's all. I hope this helps.

Source

Dear Poll: Do You Mind If He Checks Out Other Women When You're in a Relationship?

DearSugar — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 16:00:00 -0700

When you're in a relationship, it's assumed that you only have eyes for each other, but come on ladies, that's just not reality! Of course, we're going to look twice at a hot guy walking down the street, the same way men check out beautiful women - it's just human nature, right? Sure, an excessive wandering eye is a bit much, but ladies, let me ask you this. Do you get upset if your significant other does a double take when he notices a good-looking woman walking down the street? Do you tend to take it personally or do you accept that it's just a guy thing?

Source

Group Therapy: Wandering Eyes!

Sat, 05 Jan 2008 10:00:00 -0800

I was wondering if you girls have boyfriends with wandering eyes too? I have been with my boyfriend for four years and I always catch him checking out other girls. Every time I call him out for looking girls up and down, he denies it and tells me that I'm making it up. Do I have the right to get mad and most of all be hurt?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

Source

Group Therapy: How Do You Know When It's Time to Break Up?

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 12:00:00 -0800

I've been in a relationship for four years. I love my boyfriend but lately I find myself having intense crushes on certain guys - guys who are the total opposite of my boyfriend. I find a million things wrong with them, things that make my boyfriend look better and better yet, despite all of this, I find myself physically attracted to them. I just keep thinking that I haven't kissed someone new in so many years! I know this sounds selfish and awful but I can't help it. I love him, I don't want to hurt him, I'm still in love with him, but more like my best friend or my future husband maybe. Is this insane? Am I being ridiculous? Should I just ignore the temptation to be with someone else or should I be honest with my boyfriend and maybe take a break? Help, I'm at a total loss.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

Source

DearSugar Needs Your Help: Is My Wandering Eye Normal?

DearSugar — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and Daydreaming Dotty need your help. She loves her boyfriend with all her heart but her mind has been wandering about past lovers and she's afraid of what it means. Do you have any advice for her?

Dear Sugar,

I have the most wonderful boyfriend in the world. He's got just enough jerk in him to keep you wanting more, but he would also do absolutely anything for me and I'm completely in love with him. We've been dating for almost two years, we always have a great time together and the sex is fantastic! Recently though, my mind has started to wander. I find myself thinking about previous boyfriends whom I've had sex with and it's becoming distracting in my current relationship. I know what I'm doing is wrong because I'm feeling guilty about it, but I can't stop myself! I'm afraid that my thoughts may drive me to take action. What's wrong with me? - Daydreaming Dotty

Source

Group Therapy: Does He Have a Wandering Eye?

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 14:00:00 -0800

I have this really BIG complex with my boyfriend and females that he works with. My boyfriend is VERY good looking - not bragging, just being totally honest. He is beyond outgoing and all around has a great great personality. So my complex comes in at this, he works with ALL women. And that's not a bad thing BUT I have this huge fear of him having a work friendship that could lead to an emotional affair. He has NEVER indicated this to me, but I feel like these women gawk at him. I have met them and they are all very nice, but you know when you have the intuition as a woman that you KNOW people are secretly sizing you up to analyze your relationship? Well that's how I feel! He doesn't talk to these people after work on a regular basis and he doesn't hang out with them unless it is a work function. but as I woman I have this weird sense that these women are like crazy about him. I guess it is flattering but I just wish he wasn't so chummy with his co workers. Am I just crazy?! I have instigated fights with him about this because I for some reason have this weird fear! And like I said he has NEVER EVER cheated on me or done ANYTHING to indicate that he ever would. If anything, when I met these people, they knew EVERY detail about me and I know that's because he always talks about me at work, but I just can't stop feeling paranoid. HELP ME OUT!

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

Source

You Asked: I Only Attract Much Older Men

DearSugar — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I am a young, college student who is comfortable in her own skin. However, I seem to only be pursued by men that are much older than me. Guys my age just seem to look straight past me, while older men always show interest in me. I find this a little creepy and can't help but wonder if there's something wrong with me. I'm a pretty girl by most standards, in good shape, and wear the same clothes as other girls my age. Physically, there's no reason why a young guy shouldn't be looking at me. There just seems to be something about my aura that only attracts older men.

Admittedly, I'm usually attracted to guys a little but older than myself, and when I really like someone, it has always been reciprocal. I'm not worried that I'll never meet anyone, but it bothers me that younger guys don't seem to notice me. Is there something wrong with me, and if so, what should I change?

- Older Men Only Marissa

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Older Men Only Marissa,

Though I've never laid eyes on you, if I had to guess, I would assume that you're a women who looks a few years older than her age and who brings with her a maturity associated with women in their later 20s. While there's certainly nothing wrong with that, it's not surprising that older men, who are looking for a younger woman, would find that combination attractive. Unfortunately, having a much older man interested in you can feel a bit discomforting, but you can't control who's attracted to you, only how you react to their advances. If any man, no matter the age, makes you feel the least bit uncomfortable, then keep away from him.

As far as men your age go, I would bet that your male peers are attracted to you, but unlike their older counterparts, the young men wandering your college campus are still novices when it comes to pursuing a woman. Also, you mention that you're mostly interested in men a few years older, so it may be possible that around men your age, you're giving off an indifferent vibe that they're responding to by keeping away. If you want to start connecting with them more, don't be afraid to reach out via a quick conversation or even a smile; they're probably just waiting for an invitation.

Source

You Asked: Who Should I Be With?

DearSugar — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I dated this guy several years ago. We always had amazing chemistry. We've known each other for almost 15 years, but he wasn't mature enough to handle a monogamous relationship when we dated, and he cheated repeatedly until we finally split up. After the breakup, I began seeing another man who, on paper, is a perfect catch - intelligent, sweet and funny - but we never quite clicked, and he never made me feel like my ex did. Regardless, we ended up getting married several years ago, but my ex has always been in my heart. He got married as well (to the woman he cheated with), but it didn't last and they are now divorced.

After his marriage ended, he walked back into my life. My husband and I had been having some problems for about two years, and when we saw each other again, we immediately clicked. I felt like I hadn't felt in years - I found my passion again, I found my drive, and I was happy. He admitted how much he missed me and how he had always loved me. As wrong as it is, I felt giddy again, and we've been having an affair for the last three years.

Yesterday, he told me that he can no longer do this, and I'm devastated. Apparently he's having thoughts of other women and is scared that if he can cheat with a married woman, he will cheat on me again. I don't know what to do, what direction to go, or which way to turn. Please point me in the right direction. - In Turmoil Izzy

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

You sure have gotten yourself into quite a love triangle here, but even though you say you have strong feelings for your ex, it doesn't excuse the fact that you're a married woman who's been carrying on an affair for three years now. Not only are you being incredibly selfish, but you're also doing yourself a huge disservice by staying with a man you don't love, not to mention living a lie to the person you took vows with. As for your ex, it's pretty clear that he has no sense of commitment or loyalty - he cheated when he was with you and now he's allowing himself to be the other man all the while retaining his wandering eye. If you ask me, this isn't someone you want to be with regardless of the chemistry you feel. Sometimes, if things don't work out the first time, there's a reason for it.

Of course, only you can know which direction to take, but if I were you, I'd sever ties with both these men ASAP and take some much needed time for yourself to sort out your love life. Perhaps a clear head will make you realize what it is you really need and want out of a relationship. Good luck to you.

Source

Holy Harry Potter Come to Life! Invisibility Cloak a Reality?

CitizenSugar — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 08:00:20 -0700

Good news for all you sad Muggles wandering around all visible and everything - scientists say that they're a step closer to developing the technology that will give the power to make things and people (!) invisible. Researchers have demonstrated that they're now able to use artificially engineered materials that redirect light around three-dimensional objects, making them disappear into thin air, Harry Potter-style.

OK, it's not magic - the reason we can see objects is because they scatter the light that hits them, beaming some of it back to the eye. This cloaking technique uses materials, called metamaterials, to deflect light around an object, like a rock parting water flowing in a stream.

Though researchers are excited by the military implications of having the power of invisibility, the rest of us can feel free to come up with various (more important?) scenarios where we could apply this technology. Where would you want to be invisible?

Lost Your Job? Maybe a Felon Found It! Prison Gigs Aplenty...

CitizenSugar — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 08:00:49 -0700

While California inmates were busy fighting fires this month, prisoners in South Carolina were stitching up some brassieres for Victoria's Secret. That's right. Check that tag, your bra might be the new license plate, an arguably more useful product, I'd say.

Mother Jones has a whole list of common goods that are now sourced to prisons. Drinking some coffee? Yup, that too. What else?

Eating: CA inmates produce 680,000 pounds of beef, and Starbucks has hired WA prisoners to pack up holiday coffee blends.
Playing: Nintendo Gameboys and Microsoft mouses are packed in the pokey.
Learning: TX and CA inmates make everything from lockers to juice boxes.
Wearing: The above mentioned Vicky's bras, as well as leisure wear for JC Penney

And the best prison product? To see it, read more.

Interruptions: Inmate call centers. That call you get during dinner? May just be coming from inside the big house.

Though the info is grabby, my eye wandered to this link included with it: A Glossary of Prison Slang. Oh, yes. Break out the flashcards.

Would you be more likely to buy goods from companies who use prison labor? Starbucks calls the practice, "entirely consistent with our mission statement." Is it consistent with yours?

Source