TresSugar

Dear Poll: Will You Be Buying New Lingerie For Valentine's Day?

DearSugar — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 13:00:00 -0800

As you know, we're giving away a $500 shopping spree at Agent Provocateur to get you ready for Valentine's Day, but if you're not lucky enough to be our big winner, I'm curious to know if you'll be buying something hot and racy for the big day regardless. Lingerie is sure to spice up the night, but some women just don't feel sexy wearing it. So ladies, what about you? Will you be buying new lingerie for Valentine's Day?

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You Asked: Do You Have Any Orgasm Tips?

DearSugar — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I'm a 47-year-old woman and I've only had sex with my first love - my husband of 31 years. The reason I'm writing is to ask if it's normal to only be able to climax in one position. I can only orgasm when I'm on top which makes me think I'm missing out on so many other fun positions. Do you have any suggestions to help bring excitement back to our sex life? - On Top Tatiana

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Dear On Top Tatiana,

The ability to orgasm is different for everyone. Some people can reach the big O through any position, some through a select few, and others have yet to experience it at all. Just because you can only climax on top (which is by no means a defeat), it doesn't mean you can't experiment and enjoy other positions before climaxing.

Practice makes perfect when it comes to finding how your body works so do some exploration - by yourself and with your husband. I'd also recommend relaxing - if you get too caught up in thinking about it, you'll psych yourself out. If you want to spice things up, perhaps introduce a sex toy into your lovemaking, or experiment with new places to get it on - sometimes a simple change of scenery can do the trick. At the end of the day, if being on top works best for you, I say just embrace it!

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Have You Ever Made a Sex Tape?

DearSugar — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 07:00:00 -0700

Thank you all for participating in Maxim magazine's sex survey so far - I'm sure their male readers have learned quite a bit about what women want and expect from them! To finish off this fun series, I have one more question for you to answer before taking the rest of their survey here.

As we all know, some couples like to experiment in the bedroom, and since your secrets are safe with us, tell me, have you ever made a sex tape?

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This or That: Caught in the Car or Stuck in the Rain?

DearSugar — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 08:00:00 -0700

In an attempt to spice things up, your boyfriend decides to take things out of the bedroom and onto the open road. But what you think is just a romantic mini road trip ends up being more than you bargained for. Parking off a one-lane, seldom-used road, you guys to try something totally new. Would it be worse if . . .

This: You decide to give sex in the car a try only to be interrupted mid-session by a tap on the window from a police officer? Apparently he happened to be passing by and wanted to make sure there wasn’t any car trouble.

Or . . .

That: In an attempt to be romantic, your boyfriend lays out blankets for you under a tree, but when it starts pouring, it turns out his keys are locked in the car? Not only do your cell phones not work, but it’s a four-mile walk to the nearest house.

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You Asked: Our Sex Life Is Missing Something

DearSugar — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I'm 27 years old, and my boyfriend and I have been together for four years. He and I are in the process of purchasing a home and moving in together with his 7-year-old son of whom he has primary custody. We have a great relationship, operate a successful business, and are building a nice family.

The problem is that for the past few months I've been feeling like something is missing sexually. We've always had a good sex life, and nothing has changed, but I think that I might be the problem. I long for the feeling you get when you hook up with someone new for the first time. I've been having dreams lately about getting together with other men, and I always wake up longing for something else. This feeling has been distracting me and leading me to dwell on the smallest little things.

When I was younger, I caved to my desires and cheated on two of my former boyfriends. However, I truly have zero desire to cheat on my current boyfriend. I love him dearly, can't imagine being with anyone else, and would never hurt him, but it's difficult to just pretend my feelings don't exist. Should I talk to him about it? Is this something that everyone goes through?

- Bored in the Bedroom Beth

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Dear Bored in the Bedroom Beth,

After a few years in a relationship and the impending move, it's completely normal to feel that desire for something new or different. While I'm happy to hear that you have no plans to cheat on your boyfriend, I don't think you should just ignore these feelings. Although I don't recommend telling your boyfriend that you're having desires to hook up with other men, I think it's perfectly OK to let him know that you need some changes in the bedroom.

Try experimenting with new positions and styles - ask your boyfriend to take you by surprise! Or try adding some spice to your usual routine; go out on the town and replicate some of that first date excitement. Even such a small change in the everyday can make what's old feel new. If you still continue to feel this way and remain sure of your feelings towards your boyfriend, try speaking with a therapist. Perhaps there's a deeper emotional issue that has lead to this pattern of desire.

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The How-To Lounge: Spicing Up the Mundane

DearSugar — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 10:00:50 -0700

One of the most common couples' complaints is not having enough time for intimacy. In response, people always offer a rather silly solution: Set aside a special “sexy” time. This may work for some people, but personally I think the idea of setting a sex schedule is mildly depressing. I think it’s far sexier to turn boring life obligations into intense foreplay. To check out some fun suggestions, read more

Exhaustion can really put a damper on a person's mood, so you have to beat it. Instead of rushing to get the dishes done and the kitchen cleaned after dinner, head on over to bed. You don’t even have to get in it to enjoy a little nooky. The dishes aren’t going anywhere, but your mood just might.
Cleaning isn’t typically fun or sexy, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be. Don’t worry: I’m not going to suggest vacuuming in the buff - though please give it a go if you’re so daring - but I do think that giving him some positive reinforcements while he’s cleaning will liven things up. Every time he bends over, give his toosh a squeeze. Or each time either of you finishes a task, give each other a swoonworthy kiss!
There’s nothing quite as frustrating as getting stuck in some killer weekend traffic. Often you can find yourself frustrated, angry, and ignoring your significant other. Use that time to engage in some serious dirty talk; he won’t see it coming from a mile away. Sure, you’re not in public per se, but it can still feel pretty exciting.
When you’re at the market, pick up something totally decadent but welcomed in the bedroom: whipped cream, berries, a luscious bar of dark chocolate, or a pint of dulce du leche ice cream. Then make use of it before, or even while, you put away the groceries.

Keeping the romance alive is all about having fun, so make every moment a good one!

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You Asked: Am I Ready for This Next Step?

DearSugar — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 06:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I can't believe I'm going to ask this but I don't have anyone else to ask and I have come to trust your opinions, so here it goes. I am a very happy married young lady and my relationship with my husband is great and so is our sex life, but for the past couple of months he's been wanting to have anal sex - something I've never done before. I must say I am really scared of having sex that way and I don't even know why ( I guess I think that it will hurt) but I also want to satisfy my husband's needs. I happen to feel that being a bit adventurous will never hurt a relationship so I guess what I want to know is is there a way that I could convince my hubby that it won't work or if you can tell me of something to use to not make it so nerve wrenching. - I'm Game Gertrude

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Dear I'm Game Gertrude,

I admire you for wanting to please your husband and keep things interesting in the bedroom, but if you aren't ready to take the plunge, you have every right to speak your mind and decline his fantasy. The thing that makes experimentation so special in a relationship is when both people are on the same page. If you don't have that level of comfort or trust, one person is bound to become either uncomfortable in the middle of the act or resentful for being pushed out of their comfort zone after the fact.

I think you should talk to your husband - let him know how badly you want to please him sexually, but you would like to try to come up with another way to do so. Your husband loves you so if you're just not ready, I'm sure he will understand. Talking out your fears might also calm your nerves about the pain, so if you decide to go through with it, make sure you feel safe, go slow, and if at any time you feel uncomfortable, be sure to tell him to stop. And last but not least Gertrude, don't forget lube! Good luck.

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How Can I Spice Things up in the Bedroom?

DearSugar — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 08:00:00 -0700

I have so many friends that have been in a relationship for over a year, who are complaining that the fire is less than blazing in the bedroom. The beginning was all fireworks and romance, and now it's such an effort to keep things going sexually.

It's totally normal for couples to hit a dry spot. The excitement of getting to know someone new wears off and while having tons of sex all the time used to seem appealing, now it's just tiring and let's be honest, who has the time? After a while, your relationship changes, and the lust and passion gets replaced with a level of comfort and unconditional love. This is a wonderful level two people can share, but that doesn't mean sex should be forgotten. Here are some ways you can keep the spark alive.

Distance definitely makes the heart grow fonder. Just because you are "together" doesn't mean you have to do everything with the other person all the time. Go on little weekend trips with your girlfriends, sign up for weekly yoga classes, or walk your dog by yourself. Doing things away from your significant other will give you both a chance to miss one another.
On the other hand, if you're having a problem connecting because your work schedules are so different, set up "Date Nights." Pick one night a week where you know it's just you two. Make dinner together, go see a show, rent a movie - whatever you choose. It's something you can both look forward to.

Want to hear the other ideas? Then read more

Make a point to go to bed early. If you both slip into bed by 9pm, no one can say "Babe - it's too late for that. At this stage in the game, scheduling your intimacy might be the only way to ensure that it happens.
Don't eat a huge meal right before bedtime. It's bad for your body and makes you feel too sluggish for fun. Try to eat a lighter dinner or finish eating at least 2 hours before you're planning on hitting the sheets.
Play the YOUR Turn - MY Turn game.
Bring something new into the bedroom - A sex toy, a book on sexual positions, erotic music, porn videos (some couples love watching them together), or massage oil. Adding a new ingredient to your regular love-making recipe may be just the thing to deepen your sexual experience.
Bring sex to a new place. Spend the night at a hotel, rent a beach house, go camping, or drive your car down a county road, even another room in your house will do the trick. A change of scenery and some time away can be relaxing and a real turn on.

Have You Ever Had an International Lover?

TresSugar — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 10:00:00 -0700

As with food, adding some international flavor to your love life can really spice things up. Results of a poll that asked women to rate the men they've slept with based on their country of origin (German men came in last and Spanish men came in first) got me curious about how many of us actually date people of different nationalities.

Now I'm looking to you readers to clue me in: have you only explored a dating pool made up of fellow citizens, or have you had an international lover? Be sure to share any juicy details in the comments!

Where Do You Stand? Getting Kinky Gifts

DearSugar — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 10:00:00 -0700

One way to spice things up in the bedroom is to bring something new and exciting into the mix. Sex toys, candles, erotic music, and edible undies are all surefire ways to turn your libido from blah, to blow-your-mind amazing! So I'm wondering how you'd feel if your partner surprised you with a kinky gift - maybe a light-up vibrator, a provocative piece of lingerie, or a steamy porn video. Would it embarrass you, shock you, or would you love it if your SO did something to add some zest to your relationship?

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