TresSugar

Where Do You Stand? Receiving Compliments

DearSugar — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 10:00:00 -0800

The other day a friend of mine complimented me, telling me that I looked good in the shade of pink I was wearing, and she caught me so off guard that I actually blushed! I've never considered myself shy, but I have to admit, receiving that accolade out of left field made me slightly uncomfortable. I know that a lot of people share my sentiment, so tell me where you stand on receiving compliments. Do they make you feel uncomfortable or do you easily accept praise?

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Dear Poll: Do You Like to Stand Out in a Crowd?

DearSugar — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 16:00:00 -0700

I’m an observer by nature, but that's not to say I suddenly become shy in a group setting. In fact, I'm happy to be the leader of the pack now and then. Even so, the idea of having all eyes on me does send a shiver down my spine and get my heart racing. But some people are at their best when they can stand out in a crowd. Does that sound like you?

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You Asked: I'm Too Shy

DearSugar — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I'm a very shy girl who can't seem to strike up a conversation with anyone I don't already feel comfortable with. All of my friends are outgoing and carefree, and I cant even get a date to save my life! I've convinced myself that there is no one of the opposite sex that would possibly be interested in me, which in turn fuels my feelings of loneliness. I've tried to put myself out there but I don't know what else to do when I seriously lack confidence. How can I approach males without feeling like a complete idiot?

- Low Confidence Lila

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Low Confidence Lila,

I think you already know the answer to your question; it's time to get your confidence up and learn to like yourself, shyness and all! First things first, being shy is not the same as having low self-esteem, so learn to embrace your shy side. It's part of who you are and that's OK. But you can't just be a wallflower and expect the world to come to you. That's where the confidence comes in handy. Figure out how you want to be defined outside of "shy." Maybe you're a stellar baker or maybe you're more of the private artistic type, but whatever you are, embrace it.

If you start thinking of your unique characteristics as positive attributes, you may be surprised to find how quickly you start to feel better about yourself - confidence really is all about your state of mind, even if you have to fake it at first. Once you've got your head in the right place, try boosting your confidence through various solo activities. Do something you'd never thought you could, like eat out alone or join a running group. After all this, approaching a guy (or getting a guy to talk to you) will be no problem! Sure, it's going to take time, but just be patient because the rewards are worth it.

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Dear Poll: Are You Shy or Outgoing?

DearSugar — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 11:00:00 -0700

While we may love a shy guy, being shy ourselves can pose many difficulties out in the world. You easily get pegged as stuck-up or can just end up completely overlooked. Being outgoing, on the other hand, typically avoids both those stereotypes and lends itself to meeting new people. But even so, I still think there’s something to be said for a woman who chooses to sit back and just observe. Neither is better or worse, but which are you?

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Group Therapy: When Does a Guy Give Up?

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 14:00:00 -0700

I'm a really a shy person, and I've been made fun of a lot in the past, so I'm kinda paranoid when guys are nice to me. I always think it's a joke, and that they're out to make fun of me. I freeze around guys I like because I don't want to say anything stupid, so even if they're flirting I'm too scared to flirt back. I've tried to work on this by striking up random conversations, but that hasn't always worked - I must be giving off the wrong impressions. Recently I was complimented by a guy I like, but instead of responding I just didn't know what to say. Now I don't know how to approach him again. At what point will a guy give up on chasing a shy girl? How can I muster up more courage before he's moved on?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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The How-To Lounge: Being Confident When You Don't Feel It

DearSugar — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 10:00:00 -0800

We've all felt nervous or shy in situations that we'd give anything to be confident in - first dates, job interviews, meeting your significant other's parents, and the list goes on. Unfortunately, the nerves we're feeling inside can end up on display for everyone else to see in the way we hold ourselves, make eye contact, speak, and smile. Fortunately, there are certain ways you can give the illusion of confidence even when all you feel like doing is hiding in the corner. To learn things you can do to fake a little confidence, read more

It's been said before, but I'll say it again, maintain eye contact. Don't look at your toes or behind the person's head - you'll only seem scared or disinterested.
While not applicable in a more serious or somber setting, you can usually get a lot out of smiling often and laughing easily. A little lightheartedness will make you seem comfortable.
Speak up! I don't mean speak louder; I mean just talk. Answer questions in full sentences, not just with a word or two. Come up with your own questions too. You may think it's better to keep quiet than to say something silly, but most people assume wallflowers think they're better than everyone else, where as most people won't notice if you say the wrong thing.
Keep your chin up, literally, and stand up straight. Not only is it good for your posture, but also it immediately makes your entire stature look more striking, and having a presence will give you the appearance of having more confidence.

The best part of all these tips is that once you start following them you'll definitely start to feel more confident!

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Group Therapy: I'm Socially Awkward, Help!

Sat, 20 Oct 2007 10:00:00 -0700

I've always been very socially uncomfortable in larger groups. In 3 or less I am delightful, witty, hilarious, and warm. But as soon as it gets much more than 3 people I clam up. I smile and try to keep my face friendly, but I'm so stiff, and can never think of anything to say. Often at parties I'll just end up sitting in a quiet corner pleasantly watching people chatter. As the night wears on I may even pick up a random book I find at the party or sketch on a napkin. The terrible part is when I do find someone to talk to, invariably people start gravitating towards the laughter until I'm outnumbered again and edge out.

This social awkwardness has also made it very hard to meet new people and, in turn, make new friends. I've just moved to San Francisco and I don't know anyone, and I'm not sure how adults make friends, especially in a city where everyone's iPodded or on their cellphones. Does anyone else have this problem? What can I do about it? I'm sick of being on the outside looking in!

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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DearSugar Needs Your Help: I'm Too Shy to Talk to the Guy I Like

DearSugar — Sat, 15 Sep 2007 09:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar and Scared Samantha need your help. Can you give her some tips on how to overcome her shyness?

I have this problem where I become really awkward around people I want to get to know. There is this guy I work with that I really like and when I see him in the hall, I literally hide behind doors or whatever I happen to be holding. I cannot get myself to talk to him in person.

I really want to overcome this fear, but if I even think about walking over to talk to him, my face turns bright red, I get all hot and sweaty, and my mind goes blank. I'm just so afraid of making a fool of myself.

Do you have any tips for someone who is really awkward and shy about talking to the guy she likes?

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Dear Poll: Do you Compliment Back?

DearSugar — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 13:00:00 -0700

It's always nice to hear a compliment from someone, especially a stranger! Some people are good with receiving them whereas others get uneasy and shy when hearing other people say positive things about them. I'm not sure if it's a nervous habit, but I notice that some people automatically give a complement in return when they are given one. Do you do that? If someone says, "I really like your shirt", do you say, "I like yours too?!" or do you simply say "thank you!"? So what I want to know is, do you always compliment back?

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You Asked: I am Afraid to Speak at my Best Friend's Wedding!

DearSugar — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--
I am the maid of honor in my best friend's wedding this Summer and am already having extreme anxiety about my toast. I have known the bride and her entire family most of my life, but am not at all comfortable with public speaking. While I know it isn't mandatory for the maid of honor to speak at the wedding, I really want to toast my best friend and her husband. Can you give me any tips or advice on what to say and how to calm my nerves? --Speechless Sophie

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Speechless Sophie--

Public speaking can be extremely nerve wracking, so I understand why you are already feeling the pressure. You are right; it isn't mandatory for you to speak, so I applaud you for putting your fears aside so you can say a few words to the bride and groom.

While it is customary for the maid of honor to speak at the wedding, if you feel more comfortable talking in a smaller, more intimate setting, ask the bride how she would feel about you making your speech at the rehearsal dinner instead. If standing up in front of all the guests is making you extra weary, perhaps you could collaborate with another bridesmaid and toast the couple together. Another option is to ask the best man to stand next to you while you speak for moral support.

There are no rules when it comes to speeches, so don't feel like you have to wow the crowd. Keep it short, sweet, and show your personality. If you feel more comfortable reading a pre-written speech, be sure to make eye contact and have most of your speech memorized. No matter when or how you choose to deliver your speech, the most important thing to remember is to speak from the heart. Since there will no doubt be a lot of toasting going on, perhaps a little champagne will help take the edge off, but be sure not to have too much to drink! Good luck.

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