TresSugar

Dear Poll: Are You Social Butterflies or Home Bodies?

DearSugar — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Isn’t it funny how once we settle into a new relationship, we end up falling into certain patterns. I suppose it’s only natural, but I still find it somewhat remarkable how easy it is to pick up a new routine and how hard it is to break out of one.

One of the most common patterns for couples to develop early on is their social routine. Some couples still paint the town red, socializing with their friends, while others feel best at home with just each other - sure, every once and a while you have to mix it up, but for the most part these categories stand. So ladies, when it comes to your usual relationships, which category do you fall in?

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Dear Poll: Are You Craving More Alone Time?

DearSugar — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 07:30:00 -0800

I don't know about you, but getting a night to myself these days is getting harder and harder. While I love attending holiday parties, I need some alone time every once in a while to recharge my battery and get my beauty sleep. Some people I know, though, look forward to having every night booked up throughout the month of December. So where do you fall in the spectrum: are you craving more alone time this holiday season or are you thoroughly enjoying being a social butterfly?

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DearSugar Needs Your Help: I'm a Punished Bridesmaid!

DearSugar — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 09:00:00 -0800

DearSugar and Being Punished Betsy need your help. She's a bridesmaid in her cousin's wedding and the bride doesn't want her to bring a date. She feels like she's being punished because she's not in a serious relationship, so what should she do since she doesn't want to go alone?

Dear Sugar,
My cousin is getting married in the Spring; she's a month older than me and we've been raised almost like sisters. I'm in the bridal party and am flying in with my parents from out of town. I want my best friend (he's gay) to be my date for the wedding, but when I asked her, she said that she "really needs me to be there for her 100 percent," even though her sister is the maid of honor and she has four other bridesmaids. We had this conversation several months ago but I didn't tell my friend that my cousin said no because he wasn't sure if he would be able to come anyway.

He just told me today that he is free that weekend and that he'd love to be my date. The more I think about it the more I feel that I should be able to bring someone. If I were to get married next year and had my cousin in my wedding, it would be understood that she could bring her husband the same way it would be understood that my friend would come if he was my boyfriend.

My parents love him so I know that if I were to be busy or preoccupied with helping her or doing something for the wedding, he'd be OK - he's a big social butterfly as it is - so I don't understand what the big deal is. I get that my cousin wants this opportunity to have the spotlight, (as she should ) but is asking to bring a date an unreasonable request? I feel as though I'm being punished for being single! I don't want to cause problems before her special day but I truly don't want to go stag. What should I do? - Being Punished Betsy

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Are You Feeling Anxious?

DearSugar — Fri, 22 Jun 2007 08:00:00 -0700

Everyone feels nervous or anxious at some point in her life. We all have experienced butterflies in our stomach right before an interview, or jitters when we're about to meet someone new or go to the doctor. It's totally normal to have worried or uneasy feelings when it comes to unknown situations like these, but what if your feelings are more severe?

For some people, feelings of anxiety are both physical and emotional. Social Anxiety Disorder (Social Phobia) is a very common form of anxiety. Meeting new people, being in a crowd, having a first date - these types of experiences can make someone with this disorder clam up completely, feel scared, sweat, tremble, get nauseous, have chest tightness, or have difficulty speaking. These feelings are so intense that someone with Social Anxiety would rather stay home than go out.

And then there are some people that may experience anxiety for no reason. This is called Panic Disorder. They could be sitting on the couch watching TV, and all of a sudden their heart starts pounding, their stomach starts turning, and they start sweating. Some people who experience these anxiety attacks will have a hard time seeing straight or they'll get a massive headache, some even think they are having a heart attack.

Social Anxiety and Panic Disorder are only two types of Anxiety Disorders. Obsessive-Compulsive, Post-Traumatic Stress, and Generalized Anxiety Disorders also involve feeling worried or nervous. Anxiety can be hereditary, so if someone in your family suffers from it, you could too.

What can you do if you are experiencing anxiety? To find out read more

Seeing a therapist helps tremendously, and there are many who specialize in anxiety. Talking about your feelings can help you recognize what your triggers may be and how to avoid them.
Many people who have anxiety also take medication (either daily or on an as-needed basis) to prevent having panic attacks.
You can also join a support group and talk to others who have anxiety. They may be able to share ways they deal with their symptoms.
Meditation or yoga might also help to calm your nerves, and reduce stress, which could be a trigger. Learning deep breathing techniques could help stop a panic attack if you feel it coming on.
Talking to your close friends and family about your anxiety can also help. That way if you start feeling nervous, or have physical symptoms, they'll understand and can be sympathetic.
Surrounding yourself with people you love and trust should also make you feel more at ease

Anxiety can make you feel out of control, or it can prevent you from doing normal day-to-day things. If these symptoms sound familiar, I would definitely talk to someone about it so you can start feeling like yourself again.

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Handle This: Your Friend Is Always Inviting Other People Along

DearSugar — Tue, 20 May 2008 14:00:00 -0700

Lately it seems like whenever you try to hang out with your friend, she adds someone else into the mix. You know she’s more of a social butterfly than you are, but it’s getting ridiculous.

Before the last time you saw her, you specifically told her that you had some personal things that you wanted to talk with her about. As you’re waiting for her at the restaurant, she texts you letting you know that she’s bringing a few more people. You don’t even want to respond, let alone sit through a meal with her, so how do you handle this?

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DearSugar Needs Your Help: Is It Possible to Love Someone Without Liking Him?

DearSugar — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 09:00:00 -0800

DearSugar and Completely Confused Constance need your help. She's been with her boyfriend for four years but her feelings are starting to change. She loves him, but she's not so sure she likes him anymore. They've been together for so long it seems like she's lost her clarity. Do you have any advice for her?

Dear Sugar,

Is it possible to love someone and no longer like them? I have been with my boyfriend for almost four years; we used to talk about marriage and children but for the past couple of months, I have been thinking that he may not be the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I no longer have butterflies in my stomach when we talk and I don't even look forward to seeing him sometimes. He is the perfect guy in every way - he's loyal, honest, generous, and family oriented; however, there are a lot of things that I never noticed about him which are beginning to make me not even like him as a person anymore. He is very anti-social, he's moody, controlling and incredibly jealous.

At first I thought I could live like this, and just spend all my time with him, but I just can't. I miss my life, I miss hanging out with my friends and going out - I'm only 22! I feel like I'm being suffocated with no room to breathe. I have talked to him about the way I feel a billion times, and he always changes for a day or so and then goes right back to his old self. How can I share my life with someone who is not willing to change? I love him, but I no longer like the person he's become. It seems like I am growing everyday and he is still the same person I met four years ago with little to no improvements. I'm so confused because I truly believe that he is my soul mate, but I just wish we had met later on in life. I don't want to sit around to wait for him to change anymore. I guess my question is can people with such different values live happily ever after?

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You Asked: Why is he so Anti-Social?

DearSugar — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--
My boyfriend has social difficulties in my opinion. When we are out, he has a hard time talking and starting conversations, and when he does talk about something (only topics he has great interest in) he always comes off arrogant- stating his opinions as facts, and he tends not to look at people in the eyes, a big pet peeve of mine. He frequently would rather watch TV in the bar than have general conversations.

I have tried to ask him to be polite and begged him to start at least one conversation in a night, but he just doesn't get it! I also asked him why he even bothers to go out if he remains quiet watching the TV all night. In my opinion, he needs to try to befriend my friends because they are getting the wrong impression of him - when it is just us, he is wonderful, outgoing and charming, but instead he makes them, and me, feel uncomfortable when we all go out. I am sick of hearing "I don't think your boyfriend likes me... why doesn't he talk", etc. Please help. --What's his Deal Debbie

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear What's his Deal Debbie--

Yikes, having a shy boyfriend can be so frustrating if you're a social butterfly, but it sounds like he is just insecure. Does he know your friends very well or have they only met a few times? Does your boyfriend act this way when he is out with his friends too?

Although it is annoying to you that he isn't much of a conversation starter, nagging him to open up could be in turn making him more insecure. Many people come off as arrogant when they feel intimidated, so maybe you should have your friends get to know him in an environment that he feels more comfortable in. Have your friends over for dinner, or go out with both your friends and his friends -- merge your groups so you both can be with the people who make you feel safe.

Unfortunately you're going to have to let your boyfriend warm up to your friends at his own pace. Since he is so great one on one with you, hopefully it won't be long until your friends see that side of him too. In the meantime, try to back off a little and give him the space and time he needs. Reiterate to your friends that he is simply shy and hopefully they can be a little more understanding the next time you are all together.

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Group Therapy: Friendless and Frustrated

Mon, 17 Dec 2007 14:00:00 -0800

I am a senior in college and I have found myself with very few friends. I was friends with a group of people for a couple of years, but realized they weren't the type of people I wanted to associate myself with. I broke away from them and have since had trouble finding new friends. I used to consider myself outgoing and somewhat of a social butterfly, but since I'm so late in the friend-finding game, I feel clueless. I am graduating in May and will probably not be staying in this area. Should I take the time and effort to make new friends for the few months that I will be here or should I just rely on my friends from home until I move and have a chance to make new friends in a different area? Also, how do I go about making new girlfriends!? I'm lost.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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