TresSugar

Do Celebrities Make You Feel Better or Worse About Yourself?

DearSugar — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 15:00:00 -0700

It's no secret that Americans have a fascination with celebrities. Of course knowing that they live in a completely different world than we do makes admiring them from a far all the more fun, but new research shows that praising celebrities can actually improve self-esteem in those that suffer from low self-esteem. Jaye L. Derrick and Shira Gabriel of the University at Buffalo said:

Connections to celebrities - or parasocial relationships - can allow people with low-self esteem to view themselves more positively. . . . These parasocial relationships, which have very low risk of rejection, offer low self-esteem people an opportunity to reduce their self-discrepancies and feel closer to their ideal selves.

While I find this research interesting, I happen to feel the exact opposite - though I would never want to be a celebrity myself, I do look at them through envious eyes. It's their perfect exterior that makes me feel inferior, even though I'm fully aware of all the help, time, and effort it takes to make them look that way. What about you? How do you feel when you compare yourself to celebrities? Do they make you feel better or worse about yourself?

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Self-Help: Overcoming Shyness

DearSugar — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 11:00:00 -0700

When you go to a party, do you find yourself sitting in the corner, watching everyone else? When you meet new people, are you scared to open your mouth because you have nothing to say, or are you worried people may laugh about what you do say or think you're stupid? Being shy has a lot to do with how you feel about yourself. If you are self-conscious in any way, you'll cower and shrink.

Shyness, although part of your genetic makeup, may feel debilitating, but here are some techniques you can use to come out of your shell.

Since shyness has a lot to do with self-confidence, work on ways you can feel good about yourself. Exercise, eat healthy, get a fabulous haircut, go shopping for a new outfit - do things that help you believe that you are an amazing and worthwhile person. If you believe it, you'll be able to exude that feeling to others.
Be prepared. If you know of a certain social situation that's coming up, pick out your outfit, decide how you are going to do your hair, get directions, make sure your car has enough gas, and so on. Then try and make a list of topics you can talk about. You can even practice what you're going to say out loud. Once all these details are ironed out, you'll feel more confident.
Try relaxation techniques. Before attending an event or party, take a few moments to sit quietly with yourself. Try to envision a strong and confident you strutting into the place, feeling happy, energetic, and proud, and having wonderful conversations. Imagining yourself having a positive experience will bring you one step closer to achieving it.

Want to hear about what else may help? Then read more

Expand your comfort zone. You can do this by trying out new restaurants, signing up for a class, going to a gym, or volunteering. The more people you meet, the more personalities you'll be confronted with, and the more practice you'll have interacting. The more familiar you feel in different social situations, the easier it will be in the future.
When people talk to you, be attentive and engage in what they are saying. Ask a lot of questions about them and concentrate on their answers. If you ask all the questions, then you won't have to feel flustered about answering their questions.
Let your close friends know about your shyness. When other people know, they can offer emotional support, which will help to ease your nerves. Maybe you can brainstorm techniques together to help overcome these feelings. Also, if your friends are at the next social even you go to, they can help introduce you to new people, so you feel less like an outsider.
Use Talk Therapy. Seeing a therapist, and talking about your issues may help to get to the root of your shyness. They could determine that your timid feelings are caused by an emotional condition such as Anxiety or Depression.

I hope these tips help and if any of you suffer from shyness, please share some techniques that have helped you in the past.

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Few Immigrants Self-Deport, Bishop Says Jesus Wouldn't Raid

CitizenSugar — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 10:00:02 -0700

The federal "self-deportation" pilot program ends today with a scant handful of illegal immigrants volunteering to return home. The three-week program gave illegal immigrants facing court orders 90 days to plan their departure rather than face being arrested, detained, and deported. The program was well-publicized, but in the first week only six signed up.

Immigrant advocates cite few incentives and no consideration for immigrants' ties to family in the US for the reason it was so unpopular. Given the failure of the program, they're worried now that it will be used as a reason to step up the raids since the ICE made an effort to enforce the law in a gentler way.

One religious figure is playing the WWJD game with immigration raids. To see what he has to say, read more.

Rhode Island's Roman Catholic bishop is calling for an end to immigration raids and has asked for a blanket moratorium on them in his state. Bishop Thomas Tobin says,

We often ask, 'What would Jesus do?' I know for sure what Jesus would not do, would be to sweep into a community, gather up large numbers of people, separate them from one another and deport them to another country. In my own mind, in my own conscience, that's crystal clear: Jesus would not do that.

He goes on to say that raids are unjust, unnecessary, and counterproductive. Are they? Why did the self-deportation program fail? Would Jesus really disapprove of raids? Are they the only solution?

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Overcoming Jealousy

DearSugar — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 11:00:00 -0700

We've all been there. That angry, envious, kind of sad and resentful feeling that builds up inside us when we see our boyfriend talking to his gorgeous new neighbor. Or if a co-worker gets the promotion you should have gotten. Jealously is a horrible feeling, and it can turn us into mean and obnoxious people. Even though these feelings are normal and sometimes unavoidable, we can end up doing or saying something we regret later.

Being jealous is not an attractive personality trait, and it has a lot to do with our own insecurities about how confident we feel about ourselves, our abilities, or our relationships. Here are some tips on overcoming jealousy:

If you are feeling jealous, and it has to do with a friend or boyfriend giving someone else attention, talk to them about it. Many times people are unaware of how their actions make others feel, so being honest is always a safe road to travel.
Lack of trust may be causing you to have jealous feelings. If your boyfriend goes out without you and you're worried about other girls or that he may not make all the right decisions, your jealousy is only a symptom. Take those feelings as signs that it's time to get to the root of these fears.

Want to hear the other tips? Then read more

Fear of getting hurt is another reason many people get jealous. Perhaps an ex left you for someone else, or a girlfriend or family member broke your trust -- because it has happened in the past, it doesn't necessarily mean it will happen again. Emotions such as depression, anger and hurt can be masks of jealousy so make sure to keep the lines of communication open
We all have insecurities about ourselves, but if you let your self-conscience get the best of you, you'll always be jealous of other people and their happiness. Focus on building up your self-esteem, and make healthy changes that will make you feel better about yourself. When you feel confident and happy about your life, you'll be less likely to constantly compare yourself to others.
Focus on the positive. Maybe you're jealous that someone makes more money than you, or someone has a better job, or a happier marriage - whatever it is - try to focus on what you do have and remember, you can't always judge a book by its cover

Dear's Advice: If by chance your jealous feelings get out of hand and you yell at someone or do something you regret, it's never to late to make amends. Apologize to the person and explain why you acted that way and be understanding if the shoe is on the other foot.

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You Asked: Is Complimenting a Woman on Her Figure Appropriate?

DearSugar — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I met a really attractive and intelligent woman at a party a few weeks ago. It was a public event at an art gallery. She was a high school teacher in her early thirties. We had been talking for a good half hour and really seemed to be hitting it off. Then, things suddenly went downhill.

I commented that she had a "nice, full, hourglass figure." I thought she would take it as a compliment but instead, she became deeply offended. She snapped, "Oh really....well perhaps I should do some plus size modeling!" and then she slapped my face and departed.

I will never forget those agonizing moments in the immediate aftermath...the sound of her high heels hitting the hard wood floor as she walked off in a huff...the murmur of the crowd...the stares of onlookers as I'm standing there alone rubbing my cheek. Needless to say, it was not my proudest moment.

She had the classic figure of a 50's pinup - large bust, narrow waist, shapely hips/legs. I guess she had interpreted "hourglass" as meaning
big/overweight/full figured. I just thought it meant shapely and well proportioned.

When I told a female friend about this she shook her head and said it was never a good idea to comment on a woman's figure, even if I thought it was complimentary. What do you think about this?

--Made a Mistake Mark

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Made a Mistake Mark-

Do not take that slap across the face lightly and take your friend's advice. As nice as you thought you were being, most women are sensitive about their bodies, and they don't want anyone else making any comments about their appearance. Woman can misinterpret what you say so it's best to steer clear of anything that could possibly be misconstrued.

Women want to be noticed for their charming personality, their funny sense of humor, and their brilliant mind. When you make a comment about our appearance, it makes us feel like sexual objects. It can be both embarrassing and degrading, especially if she is already self-conscience. Although you might have had her best interest at heart, It's kind of tacky to bring up a woman's body the first time you meet them not to mention it can give woman the wrong impression.

If you really want to compliment her on how she looks, say something sweet that you can't go wrong with like, "Your smile is really comforting," or "You smell really wonderful. It reminds me of summer," or, "That shirt really brings out the blue in your eyes." These kinds of comments is what make a women feel beautiful, strong, confident and admired. I hope this helps.

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