TresSugar

You Asked: I Want Him Out!

DearSugar — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 13:01:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend has been living with me for over a year now. He is unemployed and a generally nice guy, but I'm no longer in love with him. I constantly tell him how I feel, but he just brushes me off - I think he thinks I'm joking. He stays home all day but never looks for work, he hasn't helped out around the house in months, and while I don't want to leave him high and dry, I just can't do it anymore - he's starting to drive me nuts! What should I do? - Over Him Hayden

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Over Him Hayden,

If you're ready to end this relationship, end it, because you'll only be doing your boyfriend a disservice by staying with him out of fear or obligation. Since he isn't taking your words to heart, it's clearly time for a serious talk. Figure out what you want your next steps to be and let him know where you stand. I understand that you don't want to leave him in the lurch, so perhaps you can put your heads together to come up with a temporary plan until he can get his feet back on the ground. This won't be easy, but if you're unhappy, something has to change. Good luck to you.

Source

Handle This: Your Boyfriend Is Turning Into a Couch Potato

DearSugar — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 07:30:00 -0700

If you were put in a situation like this, how would you handle it?

Your live-in boyfriend had been holding onto his job for dear life for the past six months, but he unfortunately got laid off March 1. Thankfully you still have yours, but you don't make nearly enough money to hold down the fort for much longer. You're a little worried as the economy isn't getting any better, but you're confident that your boyfriend will do everything in his power to find something sooner rather than later.

His first week of unemployment was very productive, but he's since become increasingly lazy and negative. He's on the couch every night when you get home - beer in hand - and he hasn't worked out in days. While you know it's a tough market out there, this is very out of character for your boyfriend - he's a go-getter, not a couch potato! To make matters worse, whenever you try to talk to him about how he's feeling or offer advice or support, he snaps at you. It's a tough situation, so tell me, how would you handle it?

Source

Dear Poll: Have You Met More Guys Lately?

DearSugar — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 13:30:00 -0800

As the unemployment rate raises, people have more time on their hands than ever before. While we're all being mindful of where our money is being spent, there are ways to keep your social life in tact without breaking the bank.

But when you don't have to be at work in the morning, some people are more inclined to go out, be social, and blow off some steam. It feels like my friends are meeting new guys left and right these days - yes, most of whom are unemployed - so tell me, have you too?

Source

You Asked: Should I Cut My Losses Now?

DearSugar — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been dating about six months and I was seriously considering marrying him a month ago. He is gentle, humble, passionate, and I just know he'll be a great father. The problem is he's unemployed. He was a subcontractor in the construction industry and he loved his job, but the construction industry has just fallen apart in our town. I thought I would be able to handle this but the truth is, he doesn't really know how to do anything else and there are no jobs in sight.

We've talked about money and it's clear his parents taught him nothing. Even though he is 30 and has a really nice car and apartment, he has no savings of any kind and no health insurance (it's too expensive since he's self-employed). To make matters worse, I have a very stable job as a high school teacher. The fact that my job is not in jeopardy (yet) just makes me feel worse about everything. I'm not trying to rub it in his face, but at the same time, my parents struggled when I was growing up and I picked my job specifically so I would never have to worry about unemployment. The longer he goes without work, the more our relationship gets strained. I can handle not going out and I am fine with teaching him about money if he wants to learn, but I feel like he should be much more proactive in his job search. I don't want to throw away an otherwise great relationship over this, but at the same time, I know that a lot of couples divorce over money and I am starting to understand why. Should I cut my losses now or give him more time to pick himself up again? - Disappointed Diana

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Disappointed Diana,

I'm sorry to hear that your boyfriend lost his job - it's a very scary time right now so I understand your concerns. With that said, he won't be unemployed forever so if you can accept his situation for the time being, I agree, it's not worth throwing away an otherwise seemingly good relationship. If you stay together, yes, you'll have to make some adjustments in your life, you might even have to pick up some of the slack, but I'm sure he'd do the same for you if the roles were reversed.

If you feel that he's not making an effort to find work, either in his field or another field for now, that's another story. You can do your part to support him and teach him about money, but he's a grown adult and it's his responsibility to make his future and his career a priority. I wish you luck during these difficult times - hopefully there's a light at the end of the tunnel for you both.

Source

You Asked: Is His Distance Normal?

DearSugar — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost six months now. From the start, I was aware that he suffered from mild depression but he happily and routinely takes medication for it. In the beginning, he was perfectly affectionate. The sex was incredible and I truly felt an emotional connection with him. He told me he did, too.

We met at work; I am a nurse and he worked on site in the maintenance department. About a month in, he was laid off and has since been collecting unemployment. He has been jobless for just about three months. He actively looked for a job for about a month, but he quickly gave up. He is being choosy - in my mind far too picky - and I feel like at this point, he doesn't have the right to do so. This is weighing heavily on our relationship. He is no longer affectionate. He is cold and distant to me. He makes no effort to hold a conversation with me, or think of things to do together. I can't explain it, but his tone has changed. He never initiates sex, and sometimes he even turns it down.

I can't take this pain much longer. I cook for him, clean his apartment, am at his doorstep within a half hour of him telling me he's lonely or misses me; I've even applied for jobs for him! I feel unappreciated, lonely, hurt, and simply unloved. What should I do? - Unloved Lauren

To see DearSugar's answer read more.

Dear Unloved Lauren,

I'm sorry to hear your relationship has taken this turn, but I'm glad to hear that your boyfriend is managing his depression. It seems that losing his job really exacerbated this change in his behavior and while it's by no means an excuse to make you feel unappreciated or unloved, it is completely understandable. Being unemployed in times like these must be incredibly unsettling, so it's no wonder his personal life is suffering, too. You're right, he shouldn't be picky about the jobs that are out there, but that's a decision he's going to have to make on his own. You can't force him into a role he's not interested in just because it offers a paycheck.

Since he's clearly taking his frustration and angst out on you, try to open the lines of communication more. Without adding more pressure to his plate, let him know how you're feeling, but take an understanding tone. Ask how you can help, but make sure he knows that he can't overstep his boundaries. The building resentment that I hear in your tone will only make things worse so if things don't change, perhaps a break is in order so he can figure out what he wants in his future. Good luck to you.

Source

You Asked: I'm Getting Depressed About Being Unemployed

DearSugar — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I just finished my master's in May and I still can't find a job. I am in the education field and I live on Long Island, where jobs are hard to find. My boyfriend and I have an apartment together, and he is working a lot to keep us afloat. We have considered relocating for my sake but figured we would allow some time first. Money aside, I am having a really hard time dealing with being unemployed. I am feeling sad over the fact that my boyfriend is overworked and has to basically support me. I feel like all of the time and money I spent on my education is not paying off. I have a part-time job, I work evenings, so I spend most of the day at home and then miss my boyfriend because he has a day job. At first, I took advantage of getting myself organized and continuing my job search, but now I have a hard time getting out of bed and feel like there is no purpose to my day. I know that I am depressed. I would love to have some input on how I can get out of this slump and get on with things. - Desperate Davida

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Desperate Davida,

I'm sorry you're having a hard time finding a job. We are living in a crazy time right now, so try not to be too hard on yourself - there are a plethora of people in your exact situation. For some advice on the career front, check out this advice from my friend SavvySugar; hopefully she'll be of some help. In the meantime, I have a few suggestions myself.

While I don't blame you for feeling guilty that your boyfriend is working extra hard while you look for a job, try to keep it all in perspective. It doesn't sound like he's miserable doing it, so just be appreciative! I'm sure it makes him feel good to be able to help you, and if the roles were reversed, wouldn't you do the same for him?

Since you are working opposite schedules as your boyfriend, I recommend looking for a new part-time job during regular business hours. Not only will it give a purpose to your day and time with your boyfriend, but getting back in the routine of going to work everyday, no matter what the job is, will make the transition that much easier when you find a full-time job. Since relocating is potentially an option, why don't you give yourself a time frame? If you can't find a job in six to eight months, send your resume out in cities where you could see yourself living.

I know it's probably really disheartening to think all your hard work isn't paying off, but in time, I have faith that it will. Be patient with yourself, let your boyfriend take care of you for a while, and make sure you communicate with him. Perhaps just talking it out will relieve you of the guilt you feel. Good luck.

Source

You Asked: I'm Stuck in a Rut

DearSugar — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I seem to be stuck in a rut. I have nothing really to wake up to in the mornings. I'm jobless, my social life is a wreck, I’ve never really dated, I’ve failed at my diet, and my family is driving me crazy - I just feel trapped. I sometimes cry about it, but I still do have a fight inside myself. I just don’t know where to start to get myself going again. I don’t have anything going on socially, so I thought a job would cure that. However, no employer wants to hire someone without any skills. How do I overcome this tough obstacle?

- Down and Out Dahlia

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Down and Out Dahlia,

Sometimes it can seem impossible to see that light at the end of the tunnel during the dark periods in our lives, but I promise you, there is one. It sounds like you have the drive to pull yourself out of this, but you just need a plan. First off, no matter how it may seem for everyone else, getting a job is hard work - even if you have a lot of experience - but remember that persistence does pay off. When dropping off your resume or interviewing, check your low self-esteem at the door - employers are looking for confidence.

Outside of finding a job, I think it’s also important to start setting small goals to accomplish for yourself each day. For example, make a commitment to exercise 30 minutes a day, three times a week. Or aim to do something social once a week like going out for a coffee or heading to your local bookstore for a reading. You don’t even have to talk to anyone, but putting yourself out there is bound to make you feel more connected and far less trapped. You will get through this, Dahlia, just take it day by day and don’t give up on your job hunt. Good luck!

Source

You Asked: Can I Tell My Boyfriend to Get a Job?

DearSugar — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 years now, and it seems like everyone around us is getting engaged, married, having kids, and moving in together. I'm not in any rush to get married, but I do want us to live together. He is currently unemployed and we don't have the money to move in together. How can I get him to start looking for a new job without sounding like a nag?

--Ready To Move In Renee

To see DEAR SUGAR's answer read more

Dear Ready To Move In Renee--

I am wondering where your boyfriend is living now and how he's paying for it. As a matter of fact, how is he paying for anything? Is he living with friends or family? Is he charging all his expenses to his credit card? And how long has he been unemployed? These are great questions to answer, because they'll help you figure out how mature your man is, and if he is "living together" material.

I know you may be feeling bad that everyone around you is in relationships where they are either married, engaged or cohabitating, but even though you are ready for that next step, it doesn't sound like your man is. Living together may seem all fun and exciting, but it takes a degree of maturity and responsibility from both people to make it work.

If I were you, I'd definitely encourage him to go out and get a job - you're not being a nag, you're doing him a favor. Even if he does get one, I wouldn't move in with him just yet. He needs to prove to you that he can keep a job, have his own apartment, manage his money and pay his bills. If you move in with him before you know he can be responsible in that way, how can you be sure he can pull his weight when you're sharing an apartment together? Be patient, but don't be too patient. If you don't see him making any effort in the job search, I'd think about finding yourself the responsible and mature man you want and deserve.

Source

Should Unemployment Rates Impact Immigration Policy?

CitizenSugar — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 13:30:59 -0800

As the unemployment rate rises, so does the call for stricter immigration rules. Many Americans resent that they have lost their income while visaed foreigners bring home dollars, or even worse, while corporations illegally hire undocumented workers.

The issue showed up last week on CNN's Cafferty File. Jack asked whether a 7.6 percent unemployment rate meant it was time to change the immigration policy in America to keep jobs from going to millions of legal, and illegal, immigrants. One viewer said:

Halt all immigration until the unemployment rate is below 3 percent. Plus impose a 50 percent tax on all money sent back to home countries by noncitizens.

Columnist Thomas Friedman has a different take on it. He was wants an "open-door bailout." To see what that means, read more.

Friedman summed up the message immigrant business people want to send America:

Dear America, please remember how you got to be the wealthiest country in history. It wasn’t through protectionism, or state-owned banks or fearing free trade. No, the formula was very simple: build this really flexible, really open economy, tolerate creative destruction so dead capital is quickly redeployed to better ideas and companies, pour into it the most diverse, smart, and energetic immigrants from every corner of the world and then stir and repeat, stir and repeat, stir and repeat, stir and repeat.

Last year Bill Gates argued to Congress that allowing more foreigners to work in the US would not steal jobs away from Americans, but rather create more jobs for them. He said for each H-1B visa hire, four support employees are hired.

Do you think open immigration will help solve the economic crisis, or is it just part of the problem?

Source

Front Page: US Unemployment Jumps to New High

TresSugar — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 08:01:39 -0700

The US unemployment rate rose to 9.5 percent last month. That's the highest rate since August 1983. - New York Times
Matt Lauer took a tour of the Neverland Ranch this morning on the Today Show. - MSNBC
Meanwhile Michael Jackson's longtime UK bodyguard apparently says Michael hid drugs and a girlfriend. - Fox News
The US army has launched a new offensive against the Taliban in Afghanistan involving 4,000 US troops. - CNN
And an American soldier has been captured during this latest offensive in Afghanistan. - AP