TresSugar

Dear Poll: Have You Ever Read a Friend's Diary?

DearSugar — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Since so many of you admitted to snooping, I thought I'd take it one step further. In this crazy world we all live in, it seems that writing in a journal is one of the only times where we can be truly one with our feelings; to write out our deepest and darkest secrets and innermost thoughts. It should go without saying that someones journal or diary is a very private, sacred possession yet so many people jump at the opportunity to turn the pages of someone else's sentiments. I understand that certain desperate situations call for that invasion of privacy, but tell me, have you ever read a friend's diary out of mere curiosity?

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Stop That Thought, Part I: Taming Unproductive Worries

DearSugar — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 10:00:00 -0700

We all worry from time to time, but worrying is often totally unproductive. We have to sweat a lot of details and dilemmas in life, but getting stressed about things when you can't actually do anything about them isn't very helpful.

For instance, worrying about your upcoming dentist appointment won't make your filling hurt any less. Similarly, when you're at work, thinking about all the things you need to do when you get home will just stress you out. If you need a little help taming your worries, why not try a technique called "thought stopping"? The method can help you dismiss unproductive worries all together and save the important ones for another time.

For a few tips on pushing unproductive thoughts out of your mind, read more.

Some worries have a purpose - say, planning a dinner party or remembering to pay your bills. But other worries, like anxiety over a dentist visit, aren't doing you any favors. So why not push them out of your mind entirely? Try these tips and see what works for you.

Count to 10. When an unproductive worry enters your head, count to 10 and tell yourself you'll stop thinking about it when you're done counting. In your mind, shout "stop!" when you hit 10.
Go somewhere else. In your mind, that is. Pick a place that makes you happy - maybe curled up in bed or somewhere on your last vacation - and imagine yourself there every time a nasty thought plagues you.
Replace the unhealthy with something healthy. Instead of dwelling on something that's only going to stress you out, replace your worry with a healthy thought. Remind yourself about something you're happy about or thankful for.

What about the things you really need to worry about? Stay tuned for my tips on saving the important worries for another time. Meanwhile, share your tips below.

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Stop That Thought, Part II: Managing Important Worries

DearSugar — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 11:00:00 -0700

If you worry too much, you're not alone. But it's important to consider what kinds of worries are plaguing you. Some worries are totally unproductive, meaning that thinking about them won't change anything, and I have some tips for banishing those from your brain. But what about things you actually need to worry about, like paying the bills, making travel plans, whatever?

For these concerns, you need to make sure you're worrying at the right time. Fretting about giving a presentation when you're stuck on the train or trying to plan a dinner party when you should be working just makes you more stressed out. You should manage those worries and compartmentalize them so they don't dominate your day. For some coping mechanisms, read more.

Make a list. Who doesn't love making a list? If you find that something is occupying your thoughts, take a moment to make a list of things you need to do later, or write a note to yourself listing the things that are on your mind. Now that you've written the worries down, put the list aside along with your thoughts.
Pick a worry time. This may sound a bit silly, but it works for many people. Pick a specific time in your day - maybe 15 minutes when you get home from work - that is reserved for worrying. You aren't allowed to worry any other time, so use those 15 minutes to sort out what's on your mind and come up with a plan of action.
Accomplish something else. If you're worrying about something you have to do later, you may not be able to take care of it right away, so occupy your mind by doing something else that will give you a sense of accomplishment. Respond to some emails, clean your desk, or get some exercise. Just accomplishing one thing will help you feel better about your worries.

Got any other tips for taming worries? Share them below!

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East vs. West: Berlin Wall Divided Two Attitudes Toward Nudity

TresSugar — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 08:00:49 -0800

When the Berlin Wall fell 20 years ago last week, East and West Germany had to integrate two very different cultures. Freedom may have spread quickly through the East, but nudity - the East's favorite and perhaps only freedom - never caught on in the West.

Freikörperkultur (FKK), or liberal body culture, was really the only way to rebel in the East, where the most quotidian details of people's lives were observed by the Stasi, East Germany's secret police. Though the East German government forbid FKK at first, many government officials were into walking around nude, so they protested with the argument that "doing FKK" did not mean you weren't a good communist. Good point - don't they put kids in school uniforms to level the playing field? What's more egalitarian than wearing nothing!

Yet on the west side of the wall, the attitude toward nudity was more on par with America and its don't-even-discuss-it-in-public ethos. A West German interviewed a former East German for Vice magazine to find out what's so great about wearing nothing. Check out some of the highlights after the jump.

How Would You Feel?

TresSugar — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 04:00:04 -0800

This post comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

I'm 20 years old and have been dating this guy for four years. Last night, I was using his computer and I saw that he searched for plus size lingerie. My feelings were instantly hurt. I felt so fat! I think that my boyfriend should not make me feel like that! He has never called me fat or anything, but just the fact that he looked at plus size lingerie says that he thinks it! If I ask him if he thinks I'm fat or anything he, of course, denies it. He says that if he thought I was ugly he wouldn't be with me. So, what now? Am I just overreacting? I am so hurt!

There's lots of great stuff going on in our community - join it, check it out, share your posts or advice in the great groups and maybe we'll feature it here on TrèsSugar!

Are Video Proposals Online Cowardly or Cute?

TresSugar — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 12:00:42 -0800

Last night Tumblr users signed on to see "Marissa Nystrom, will you marry me?" bannered across their dashboards, whether or not they followed proposer Justin Johnson's blog. The link goes to this genuinely thoughtful, romantic, and well-edited video, but I presume his girlfriend follows his blog. So the only reason I can see to link the video to the world is to consummate its place in the controversial genre of public marriage proposals.

Public proposals seem unabashedly confident at first, but only the most heartless, unafraid-to-make-a-scene askee would say no. Put it on video and not only is he not asking her in person, but he's putting pressure on her to say yes in front of the largest stage of all. And when it's online, you can't leave your audience behind.

Share Your Most Awkward Thanksgiving Moments!

TresSugar — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 08:00:46 -0800

Back in the day, one of my favorite things about Thanksgiving was the annual Friends Thanksgiving episode. Specifically, Chandler's complicated relationship with the holiday always cracked me up. You may remember that when Chandler was nine, his dad used Thanksgiving as a chance to announce that he was gay. And years after that, Monica accidentally cut off the tip of Chandler's toe on Turkey Day. In Mr. Bing's honor, I thought it would be fun if we all shared our most awkward Thanksgiving moments in the Awkward! group in the TrèsSugar Community. Share your story, and I will feature the most festively awkward posts on Très! (If you're not clear on how to post to community, check out this helpful post.)

30 Seconds of Uncensored Male Thought

GiggleSugar — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 02:00:00 -0700

It's not as painful as you think, but it's still a bumpy ride. So strap in, cuz it's hard to keep up with this sex, draft beer, mile-high club, chicken wings train-of-thought. Predictable? Yes. Can I point the finger? No. When it comes to nachos, beef jerky, pizza, fried bologna sandwich train-of-thought, I get a teensy bit obsessive too. (Thanks, eBaum's World!)

How Do I Handle This Strip Club Situation?

Tres Community — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 06:00:15 -0800

This post comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

First of all my husband and I have been married for half of a year now. He's in the Navy and just got deployed, but right before the deployment he was sent to Hawaii for one day. I dropped him off at the airport and it was so hard for me to let him go. He called from Hawaii and we talked for five minutes then he said he had to go and he would call back.

As I was checking our bank account to check on the bills I noticed he had paid to go in to some type of club. While crying my eyes out because of how much I already missed him and knowing he wasn't coming home any time soon, I waited for him to call back. When he finally did I got him to tell me the truth and it turned out to be a strip club. This was his first time going into a strip club. The problem is that I feel so offended and disrespected. I know I'm not unattractive, and I'm very open minded in our sex life. So to me it seems as if I'm not enough for him, and that he didn't care about how I feel about strip clubs. The fact that he was lusting over those girls makes me so angry and upset.

To see the rest, .

When we talked I was so mad and disappointed and couldn't stop crying. But after a while I realized that I've been told not to say anything negative or upsetting to him since he was going on deployment to a very stressful environment. I won't be able to talk to him at all while he's gone, I can only send emails but I can't confront him there either. So I had to pretend that I got over it and that I was OK, so he wouldn't feel bad and guilty. But in reality I feel so disgusted and can't take the thought of him wanting someone else. I'm alone and don't have any family here, this is our first deployment and I'm still trying to handle it. He made things so much worse for me, now I'm not just worried about his safety, but also at the thought of when he goes to a port he's going to cheat on me. I'm just hurt and feel resentment towards him, but for as long as he's out I have to pretend I'm fine and support him through the emails. I know some people might think I'm over reacting, but to me this is just like cheating.

There's lots of great stuff going on in our community - join it, check it out, share your posts or advice in the great groups and maybe we'll feature it here on TrèsSugar!

What Should Be the Word of the Decade?

TresSugar — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 08:30:31 -0800

Yesterday we revealed that the New Oxford American Dictionary chose "unfriend" as the word of the year. Many of you thought it should be something like "sexting," or "de-friend" at least.

Since we're headed toward a new decade, this story got me thinking about which lexicon newcomer would make a good word of the decade. BellaSugar suggested a Bushism like "misunderestimated," or perhaps "text" or "FAIL." Based on the high number of depressing things that happened this decade, I'd say "FAIL" makes an excellent candidate.

You all seem to have a good read on which words have "lex-appeal," so tell me what you would choose as the word of the decade.