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Dear Quiz: What Did You Learn About the Sexual Response Cycle?

DearSugar — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Earlier this week I told you all about the sexual response cycle or what happens to our bodies before, during, and after an orgasm. Take this brief quiz to see if you learned anything!

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Sexual Response Cycle: What Happens Before, During, and After Your Orgasm

DearSugar — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 11:00:00 -0700

When I first learned what happens physiologically when we’re turned on, my initial response was, “oh, so that’s what’s going on.” If you’ve never learned the details of your body’s sexual-response cycle than I think you might have the same reaction I did. If you have, it’s never bad to get a reminder on just how incredible our bods are! To learn the basics about all four stages, read more.

Excitement: This phase is what you could consider as the foreplay portion. This is when muscle tension starts to build, blood rushes to your genitals and breasts, lubrication kicks into gear, and of course, your resting heart rate increases.
Plateau: Ever feel like you just get stuck right before an orgasm? You’re probably trapped in the plateau phase, which occurs immediately preceding the big "O." This phase is marked by escalation of the traits in the excitement phase as well as muscle spasms. At this point the clitoris becomes highly sensitive, and in some cases, painful to the touch.
Orgasm: Although fairly self-explanatory, during an orgasm your heart rate increases, accompanied by rapid breathing. Your body experiences many involuntary muscle contractions, specifically in the vagina and uterus.
Resolution: The final phase is simply your body returning to its normal resting state. And it’s usually a time of good feelings and fatigue. Many women can easily return to the orgasm phase at this point, thus experiencing multiple orgasms.

Both men and women go through these same four stages, though obviously, men are marked by a series of different reactions specific to the male body. It’s most important to note that the time that each of these phases occur will vary for men and women. Being able to understand where your partner is versus where you are in the cycle can truly enhance your sexual experiences.

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Hump Day: Why Do I Get Dry Sometimes?

TresSugar — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. Are you confused about sex? Do you have trouble having an orgasm? Is there something you'd like to try but you're worried it's too weird? Send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:

"I get really dry sometimes when my boyfriend and I are having sex. I know all about lubricants, but I'm having trouble guessing when I might need help." To read Dr. Glickman's response, read more

There are a lot of reasons why women experience fluctuations in how much they lubricate. For some, it’s just part of the menstrual cycle. Some women lubricate more at ovulation, while others say that’s when they’re driest. Lots of women also report that their vaginal lubrication changed when they got pregnant and again, some say that they became much wetter and others say that they got drier. So while we know that changes in hormones can influence it, there’s a lot of variation in how much and in what direction. It’s also worth mentioning that menopause generally reduces how much lubrication your body will produce.

Lots of medications and drugs also affect vaginal lubrication, even if it’s rarely listed on the bottle or box. For example, allergy medications are formulated to dry the mucous membranes in your sinuses, but they can do the same to the vagina. Anti-depressants, antihistamines, anxiety medications, smoking cigarettes or marijuana, and drinking alcohol can do the same. In general, if a medication or drug makes your mouth or sinuses dry, it could also reduce vaginal lubrication. Unfortunately, most doctors are unaware of these effects or they don’t feel comfortable talking to their patients about it.

I think it’s really unfortunate that we have this cultural myth that vaginal lubrication is proportional to arousal. Many women find that they can be totally turned on while being pretty dry and others might be quite wet while barely aroused. The best thing we can do is learn to separate the two things in our minds.

You say that you know about lubricants, but for the folks who don’t, here’s a little info.

There are pros and cons to the lubricants on the market, and it can take a little experimenting to find one that will work for you. You might also find that a lube that worked great for a long time isn’t working so well anymore. It’s kind of like shampoo or skin lotion - after a while, you might need to change brands as your individual chemistry changes.

Water-based lubricants can be thin and slippery, or they can be thicker gels. They rinse away really easily, making cleanup a snap, but they do dry out after a while. The glycerin-based lubes last a bit longer, but they tend to get sticky when they dry out. You can add a little water or saliva to freshen them up. While glycerin doesn’t cause yeast infections, it can make one worse if you get one for some other reason, so if you’re prone to yeast infections, avoid these lubes. The glycerin-free lubricants don’t get sticky, but they usually don’t quite last as long. They soak in like hand lotion, so adding water doesn’t work; you need to add some more.

Silicone lubricants don’t dry out (so if you spill some on the kitchen floor, be sure to wipe it up) and are hypoallergenic. They’re also waterproof, which is a plus if you want to have sex in the shower but it can make them a bit trickier to clean up and they sometimes stain sheets. They’re also hypoallergenic and have no taste or scent.

Some people like to use oils as sexual lubricants. If you want to give them a try, use something organic and vegetable-based, such as coconut or almond oils. Mineral oils like baby oil or Vaseline actually dry the skin since the body can’t absorb them or break them down. Coconut oil is solid at room temperature, so it doesn’t go rancid. Keep almond oil in the fridge. And never use oils with latex condoms, diaphragms or cervical caps. Oils will make them dissolve: a condom will break in about 30 seconds if it comes into contact with oil.

A few tips for using lubricants. First, keep the bottle near the bed. You’ll want to be able to grab it when you need it. Second, pump bottles make it a lot easier to add more without fumbling to get the bottle open. Third, if you accidentally get too much lube out of the bottle, don’t put the extra back in. You don’t want to contaminate the bottle with anything that might be on your hand. And lastly, many lube makers offer single-use packets or small bottles. While they cost more per ounce than larger bottles, you can stick them in a pocket or purse pretty easily, not to mention your carry-on bag.

So I think that the best thing for you to do is to keep lube handy and use it when you need it. It takes about 5 seconds to apply and it’ll make sex a lot more fun. And don’t stress about whether it means anything that you sometimes need a little extra slipperiness.

Don't forget to send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman will offer his sound advice!

What's the Right Birth Control For You? Part Three

DearSugar — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 08:00:00 -0700

Birth control can be really annoying, but if you're sexually active, it's necessary if you want to prevent yourself from becoming pregnant or contracting an STI. I've talked about some common forms of birth control and some less common forms, but there are still more options.

Want to see them? Then read more.

Method	Pros	Cons
The Shot	Once you get the shot, it'll prevent you from getting pregnant for three months, and it's 99.7 percent effective.	It's a shot so if you hate needles, this method isn't for you. Plus you have to go to your doctor's office to get it, and some women complain of irregular bleeding and weight gain. Also, if you're thinking about becoming pregnant, after your last injection, it can take six to 12 months to become fertile again. It also doesn't protect you against STIs.
Implanon	Once inserted, it'll prevent pregnancy for up to three years, and is 99 percent effective. Some women love it and experience no side effects.	It has to be surgically implanted by a doctor, and some women complain of irritation, burning, pain, or oozing where the implant was inserted or removed. Since it is a type of hormonal birth control, for all three years you could experience irregular bleeding, mood swings, depression, weight gain, acne, sore breasts, stomach pain, swelling in your ankles and feet, headaches, or nausea. It may be difficult to remove because thick scar tissue can form around the implant. To top it all off, this method doesn't protect you against STIs.
FAM (Fertility Awareness Method)	This is a great method if you are very aware of your cycle, and have the time to chart your daily morning temperature, the position of your cervix, and the feel of your cervical fluid, so you can figure out the exact day that you ovulate. This method helps a woman feel more in control, and if she knows what days she's most fertile, she can avoid unprotected sex.	This method can be really challenging, especially if you have irregular cycles. It takes a lot of effort, responsibility, and awareness of your body, and if you have a very short cycle (less than 26 days) there aren't many days where you're not fertile, so you'll end up needing another form of birth control like condoms.
Pull and Pray (not very effective but since people do use this method, I had to include it)	It's free, and if you're in a monogamous relationship and would be happy to be a mom then this method is great for you since many women have gotten pregnant this way.	Since pre-ejaculate can contain sperm, even if the man pulls out before he orgasms, some sperm can still be inside you, therefore you can easily become pregnant. This method won't protect you against STIs. Also, if your man has a hard time controlling his orgasms, he may end up ejaculating inside you before he gets a chance to pull out.

I hope you all found this information to be helpful. I know it may seem a bit monotonous but you can never be too informed!