TresSugar

Would You Hire a Guru?

TresSugar — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 09:00:00 -0700

Yesterday's New York Times Style Section dove into the lives of NYC's lifestyle gurus. According to the paper, trendsetting women in the city are finding enlightenment through veganism and meditation rather than a diet of cosmos and roof bar parties, and they're calling on "spiritual cowgirls" to show them the way.

These gurus charge around $100 an hour for their services, which often include distilling advice from the many self-help books they used to turn their own lives around. Gabrielle Bernstein, a former tequila-lover-turned-sober-advice-dispenser, helps women reduce anxiety they might have about their relationship and career goals. She tells women to visualize how they want their lives to turn out. For example, Gabrielle advised one client, who is nervous about her boyfriend moving in, to:

“Write the story the way you want it to happen. Re-read the story every night until he arrives.”

Apparently that is enough to make it all work out! Would you ever turn to this type of modern guru for help?

If Only It Were This Easy, or Is It?

TresSugar — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 09:00:00 -0700

Source: megpickard.tumblr.com

Self-Help: Overcoming Shyness

DearSugar — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 11:00:00 -0700

When you go to a party, do you find yourself sitting in the corner, watching everyone else? When you meet new people, are you scared to open your mouth because you have nothing to say, or are you worried people may laugh about what you do say or think you're stupid? Being shy has a lot to do with how you feel about yourself. If you are self-conscious in any way, you'll cower and shrink.

Shyness, although part of your genetic makeup, may feel debilitating, but here are some techniques you can use to come out of your shell.

Since shyness has a lot to do with self-confidence, work on ways you can feel good about yourself. Exercise, eat healthy, get a fabulous haircut, go shopping for a new outfit - do things that help you believe that you are an amazing and worthwhile person. If you believe it, you'll be able to exude that feeling to others.
Be prepared. If you know of a certain social situation that's coming up, pick out your outfit, decide how you are going to do your hair, get directions, make sure your car has enough gas, and so on. Then try and make a list of topics you can talk about. You can even practice what you're going to say out loud. Once all these details are ironed out, you'll feel more confident.
Try relaxation techniques. Before attending an event or party, take a few moments to sit quietly with yourself. Try to envision a strong and confident you strutting into the place, feeling happy, energetic, and proud, and having wonderful conversations. Imagining yourself having a positive experience will bring you one step closer to achieving it.

Want to hear about what else may help? Then read more

Expand your comfort zone. You can do this by trying out new restaurants, signing up for a class, going to a gym, or volunteering. The more people you meet, the more personalities you'll be confronted with, and the more practice you'll have interacting. The more familiar you feel in different social situations, the easier it will be in the future.
When people talk to you, be attentive and engage in what they are saying. Ask a lot of questions about them and concentrate on their answers. If you ask all the questions, then you won't have to feel flustered about answering their questions.
Let your close friends know about your shyness. When other people know, they can offer emotional support, which will help to ease your nerves. Maybe you can brainstorm techniques together to help overcome these feelings. Also, if your friends are at the next social even you go to, they can help introduce you to new people, so you feel less like an outsider.
Use Talk Therapy. Seeing a therapist, and talking about your issues may help to get to the root of your shyness. They could determine that your timid feelings are caused by an emotional condition such as Anxiety or Depression.

I hope these tips help and if any of you suffer from shyness, please share some techniques that have helped you in the past.

Source

Self-Help: De-Stress at Work

DearSugar — Thu, 19 Jul 2007 08:00:00 -0700

Work can totally stress a person out because of a whole combination of things - deadlines, annoying distractions, noise, skipped or unhealthy meals, orders from the boss, time constraints, and the commute.

Here are some tips to help your work day run a little more smoothly:

Organize your workspace - Sometimes de-cluttering your desk is a way to de-clutter your mind. Make sure all your stuff has a special "home" on your desk. Pick up some cute storage containers to put things in. It won't take long to tidy up your space, and it can make a world of difference. Plus knowing where everything is will save you time.
Organize your day - Make a to-do list of all the things you want to get done and how long you think each task will take -- I guarantee this list will help you feel less overwhelmed.
Jot down ideas - It's important to start a project and finish it, so if you get another idea for something else while working on a project, write it in a notebook or on a post-it note so you don't lose your train of thought.

To hear more helpful hints, read more

Listen to relaxing music - Calming tunes can ease your mood and make you happy, which will make you more productive at work. When you're more productive, you get your work done and feel less stressed. Headphones in your ears can also tune out annoying distractions like chatty co-workers and other office noise.
Make sure you eat! - Forgetting to eat breakfast or lunch is just going to put you in a cranky and irritable mood. Plus you won't have the energy or brain power to get your work done. Plan ahead and pack yourself a lunch so it'll be ready for you the next day. Also keep a stock of healthy snacks at work just in case you need a little pick-me-up. Keeping healthy options near by will prevent the temptation to reach for a Snickers bar out of the vending machine.
Don't take on TOO much - If your boss asks you to take on another project and you're already bogged down with an avalanche of work, don't try to be Super Woman. Doing a normal amount of work brilliantly will impress your boss more than doing a ton of mediocre work.
Take a break - Make sure that at least once during your day you take some time for yourself. You don't have to eat lunch during that time (since you most likely eat at your desk anyway), but you can make a phone call to a friend, take a walk, do an errand, grab a cup of tea, read in the break room, do some online shopping - whatever will stop you from working for at least 20-30 minutes.

Got any other suggestions? Share your ideas below.

Source

Self Help: Keep a Journal

DearSugar — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 08:00:00 -0700

Women spend a lot of time worrying and thinking about things. That's just our nature. If I spend too much time running thoughts or problems over and over in my own head, I get totally stressed out. Plus it clouds my brain and then I can't focus on anything else.

Talking to a trusted friend or a therapist is awesome, but sometimes you just want to get your thoughts out without anyone listening, judging, or offering advice. That's where journal writing comes in.

Click here to read more

I've kept a journal ever since junior high. Back then I had a locked book that said "My Diary" on the cover and it got me through my first period and my first crush. Having a journal has helped me through some tough times since then too. Writing in a journal is also a way to keep track of important events (good and bad). I can look back to entries I wrote many years ago and relive bad dates (these are good for a laugh), birthday celebrations, fights I've had with friends, and unforgettable nights out once we've made up, graduations, even amazing restaurants I had forgotten about.

A journal is always there for you, never talks back, and always remembers what you say. It's a way to tap into your creative and thoughtful side. I guarantee that once you've gotten your thoughts and feelings out on paper, you'll be able to sort through them all, and make better sense of a situation.

Source

Self-Help Books: Real or Fake?

TresSugar — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 15:00:00 -0700

For many of us, getting a jump start on self-improvement means trolling the aisles for a self-help book. Some self-help books are awesome and inspire us, while others won't get a second glance because the titles are too bizarre. Can you tell the difference between the real or fake self-help books in this quiz?

Take the quiz

Self Help: Get Some Alone Time

DearSugar — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 11:00:00 -0800

You may not be a natural born introvert, but everyone can benefit from a little time to themselves. If you don't give yourself alone time every once in a while, you'll feel depleted and won't have the energy to give to others. Alone time strengthens your soul, allows you to reflect on your life, relaxes your mind, and makes you a happier person overall.

Here are some things you can do when you're enjoying time to yourself:

Read a book or listen to music.

Paint, draw, or knit. Do something crafty.
Write in your journal or write some letters.
Take a long bath or shower and sip a glass of wine.
Bake or cook something.
Meditate, do some yoga, or take an afternoon nap.
Go for a walk or run outdoors.
Even if you live with other people and can't get the place to yourself, go to one room, shut the door, and ask them not to disturb you.

I'm the kind of person that craves alone time but it all depends on your personality, so 10 minutes a few times a week may be just the thing to calm your nerves and keep you sane.

Source

Book Bag: Top 11 Books on How to Be Happy

TresSugar — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 10:00:00 -0700

When life gives us chocolate and puppies - self-help books seem too crunchy and woo-woo. But when we're faced with a crisis or repressed childhood issues emerge as adults, we might find ourselves trolling the self-help aisle of major bookstores wearing sunglasses and donning a wig. Depending on what your "issues" are (yeah - everyone has them - get over it!), the following books may help you get your head on straight, or at the very least, light your path towards the realization you need good therapist!

View Slideshow ›

Self-Help: Getting Over Stage Fright

DearSugar — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 13:00:00 -0700

Speaking in public can be really scary for some people. While we all get a little nervous or anxious, for some, it can be down right horrifying. It's a kind of Performance Anxiety and these feelings have a lot to do with low self-confidence and possibly a past failure or bad experience. People with this type of performance anxiety get worried that they are going to make a mistake or be negatively viewed by others. These fears can be debilitating, causing them to avoid any situations that involves them being viewed by others or being the center or attention.

Symptoms can include:

Feeling uncomfortable or uneasy
Feeling frightened or experiencing a panic attack
Increased heart rate
Problems breathing
Shaky hands or voice
Feeling overheated or sweating
Butterflies in your stomach, nausea or vomiting

Want to hear ways you can get over this fear? Then read more

Be prepared as much as possible. Try to practice your performance or speech in front of a friend or group of friends beforehand - they can offer ways to help you improve your speech and make it clearer or more interesting if need be. Also practice using any equipment you may need. If you can, practice your performance on the stage or in the room you'll actually be in so you can build your confidence before show time.
When you do perform, wear layers so if you get hot or sweaty, you can casually take your sweater or jacket off so you don't schvitz all over the place.
If your hands shake, hold something solid like a pen or clip board, or hold your hands behind your back.
When you look out into the audience, look at people's foreheads instead of making direct eye contact. Locking eyes could make you nervous or forget your train of thought.
Do something that will make you feel confident about yourself and have a positive self image. Get a new outfit or get your hair or make-up done. Knowing you look good will make you feel good. When your self-esteem is high, you'll feel strong and less fearful.
Don't be so uptight. So what if you make a mistake? The world isn't going to end. Everyone messes up in front of other people, so just laugh at yourself and move on.

I hope these tips help so when your friend asks you to give a speech at her wedding, you'll feel honored instead of panic-stricken.

Source

Self Help: How Can I Feel Better About Myself?

DearSugar — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 11:00:00 -0700

We all have moments when we feel insecure and bad about ourselves. The thing that is hard is when you hit a low spot and you're consistently beating yourself up. We can be our harshest judges and cruelest critics, so how do you break the cycle and start feeling good about yourself? Here are some ideas:

Instead of relying on others to give you compliments, give them to yourself. Focus on the positive aspects of your personality, your appearance, and your accomplishments. Quit worrying about what others think or say.
Don't allow yourself to say destructive comments to yourself like "I'm so stupid," or "Nobody likes me," or "I'll never be as pretty as so-and-so." Make positive comments instead.
Surround yourself with like-minded and supportive people. If you are working hard to better yourself in some way, say you're trying to lose weight, it's not going to help you to hang out with people who eat junk food and don't exercise.

What else can you do? To find out read more

If there is something specific about how you look, what you do (school or job), or your relationships that you are unhappy about - change it! Although it may seem really difficult at first, if it is causing you to feel bad about yourself, it'll be worth it in the end.
Try something new - take a painting class, fly on a trapeze, take a Spanish course, sign up for a 5K race - You'll feel proud of yourself and your confidence level is bound to improve how you you feel about yourself.

Nobody is born with an amazing self-esteem. Your family, your relationships, your environment, and your experiences all help to shape the opinions you have about yourself. A low self-esteem can be rooted in things you have no control of - maybe you were surrounded by people who never supported or encouraged you, or maybe you were in abusive relationships where you were insulted or ridiculed.

You obviously can't change the past, but you can learn from those experiences. In order to feel better about yourself, you need to know that those things were not your fault. Start telling yourself that you are a wonderful, brilliant, special person, and pretty soon you'll start believing it.

Source