TresSugar

Do Tell: What Does Your Morning Routine Look Like?

DearSugar — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Last week I asked you all about your weekly rituals, either with your friends or alone. But this morning, as I was doing the same thing I do every morning, I got to thinking about daily routines. Without even realizing it, I seem to have a formula in place for everything from the way I shampoo to which foot I put my shoe on first! I know that I'm a creature of habit, but even you're not, do you have a morning routine, too? If so, tell us about it!

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Dear Poll: Do You Have Weekly Rituals?

DearSugar — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:00:00 -0700

Life is fairly routine, which is probably why we all spend so much time and effort trying to come up with ways to spice things up. But frankly, sometimes I take comfort in my weekly habits; it gives me something to look forward to and something to count on. In fact, my newest weekly ritual is dinner with my girlfriends on either Tuesday or Wednesday, and of course, before the season finale, The Bachelorette. I loved to just relax on the couch each week with some chocolate. So what about you? Do you tend to get into specific occasions that you look forward to during the week?

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Group Therapy: Is Our Relationship Boring Already?

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 03:00:00 -0700

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost four months, but have had feelings for each other for almost a year. We slept together for the first time about a month and a half ago and it was boring! It was plain old missionary and he finished and pulled out before I even got into it. Since then, nothing has changed and I'm worried that we've already fallen into a routine by a) almost skipping foreplay altogether and b) rarely changing positions. He never focuses on pleasuring me while we're having sex and while I understand that it's nearly impossible to continue sex after he's ejaculated, how can I communicate that I need satisfaction too without hurting his feelings?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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Do Tell: What's Your Standard Routine?

DearSugar — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 08:00:00 -0800

I was just having a conversation with my good friend PartySugar and she shared her weekly beauty rituals with me. Monday, Thursday and Saturday are her hair washing days, Tuesday and Friday are her leg shaving days and lastly, every Wednesday she paints her nails. Although I tend to do certain things on certain days, there's no way I could keep up with a schedule like hers! So ladies, since we all have our quirky ways about doing things, do tell, what's your secret weekly routine? Do you do laundry on the same day every week? Do you exfoliate on Monday, Wednesday and Friday or are you more of a free spirit who likes to just go with the flow?

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Do Tell: What Don't you Leave Home without?

DearSugar — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 07:00:00 -0700

American Express coined the term excellently -- never leave home without it, so what don't you leave home without? Since it's clear we all have our unique getting ready routines, you've gotta have a packing of the purse routine as well! No matter what size my handbag is for the day or night, I always have the same few important items with me: gum, BlackBerry, my wallet, keys, a lip gloss and an eyeliner -- so ladies, do tell, what don't you leave home without?

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Hump Day: I Have Little Desire to Have Sex Anymore

TresSugar — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 04:00:00 -0800

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. Are you confused about sex? Do you have trouble having an orgasm? Is there something you'd like to try but you're worried it's too weird? Send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:

“When my husband and I first got married, I was so in love with him that we had sex what (for me) seemed like a lot (a few times a week). But now, three years into it, I feel like my baseline libido, which never was much in the first place, has flatlined. I simply have no interest in sex mentally or physically. My husband keeps asking me if there’s someone else, but in reality, I don’t want sex at all - with anyone. I’m worried he’s going to leave me, this is causing so many problems between us. Any advice?”

To see the answer, read more

It’s pretty common for sexual frequency for couples to lessen after a couple of years. It’s not always just the stereotypical “things are becoming routine” situation. Shifts in hormones can occur as time goes by and those shifts can affect sexual desire. Lots of people have a low interest in sex for any of a number of reasons. It’s not necessarily a sign of any kind of problem and if that has been your pattern for a long time; that may be simply how your sexuality is.

Do you consider your lack of interest in sex a problem? If you do, you might want to see if there are any medical issues causing it. You could have low testosterone for example. While we generally only think of it as a male hormone, women also have some testosterone in their systems and it’s often related to interest in sex. Sexual desire is quite complex and sometimes, the answers aren’t as easy as that, but it could be worth exploring.

Whether you think that your low desire is a problem or not, it sounds like your concerns center on how you and your husband talk about it and what his and your expectations are. Differences in desire can be one of the more tricky relationship challenges and almost all couples face it at some point or another. When you consider how much we (as a culture) equate sexual desire with relationship health, it’s no wonder that many of us feel a lot of pressure around it.

While I would NEVER suggest to anyone that they engage in sex that they don’t want, the two of you might want to explore other ways to connect physically. After all, it doesn’t have to be sex or intercourse. For example, would it work if you gave him backrubs? What if he masturbated while you help him or ran your hands across him? And are there ways that you would like to receive physical contact? As another possibility, are there ways in which the two of you could make room for him to get his sexual needs met, such as giving him solo time at home for some self-pleasure?

Whether you find your low desire a problem or not, you could also find a sex-positive therapist. One of the most helpful things that a therapist can offer is tools for talking about tricky topics and a safe space to do it in. Plus, sometimes an outside perspective can be really helpful. There are plenty of great people who know about sexuality issues and lots of them can be found on the website for the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists. Anyone in their directory has passed a rigorous certification process, which gives them the foundation to be as helpful with sexuality topics as possible.

Ultimately, the best advice I can offer you is to be honest with each other about what’s going on for you and how you each feel about it. With that as the foundation, the two of you can start looking for new ways to be together that work for both of you.

Self-Defense Video or Comedy Routine?

GiggleSugar — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 02:00:00 -0700

As soon as I try to focus on a self-defense technique I could actually learn from, these dorks do something weird that makes me laugh. So I guess my answer to the question above it. . .comedy routine.

You Asked: Our Life Is Already Routine and Boring

DearSugar — Mon, 12 May 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend of two and a half years and I just moved in together. As time goes by, he spends less and less time with me, and he constantly turns to his friends for his outings, parties, and events over me. Part of the reason why I fell in love with him is because he's so fun and creative - we had so much in common in terms of passions and hobbies, but the more committed we get, the less of these we seem to share.

I understand that it's not that much fun to sign a lease, buy furniture, and set up accounts with utility providers, but it needs to be done, and I don't see why we can't go and relax together afterwards. Instead, he's off to hang out with his friends. We're still living without hot water, gas, or a fridge!

He says he only has so much time allotted for me and unfortunately, that time is now being spent doing routine stuff like getting cable or shopping for bookshelves, so when we're done, he's seen enough of me for the day and would rather go do something else. I understand what he means; I don't want to monopolize his time, I just want to have a life together. I know moving can be stressful, but I'm afraid his behavior is a sign of something worse. I'm tired of making suggestions for fun stuff to do and getting rejected. I don't know what to do. Do you have any suggestions?

- Stuck at Home Serena

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Stuck at Home Serena,

I think everyone can agree that moving is overwhelming, especially when it's with a significant other. It's very possible that your boyfriend's change in behavior is simply a symptom of his worries and fears about taking this big step with you. If that's the case, it's likely that he'll relax as things become less hectic; but, that's still no reason to abandon you with all the chores. Try divvying up everything instead of doing it together. If he hates furniture shopping, go ahead and do that yourself, but make sure he's put in charge of buying the fridge and getting the gas turned on - neither of which should be difficult regardless of whether or not he needs time with his friends.

However, dropping the ball and pulling away just as the going gets tough is never a good habit to see in a significant other. I don't think anyone should ever "allot" only a certain amount of time for the person that they love each day. He should be able to spend time with his friends, but it's not reasonable of him to put a time limit on the effort he's willing to expend for your relationship. Next time, try to come up with something fun you both can do with his friends, and plan on doing it on a day when you won't be doing anything household related. If he still puts up a fuss, then it might be time to reevaluate this relationship.

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Do Tell: What's Your Before Bed Routine?

DearSugar — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 08:00:00 -0700

I like to watch television before bed after I soak in the tub; it’s my way of unwinding and getting to that sleepy place. Now, my roommate in college loved to talk. She could talk for hours before bed; it was her opportunity to process the things that had happened during the day and get everything off her chest. Sometimes she talked for so long, I couldn’t help drifting off. But of course, others like to read, talk on the phone, stick in some headphones, check email, or get physical with their bed buddy. So what about you? What’s your standard bedtime routine?

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Do Tell: What's Your Guaranteed Make Up Routine?

DearSugar — Sat, 14 Apr 2007 09:00:00 -0700

It's inevitable that couples will fight, it's just the nature of the beast, but what really matters is how you make up! Couples that fight seem to have their make up routine down pat. Perhaps they fight just so they can make up! So ladies, do tell, what does your boyfriend or husband do or say to guarantee a truce after a knock down, drag out fight?

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