TresSugar

Sunday Confessional: I Slapped My Girlfriend

DearSugar — Sun, 16 Sep 2007 09:00:00 -0700

I’d been dating my ex for the past 7 ½ months. Everything was absolutely wonderful with her, I can honestly say she’s the first person I’ve ever loved in my life. When I met her, it clicked instantly and I loved every moment of it.

There was one instance in our relationship that went horridly wrong. She had stayed at my apartment that one night so I went to work in the morning and came back to meet her for lunch. When I got there, we ate, and then she wanted to have sex. I had been having a really stressful day at work, and wanted to have sex with her, but I knew I wouldn’t have really “been there” for it so I told her no. The next 10 minutes consisted of her begging for me to have sex with her, which to my mistake, I gave in.

While we were making love, I was still stressed from work and had a tough time performing because I couldn’t get my mind clear - this was the first and only time we’ve had a problem with sex. I knew it wasn’t happening and I had 10 minutes to get back to work, so I apologized and said that I'd make it up to her later. She looked me into the eyes after hearing that and uttered the words, “Are you f***ing gay?” Within an instant, I gave her a slap across the face. It took me a second and I realized what I had done and I immediately ran out of the room and started crying.

I was the guy who would never ever hit a girl. I had no idea what had happened. She wanted to end it right there and then, but I did my best to sit her down and pleaded with her that it was an accident, that I was extremely sorry and that it would never happen again.

We got back together, but things have been a little rocky. She’s left me 3 times, but we keep giving it another try. Just this past week, she told me she couldn’t trust me and that she was afraid I would hit her again. The back and forth is killing me and I don’t want this relationship to end because of something that happened 2 ½ months ago. It was the only time it ever happened, which I wish I could say never did. I love this woman dearly and I want to know if I can be forgiven.

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Berlusconi Insults Women Again - And They're Fighting Back

TresSugar — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 06:00:00 -0700

Feminism is back in vogue in Italy. Some say it lay dormant in spite of a vibrant '70s feminist movement, but thanks to raging misogynist Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, largely silent Italian women have had enough and are speaking up.

"[T]he scandals surrounding the prime minister have been like a violent slap in the face for millions of women who are just now waking up from a state of passivity," said political scientist Francesca Izzo.

A favorite tactic of the 73-year-old Berlusconi is to disparage the looks of his female political opponents. In a heated debate with 58-year-old opposition party member Rosy Bindi, he said, "You're more beautiful than you are intelligent," to which the annoyed politician shot back, "I am not a woman at your disposal." (Perhaps she was referring to his multiple girlfriends, which finally led his wife to file for a divorce.)

Many American women claim they aren't feminists, but I wonder if they'd change their tune if the president were speaking this way every day! To find out how Italian women are fighting back and to see a clip of a documentary about how women are represented on Italian television, read more

After Berlusconi's nasty comment to Rosy Bindi, pissed off women drafted a petition saying that his sexism was an insult both to women and to democracy. 11 days later, more than 100,000 women had signed it, claiming that Berlusconi participated in the "cretinization of women."

It took long enough for more women to speak up, but it's great they finally did it. Alas, Italian feminists have more than Berlusconi and his rhetoric to fight. In the following clip from filmmaker Lorella Zanardo's documentary Women's Bodies, you'll see that almost all the representations of women on Italian television depict them as sex objects.

Ask a Bad Boy: How Much Should I Spend on My Significant Other?

DearSugar — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 06:00:00 -0800

Steve Santagati, of BadBoysFinishFirst.com and author of the best-selling book The Manual, answers your burning questions when it comes to dating, love, and how men think. He's a veteran at giving street-smart, straight-to-the-point advice, so ladies, tell me, what do you want to ask Steve about men? This is your chance to get answers so don't hold back! Submit your questions here.

Since Christmas is here, Steve has some advice when it comes to holiday shopping for your significant other. Check out what he has to say below:

It's here, Christmas. After Christmas it will be his/her birthday or any number of "events" that require us to contemplate; "How much do I spend?" You don't want to seem cheap, but you don't want to make someone feel uncomfortable with your extravagance - like they will be expected to be equally generous. You want to show them you care - at least a little, but you want to be smart with your money, especially now. So here's your simple rule of thumb, broken down by economic status.

To see Steve's tips, read more

If you're broke, spend $10 for every month you've been monogamously dating, or cook them something wonderful.
If you're sort of middle of the road (they killed the middle class but you get my point) you can jack that to $15-$20 for each month you've been dating.
If you're rich, then you can spend what ever you want. However, don't go crazy with the cash because it can make someone feel really uncomfortable (you know, like you think the relationship is further along than it really is). However, if you buy him/her a car and they don't flinch, you might have a gold digger on your hands.
If you're married or have been in a long relationship, have a solid discussion on a dollar figure you can both live with.

The most important thing a person can do is to buy their lover something that shows you've been listening and shows you understand what they like. It doesn't have to be expensive. In the end, we all want to think someone adores us and is paying attention. Guys really need to get a grip on this because most are clueless as to what to get their woman. It would help if they started paying attention the day they met you because that information will prove invaluable later on.

Now, here's my personal philosophy. I don't feel pressured to buy anyone anything just because Hallmark is slapping me in the face while I'm drinking a Budweiser and trying to get through A Charlie Brown Christmas special. What I do is simple; all year long I'm open to buying something for friends or paramours, regardless of the date. If I'm in a music store and I see an album I know she'll like, I get it. If I'm getting my oil changed and I see a gift certificate, I get it for her. I try to think of things that will make someone's life easier or bring a smile to her face.

Steve will be back next Monday to offer up some New Year's Eve advice so be sure not to miss it!

Check out his Bad Girls Finish First tee shirts and, for individual attention, visit Steve at BadBoysFinishFirst.com or email him at askstevesantagati@gmail.com

DearSugar Needs Your Help: Should I Forgive Him?

DearSugar — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and At a Loss Laurie need your help. She's madly in love with her boyfriend, but one night in an intoxicated state, he slapped her across the face, and she's feeling pressure from her friends to leave him. If you have any advice for her, she could really use it.

I've been with this great guy for about 10 months, and we've started talking about marriage. I have to say that 99 percent of the 10 months has been happy, wonderful, and everything I've ever wanted, but this past weekend he turned into this monster and slapped me in public!

We were out with some friends, we drank a lot, and he was very influenced by some type of prescription drug. He blacked out and doesn't remember much, nor does he know why he reacted so outrageously because it's not in his character to do so. He saw me dancing with another guy, pulled me outside, and slapped me where some of our friends saw. I genuinely know that it wasn't him and that he was out of control due to the substances in his system, but is that just me justifying his actions? My friends are now convinced that he's a terrible person. I know they only want the best for me, so they keep telling me to be strong and leave him since people don't change and if he has that kind of anger in him now to slap me, he would do it again.

I really want to be with him, and my character is to forgive pretty easily, but I don't want him to think that what he did was OK. How can I punish him when he was under the influence? Is this fixable? He doesn't deny what he did and he takes full responsibility for his actions - he's already seen a therapist to see how he can work on saving the relationship, he's promised to no longer use prescription medication and to tone down his drinking, and I thought maybe he can take anger management classes. So I guess my ultimate question is, is it possible to get past this?

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Egyptian Groper Receives Hard Labor, Jail Sentence

LibertySugar — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 03:00:37 -0700

Sexual harassment in Egypt won't get you a slap on the wrist, but it will get you years in jail time and a sentence for hard labor. In what was most likely the first jail sentence for sexual harassment in Egypt, defendant Sharif Gomma was also ordered to pay his victim $895.

While in his car, Gomma drove slowly next to his victim, groping her as she walked on a sidewalk. The victim fought back, eventually hauling him into the police station herself. After much media attention showered on the case, the judge handed down a harsh sentence to prove that such behavior will not be tolerated in Egypt, where two-thirds of men admit to harassing women in public.

In New York City, one chronic groper, arrested 53 times, faced life in prison for his latest offense on the subway. Do you think three years in prison and physical labor for a first sexual harassment offense would count as cruel and unusual punishment in the US?

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Raccoon Won't Take "No" For an Answer

GiggleSugar — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 16:00:00 -0700

A little puddle play, anyone? Our fearless friend seems cool with the camera in his face at first, but when he starts with the creepy hand wringing, you know trouble's brewing. Either that, or a rousing game of tug-of-war. Or both. With a slap in the face to boot! Ha, ha, ha! (Didn't see that coming, did ya?)

You Asked: Is Complimenting a Woman on Her Figure Appropriate?

DearSugar — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I met a really attractive and intelligent woman at a party a few weeks ago. It was a public event at an art gallery. She was a high school teacher in her early thirties. We had been talking for a good half hour and really seemed to be hitting it off. Then, things suddenly went downhill.

I commented that she had a "nice, full, hourglass figure." I thought she would take it as a compliment but instead, she became deeply offended. She snapped, "Oh really....well perhaps I should do some plus size modeling!" and then she slapped my face and departed.

I will never forget those agonizing moments in the immediate aftermath...the sound of her high heels hitting the hard wood floor as she walked off in a huff...the murmur of the crowd...the stares of onlookers as I'm standing there alone rubbing my cheek. Needless to say, it was not my proudest moment.

She had the classic figure of a 50's pinup - large bust, narrow waist, shapely hips/legs. I guess she had interpreted "hourglass" as meaning
big/overweight/full figured. I just thought it meant shapely and well proportioned.

When I told a female friend about this she shook her head and said it was never a good idea to comment on a woman's figure, even if I thought it was complimentary. What do you think about this?

--Made a Mistake Mark

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Made a Mistake Mark-

Do not take that slap across the face lightly and take your friend's advice. As nice as you thought you were being, most women are sensitive about their bodies, and they don't want anyone else making any comments about their appearance. Woman can misinterpret what you say so it's best to steer clear of anything that could possibly be misconstrued.

Women want to be noticed for their charming personality, their funny sense of humor, and their brilliant mind. When you make a comment about our appearance, it makes us feel like sexual objects. It can be both embarrassing and degrading, especially if she is already self-conscience. Although you might have had her best interest at heart, It's kind of tacky to bring up a woman's body the first time you meet them not to mention it can give woman the wrong impression.

If you really want to compliment her on how she looks, say something sweet that you can't go wrong with like, "Your smile is really comforting," or "You smell really wonderful. It reminds me of summer," or, "That shirt really brings out the blue in your eyes." These kinds of comments is what make a women feel beautiful, strong, confident and admired. I hope this helps.

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Another Installment of Things Done Very Slowly: The Slap

GiggleSugar — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:15:00 -0700

Brainiac here has agreed to be slapped in the face for science. What are we learning? That a lot happens to your face that cannot be seen unless it's slowed down. Well, I guess this experiment is an improvement on those weekly "wine, chocolate, and coffee are good for you" - "no wait, they're bad for you" announcements I now ignore.

Thanks, College Humor!

You Asked: Can I Keep Them Both Happy?

DearSugar — Wed, 14 Mar 2007 17:00:00 -0700

DearSugar --

I recently ended an 8 year relationship with a man who was not willing to commit. Obviously, he told me he was or would be eventually, but it took 8 years for me to see it wasn't gonna happen. I have now been dating someone that I have been friends with the entire 8 years I was with my ex. Things are moving along great, especially since we know each other so well.

My problem is this: My ex and I still talk almost, if not every day. You see we have shared custody of the dogs and stay in contact mostly because of them, but also because my ex is a workaholic (big reason for breakup too) and consequently really doesn't have many friends or people to count on. It is important for me to remain friends with him and to be there sometimes when he needs someone to talk to.

My new beau is pretty patient and good about this, but obviously feels threatened at times. My question is this: How do I make my new beau feel more secure without cutting out and abandoning my ex, who is now my friend? And how do I make my ex not feel like he is getting another slap in the face, since I ended the relationship in the first place? I want to be careful with everyone's feelings here. ~ Loyal Lisa

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Loyal Lisa --

It's wonderful that your current beau is so patient and understanding, and I'm glad you're trying to think about these relationships in new and different ways. Something in your note makes me question that the dogs have much to do with the level of contact you've maintained with your ex. I hope you'll dig deep in the next few days, Lisa, and think about why you speak with your ex so often. Setting aside his needs, his job, his lack of social support: why do you choose to speak with him this regularly?

Are you over the relationship? Do you need him to need you? Do you still need to have a central role in his life? Are you afraid to attach to your new beau? The best way to honor the feelings of these two men is to really explore and understand your own feelings right now.

You didn't slap your ex in the face by splitting up with him, Loyal Lisa. He's a grown man, making choices and priorities, and dealing with the consequences of both. You can be a good friend to him by speaking once a month, if need be, and letting him learn to build a life for himself outside of work. Maybe that's also a way for you to be a good friend to yourself, after those 8 years.

And I imagine that kind of decision about contact is exactly the piece of this puzzle that will communicate to your current boyfriend where your priorities and current affections are most directed. Loving, and untangling or transforming that love, challenges the best of us, Lisa. Be honest with yourself. Be brave, and be alive to your future.

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Come Story Telling With Me!!! The Completed Story

DearSugar — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 10:00:00 -0700

I hope you all enjoyed this new feature as much as I did! Your wild imaginations made for a great story line! To read the completed tale you all helped create, read more

I was so embarrassed walking into work after the spectacle I made of myself at happy hour on Friday but I knew I had to show up. He was going to be there this time, and I didn't want to let him down. I knew if I wasn't there, she would move in...and I didn't want that to happen. I just hoped Rick wouldn't remember what I asked him. So I quickly slid into my desk and started working quietly trying to blend into the walls hoping the day would just magically go by fast without anyone asking me about what happened Friday. But how was I going to hide this black eye? My cover girl concealer only covers so much. When the office finds out bout my secret addiction and affair I'll surely lose my job!

I just KNEW that I should have stop eating eating that bag of Mini Snickers! How can I work at Weight Watchers and be addicted to candy like this?! So i jumped out the window and ate a juicy hamburger! While I was falling out of the window... I began to panic. "Oh no!" I thought, "what did I do!?" Just then, something cushioned my fall. A tall, dark, handsome something, who smelled like Axe. If he could hold me like this forever, it wouldn't be long enough. I stared up at him and it was Rick.

There was a look of surprise on Ricks face. "Where did you....did you fall out the...are you ok?" he blurted out. "I am OK...I ummm...I was leaning out too far and I um fell out." I blushed. Rick smiled. "Well since you are out here with me. do you want to grab a burger with me?" I practically screamed "Yes!" in his face. Now if only I could get him to stop wearing axe.

So went walked across the street to a busy burger stand and ordered cheeseburgers and fries. We both sat across each other in silence both sipping on our cokes unsure what to say to each other. The silence was broke when I blurted out "So about last Friday not quite a mistake, but you know how carried away I can get after a few drinks! Let's just forget anything happened!"

"I wish I could," Rick replied. "But I'm not the only one who saw. EVERY ONE saw. So even if I wanted to forget about it, I couldn't. People keep asking me about it, asking what is going on, asking what your feelings about it are. I don't know what to tell them. I just say Friday night, well, it was one of the most amazing nights I have ever had with a woman in my life, but you have to tell me the truth, is it really true the rumors in the office, of what happened after I put you in the cab???"

I didn't know what to say to Rick, it's because after we had sex in the women's restroom, you left so quickly and I stayed behind a bit so it wouldn't be so obvious. Sounds like we could have come out holding hands and it wouldn't have mattered, because we're already talk of the office. After I left that evening, I grabbed a cab, didn't have any money to pay for it, started to run away- stiffing the cabbie~- and he socked me in the eye."

Oh my god, I thought, is he really going to believe this crazy story? Crap.

"Sure I'll believe whatever you tell me but I need to know if your affair with my dad is over." As soon as he said that, a sudden pain in my chest came over me. My first thought was "how in hell did he know, did someone told him? As soon as I began to think of the words to say, Rick pulled on my arms and I landed with a thump against his chest. With a raspy voice and his arms holding me against him, he whispered into my ear, "Because I want you right now, b*tch." He gave my hair a tug and I slapped him. I'm sick of being treated as a wh*re.

With that I stomped out of the burger place leaving Rick in shock.

"This has to be the worse day EVER!" I muttered under my breath trying to think of a way to get out of work early. I dialed my boss’s cell phone number and told her my stomach was acting up from lunch and needed to go home early. Before long I was back in my car driving home with my cell phone ringing off the hook from Rick. As I drove home I passed a beautiful white church with a blue steeple and decided to go in, leaving my phone behind. I figured I need to start over and the best way to confess my sins. The church was quiet, lit with a few holy candles. I spotted a priest praying in the front row. I quietly walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder. “Father?” The elderly gentleman turned to me with a warm smile. “Yes my dear?”
“Father..” I started to blurt out. “I have been acting really horrible and I need to confess my sins.” The priest gestured for me to sit beside him. “Come sit my dear. God and I are all ears.”

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