TresSugar

Should You Avoid Lubricants That Contain Silicone?

DearSugar — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 09:00:00 -0700

I'm a huge fan of water-based lubricants since they're so easy to find (KY Jelly and Astroglide are sold at nearly every drugstore). They're also safe to use with condoms and sex toys, they are fairly inexpensive, and they wash off easily with water. I try to avoid ones that contain glycerin though, since they can be yeast infections waiting to happen.

So what about lubes that contain silicone? Is this something you should avoid? If you're curious to know then read more.

Don't throw out that bottle of Wet Platinum just yet! Although silicone seems like an ingredient you wouldn't want anywhere near your lady business, it's being used in lubes because of its safety and effectiveness. It has both good and not-so-good qualities, so check the chart below to see if it's something you'd be interested in using.

Pros

Cons

Since these lubes contain no water, they never dry up, so they'll stay slick for a long time.
Silicone is great for people with sensitive skin.
They can also be used for full body massages, and they'll leave your skin soft.
Since they won't break down in water, they can be used in the shower or bath (or even underwater or in the rain, if you're into that).

You can't use silicone-based lubricants with silicone rubber sex toys as they'll break down the material.
Cleanup is not a breeze, and it's difficult to get off your sheets or other fabrics.
It's more expensive than water- or oil-based lubes, but since you use less, the price is pretty comparable at the end of the day.
They can leave a coating on your skin that some people don't like.
Most taste bad.

Dear's Advice: Not all silicone lubricants are created equal. If you're interested in trying one out, buy the the higher quality ones such as Eros (8.45 ounces for $33.95) or Wet Platinum (4 ounces for $18).

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Lubricants: Oil, Water, and Silicone Based

DearSugar — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 09:00:00 -0800

Having sex doesn't always feel as amazing as we think it should, and that's where lubricants come in handy. A few drops on either partner will make things glide along smoothly when the woman isn't creating enough of her own natural juices. There are so many different kinds to choose from and since I've already told you about glycerin and the ingredients in many lubricants that can cause yeast infections, why don't I now tell you about the differences between ones that are oil, water, and silicone based?

Click here to read more.

	Oil Based	Water Based	Silicone Based
Types and Brands	Vaseline, mineral oil, baby oil, vegetable oil, cold creams, lotions	Astroglide, KY Jelly, Probe, Wet, Liquid Silk	Eros, Wet Platinum, ID Millennium
Should be used with what type of condom	Polyurethane	Polyurethane or Latex	Polyurethane or Latex
Use with sex toys	Can be used with any toys except those made out of latex.	Can be used with toys made out of any material.	Never use with a toy made out of silicone (it'll break down the material).
Cool Facts	It beads up when in contact with water.	Instead of applying more of this lube, you can reinvigorate it by adding a little water to you or your partner's parts.	Since it doesn't break down in water, some people like to use this kind of lube when being intimate in the bath or shower.
Cleanup	Washes off with soap and water.	Rinses off easily with water.	Washes off with soap and water.

Dear's Advice: I'd stick with a water-based lubricant. It's the cheapest to buy, easiest to find (you can get it at most pharmacies and grocery stores), it can be used with all types of condoms, and it washes off easily from skin and fabric.

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Hump Day: Why Do I Get Dry Sometimes?

TresSugar — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. Are you confused about sex? Do you have trouble having an orgasm? Is there something you'd like to try but you're worried it's too weird? Send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:

"I get really dry sometimes when my boyfriend and I are having sex. I know all about lubricants, but I'm having trouble guessing when I might need help." To read Dr. Glickman's response, read more

There are a lot of reasons why women experience fluctuations in how much they lubricate. For some, it’s just part of the menstrual cycle. Some women lubricate more at ovulation, while others say that’s when they’re driest. Lots of women also report that their vaginal lubrication changed when they got pregnant and again, some say that they became much wetter and others say that they got drier. So while we know that changes in hormones can influence it, there’s a lot of variation in how much and in what direction. It’s also worth mentioning that menopause generally reduces how much lubrication your body will produce.

Lots of medications and drugs also affect vaginal lubrication, even if it’s rarely listed on the bottle or box. For example, allergy medications are formulated to dry the mucous membranes in your sinuses, but they can do the same to the vagina. Anti-depressants, antihistamines, anxiety medications, smoking cigarettes or marijuana, and drinking alcohol can do the same. In general, if a medication or drug makes your mouth or sinuses dry, it could also reduce vaginal lubrication. Unfortunately, most doctors are unaware of these effects or they don’t feel comfortable talking to their patients about it.

I think it’s really unfortunate that we have this cultural myth that vaginal lubrication is proportional to arousal. Many women find that they can be totally turned on while being pretty dry and others might be quite wet while barely aroused. The best thing we can do is learn to separate the two things in our minds.

You say that you know about lubricants, but for the folks who don’t, here’s a little info.

There are pros and cons to the lubricants on the market, and it can take a little experimenting to find one that will work for you. You might also find that a lube that worked great for a long time isn’t working so well anymore. It’s kind of like shampoo or skin lotion - after a while, you might need to change brands as your individual chemistry changes.

Water-based lubricants can be thin and slippery, or they can be thicker gels. They rinse away really easily, making cleanup a snap, but they do dry out after a while. The glycerin-based lubes last a bit longer, but they tend to get sticky when they dry out. You can add a little water or saliva to freshen them up. While glycerin doesn’t cause yeast infections, it can make one worse if you get one for some other reason, so if you’re prone to yeast infections, avoid these lubes. The glycerin-free lubricants don’t get sticky, but they usually don’t quite last as long. They soak in like hand lotion, so adding water doesn’t work; you need to add some more.

Silicone lubricants don’t dry out (so if you spill some on the kitchen floor, be sure to wipe it up) and are hypoallergenic. They’re also waterproof, which is a plus if you want to have sex in the shower but it can make them a bit trickier to clean up and they sometimes stain sheets. They’re also hypoallergenic and have no taste or scent.

Some people like to use oils as sexual lubricants. If you want to give them a try, use something organic and vegetable-based, such as coconut or almond oils. Mineral oils like baby oil or Vaseline actually dry the skin since the body can’t absorb them or break them down. Coconut oil is solid at room temperature, so it doesn’t go rancid. Keep almond oil in the fridge. And never use oils with latex condoms, diaphragms or cervical caps. Oils will make them dissolve: a condom will break in about 30 seconds if it comes into contact with oil.

A few tips for using lubricants. First, keep the bottle near the bed. You’ll want to be able to grab it when you need it. Second, pump bottles make it a lot easier to add more without fumbling to get the bottle open. Third, if you accidentally get too much lube out of the bottle, don’t put the extra back in. You don’t want to contaminate the bottle with anything that might be on your hand. And lastly, many lube makers offer single-use packets or small bottles. While they cost more per ounce than larger bottles, you can stick them in a pocket or purse pretty easily, not to mention your carry-on bag.

So I think that the best thing for you to do is to keep lube handy and use it when you need it. It takes about 5 seconds to apply and it’ll make sex a lot more fun. And don’t stress about whether it means anything that you sometimes need a little extra slipperiness.

Don't forget to send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman will offer his sound advice!

Hump Day: I'm Curious but Nervous About Back Door Action

TresSugar — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 07:00:00 -0700

Today's Question:

“I’m curious about having anal sex with my boyfriend, but I’ve had unpleasant experiences in the past. Any tips?” To hear what Dr. Glickman has to say, read more

I’ve noticed an increase in questions about anal play over the last few years, and while I think it’s great that more people are discovering new ways to experience pleasure, anal play isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. Many people don’t enjoy it at all and unfortunately, some guys have a tendency to pressure their partners into doing it. Quite a few women report that their boyfriends have seen so much anal in porn that they’re convinced that every woman wants it. But sex in porn is like a car chase in an action movie. There’s a lot that happens behind the scenes that you don’t see in order to create the illusion that shows up on the screen; in the case of anal sex - lots of lube and warming up.

For some women, anal play (note: not just anal sex) heightens their orgasms. First, the anus is very sensitive and packed with nerve endings. Second, its muscles are connected to the rest of the pelvic muscles and contract along with the vagina during orgasm. Third, there are people who enjoy the experience of doing something naughty or taboo.

So now that we have that taken care of, there are three ingredients to hot anal play: relaxation, lubrication, and communication. Let’s take them one at a time.

Relaxation: the anus is made up of two rings of muscles and they’re under both voluntary and involuntary control. With practice, you can learn to increase how much control you have over your ability to relax. And ironically, if you’re nervous about anal play hurting or not being fun, it can make the anus get tighter, which makes it more likely to be unpleasant.

The best way to get started is to go slowly and start small. Try a little external pleasure with a finger or a slim vibrator. If you’re concerned about keeping things clean, slip on a glove. Experiment with tightening the anus and bearing down - you’ll be able to feel it contract and relax.

If you want to try penetration, go slowly and use lots of lube (either water-based or silicone-based, which doesn't dry out as easily but is harder to clean off). You’ll probably enjoy it more if you’re also doing something that you enjoy such as using a vibrator. Lots of women report that anal play on its own isn’t nearly as much fun as when it’s an add-on.

Communication: the anus is a delicate part of the body and it’s easy to get too rough with it. It’s super-important to be able to tell your partner when things are uncomfortable, if you need more lube, or if you want to try something else. For that matter, it’s important to be able to say something if you’re not enjoying it, or if you’re experiencing any pain. And if your partner is pressuring you to do something that you don’t want to do, that’s a big red flag!

Important safety tips: any toys that you use for anal play need to be smooth, have a base, and ideally made of easy-to-clean silicone. Since the anus is so much more delicate than the vagina, it’s easy for toys with bumps and ridges to cause discomfort. (If you have a porous rubber toy or you’re not sure if it's made of silicone, cover it with a condom.) And NEVER put anything that has been used anally inside the vagina - that’s a great way to give yourself an unpleasant infection. Lastly, if your toy doesn’t have a base, there’s a chance that it could go all the way in and not come back out. That can mean a trip to the emergency room.

If you’re looking for more info, here are some great places to start. For books, I'd recommend Anal Pleasure & Health and The Ultimate Guide To Anal Sex For Women. For DVDs, Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Anal Sex and Anal Massage For Lovers are great.

I hope that helps! Email the folks at TrèsSugar if you have more sex questions. I’d love to hear from you.

Hump Day: Is My Cold Sore Contagious?

TresSugar — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 06:00:00 -0700

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column! Are you confused about sex? Do you have trouble having an orgasm? Is there something you'd like to try but you're worried it's too weird? Send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:

“I know that cold sores are the same virus as herpes. Is it a bad idea to go down on my boy when I have one? Is it transmissible that way?” To hear what Dr. Glickman has to say, read more.

Dr. Glickman's Answer:

YES!!!

There are two types of herpes virus: HSV-1 and HSV-2. Oral herpes is usually HSV-1 and it’s estimated that 80 percent of the population has been exposed to it. Genital herpes is usually HSV-2 and it’s estimated that 25 percent of women and 12 percent of men have it. However, genital herpes can be caused by either version of the virus, so going down on someone when you have a cold sore (another name for a herpes outbreak) can spread it. To make things a bit more complicated, only about 1/3 of the people who have genital herpes are aware of it - either they’ve never had an outbreak or the outbreak was very mild. (See herpes.com for more info.)

Part of what makes herpes tricky is that it can be transmitted even when you don’t have a visible outbreak. The virus lives in your nervous system and every so often, it’ll come to the surface. It’s especially likely to happen when you’re sick or have been stressed for a while. There’s evidence that the virus starts shedding from the skin (and is therefore potentially contagious) before any visible symptoms. It’s a low risk, but it’s a possibility. To make matters worse, if the site of the shedding isn’t covered by a condom, it can be spread even when you’re practicing safer sex.

While herpes can be uncomfortable, it doesn’t represent nearly as much risk as other sexually transmissible infections (STIs) such as chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, human papilloma virus (HPV), or HIV. Having said that, there’s evidence that HSV-2 makes HIV transmission more likely. See this article for more information about how that works.

It’s also worth mentioning that I’ve seen a lot of people get really upset about STIs when they don’t get nearly as upset about any other health issue. I’ve also seen a lot of people who have all sorts of judgment about STIs but think nothing of going to work and sharing their flu germs (or worse)! STIs can be unpleasant, annoying, or life-threatening, but they don’t mean anything about the person who has them any more than chicken pox or measles do. Negative attitudes about STIs are a holdover from before we invented antibiotics and when diseases such as syphilis were seen as the wages of sin. But now we know that they’re just germs and we don’t need to shame people for having them. (Not that I’m saying that you’re doing that, but I wanted to mention it.)

The best thing that we can all do is to get tested for STIs regularly, even if you’ve never had a symptom. Lots of people have STIs and don’t know it. Check your local Planned Parenthood or other agency for information, although I recommend going with anonymous testing in order to ensure your privacy.

And safer sex is always a good choice. It’s easy to do, with a little practice. Using a lubricant can make safer sex more enjoyable since latex tends to have a bit more friction than skin. Try a silicone-based brand if you’re prone to yeast infections. Water-based brands are a bit easier to clean up since they rinse away.

If you or your partner don’t like the way condoms feel, try a different brand. The Japanese-process condoms such as Maxx and Skinless Skin are more sheer than other types. Or you could give Skyn a whirl. It’s made from polyisoprene, rather than latex, so it’s very sheer and both people will get more sensation.

Given that you have oral herpes, you might want to talk with your boyfriend about using condoms for oral sex. If you go that route, change the condom before having intercourse. That will make sure that you don’t spread the herpes virus to your vulva or vagina. It’ll also reduce the risk of your condom breaking; teeth can cause small abrasions that weaken the condom.

For an excellent, sex-positive read on safer sex, check out The Hot Guide to Safer Sex . It’s full of helpful advice and great tips.

Hump Day: I Want to Orgasm Without a Vibrator!

TresSugar — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's new sex advice column! Are you confused about sex? Do you have trouble having an orgasm? Is there something you'd like to try but you're worried it's too weird? Send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:

“I'm 22 and have masturbated basically as long as I can remember. It wasn't until getting a vibrator about a year ago that I finally had an orgasm, but I have yet to have an orgasm with my boyfriend without using my vibrator. We've tried missionary, doggy-style, cowgirl, him going down on me - nothing but the vibrator gets me off. I would love to have an orgasm with my boyfriend without the electrical help. Any advice?“ To hear what Dr. Glickman has to say, read more.

Hi,

This is a really common situation - it happens much more often than most people realize. It turns out that some women need to learn how to have an orgasm. Not just in the sense of figuring out what feels good to them, but also in the sense of having their bodies learn how to do it. Fortunately, since you’ve had orgasms with a vibrator, we can probably set aside the different medical reasons that can get in the way.

Most women report that they need some sort of clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm, so it’s not a surprise to me that trying different positions hasn’t done the trick. In fact, some women find that the reason that a particular position works for them is that they get clitoral stimulation from their partner’s torso, not because they get deeper penetration. Although you’ve tried lots of different positions, you might find that small things make a big difference - how you position your legs, for example, can have a big effect on how things feel. I can’t say for sure what will work for you since everyone’s a bit different, but one thing you can try is making small adjustments and seeing what that does.

It’s not clear from your question - have you tried using the vibrator while having sex with your boyfriend? For many women, that can be a way to take something that works and connect it with something different. I’ve heard from quite a few women that combining the two for a while eventually made it easier for them to have orgasms without the toy.

You could also try using your vibrator with your boyfriend for a while before shifting to intercourse. The more turned on you get before changing things up, the more likely it is that intercourse will put you over the top. Another option would be for you or your boyfriend to pleasure your clitoris by hand during intercourse. A little bit of lubricant can help with that - I like the silicone-based lubes because they don’t dry out and they’re safe to use with condoms. And if you don’t have an orgasm during intercourse, feel free to grab that vibrator afterwards and enjoy yourself. You can always give it another try next time.

Having said all that, it sounds like you (or you and your boyfriend) might be putting a lot of pressure on the idea of orgasms without a vibrator. Ironically, the more you stress over whether you’ll have an orgasm, the less likely it can be. It’s the female version of performance anxiety creating the very situation you’re trying to keep from happening, just as performance anxiety can lead to erection difficulties for a lot of guys. And in both cases, one of the best ways to respond is to not worry about it. I know that can sound like the line about “don’t think of a pink rhinoceros” but it’s often true that if you can enjoy what you’re doing without getting stuck in the “will it happen this time” loop, you’ll have a lot more fun.

One of the best ways to do that is to do whatever the two of you enjoy without stressing about using a vibrator. If a vibe is what you need at this point in your life to have an orgasm, go for it! It’s really, really likely that you won’t always need it - sexual response changes a lot and you will probably find that in the not-too-distant future, what works for you will be quite different. I’ve spoken with a lot of women who have found that they needed the intensity of a vibrator when they were younger and that when they got a bit older, things were very different. That’s one of the best things about sex: we get to keep trying new things. It’s kind of like food. Your favorite foods will probably also change over time, so you get to try new cuisines. The only thing that’s important is whether you’re enjoying whatever works for you right now.

If you want to do a little reading, there are some books I can highly recommend. I Love Female Orgasm is a fun read that covers pretty much everything - masturbation, partner sex, safer sex, toys, anatomy, and more. There are also lots of useful tips for women in your situation. Orgasms is an excellent guide for folks who want to figure out how to have an orgasm or how to have them more consistently. It’s a great read for partners, too. And Becoming Orgasmic is one of the best on the topic. It’s a bit more text heavy than the first two, but there’s an incredible amount of information there.

So the upshot of all of this is that the more you can relax and enjoy yourself without worrying about whether it’ll happen or not, the more fun you’ll have. And don’t stress about whether there’s something wrong with you - you’re not alone and lots of women have found that practice does, indeed, make perfect. Usually when you least expect it.

Have fun!

Does Soap Make Good Lubrication?

DearSugar — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 11:00:00 -0800

Sex in the shower or bath is definitely safe, but it's not exactly the most comfortable way to get it on, especially for a woman. The water washes away any natural lubrication she might have, so you'll have to use a lube in a tube.

What about soap, you might ask? Sure it's easy to use, clean, inexpensive, and it happens to be right there, but is it a good idea to lather up your parts before sex? If you've ever tried this, I'm sure you know that answer is no. Soap can seem innocent and gentle enough, but when rubbed on your sensitive membranes, it can cause painful irritation, burning, and redness. Sex plus soap equals ouch.

To find out what to use instead, read more

Oil-based lubricants are a good choice since they don't wash off easily in water, but if you're using a latex condom, oil-based lubes are out of the question. You can try using a water-based lube if you maneuver your bodies so water isn't gushing down on your parts, but silicone-based lubricants are the best choice for water play, since they don't break down in water and you can use them with all types of condoms. Just so you know, silicone-based lubes are usually more expensive, but if you can't live without lovemaking sessions in the shower, it will be well worth the money!

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Tip No. 5 For Avoiding a Holiday Sex Slump

DearSugar — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 06:00:00 -0800

Patty Brisben is back with one more tip, which will wrap up our series on how to prevent a sex slump this holiday season - I hope her pointers helped keep the fire burning in your relationship! Check out her last bit of advice on this subject below:

If you live in a cold climate, take a hot shower or bath at night with your partner to warm up and de-stress from the day. A silicone-based lubricant like Pure Pleasure has the long-lasting quality which makes it the perfect lubricant for water play!

Tune in Monday for a new series with Patty on how to bring the romance back after the holidays are behind us!

To learn more about Patty, click here and to visit PureRomance.com, click here. To see her previous tips, click here!

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Personal Lubricant in Mousse Form

DearSugar — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 09:00:00 -0700

If you're taking hormonal birth control, allergy medication, or just have a difficult time getting aroused, you're probably not creating enough natural lubricant down there, in which case bottled lube could be your new best friend! Some contain silicone, some are water-based, and some are oil-based, but they all have one thing in common - they're liquid or gels, which means they can be drippy, messy, and difficult to apply.

If you can relate, then you may be interested in this new form of personal lubricant that makes so much more sense. Replens Intimate Options comes in mousse form ($9.70) - brilliant, right? You can squeeze a little in your hand or directly on the money spot, and it stays put right where you need it. It has a silky texture that's not sticky, and it can be purchased with either no scent or a subtle hint of vanilla. Intimate Options does contain glycerin, which some women may be sensitive to (it can lead to yeast infections) but if you don't fall into that category, you just might want to add this to your nightstand drawer!

Glycerin in Lubricants May Cause Yeast Infections

DearSugar — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 11:00:00 -0800

Finding a personal lubricant that you like is a tough quest, since there are so many different kinds to choose from. There are silicone-based lubes, water-based ones, and many contain glycerin to make them even more slippery.

But is glycerin a bad thing? Well it depends on whether or not you are prone to yeast infections. You see, glycerin is a sugary liquid, and since yeast feeds on sugar, you can see why these two would make a bad combination. Look for a glycerin-free lubricant if your lady business is sensitive to this kind of thing.

Check some options below.

Astroglide Glycerin & Paraben Free	Sliquid H2O Intimate Lubricant
Maximus Personal Lubricant	Slippery Stuff Gel
Liquid Silk	WET Naturals Silky Supreme Personal Lubricant

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