TresSugar

5 Sex Lessons From the Animal Kingdom

DearSugar — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 15:00:00 -0800

A recent study shows that deer mice are monogamous and have "superior stress tolerance and blood sugar regulation." That would make us think that for humans, a monogamous relationship would prove to offer health benefits, but what else can we learn from the animal kingdom? Here are the first five of 10 sex lessons from a recent MSNBC article and my interpretation of each one. I'll warn you, some of these are a little out there, but enjoy!

Do not turn sex into warfare: If you nag your guy and pressure him into having intimacy, it'll drive him away and you both could end up unhappy.
Avoid weaponizing your penis: If a guy pierces his business or does anything else that may make sex painful to a woman, she won't want to engage in the act with him.

To see the other lessons read more.

Try woman on top: Guys like to be on top so they can be in control of the speed and depth of intercourse. If the woman is on top though, there's a better chance sex will last longer, so she's more likely to have an orgasm. If she has an orgasm, the guy will end up feeling very proud and confident that he can please his lady. This in turn will translate to having sex more often. Win-win.
For a great afterglow, choose an orgy: I don't know about this one. Rats have been known to mate in groups and switch partners in the middle of copulation. While free love sounds fun, given today's rates of STIs, this just doesn't seem safe.
Gifts don’t always work: If you're having issues in the intimacy department, a dozen roses from the guy won't necessarily solve a sexual conflict.

To see the next five lessons, check out MSNBC's article by clicking here.

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DearSugar Needs Your Help: My Best Friend Is a Train Wreck!

DearSugar — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 09:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar and Worried Wendy need your help. Her best friend has spiraled out of control and Wendy's concerned for her future. She wants her to be happy and healthy, but doesn't know what to do in order to help her get there. Do you have any advice to offer?

Dear Sugar,

One of my absolute best friends is a major train wreck. We are the typical yin and yang: I am the nice, have-it-all-together type with a stable family, and she is the tell-it-like-itis, free spirit from a broken home. Luckily this was an amazing recipe for our friendship, and I feel extremely lucky to have such an open-minded go-to girl in my life. Unfortunately, she makes awful decisions. I have always known this but recently it's worrying me to no end. She met a guy, and within two months she was moved in and pregnant. Sometime in the following two months, she had a miscarriage, moved out, and dumped the guy - she hasn't looked back since. This was mind-blowing to me, but I was supportive the entire way through.

Due to our conflicting schedules, it's difficult for us to hang out as much as I'd like, but we never miss our daily calls to discuss life and everything going on with us. Last week, she called to tell me that she contracted an STI. To me this should be a wake-up call, but since the cure was just a quick shot and a week of no sex, she is right back in the game again. She's already slept with two guys and is seeing multiple others. This behavior is incredibly destructive. She has no structure and not a care in the world. I absolutely love her as a friend and want her to succeed in life and flourish in relationships, but she clearly doesn't want the same things. Do you think this is a typical case of her being in her mid-20s? I don't know what I can do as a friend and what my boundaries are. Is there anything I can do?

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Dear Quiz: How Well Do You Know Yeast Infections?

DearSugar — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 08:00:00 -0700

If you're a woman, chances are you've had to endure at least one horribly uncomfortable yeast infection in your lifetime. If you hadn't heard yet, there may be a yeast infection vaccine in our future which could help to prevent future infections, but until then, take this little quiz to see what you know about yeast infections, their causes, and how they relate to sex.

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Take the quiz

Funny or Not Funny: Herpex

DearSugar — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 11:00:00 -0700

This morning I found a funny faux commercial posted on Tango mocking the herpes commercial genre. The funny guys at Britanick.com are the brains behind this add promoting a made-up drug called Herpex. Since there is no cure, Herpex is "specifically created to deal with genital herpes" and even though it doesn't prevent outbreaks, it does allow you to teleport which can come in handy during those uncomfortable moments! Of course this STI isn't a laughing matter, but I have to say that I thought this parody sure was. What do you think? Does this faux commercial take it too far or are you able to see the humor in it?

DearSugar Needs Your Help: Should I Tell My Friend the Truth?

DearSugar — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and Stuck In a Hard Place Heidi need your help. Her best friend recently broke up with her boyfriend, and Heidi learned through a mutual friend that he had cheated on her while they were still together. She's beyond upset with him but doesn't know what to do. Should she tell her friend? Should she confront him? If you've ever been in a situation like this, please give her some advice!

Dear Sugar,

My best friend recently broke up with her boyfriend of two years. For almost their entire relationship, she wasn't 100 percent convinced that he was her ultimate true love, but he loved her and she just knew that he'd be a great husband and an even better father. She realized that she was only staying with him out of fear of being alone so she finally did the right thing and ended it. She's obviously upset, but handling it pretty well.

This past weekend I was at a wedding, and a mutual friend told me that her ex had cheated on her when they were still together with a girl we both know from growing up. I'm just as upset for her as if it happened to me, and I don't know what to do. This girl happens to be very promiscuous so I'm seriously worried that he could have caught an STI from her and unknowingly passed it to my friend. She's always suffered from extremely low self-esteem so if I told her he cheated, especially with this specific girl, she'd be devastated. I know that what she doesn't know won't kill her, but I just feel like I'm being dishonest. What should I do?

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Group Therapy: Herpes Hits Home

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 03:00:00 -0700

This past weekend I noticed a patch of red, itchy bumps and a sore "you know where." I found it ironic, and helpful, to see DearSugar's recent postings regarding herpes and other STIs. I am going to allow my doctor to diagnose me, but my mind can't help going to the worst scenario. Despite knowing that herpes is so common in America, and that it is manageable, I am still terrified that I might have it. The things I fear most are telling my ex-boyfriend and my family (I am still on their insurance, so it's inevitable), and rejection from men in the future. It might be a bit early to be worrying about this (my doctor's appointment is 36 hours away, and who knows how many more days I will have to wait for the results), but has anyone gone through this? How did you deal with this all?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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You Gotta Know About Gonorrhea

DearSugar — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 08:00:00 -0800

OK folks, it's time for America's favorite subject - gonorrhea. Well, maybe it's not your favorite, or even on your list of 100 favorite topics to discuss, but it's definitely something everyone should know about. Take this quiz to test what you know about this STI.

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Take the quiz

Dos and Don'ts When It Comes to STI Prevention

DearSugar — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 08:00:00 -0700

STIs are not only uncomfortable, painful, and sometimes embarrassing, but they can also lead to health complications such as infertility, cancer, or even death. With that said, here's a reminder of the ways you can protect yourself, brought to you by the MayoClinic.

Talk to your partner. It's important to feel comfortable asking your partner about his or her sexual history. If you feel nervous, you may have to question whether or not you're ready to have sex in the first place.
Get an STI screening. Some people will either lie about having an STI, or they may not even know they've contracted an infection. Either way, it's a great idea for both you and your partner to get tested before becoming sexually active - peace of mind is definitely a turn on.
Immunize. In most countries, it's mandatory to receive the vaccine for Hepatitis B, so you most likely have it already. We're also lucky enough to have Gardasil, the vaccine that guards against HPV, the STI that causes certain types of cervical cancer. If you're not in a mutually monogamous relationship, it may be a great idea to get this vaccine.

To find out how else you can protect yourself, read more.

Condoms are a must. Although using male and female condoms doesn't guarantee 100 percent protection from STIs, they definitely help dramatically. Even if you're on the pill to protect against pregnancy, you still want to use a condom if you're unsure whether your partner is STI-free.
Don't mix sex with alcohol or drugs.I don't need to tell you that using drugs or alcohol decreases your awareness and makes it more difficult for you to make responsible decisions regarding your sexual safety. It's harder to remember to use a condom, and you may not be as picky about who you end up in bed with. Not only that, but using drugs and alcohol can also make sex less pleasurable, so it's really not worth it.
Be safe in public settings. If you're at a new bar or a friend's house party, remember that you can't be too careful. It's OK to try out new social scenes, just make sure you go with a group of friends that agree to arrive and leave together. Also, don't let your drink out of your sight. Date-rape drugs are colorless and odorless, but they can impair your judgment or make you pass out. You don't want anyone taking advantage of you, so if you forget to watch your drink, throw it out and get a new one - you're better safe than sorry.

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STI Facts

DearSugar — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 10:40:24 -0700

If you are sexually active, it's a sad fact that we need to watch out for Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs).

Knowledge is prevention, so take this quiz to test your understanding of STIs.

Take the quiz

You Asked: I Think I Have an STI

DearSugar — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

A friend of mine called me tonight to tell me I needed to get checked for an STI. She and I both had unprotected sex with the same guy, and her recent pap came back irregular. She hasn't been told what it is yet, but I'm worried that I have whatever it is. I've also had sex with two other people since him, so should I tell them about this or should I wait to see what happens? I have the worst pit in my stomach and I can't get in to see my doctor until the end of next week. I'm petrified that whatever it is will be something that will make it impossible for me to have a normal life with a husband and kids in the future. Am I overreacting? Please tell me anything you can! - Panicking Penelope

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Panicking Penelope,

Before jumping to any conclusions, you need to get answers. Since you can't get an appointment until the end of next week, ask to be put on your doctor's wait list. If you feel comfortable, find out if you can see his or her nurse practitioner so you can get tested. I can only imagine what must be going through your head right now, so try to get your peace of mind as soon as you can.

In the meantime, be mindful of the fact that your friend could have contracted her STI from any one of her partners. Just because her most recent pap was irregular, it doesn't necessarily mean that she got it from the partner you have in common. While I do appreciate your desire to tell your recent sexual partners of this potential news, I'd wait until you know for sure that there's something to tell. There's no use worrying them prematurely.

Though STIs carry a negative stigma, it is possible to have a completely normal relationship and sex life with an STI (while being very careful and using protection, of course). If the results do in fact confirm that you have an STI, get all the facts from your doctor and proceed from there. It can be difficult to tell new partners - or past partners that could have been exposed - about your news, but it's critical that you do so they can take the appropriate steps to get treated if need be. It's not unusual to experience a plethora of emotions ranging from shock to sadness after contracting an STI, so I suggest talking to a therapist or trusted friend if you need a sounding board or help accepting the news. Good luck to you.

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