TresSugar

Group Therapy: Is He Shy or Not Interested?

Tres Community — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 04:00:39 PST

This question comes from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I'm aware this might be a waste of my time and energy, but sometimes people seem worth it. I have a guy friend who I have some major feelings for. We haven't been friends a huge long time . . . we were online friends for a few years and over the last six or seven months have gotten closer, as I've moved within an hour or so of him and we can hang out now.

He's a sweetheart and we hit it off a lot of the time, but he's also really quiet and sort of lives in a bubble. As in, he goes to work, comes home, plays video games and maybe hangs out with a couple guys he's been friends with for ages. He's rather completely oblivious to girls and me included. I just don't get it. He doesn't look at girls (though he's not gay) . . . just sort of asexual.

I don't know what I can do to get his attention. I tried once to ask if he was interested and he had a bad reaction - he sort of ran away and then later told me he liked hanging out with me. Clearly he's not comfortable with me being direct about this stuff. I took it as him letting me know he wasn't interested but after speaking to some mutual friends, he didn't actually say anything to me.

I accept that he might not like me, but there's a chance, because of the way he is that he could and is afraid or not confident enough to react to me. Like I said, he's worth my energy just because I like him that much. Is there some tactic I can use to make him stop being so indifferent? Lol someone suggested blatent sexuality, but that'd be hard for me. I could probably start flirting with him again, which I stopped doing a while ago. Help???

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

What Makes Someone Introverted?

TresSugar — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 11:15:07 PDT

Introversion is not a choice. According to a new study the brains of people with "sensory perception sensitivity" (SPS) process the world differently and pay more attention to detail.

While general uneasiness in social situations might make you identify as a shy person, a person with SPS has more specific behavior characteristics. They take longer to make decisions, need more time to themselves, and become bored with small talk. A sensitive person also observes longer before acting and is easily startled, bothered by crowds, and more affected by caffeine. A kid with the SPS trait needs little punishment, cries easily, and asks unusual questions (don't all kids do that?).

The study concluded that about 20 percent of people have this personality trait that makes them more sensitive to social and emotional stimuli. And it's present in animals too. Do you identify with any of these traits?

Source: Flickr User rohtrs

Where Do You Stand? Receiving Compliments

DearSugar — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 10:00:00 PST

The other day a friend of mine complimented me, telling me that I looked good in the shade of pink I was wearing, and she caught me so off guard that I actually blushed! I've never considered myself shy, but I have to admit, receiving that accolade out of left field made me slightly uncomfortable. I know that a lot of people share my sentiment, so tell me where you stand on receiving compliments. Do they make you feel uncomfortable or do you easily accept praise?

Source

Dear Poll: Do You Like to Stand Out in a Crowd?

DearSugar — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 16:00:00 PDT

I’m an observer by nature, but that's not to say I suddenly become shy in a group setting. In fact, I'm happy to be the leader of the pack now and then. Even so, the idea of having all eyes on me does send a shiver down my spine and get my heart racing. But some people are at their best when they can stand out in a crowd. Does that sound like you?

Source

You Asked: I'm Too Shy

DearSugar — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 17:00:00 PDT

Dear Sugar,

I'm a very shy girl who can't seem to strike up a conversation with anyone I don't already feel comfortable with. All of my friends are outgoing and carefree, and I cant even get a date to save my life! I've convinced myself that there is no one of the opposite sex that would possibly be interested in me, which in turn fuels my feelings of loneliness. I've tried to put myself out there but I don't know what else to do when I seriously lack confidence. How can I approach males without feeling like a complete idiot?

- Low Confidence Lila

To see DearSugar's answer,

read more. Dear Low Confidence Lila, I think you already know the answer to your question; it's time to get your confidence up and learn to like yourself, shyness and all! First things first, being shy is not the same as having low self-esteem, so learn to embrace your shy side. It's part of who you are and that's OK. But you can't just be a wallflower and expect the world to come to you. That's where the confidence comes in handy. Figure out how you want to be defined outside of "shy." Maybe you're a stellar baker or maybe you're more of the private artistic type, but whatever you are, embrace it. If you start thinking of your unique characteristics as positive attributes, you may be surprised to find how quickly you start to feel better about yourself - confidence really is all about your state of mind, even if you have to fake it at first. Once you've got your head in the right place, try boosting your confidence through various solo activities. Do something you'd never thought you could, like eat out alone or join a running group. After all this, approaching a guy (or getting a guy to talk to you) will be no problem! Sure, it's going to take time, but just be patient because the rewards are worth it. Source

Dear Poll: Are You Shy or Outgoing?

DearSugar — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 11:00:00 PDT

While we may love a shy guy, being shy ourselves can pose many difficulties out in the world. You easily get pegged as stuck-up or can just end up completely overlooked. Being outgoing, on the other hand, typically avoids both those stereotypes and lends itself to meeting new people. But even so, I still think there’s something to be said for a woman who chooses to sit back and just observe. Neither is better or worse, but which are you?

Source

The How-To Lounge: Being Confident When You Don't Feel It

DearSugar — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 10:00:00 PST

We've all felt nervous or shy in situations that we'd give anything to be confident in - first dates, job interviews, meeting your significant other's parents, and the list goes on. Unfortunately, the nerves we're feeling inside can end up on display for everyone else to see in the way we hold ourselves, make eye contact, speak, and smile. Fortunately, there are certain ways you can give the illusion of confidence even when all you feel like doing is hiding in the corner. To learn things you can do to fake a little confidence,

It's been said before, but I'll say it again, maintain eye contact. Don't look at your toes or behind the person's head - you'll only seem scared or disinterested.
While not applicable in a more serious or somber setting, you can usually get a lot out of smiling often and laughing easily. A little lightheartedness will make you seem comfortable.
Speak up! I don't mean speak louder; I mean just talk. Answer questions in full sentences, not just with a word or two. Come up with your own questions too. You may think it's better to keep quiet than to say something silly, but most people assume wallflowers think they're better than everyone else, where as most people won't notice if you say the wrong thing.
Keep your chin up, literally, and stand up straight. Not only is it good for your posture, but also it immediately makes your entire stature look more striking, and having a presence will give you the appearance of having more confidence.

The best part of all these tips is that once you start following them you'll definitely start to feel more confident! Source

DearSugar Needs Your Help: I'm Too Shy to Talk to the Guy I Like

DearSugar — Sat, 15 Sep 2007 09:00:00 PDT

Dear Sugar and Scared Samantha need your help. Can you give her some tips on how to overcome her shyness?

I have this problem where I become really awkward around people I want to get to know. There is this guy I work with that I really like and when I see him in the hall, I literally hide behind doors or whatever I happen to be holding. I cannot get myself to talk to him in person.

I really want to overcome this fear, but if I even think about walking over to talk to him, my face turns bright red, I get all hot and sweaty, and my mind goes blank. I'm just so afraid of making a fool of myself.

Do you have any tips for someone who is really awkward and shy about talking to the guy she likes?

Source

Dear Poll: Do you Compliment Back?

DearSugar — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 13:00:00 PDT

It's always nice to hear a compliment from someone, especially a stranger! Some people are good with receiving them whereas others get uneasy and shy when hearing other people say positive things about them. I'm not sure if it's a nervous habit, but I notice that some people automatically give a complement in return when they are given one. Do you do that? If someone says, "I really like your shirt", do you say, "I like yours too?!" or do you simply say "thank you!"? So what I want to know is, do you always compliment back?

Source

You Asked: I am Afraid to Speak at my Best Friend's Wedding!

DearSugar — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 06:00:00 PDT

Dear Sugar--
I am the maid of honor in my best friend's wedding this Summer and am already having extreme anxiety about my toast. I have known the bride and her entire family most of my life, but am not at all comfortable with public speaking. While I know it isn't mandatory for the maid of honor to speak at the wedding, I really want to toast my best friend and her husband. Can you give me any tips or advice on what to say and how to calm my nerves? --Speechless Sophie

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

read more Dear Speechless Sophie-- Public speaking can be extremely nerve wracking, so I understand why you are already feeling the pressure. You are right; it isn't mandatory for you to speak, so I applaud you for putting your fears aside so you can say a few words to the bride and groom. While it is customary for the maid of honor to speak at the wedding, if you feel more comfortable talking in a smaller, more intimate setting, ask the bride how she would feel about you making your speech at the rehearsal dinner instead. If standing up in front of all the guests is making you extra weary, perhaps you could collaborate with another bridesmaid and toast the couple together. Another option is to ask the best man to stand next to you while you speak for moral support. There are no rules when it comes to speeches, so don't feel like you have to wow the crowd. Keep it short, sweet, and show your personality. If you feel more comfortable reading a pre-written speech, be sure to make eye contact and have most of your speech memorized. No matter when or how you choose to deliver your speech, the most important thing to remember is to speak from the heart. Since there will no doubt be a lot of toasting going on, perhaps a little champagne will help take the edge off, but be sure not to have too much to drink! Good luck. Source