TresSugar

Sunday Confessional: They Have Different Bedrooms

TresSugar — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 06:00:00 -0700

We're scouring the juicy (but anonymous!) secrets posted on Truu Confessions and letting you weigh in. This week a confessor thinks she's figured out what's wrong with her sex life.

I'm considering moving back into our bedroom. It's been nine years. (I couldn't stand his snoring when I was pregnant). Maybe that's what's wrong with our sex life?

Do you think this is a big deal?

Dear Poll: Sleeping in Separate Beds

DearSugar — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 16:00:00 -0700

All relationships are different and things that work for some couples don't for others. Sleeping in separate beds is one of those things. Growing up, I never realized that my grandparents having separate bedrooms was out of the norm, but as an adult, I realize that they clearly just weren't compatible bedmates. Maybe one of them snored or hogged the bed. Whatever the reason, it worked for them; they were married for over 50 years!

I personally think one of the best parts about a relationship is sleeping together. You have an instant bed warmer, someone to cuddle with throughout the night, and someone to wake up next to in the mornings. That's just me, so what about you? Would you ever consider sleeping in separate beds from your significant other?

Source

How To: Breaking The News About Your Divorce

DearSugar — Wed, 22 Nov 2006 10:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar
My husband and I have been married for ten years but the past year and a half have been very rocky and we have decided to separate. We plan to live in separate bedrooms in the same house until things are more legally defined. Neither one of us is willing to move out and leave our children.

This process will take about six months due to the separation laws in my state. I don’t want to send a mass e-mail or broadcast the latest new about my relationship, but there are people who need to know what is going on. How can I tactfully tell people my husband and I have separated? Maiden Melodie

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Maiden Melodie
I am sorry to hear about your break up. Deciding when and how to tell your loved ones about your separation is a very personal decision and there is no right or wrong way but I do think it's OK to let those close to you know what is going on. Having the support from your friends and family is very important during this transition period...especially during the holidays.

Since you are not yet divorced, it is up to you how much information you wish to share. Try and remember that although you are upset now, you never know if the separation could lead to a reconciliation. I agree that broadcasting your private life around town is not necessary although I think telling those who you trust and love is again, a good idea.

First decide if you will you be breaking the news with your husband or alone. I think if it's possible to tell your children together, that would be best and easiest for them. As for friends, perhaps practice what you are going to say and prepare yourself for questions. Try meeting for coffee or going for a walk. I am sure those who love you will support any decision you make.

You Asked: Is Our Marriage Over?

DearSugar — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

Help! I have been with my husband for 13 years and will be married 11 in November. To make this as short as possible, I've lived in a sexless, loveless relationship for 12 years. Last November I met someone wonderful and decided to tell my husband I was done. We separated for four months and I stopped seeing my "friend" for a while to get my head together. My husband immersed himself in therapy and told me he could not lose me, that he loved me and would do whatever had to be done to keep us together. I moved back home in May but I still don't feel passion toward him. I love him, but am still very hurt and angry. He supposedly suffers from intimacy issues, fear of failure, etc., and although he is working very hard to be in my heart, our sex life is not good, in fact, it's horrible. He makes no effort to please me at all. After not having any for months, he accused me the other day of not wanting him.

I know he loves me in his very own way, but I am not sure I can ever be happy with this man. So many people tell me what a great guy he is and that I should stay with him. He is a great provider and very good in other ways so my question is do I work my butt off to save my marriage, or call it a day? I need some advice please. - Unhappy Helena

To see DearSugar's answer read more.

Dear Unhappy Helena,

In order for this marriage to work, you need to make sure both of your needs are being met, and from what you're telling me, you two have a lot more work to do. I'm glad to hear that your husband is in therapy, but have you thought about going to therapy together? Something tells me that you aren't talking to your husband about what you need to be happy so getting everything out on the table could do wonders for your relationship. Sex is also a major component to any relationship so if spicing things up in the bedroom isn't helping, you might want to consider seeing a sex therapist.

Staying in an unhappy relationship, even though he's a good provider and loves you in his own way, will only leave you feeling sad and alone if you're still having doubts. You've been with this man for 13 years so you owe it to yourself and your relationship to give your marriage a fighting chance, but if you're forcing something that's just no longer there, your relationship could have just run its course. Keeping the lines of communication open is a must so voice your concerns as often as they need to be addressed. While all relationships take work, yours shouldn't be more work than play. Good luck to you.

Source

This or That: Period Mishap or Bathroom Trouble?

DearSugar — Thu, 01 May 2008 09:00:00 -0700

You’re staying at your boyfriend’s parents’ house for a few days when in town for a wedding. This is your first time meeting them and you’re on your absolute best behavior, you've even been following the separate bedroom rule to a tee! Things seem to be going really well until you start to feel upset to your stomach before bed. The next morning you wake up to a totally embarrassing situation. Would it be worse if . . .

This: As soon as you get out of bed - you see a huge red spot in the middle of the pristine taupe sheets? With all the fuss about the wedding and meeting his folks, you completely forgot you were getting your period.

Or…

That: A quick trip to the bathroom to relieve your ailing stomach leads to 45 minutes of desperate plunging? But it’s no use, after the fifth flush the entire toilet overflows leaking on to the hallway carpet.

They’re both terribly embarrassing, but which is worse?

Source

Link Time!!

DearSugar — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Should guys help pay for birth control? - The Frisky
The planet is dying because of single women. - Jezebel
Check out the 10 worst things you could ever possibly hear! - DollyMix
Do you role play in the bedroom? - Daily Bedpost
Check out these tips on how to recover from your most embarrassing sex mishaps. - iVillage
Why do nice guys always finish last? - GoAskAlice!
What's up with married couples sleeping in separate beds? - Ask April
Is this what an orgasm feels like? - gURL sex ed blog
Am I the only one happily married and completely satisfied? - True Hookup Confessions

Link Time!!

DearSugar — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 16:00:00 -0800

To call or not to call - that is the question. - gURL.com
If you're going on a first date this weekend, check out these 10 no-fail first-date conversation starters. - iVillage
Is it normal for spouses to sleep in separate beds? - Ask April
How can I convince my boyfriend to role play with me? - GoAskAlice
Are vaginas the new boobs? - DollyMix
Is baby talk a do or a don't in the bedroom? - Daily Bedpost
How to stop being shy and talk when you're around your crush. - Top Tips for Girls

Pillow Talk: How Well Do You Sleep With Your Partner?

DearSugar — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 09:01:00 -0800

Falling asleep next to your partner or feeling them next to you in the middle of the night can be a comforting and reassuring experience. There's something deeply intimate about listening to their breathing, cuddling for warmth, or sweetly and lightly touching in the dark. However, while sleeping with your partner might be great for your sex life, it may not be good for your sleep patterns.

To read more read more

Believe it or not, a British study found that couples actually sleep better when they are alone. After conducting a study using 56 volunteers for two nights, they found that each partner had a more restful night's sleep on the night when they slept alone. In a previous study, they also discovered that one's partner triggers one-third of the 20 to 60 discrete movements made during the course of a typical night's sleep.

If you sleep beside someone who snores, this information is hardly surprising, I'm sure. Now consider that 70% of Americans don't get enough sleep. That's a lot of tired people driving down the road, flying airplanes, or managing your money! Some experts believe that sleep is more important to your body than diet and exercise. For more information on how sleep -- or the lack of it -- effects you, click here.

Could it be you might actually need another bedroom?

According to a 2005 National Sleep Foundation survey, 23 percent of partnered adults frequently sleep solo because of their loved one's snoring, kicking or other sleep problem. That number doesn't include those who bed down apart because of mismatched schedules or desire for different room temperatures, or to let an exhausted spouse avoid a tyke's wake-up calls. And though a small number of couples who opt for separate beds do so to recapture a sense of romance, for most, there's one simple fantasy: some decent rest.

Still, despite the sleep deprivation or exhaustion, most of us wouldn't give up sleeping with the one we love. According to Francesca Pankhurst, a researcher at the University of Brighton, and Jim Horne, a researcher at Loughborough University, the emotional benefits of sleeping beside a loved one far outweigh any side effects we might experience by not getting a good night's sleep.

Psychologically, people probably think they're more at rest, relaxed, and peaceful. Maybe they think that being disturbed by their partner is reassuring because they know some one's there.

And because we're here to help, click here for some helpful tips about getting a better night's sleep. Sweet dreams!

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