TresSugar

You Asked: My Boyfriend's Friend Won't Leave Me Alone

DearSugar — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend has a good friend who is a very nice guy, but when he drinks, he gets very touchy feely and kind of creepy. Lately he seems to be directing more of his bad behavior towards me, which is making me very uncomfortable. One night my boyfriend, his friend, and I were at a club and I was standing off to the side. My boyfriend was still on the dance floor when his friend came up to me and put his hand just under my breasts and made a gross comment about how lucky my boyfriend is to have me. I told my boyfriend, but he brushed it off, blaming the alcohol.

But the next time we were around his friend, he started acting inappropriate towards me again. This time my boyfriend took note. He asked his friend about what happened at the club, and he claimed he didn't remember it. But the final straw came the next time we were out and he had been drinking. This time he came up to apologize for how he acted, but all he did was try to grope me again. I got away from him as quickly as possible, but now my boyfriend and I are trying to figure out how to deal with this.

We know that he is completely harmless and would never do anything, but at the same time his behavior freaks me out. Normally I would tell him off, but he's my boyfriend's very good friend, and is also friends with the rest of the group. It's just a very awkward situation that I don't want to make worse. We don't want to completely offend or embarrass him, so we're looking for some advice on how to handle this situation delicately.

- Violated Viv

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Violated Viv,

This guy is consistently violating you and making you feel uncomfortable, and you're worried about his feelings! The fact is if he were completely harmless, you wouldn't feel uncomfortable around him. Your boyfriend needs to step up to that plate on this one. He needs to tell his so-called friend, in no uncertain terms, that he is never allowed to touch you in any way, and if that means he can't hang out with you guys anymore, then so be it. And if he ever tries to grope you again, you're well within your rights to tell him off straight to his face.

It sounds to me like this guy is used to getting away with whatever he wants when he's drunk because his friends aren't willing to stand up to him, and that's just not OK. Friendships are about mutual respect, and if this guy doesn't even respect his close friend enough to stay away from his girlfriend then I don't think he's the "good guy" you and your boyfriend think he is. In fact, a little embarrassment might do him some serious good. You should never have to put up with an uncomfortable or inappropriate situation to keep the peace, so don't let anyone, boyfriend, or otherwise, convince you to.

Source

Pillow Talk: Touching Time

DearSugar — Wed, 14 Mar 2007 13:45:00 -0700

Talking sense again today, ladies, and focusing on touch. Unlike our other senses, we experience a sense of touch from head to toe, because nerve endings fill the bottom layer of our skin, called the dermis. Sensations serve to both protect us and give us pleasure. Everyone -- single, married, old or young -- needs physical contact to lead a healthy, happy life.

Click here to read more

A touch doesn't have to be sexual to create a sense of connectedness and closeness. Holding hands, giving a little pat, or stroking someone's hair: these things can reflect a sense of safety and familiarity. When babies aren't touched or held enough, they face all manner of health and developmental challenges. For all of us, touching helps boost the immune system and improves one's general mood.

Loving words feel powerful, but non-verbal communication can be more effective in certain situations. Besides, we all know that actions speak louder than words, and the practice of conscious touching -- being vulnerable that way -- can deepen intimacy and strengthen trust in a relationship.

Practice touching yourself and discovering where you're more and less sensitive. Explore your partner, asking questions to learn more about what touch feels like for him, and how it differs from place to place. After all, his nerve endings are different from your nerve endings. A little tip: our most sensitive spots -- loaded with nerve endings -- include the hands, lips, face, neck, tongue, fingertips and feet.

Source

A Do or a Don't: Staying in Touch With a Friend's Ex

DearSugar — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 15:00:00 -0700

While I’m always open and friendly, I try not to buddy up to my friends’ significant others - I don’t want to overstep any boundaries or get too involved in someone else’s relationship. But over time, especially if it’s a long-term and serious relationship, it’s inevitable for a kinship to blossom between yourself and a friend’s significant other - you spend time together, swap stories, and end up at the same events.

But when a friend tells you that the relationship is over, suddenly a person you came to know, surprisingly well, is just gone. Admittedly, I’ve felt losses after my friend’s breakups, but from personal experience I’ve learned it’s best to avoid staying friends with a friend’s ex - it can lead to drama and the sensation of being stuck in the middle. It’s too complicated for me, but what have your own relationships taught you? Is keeping in touch with their ex worth it even if it could affect your friendship?

Source

Trojan Vibrating Touch Massager

DearSugar — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 16:00:00 -0700

If your clitoris is mad, if it's tired of being ignored and treated poorly or if it's not getting enough of the right kind of attention, help is here.

Trojan has answered many women's prayers with the Trojan Vibrating Touch Massager. It's a small yet powerful massager that provides thrilling sensations and vibrations right at your fingertips.

It comes with a storage pouch, a Trojan Her Pleasure condom, and two batteries since the Trojan Vibrating Touch can be reused. Get this ladies - it lasts up to 30 minutes! Now that's $19.95 well spent!

Dear Poll: What's More Sensual? Hands or Lips?

DearSugar — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Being touched is a great thing, but the right touch can be absolutely amazing. We know that our body is covered with nerve endings and erogenous zones, which when touched, can send electric bolts of sensation right through us. So let me ask you this, when you’re getting frisky, is it more sensual to be touched by lips or by hands?

Source

Have You Ever Dated a Mama's Boy?

TresSugar — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:00:00 -0800

In a way, that's a trick question.

Although "mama's boy" has negative connotations (he was smothered or spoiled by mom), a man who was raised with love and affection by a mother with boundaries often grows up to be what the author of Raising Boys Without Men calls a "head and heart" person.

This positive version of a mama's boy, says Peggy Drexler, is in touch with his and others' emotions and knows how to communicate. (This is assuming the mother herself is connected to her emotions and is a good communicator - a big assumption.)

Have you ever dated a man who was close to his mother? Was he spoiled, expecting you to do everything dear ol' mom did? Was he smothered, one wig and a rocking chair away from being Norman Bates? Or did it help him to respect women and teach him to be connected to his feelings?

Shocking & Predictable: "Octomom" in Talks For Reality Show

CitizenSugar — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 13:01:10 -0700

Nadya Suleman isn't going away anytime soon. The mother of 14, who already has the tabloid-ready nickname "Octomom," is in talks for a reality show to be broadcast either on TV or online, according to In Touch Weekly.

While America already has Jon & Kate Plus 8 and 17 Kids and Counting, Nadya's show has a new twist: it will be about parenting and the single mom's quest for love. Seriously? She has time to date?

While there's no you-must-have-your-life-together" requirement for reality TV (in fact I think it's the exact opposite), chronicling this woman's life for entertainment purposes just sounds depressing. Still I can't think of many people who wouldn't feel better about their life situation after watching this rumored show. I guess we need that in these tough times?

I'd like to think everyone is a little Octomomed out at this point. But clearly Nadya Suleman needs the money, and the American audience seems willing to watch so she can get paid.

Turn On or Turn Off: The Touchy Feely Flirt

DearSugar — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 13:00:00 -0700

The dating world is filled with all types of men. There's the elusive, practically perfect gentleman, the drunk and disorderly jerk, and everything in between. But there's something inherently intimate about a guy who uses the familiar powers of touch to create a connection. Obviously there's a difference between a few light brushes and inappropriate groping, but I think some touching inevitably establishes a temporary closeness. While I'm personally a fan of the more subtle approach, I can see how the familiarity of a touchy-feely flirt can be seriously appealing. What do you think? Is a man who uses the powers of touch a turn on or turn off for you?

Source

A Do or a Don't: Personalizing Your Cube

DearSugar — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 08:00:00 -0700

Since we spend most of our time at work, our cube or office space essentially becomes our home away from home. I've never gone so far as to put frames on my desk, but I definitely have my fair share of unique touches that makes my desk feel homey and familiar. On the flip side, some people don't even feel comfortable sharing their personal life with their co-workers so I'd assume personalizing their cube would be out of the question. What about you? Do you set up camp in order to make your workplace more pleasant or do you think adding personal touches is a don't since mixing business with pleasure can easily become too complicated?

Source

Sex Once Every Two Weeks?

Tres Community — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 14:03:31 -0800

This post comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

Sex once a week or every two weeks - is this normal? I feel like my boyfriend has lost interest in me. I've tried to spice it up a bit, but I don't know what else to do! I talk to him, and all he says is that I take the fun out by asking and nagging him about it all the time. So I try not to say anything and then nothing ever happens, or after a week or so he just wants oral. We have some of the best sex I've ever had and I'd be fine having sex daily - I'm so attracted to him! We live together and have for about a year now. Sometimes I wonder if that takes the spice out of it. I try to not just be a roommate though and to still be the girlfriend I was before. He just isn't very affectionate either; maybe that has something to do with it. I find it difficult to try to turn on someone who I can't make out with anytime of the day or touch him without him freaking out. What is his deal?! Do I dare say anything about him going to the doctor for Viagra? He's only 26!

There's lots of fun stuff going on in our community - join it, check it out, share your posts or advice in the great groups and maybe we'll feature it here on TrèsSugar!