TresSugar

Are You Sentimental?

DearSugar — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 11:00:00 -0800

Being the sentimental person that I am, I'm a total saver when it comes to anything special. I collect business cards of restaurants I've been to with friends, napkins from weddings, menus from great first dates, and place cards form dinner parties I've attended. I savor love letters, old photos of my parents when they were my age, and I even have a piece of the ratty, old blanket I used to snuggle with as a child. I have my very first driver's license, my high-school report cards, and a postcard from my third-grade pen pal.

I also have things that don't fit in the scrapbook like my grandmother's engagement ring, the first hat I ever knit, shells from the beach, and a mix tape my first boyfriend ever made. All these things help to tell stories and spark old memories I want to hold onto forever.

So I was wondering if you were sentimental, too? If so, what kinds of things have you held onto?

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Say What? Nicole Kidman Knows Life's All About Relationships

TresSugar — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 08:30:03 -0800

“I think that we’re in the world to connect. Because that’s what you’re left with. You’re not left with your house or awards or money, you’re left with the people that you built relationships with.”

- Nicole Kidman tells Ladies' Home Journal that despite all her success, it's the special relationships in her life that are important to her. Right in time for Thanksgiving, this sort of sentiment reminds us to appreciate the things that really matter.

Friday Feel Good! Open Your Wine Bottle With Your Shoe!

TresSugar — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 09:00:00 -0800

It's no wonder the French make the top-10 list of countries that consume the most alcohol per capita - they appear to have a special talent for opening wine bottles, without a corkscrew, even when they're totally plastered! Well at least one Frenchman can do such a thing. To get in the happy hour spirit, let the French teach you how to open a wine bottle with your shoe. Happy Friday!

Stranger than Fiction: School Used Lap Dance Therapy

TresSugar — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 09:00:00 -0800

When you think of activities to help the emotional growth of teens with behavior troubles or special learning needs, lap dances would probably be the last thing you'd think of.

But that's exactly what the staff at Mount Bachelor Academy came up with, and they forced students to undergo lap dance therapy as a part of their "emotional growth" curriculum. The boarding school was shutdown after students accused the staff of employing this dubious therapy, and a seven-month state investigation has just confirmed the allegations.

According to the report, the school's "Lifesteps" seminars made students take on sexualized roles and perform in front of staff and students. One girl, who had been raped before going to the school, was forced to dress as a French maid and perform a lap dance. (Who thought this was a good idea?!)

Oregon's Department of Human Services says the school poses "a serious danger to child safety." Whenever I hear these horror stories about reform schools, I wonder: did anyone ever check to see if the people allowed to run them for so long needed some reform themselves?

Meet Matchmaker Amy Andersen, Part II

TresSugar — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 09:10:00 -0700

Yesterday I shared part one of my interview with Amy Andersen, a high-end matchmaker who works with 800 successful singles. Amy tries to bring together young professionals who are interested in finding like-minded, quality matches - all for a price, of course; specifically, her rate is $6,000 for eight matches. In today's installment, Amy talks about modern dating and traditional gender roles.

Is traditional dating on the way to becoming obsolete thanks to the more casual hookup?

Amy Andersen: I think the causal hookup is fine when you are in your early to mid-20s, but for anyone who has chosen a career path that is more rooted in academia and a solid professional track, they crave dating through a more traditional and old world experience.

To be honest, tons of women get sick of guys who are forgetful or, frankly, who have become terribly spoiled and too lazy to show their dates what it means to be a gentleman. My clients are absolutely relieved to hear that this network adheres to a very old world approach, one with manners and chivalry. For the men, this means opening doors, being complimentary to their dates, not expecting that they will come upstairs for a quickie at the end of the night, instead looking forward to a kiss on the cheek. For our female clients, this means allowing oneself to embrace their femininity, take a deep breath, relax, allow the man to "be the man" and the woman to "be a woman."

To find out if all of Amy's clients are into this approach, and to see what exactly Amy means by "being a woman," read more.

Are all your clients into this approach?

AA: We find that it is a common misconception that a woman who is high-powered, extremely well educated, and attractive cannot accentuate her femininity on a date or in life without undermining her business acumen and strengths. Instead both can balance one another and be complementary, not the opposite. Another great reason why it is so fabulous to be a woman!

What does it mean exactly for a man to be a man?

AA: For a man to be a man, it means taking the lead when dating. It means allowing him to be a gentleman and not "castrating" him because he is trying to be chivalrous. It means allowing him to open the doors, walk on the outside of the street, to suggest a wine he likes at dinner that he thinks his date will like, to let him feel special on the date. Men want to feel useful and that they will be a provider for their ultimate mate, so sometimes when women are so used to be overly independent, men will wonder, "Where do I fit into this picture?"

And what does it mean for a woman to be a woman?

AA: Although she might be in control in every aspect of her life, it means being gracious, ladylike, exuding her femininity, and not taking the reins on the date as she might be used to in her work life. It means talking about things other than work, it means flirting, being silly at times, and not being so serious. It means putting on a skirt or dress, wearing a little lip gloss, and being thankful for being a woman. I’m not suggesting that a woman should be submissive or not use her mind; it is quite the opposite. Our guys in Linx crave cerebral and opinionated women, but she should let her date feel that he is worthy and attractive.

What do you make of Amy's thoughts on gender roles? Stay tuned to find out what Amy has to say about her female clients and the best way to meet a guy.

Why You Should Trash the Term White Trash

TresSugar — Tue, 19 May 2009 14:00:00 -0700

Some people tire of more don'ts to add to the so-called politically correct list of things not to say. For me, I think it's important to be aware of what the language you use implies - what it means, who it might hurt, the power behind words. Political correctness (for lack of a better term) is just etiquette on a larger social scale.

Which brings me to the term "white trash." This has always bugged me, and many have weighed in on why it's an awful term.

On the most basic level, calling anyone trash is just plain cruel and dehumanizing. When you think of it from a racial perspective, there's the implication that it's such an unusual event for white people to be "trash" that there needs to be a special category. Political theorist bell hooks, in her book Black Looks, says that white trash is basically a code term meaning, "as low as black people." To hear more thoughts on the term white trash, read more.

Then there's the class discrimination involved. People considered white trash are almost always poor, or from poor backgrounds. I don't need to explain how messed up it is to trash people for being poor. That, I think, is classless.

White trash has become so casually tossed around, in spite of attempts by critics to call attention to it - even Heidi Klum and Seal had a white trash-themed wedding when they renewed their vows recently, and I bet they didn't intend it to be offensive.

Have you ever casually used the term white trash? Does it bother you when you hear it?

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Do Tell: What's Your Dream Date Night?

TresSugar — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 12:00:00 -0700

Couples who have been together for a while might find themselves penciling in a regular "date night." Eating at a favorite restaurant or heading to the nearby movie theater are usual favorites for those who try to carve out couple-time from their busy schedules.

A recent study based on brain science revealed that keeping a dating schedule might not be enough to stop a slow decline in romantic love. Couples need to do new things together. Using date night to take a cooking class, dine at a new restaurant, or see a special performance that's come to town, might be the perfect way to bring back butterflies!

Would you rather try something new, or have you found the perfect romance routine? What does your dream date night look like?

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10 Reasons Barack Obama Is the First Cool President

TresSugar — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 03:00:30 -0700

Regardless of what they think about his policies, a lot of Americans agree that President Obama might be the nation's first hip president. While some think his style is elusive and hard to define, I've narrowed down 10 things that make Barack Obama cooler than other commanders in chief.

Here's my list:

He's addicted to tech: He refused to give up his BlackBerry becoming the first emailing president.
He's not self-conscious: While he's sort of a goofy dancer, Barack sure looked cool when he came out grooving on Ellen's show.
He inspires teen slang: At one Albany, NY high school teens respond to a sneeze with "Barack you." (Barack does mean blessed.)
He's not uptight: The White House work day starts at 9 a.m. and it's not necessary to wear a jacket in the oval office.
He's married to Michelle: Nothing makes you more cool than having an inspiring partner by your side.

To see the rest, read more.

He doesn't get bitter: As Fred Armisen demonstrates on SNL, Obama can't hold a grudge. Hillary's Secretary of State! Joe Lieberman got to keep his powerful position in Congress. Barack even got friendly with rival John McCain right after the election.
He brought basketball to the White House: Not only did he promise to install a court, but he also correctly predicted that North Carolina would win the NCAA tournament.
He keeps up with the memes: Barack showed Beyonce his "Single Ladies" moves at the inauguration.
He can tell a good joke (sometimes): At his online townhall he joked that his virtual audience was probably high. But his sense of humor can flop too - like the time he made an insensitive joke involving the Special Olympics.
R&B artists just stop by his house: On Tuesday, Usher dropped in (without an invitation) to the White House to watch President Obama sign the Serve America Act.

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You Asked: Should We Invite Them to Our Wedding?

DearSugar — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 13:11:57 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My fiance and I are getting married in August, and we are torn about whether we should invite one of our friends and his wife. We have been friends with him since college (nearly a decade) and he has been a wonderful, sweet, supportive, understanding friend and husband. His wife, on the other hand, could not be less supportive or more selfish. Several months before their wedding, she told him that he had to stop talking to all of us because she found out that he had a minicrush on one of the girls in our group during our freshman year of college- long before he even met his wife. She said that we all reminded her of the "other" girl, who is happily married to someone else! She threatened to break off their engagement, so he cut all ties with us immediately. She eventually eased up, but things are definitely awkward for everyone.

We were quite surprised to receive an invitation to their wedding last year (none of our other friends did), but she did not even acknowledge our presence during the rehearsal or the big day. I would like to invite him to our wedding, and I would like him to feel comfortable bringing his wife. However, it is difficult for me to stomach the thought of someone attending our special day who has caused so much pain and heartbreak within my group of dear friends. I really want this day to be drama free, so what should we do? - Don't Need the Drama Nina

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Don't Need the Drama Nina,

This is a very tough situation, and I'm sorry to hear that this woman has caused so much heartache for your friends. Although your wedding is supposed to be about you and your husband, I do understand how political the day can be too. The decision is ultimately up to you, but have you thought about inviting them but seating them (far) away from your other friends so she doesn't have an opportunity to make them feel uncomfortable?

I know this isn't an easy decision, so perhaps you and your fiance should write out a pro and con list to weigh your options. If you have some time to make the decision, maybe having a heart to heart with this woman would be beneficial, as it's pretty clear by her behavior that she's simply just jealous of you and your friends.

I know this is the last thing you need on your plate right now, so listen to your gut and make whatever decision will cause the least amount of drama. Good luck!

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Thanks and Have Fun Running the Country: Kids' Letters to President Obama

GiggleSugar — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 15:19:42 -0800

A few days after President Barack Obama was elected as the 44th president of the United States, kids from all over the country were asked to send him letters giving him advice, making requests, and just generally being cute and hilarious. I am totally getting Thanks and Have Fun Running the Country: Kids' Letters to President Obama, and I think you should, too! Here are some particularly funny and touching excerpts:

"Dear President Obama, I want to tell you hi. Do you work with Santa Claus?" - Sergio Magana, age 5, San Francisco
"Dear President Obama, I think you should get a Labradoodle and name it Soñador (it means "dreamer" in Spanish) . . ." Lydia Sumner, age 10, Seattle
"Dear President Obama, I really hope you put America back together. No pressure though." - Sheenie Shannon Yip, age 13, Seattle
"Dear President Obama, When you are president, don't eat junk food. Junk food makes you fat. Your family shouldn't eat junk food, either, because it is not healthy. Obama, you rock." - Amy Ramirez, age 8, San Francisco

Enjoying these? Well why not read more.

"Dear President Obama, I know you want to save the earth, but people don't want to clean. . .I always dream of cleaning the world with you. . ." - Stephanie Gonzalez, age 7, Los Angeles
"Dear President Obama, You should not smoke when you are president! There are simple reasons. Because you will die by smoking, and then you will not be president! But I want you to be . . ." - David Lopez, age 7, Los Angeles
"Dear President Obama, I have a great idea for you: you should set up a special phone, a special place just for kids to call the president if they find things that are dangerous and can affect people, like someone smoking. This would be a special place for kids to talk to Barack Obama and let him know what's going on." - Dhamaril Nunez, age 9, Boston

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