TresSugar

All About Anxiety

DearSugar — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 08:00:00 -0700

Everyone deals with stress; it’s just part of life. But when stress overwhelms your ability to function normally, it becomes something more. Anxiety disorder affects approximately 15 million people in the US, and like depression, it comes in varying degrees and with its own set of social stigmas. Anxiety disorder can begin early or late in life, but in most cases, it's closely linked to family history as well as severe stress.

To learn about the symptoms and treatments of this challenging and common disorder, read more.

Symptoms of anxiety disorders include:

Feelings of fear and panic
Obsessive thought processes and actions
Troubled sleep
Perceived shortness of breath
Heart palpitations
Nausea, dizziness, and muscle tension
Clammy hands and a dry mouth

The combination of these symptoms is often debilitating and can make even going outside a difficult feat. The treatment for an anxiety disorder can range from medication to cognitive-behavioral therapy, but is certainly manageable with the right treatment.

Dear’s Advice: If you think this sounds like you, consult a therapist or psychiatrist who specializes in anxiety to learn more. Most importantly, don't be ashamed; you're not alone, and there is help out there.

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You Asked: Why is he so Anti-Social?

DearSugar — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--
My boyfriend has social difficulties in my opinion. When we are out, he has a hard time talking and starting conversations, and when he does talk about something (only topics he has great interest in) he always comes off arrogant- stating his opinions as facts, and he tends not to look at people in the eyes, a big pet peeve of mine. He frequently would rather watch TV in the bar than have general conversations.

I have tried to ask him to be polite and begged him to start at least one conversation in a night, but he just doesn't get it! I also asked him why he even bothers to go out if he remains quiet watching the TV all night. In my opinion, he needs to try to befriend my friends because they are getting the wrong impression of him - when it is just us, he is wonderful, outgoing and charming, but instead he makes them, and me, feel uncomfortable when we all go out. I am sick of hearing "I don't think your boyfriend likes me... why doesn't he talk", etc. Please help. --What's his Deal Debbie

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear What's his Deal Debbie--

Yikes, having a shy boyfriend can be so frustrating if you're a social butterfly, but it sounds like he is just insecure. Does he know your friends very well or have they only met a few times? Does your boyfriend act this way when he is out with his friends too?

Although it is annoying to you that he isn't much of a conversation starter, nagging him to open up could be in turn making him more insecure. Many people come off as arrogant when they feel intimidated, so maybe you should have your friends get to know him in an environment that he feels more comfortable in. Have your friends over for dinner, or go out with both your friends and his friends -- merge your groups so you both can be with the people who make you feel safe.

Unfortunately you're going to have to let your boyfriend warm up to your friends at his own pace. Since he is so great one on one with you, hopefully it won't be long until your friends see that side of him too. In the meantime, try to back off a little and give him the space and time he needs. Reiterate to your friends that he is simply shy and hopefully they can be a little more understanding the next time you are all together.

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Are You Feeling Anxious?

DearSugar — Fri, 22 Jun 2007 08:00:00 -0700

Everyone feels nervous or anxious at some point in her life. We all have experienced butterflies in our stomach right before an interview, or jitters when we're about to meet someone new or go to the doctor. It's totally normal to have worried or uneasy feelings when it comes to unknown situations like these, but what if your feelings are more severe?

For some people, feelings of anxiety are both physical and emotional. Social Anxiety Disorder (Social Phobia) is a very common form of anxiety. Meeting new people, being in a crowd, having a first date - these types of experiences can make someone with this disorder clam up completely, feel scared, sweat, tremble, get nauseous, have chest tightness, or have difficulty speaking. These feelings are so intense that someone with Social Anxiety would rather stay home than go out.

And then there are some people that may experience anxiety for no reason. This is called Panic Disorder. They could be sitting on the couch watching TV, and all of a sudden their heart starts pounding, their stomach starts turning, and they start sweating. Some people who experience these anxiety attacks will have a hard time seeing straight or they'll get a massive headache, some even think they are having a heart attack.

Social Anxiety and Panic Disorder are only two types of Anxiety Disorders. Obsessive-Compulsive, Post-Traumatic Stress, and Generalized Anxiety Disorders also involve feeling worried or nervous. Anxiety can be hereditary, so if someone in your family suffers from it, you could too.

What can you do if you are experiencing anxiety? To find out read more

Seeing a therapist helps tremendously, and there are many who specialize in anxiety. Talking about your feelings can help you recognize what your triggers may be and how to avoid them.
Many people who have anxiety also take medication (either daily or on an as-needed basis) to prevent having panic attacks.
You can also join a support group and talk to others who have anxiety. They may be able to share ways they deal with their symptoms.
Meditation or yoga might also help to calm your nerves, and reduce stress, which could be a trigger. Learning deep breathing techniques could help stop a panic attack if you feel it coming on.
Talking to your close friends and family about your anxiety can also help. That way if you start feeling nervous, or have physical symptoms, they'll understand and can be sympathetic.
Surrounding yourself with people you love and trust should also make you feel more at ease

Anxiety can make you feel out of control, or it can prevent you from doing normal day-to-day things. If these symptoms sound familiar, I would definitely talk to someone about it so you can start feeling like yourself again.

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Ask Your Doctor or Pharmacist about...Tequila

GiggleSugar — Mon, 13 Nov 2006 11:00:00 -0800

Here’s a fun drinking game: tally up the number of “side effects” you can relate to in the following audio mock pharmaceutical ad for everyone’s favorite social lubricant-tequila.

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Are You a Compulsive People-Pleaser?

TresSugar — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 04:00:00 -0700

We've all done it before - offering to do a favor we later regret, or overextending ourselves when really we just need me-time. But for some people (and I imagine women outnumber men here because of social conditioning), chronic niceness can verge on the pathological and actually be hazardous to the people-pleaser's overall health.

According to Les Barbanell, psychologist and author of Removing the Mask of Kindness, there are many reasons compulsive people-pleasers turn out that way. They could have had emotionally distant, controlling or depressed parents who were also possibly overcritical perfectionists. As a result, their children grew up believing that in order to win their love, they needed to do whatever it took to please them.

If gestures of generosity to other people are not measured against what a person can reasonably give, the result is often depression, anxiety, and (not surprisingly) repressed rage. In its connection to narcissistic personality disorder, so-called "caretaker personality disorder" shows its not-so-selfless and not-so-nice face: it can often cover for the do-gooder's secret ego trip. Like people with NPD, CPDers "require excessive admiration and envy . . .have an overt sense of entitlement, and . . . are incapable of forming equal and mature relationships."

When flight attendants tell parents to put their oxygen masks on before they put them on their children, it's a hint for all of us: don't take care of others before you take care of yourself - or you may pay for it psychologically and emotionally.

The How-To Lounge: Calming Your Nerves

DearSugar — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 10:00:00 -0700

I think it's fair to say everyone has suffered from jitters and nerves before a big meeting, speaking in public or in anticipation of a social engagement. According to O Magazine, an estimated 40 million Americans suffer from anxiety disorder, so here are some tips to help you calm those nerves.

Click here to read more

The most important tip is to give into your anxiety. Pushing it away or trying to ignore it will only make it worse, so face it straight on and accept your nervousness.
Don't let your anxiety make you absent-minded about what's around you. If you are nervous about a meeting, make sure you are listening to what is being said; don't let your mind wander, or else you are bound to get more anxious if you are called on and weren't paying attention to what was said.
Don't be too hard on yourself for getting a bad case of the jitters. No one is perfect and no one expects you to be, so make sure to give yourself a break.
Ask for what you need in order to make you feel less anxious.
Take a stand and express yourself. Don't be a push over, as it will just cause more anxiety later on down the road.
Face your fear by doing a similar activity on a lesser scale. If it's socializing with strangers that makes your heart pound and your palms sweat, practice with a smaller group with someone you trust by your side. Ease your way into feeling comfortable with your fear

If you have any other good tips, please share them with us, the more the merrier!
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Beat Those Winter Blues

DearSugar — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 07:00:00 -0800

It's totally normal to be a little depressed in the Winter. It's gray, the sun sets before dinner, and the cold weather can make you never want to leave your house. For some people, Winter can cause a serious condition called SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). Symptoms can include feelings of depression, hopelessness, anxiety, social withdrawal, loss of energy, appetite changes, and oversleeping. Here are some ways to help beat the winter blues:

Purchase a sun lamp. Even artificial light can boost your spirit and inspire a sunny disposition.
Open your blinds and curtains to let what little light is outside shine in.
Have a bunch of houseplants or fresh-cut flowers in your home and workspace to remind you of Summer.
Practice yoga in a heated room. It feels great to be able to wear a tank top and sweat in the middle of Winter. Plus all the stretching will increase circulation and create endorphins to enhance your mood.
Find a way to embrace Winter. There are a bunch of different activities that involve snow so see which one appeals to you. You can ice skate, snowshoe, ski, snowboard, cross country ski or go sledding. Instead of pushing away Winter, if you can find a way to enjoy it, you'll be much happier.

Want to see what else might help? Then read more

If cold weather is your mortal enemy, you can embrace Winter by staying indoors too. Find a hobby that you love, so you won't feel sad, lonely or bored if you're stuck inside. You can knit, quilt, scrapbook, play an instrument, bake, read, write, or do something else you love.
Take a vacation and go somewhere warm. It'll give you something to look forward to and a few days in the sun will make you feel happier.
See a therapist. Talking about your feelings with a professional can be beneficial. They might also recommend going to see a psychiatrist if they think medication might be necessary.

Dear's Advice: Keep in mind that there are only a few months until Spring!

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