TresSugar

You Asked: I'm Ready for Sex But I Think He's Scared

DearSugar — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been dating this guy on and off for one year now. He was in a car accident about two years ago which resulted in him losing both of his testicles. You can feel the sexual tension between the two of us ever since we met and I am ready to take things to the next level and have sex. Every time we have some alone time, he stays distant from me like he's scared of me. I can't take much more but I don't want to lose him. I feel like he knows how I feel about him, but what else should I do? How can I let him know I am okay with the fact that he lost his testicles but I can't live like this for much longer.

-Understanding But Wanting Intimacy Emma

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more

Dear Understanding But Wanting Intimacy Emma,

You are dating a man who I'm sure has a lot of uncertainties and concerns on his mind. He's probably self-conscious about what you'll think when you see that he looks different from other men. I'm sure he's also nervous about whether he'll be able to get aroused enough to have an erection, and worried about whether or not he'll be able to please you sexually.

You should know that the testicles are where sperm and testosterone are produced. Without that male hormone, he may not have any urge to have sex and may also be moody and tired. The good news is that he can have testosterone replacement therapy to help him get his sex drive back.

With that said, it may be difficult for him to get an erection or have an orgasm, but the only way you're going to know is if you talk to him. Share your feelings and try to be as sensitive as you can since this is such a difficult thing to discuss. Try to get him to explain more about his feelings and what he's going through. Being as open as possible will help you both feel more comfortable about your sex life. If he still turns down your advances to have sex, you're going to have to get a little creative with how you two share intimacy. Good luck.

Source

I'll Pass

GiggleSugar — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 08:00:00 -0700

There's a festival for everything these days.

Source

Hump Day: I Don't Like Hormonal Birth Control, So Now What?

TresSugar — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Welcome to Hump Day,TrèsSugar's sex advice column. Are you confused about sex? Do you have trouble having an orgasm? Is there something you'd like to try but you're worried it's too weird? Send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:

“I went to my OBGYN to ask about non-hormonal birth control. (The Pill basically ruined my sex drive.) She pushed the Pill and the Nuva Ring, and said that condoms have a 15 percent failure rate. I don’t like that she was pushing hormonal birth control. Is it possible for hormonal birth control to lower your desire, and if I don’t want to use it, what’s my best, and safest, bet?”

To hear Dr. Glickman's advice, read more

Unfortunately, yes, birth control pills can lower libido. There are at least a couple of reasons for that. First, the Pill inhibits the production of androgens by your ovaries, including testosterone. While ovaries don’t produce as much testosterone as testicles do, it’s still an important part of women’s sexual arousal. The Pill also seems to increase the production of sex-hormone binding globulin (SHBG). SHBG binds to testosterone, which further reduces the amount of it that you have available. On top of that, an article published in the 2006 Journal of Sexual Medicine found that some of these changes may last for quite a while after you stop taking the Pill. Some women report that the NuvaRing has similar effects, although others don’t have any change in their libidos and others actually have an increase in sex drive.

15 percent is a bit higher than many estimates for condom failure rates, but part of why it’s hard to pin down more precisely is that many of the reasons for condoms not working is user error. Here are some tips on reducing the odds of that happening. And since each brand of condom is a bit different, this page has lots of advice for finding the right one for you.

Even though condoms aren’t 100 percent effective at preventing pregnancy, they go a long way towards lowering your risk for sexually transmitted infections. But if your focus is on contraception rather than STI prevention, there are some other options. Intrauterine devices (IUDs) are a lot more effective and safer than is popularly believed. They are currently available with or without hormones, although it’s worth noting that the level of hormones that end up in your system is a lot lower than what you get from the Pill and the non-hormonal IUDs can cause heavier menstrual bleeding or cramps.

Unfortunately, most of the more effective forms of contraception either include some form of hormones or are irreversible. The only other way to avoid pregnancy is to keep sperm from coming into contact with the ovum. Obviously, condoms do that, but if you want other options, you might want to check out cervical caps which have about a 10 percent failure rate if you’ve never given birth vaginally and a 25 percent failure rate if you have. (You can reduce that with a spermicide.) You could also check out the vaginal contraceptive film, a strip of spermicide that you insert into the vagina where it melts and provides up to three hours of protection. It also turns out that withdrawal is more effective than was previously thought, with an 18 percent pregnancy rate. Since these other approaches are clearly less effective than implants, the Pill or other hormonal methods, a lot of people use more than one. Condoms plus cervical caps or condoms plus withdrawal improves your odds a lot.

I’d really like to see some other forms of birth control that don’t mess with women’s hormones; so many women report having all sorts of side effects. There are some gel products being developed that will (hopefully) be effective as both contraception and STI preventatives and at least some of them are working their way through clinical trials. So eventually, there will be something better for you but in the meantime, I hope this helps.

The How-To Lounge: Testing Your Man For Testicular Cancer

DearSugar — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 09:00:00 -0800

Just as guys help their girlfriends and wives check for breast cancer, you can help your man check for testicular cancer. You might not know this, but it's the most common cancer in American males between the ages of 15 and 40; a pretty scary stat! If it's found early though, it's highly treatable, so it's important to encourage your man to check for lumps or changes in his testicles, and you can help too. Here's how:

Find a time when your man isn't wearing underwear, but not before or after sex for two reasons: One, it's a total mood killer to think about cancer when you're trying to be intimate, and two, if your man is aroused, his testicles will be too swollen and sensitive to get a good feel.

First do a visual check. Usually one testicle hangs a little lower, which is totally normal. What you're looking for is any swelling in the skin.
Then take both hands and gently cup his testicles - check both carefully. Keep in mind that testicles are usually smooth, oval-shaped, somewhat firm, and one testicle may be be larger than the other. As you gently roll his business between your thumb and forefingers, feel for lumps, swelling, or hardness. You may feel a cord leading from the top of each testicle, but that's normal too. When you do this check-up once a month, be on the lookout for any changes.
If you think you've found something, or your man has noticed pain or aching in his groin area, he should get in to see his doctor ASAP.

Source

Are "Blue Balls" Real?

DearSugar — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 09:00:00 -0700

I'm sure many of you can relate to being persuaded into having sex because your guy claimed he'd have painful blue balls if you didn't. So is this just a lame way to try to seduce you, or are blue balls an actual issue?

Let's first talk about what they are exactly. It's a slang term for aching testicles, which occur when a guy gets aroused but doesn't have an orgasm. When he becomes sexually excited, blood rushes to his genital area and the arteries carrying blood enlarge, but the veins are more constricted. This uneven blood flow traps blood in his penis which causes him to have an erection. His testicles enlarge about 25 to 50 percent, but once a man ejaculates, his arteries and veins return to their normal size rather quickly. If he doesn't ejaculate, however, there will be a lingering, heavy or aching sensation in his testicles, known as blue balls - the name comes from the bluish tint that appears when blood engorges the vessels in his testicles.

So are blue balls harmful? To find out, read more.

Experts say the discomfort is minor and it doesn't last long, but this feeling is likely exaggerated because it's coupled with the disappointment of not being able to orgasm. You should know that in no way do blue balls cause any physical complication or harm to his business, and you shouldn't feel like it's your job to cure him. It's become a socially accepted idea that when a guy has sex, he has to orgasm, but try not to feel pressured into going all the way or pleasing him so he's sexually satisfied if you're not ready to take that next step.

Source

What's the Deal With Dry Orgasms?

DearSugar — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 08:00:00 -0800

A while ago, I answered a question about a woman who was dating a guy who lost both of his testicles in a car accident. It wasn't clear if this man could have an erection or an orgasm, but that post brought up many questions about orgasms and how it's possible to have one if you don't have any semen.

Here's the deal. Some men have what's called a dry orgasm. This means that they can have an erection, but when they climax, no semen gets ejaculated out of the penis. There can be several causes of dry orgasms:

Surgical removal or damage to the testicles, bladder, or prostate.
Radiation therapy directed at the pelvic area (such as for treatment of prostrate cancer).

Click here to read more

Another cause could be something called retrograde ejaculation. Instead of semen coming out of the penis, it gets forced into the bladder when he climaxes. Diabetes or injury to the bladder could cause this condition.

Dry orgasms usually don't present any health problems, but they could prevent a man from being able to father children. The good news is that it's possible to extract sperm from the man and use it to artificially inseminate a woman.

Source

Colorado and Florida! Your State Legislatures at Work!

CitizenSugar — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 06:00:25 -0700

The Florida Senate just passed an amendment to impose a $60 fine on Truck Nutz the oh-so-classy novelty item that adorns vehicle trailer hitches that resemble "the dangling southern end of a northbound bull." The proposal would make displaying bull genitalia reproductions on a vehicle subject to a $60 fine, moving violations and points against a driver license.

In debate, Sen. Jim King said he had a set on one of his vehicles, describing his ride as "all pimped out." He clarified the point saying they are no more than "an expression of truckliness." He's since removed his balls at his wife's request. Perhaps more to the point, Sen. Steve Geller said of the debate, "I find it shocking we'd tell people with metallic testicles on their bumpers that this is a violation. There's got to be better things for us to spend time debating."

Not to be outdone, in the surprising things you hear in state legislatures departments, to check out what went down in Colorado, read more. In the Colorado legislature, State Rep. Douglas Bruce made a somewhat indelicate comment during debate on a bill set to allow the state to help immigrant workers get temporary federal visas. The measure is intended to ease a shortage of farm workers in the state. He said,

"I would like to have the opportunity to state at the microphone why I don't think we need 5,000 more illiterate peasants in Colorado."

The comment drew gasps from his fellow lawmakers. Rep. Bruce narrowly escaped censure for his remarks, which he creatively defended using the dictionary. Oh, and this guy has been censured before, for kicking a photographer during opening prayer.

So? Which is worse? Passing a law on jalopy genitalia or calling immigrants peasants? Or that this happens in government at all?

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: Why Can't I Find A Good Guy?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean,

I am at my wit’s end - seriously. In the last ten months I’ve been dumped by three guys. The first was a long term boyfriend. The second was I guy I really liked and had been seeing for two months and he just stopped calling. (I never saw it coming!) The third, ok, I admit it, he was a hookup, we saw each other three Thursday nights in a row, he’s INCREDIBLY hot! But all he wants to do is hookup and last week when I arrived at a party, he LEFT!! My self esteem is on the floor. What am I doing wrong? Why can’t I find a good guy?

I’m pretty, I’m funny, I’m nice, I volunteer, I give money to charity, where is my true love? I try and meet nice guys, I’ve signed up for Match.com and True.com, I ask my friends to fix me up, please help!! I’m going to a speed dating event this Sunday, can you give me some pointers? - No Man’s Land

To see E. Jean's answer read more

No Man, My Muffin,

Now, now, darling. Three guys? Three guys are nothing. If it had been thirty guys, I would have been concerned, but three? Phoo. You are waaaaay too frantic - because if all you think about are guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys, you never will find love.

What to do?

Unman yourself, clear your head, and glory in yourself.

For the next seven days you will not speed date, Match Date, True Date, or eat Fig Newtons which contain dates. You will not think about men, dream about men, or feel badly because you don’t “have” a man. You will go everywhere, do everything, try everything, live your life; but you will not bat so much as a left eyelash in the direction of anything that possesses a testicle anywhere on its body.

That’s right. You are going to enter Man-Frenzy Detox. No chaps for seven days.

You will wear only Donna Karen (Vivian Westwood, Stella McCartney, Vera Wang, etc.) and leave the Calvin, Ralph, and the boys in the closet. The paintings you contemplate will be by Frankenthaler, O’Keefe, and Cassatt. You will watch only videos shot by women on YouTube, listen only to Madonna (Mariah, Miley, Rihanna etc, etc), and watch Oprah (not Phil), Katie not Charlie, Paula, not Simon. Needless to say you will not read Dickens. If you bake a cake, it will be Betty Crocker!

You need to blot the Y chromosome from your brain.

I realize it will be difficult, but seven days of a Dude-Free existence will quickly reveal how clever and centered you can be - how full of color and nuance and energy you are when your thoughts are not wrapped around men.

On the eighth day you may venture forth into the world of blokes again - stronger, smarter, more self-assured. Then you may consider speed-dating.

To see more advice from E. Jean visit Elle magazine and AskEJean.com.

Check Your Balls!

GiggleSugar — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 03:00:00 -0800

I love how ads aimed at women are so dainty and delicate. Maxi-pad commercials hint at actual menstrual blood with an artistic red dot (or blue liquid). This PSA for testicular cancer is aimed at men-or their "balls," anyway. Watch this testicle get pummeled by a hockey player and you'll see what I mean.

Thanks, Ad Freak!

Pillow Talk: Sweet Feet

DearSugar — Mon, 19 Feb 2007 14:00:00 -0800

Our physical and emotional health depend a great deal on the experience and quality of touching in our lives. Intimacy can be conveyed verbally, sexually or through many kinds of physical touching, like hugging, kissing, or holding hands. Long, lingering touch, the kind you experience during massage, takes time and attention, but it can create real feelings of connectedness and closeness.

It can be gratifying to give. A slow and thoughtful foot massage communicates a willingness to help calm, soothe and please a partner. Because it takes time and attention, it also communicates that your partner is a priority and a pleasure. It's also a way of being close that communicates an understanding that your partner works hard, has his own burdens, and deserves to be nurtured. Besides, our sensual lives too often take a backseat to our work lives, domestic lives, and our sexual lives.

Because feet are often neglected, paying special attention to them creates a sensual experience for both the mind and the body. We forget that the foot has many thousands of nerve endings and contains 28 small bones and long tendons running down from the leg muscles to the toes. If you're interested in a few quick tips for a relaxing and effective foot massage, read more.

Begin by dimming the lights and playing some calming music. Use lotion or a nice oil (rose, peppermint or lavender are nice choices). Warm the oil in your hands, then start by slowly needing his feet all over. Remember to rub his calves and ankles, too. The ankles bear the pressure of the whole body weight and helping to ease tension here tremendously relaxing for the spine, hips and shoulders.

Place the first two fingers of each hand on the inner and outer ankle bones of one of his feet. Using medium pressure, rub circles around those areas simultaneously. Pressure points on the outer ankles are connected by nerves to his testicles and the inner ankles to his prostate, so this might be erotic for him. For something more arousing, gently press your fingertips firmly into the fleshier parts around his ankle bones.

Rub the oil into the soles of each foot, using your thumbs to massage the arches and balls of the feet. Alternate with soft strokes, which reduce anxiety and promote good sleep. Don't forget the toes; spend time rubbing and rolling each one, from the largest to the smallest. Then knead his heel with your thumbs for a few minutes. Finish with giving the big toes a good squeeze; applying pressure there will create an even more relaxed state of mind. Then switch feet.

Any other tips you'd like to share with us about good massages, please feel free!