TresSugar

Dear Poll: Do You Prefer a Serious Man or a Kid at Heart?

DearSugar — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 17:00:00 -0700

I can appreciate a serious guy who is mature and looks at things from a rational point of view, but too much seriousness can be dull. Since I have to be able laugh, I love a guy who's a kid at heart, but not at the expense of his reliability. The ideal guy would possess a perfect combination of both traits, but if you had to choose, what would it be for you?

Source

Do Tell: Your Best Summer Job

DearSugar — Wed, 18 Jul 2007 07:00:00 -0700

Summer is already half over, gasp, which means teenagers are most likely counting their hard earned cash made from their summer jobs. These days, summer jobs are not what they used to be. Some parents are pushing their kids to work in more corporate environments to prepare them for the "real world" versus scooping ice cream at the local diner or valet parking at the hot new restaurant. Regardless of your title, these kids are still learning key lessons of responsibility and becoming an adult. So, looking back ladies, do tell, what was your best summer job?

Source

You Asked: Should I Help my EX?

DearSugar — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 13:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I was dating this guy about 4 years ago. We got really close and he ended up confiding in me things he never told anyone. He's severely bi-polar and has a history of depression, so he was self-medicating himself with alcohol, and was a heroin addict. At the time we were going out, he was sober about a year and going to daily AA meetings. Our different lifestyles and his drastic mood swings were too much for me to handle so we broke up. Since then, when we see each other at our yoga studio (which is about once a week), we say "hi," but that's about it.

Recently, out of the blue, I received an email from him saying that he had decided to go for treatment in a hospital for his bi-polar disorder. I was happy to hear that, but he said he needed someone to take him to the hospital for the 3 hour treatments, 3 times a week, for 6 weeks (he is going to be put out for shock treatment so he can't drive). He knows my schedule is somewhat flexible, and was basically begging for me to help bring him once a week, since he has hardly any friends who know about this, and his family is out of the picture.

I really don't want to get involved (because of all the reasons we broke up in the first place), and I really can't take off work once a week, but I feel so bad, knowing he has no one to help. What should I do?

--Want-to-Help Heather

To hear DEARSUGAR's answer, read more

Dear Want-to-Help Heather--

It sounds like you are in a tough place, and you are being asked a huge favor from someone who is clearly reaching out for help.

My suggestion is to ask him if he's thought about hiring a private nurse who can bring him to the hospital, stay with him, and then bring him home. He has to realize that it's a lot to ask for you to take off work once a week for 6 weeks. If a nurse is out of the question, he may need to confide in some of his other friends (who don't yet know about his situation) and see if they can help. Then you wouldn't have to do it once a week, you could maybe do it every other week.

If giving up your time isn't the main issue here, and you just feel weird about spending time with him again, knowing he is relying on you so much; I would just be honest with him. Explain that you don't think it's appropriate for you to be his caregiver and that it makes you uncomfortable to be back in his life in this way. You can apologize, hope he understands, and move on with your life. Although he clearly needs help, it is a lot of anyone, let alone an ex- girlfriend, so I am sure he wouldn't be all that surprised if you declined this responsibility. I hope this helps Heather. I hope your ex gets better, but remember you are your first priority!

US to Stop Terrorism With Working Professionals

LibertySugar — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 10:00:01 -0700

If you're an American engineer, city planner, law enforcement official, public health worker, economist, or judge, Uncle Sam wants YOU to move to dangerous and "failing" countries and help keep these places from completely collapsing into the death grips of eager terrorists.

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has announced the Civilian Response Corps, a program Congress allotted $75 million in June. A response to September 11, the professional Peace Corps hopes to pro-actively prevent countries in turmoil from going to the dark side. The goal can also be described as hoping to avoid another post-invasion-Iraq disaster. The volunteers from the private sector and state and local governments will be trained to deploy rapidly (along with other federal employees) to countries in crisis or emerging from crisis in order to provide reconstruction and stabilization assistance.

Since the group will usually deploy with or after US troops, critics argue that the CRC is a thinly veiled plan for imperial expansion, or an effort to impose government institutions according to a model familiar, or friendly, to the US.

Arguments of nation-building can probably best be assessed in specific situations, so on the surface this plan sounds like a creative way to develop America's power beyond guns and bombs. What do you think?

Source

Sexual Response Cycle: What Happens Before, During, and After Your Orgasm

DearSugar — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 11:00:00 -0700

When I first learned what happens physiologically when we’re turned on, my initial response was, “oh, so that’s what’s going on.” If you’ve never learned the details of your body’s sexual-response cycle than I think you might have the same reaction I did. If you have, it’s never bad to get a reminder on just how incredible our bods are! To learn the basics about all four stages, read more.

Excitement: This phase is what you could consider as the foreplay portion. This is when muscle tension starts to build, blood rushes to your genitals and breasts, lubrication kicks into gear, and of course, your resting heart rate increases.
Plateau: Ever feel like you just get stuck right before an orgasm? You’re probably trapped in the plateau phase, which occurs immediately preceding the big "O." This phase is marked by escalation of the traits in the excitement phase as well as muscle spasms. At this point the clitoris becomes highly sensitive, and in some cases, painful to the touch.
Orgasm: Although fairly self-explanatory, during an orgasm your heart rate increases, accompanied by rapid breathing. Your body experiences many involuntary muscle contractions, specifically in the vagina and uterus.
Resolution: The final phase is simply your body returning to its normal resting state. And it’s usually a time of good feelings and fatigue. Many women can easily return to the orgasm phase at this point, thus experiencing multiple orgasms.

Both men and women go through these same four stages, though obviously, men are marked by a series of different reactions specific to the male body. It’s most important to note that the time that each of these phases occur will vary for men and women. Being able to understand where your partner is versus where you are in the cycle can truly enhance your sexual experiences.

Source, Source

Dear Quiz: What Did You Learn About the Sexual Response Cycle?

DearSugar — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Earlier this week I told you all about the sexual response cycle or what happens to our bodies before, during, and after an orgasm. Take this brief quiz to see if you learned anything!

Source

Take the quiz

Abortion Coverage: Missing What Many Never Knew They Had

TresSugar — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:00:03 -0800

One of the most convincing arguments for passing the public health plan without abortion coverage is that very few women use insurance to cover abortions to begin with. But if you've heard the statistic that only 13 percent of abortions are billed to insurers, that's not exactly the whole truth.

The Guttmacher Institute, the pro-choice organization responsible for the study the stats were pulled from, contests the 13 percent statistic has been taken out of context and widely used through the media - like, say, in the Wall Street Journal article we linked to yesterday.

While the study does say only 13 percent of first-term abortions are billed to private insurers, that figure is skewed because it looked at all women who had abortions and not just those who had insurance. You can't bill an insurer if you don't have one! The study also did not include women who paid for abortions up front and were later reimbursed.

So what's a realistic number? Nobody really knows because of the private nature of abortions. Another Guttmacher study found that 87 percent of employer-based insurance plans covered abortions, but a Kaiser Family Foundation study found that only 46 percent of covered workers reported coverage. Why such a big a difference? Many women just don't know their insurance covers abortion.

As Congress continues to debate the public health plan, do you care if it includes abortion coverage? Can we miss something so many women never knew they had?

Source: Flickr User amypritchizzle

Hump Day: Sex Makes Her Uncomfortable

TresSugar — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 07:30:23 -0800

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. If you have questions about sex, send them to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:
I'm 24 and in my first relationship. I really like the guy, we've been going out for six months, but I get nervous whenever he slips his hand under my underwear. He gets the hint and stops. I don't mind him doing other things (we haven't slept together yet), but I wish I wasn't such a prude. I don't know what he expects and I worry that he will be grossed out, as I only shave/wax the bikini line but not the whole thing. What if he thinks it is ugly? I also don't know what I should expect; he knows I'm a virgin, but I don't know how to speak to him about why I get uncomfortable, and I don't know how to overcome it! I also have a few stretch marks and worry that he will be grossed out by them. Please help?

To read Dr. Glickman's response, read more.

Thank you for sharing this challenging situation. I know that it can be scary to talk about things like this, but these are all really common thoughts.

One of the things that can help when you’re on the edge of your comfort zone is to take it very slowly. It’ll probably help to tell your guy about your discomfort, even if you can’t tell him why it’s there. You could simply say "I have a lot of discomfort around sex." You also might want to do a little solo exploration. It takes the pressure off because there aren’t any partner expectations. Check out the wonderful book Becoming Orgasmic. If you’re looking for tips or ideas for techniques, Tickle Your Fancy is full of suggestions. Once you know a bit more about what you like or dislike, you and your boyfriend might be able to find something that you both like to do.

It’s worth mentioning that vulvas come in all different shapes. (The vulva is the external female anatomy. The vagina is the inside part.) There’s a long history of negative attitudes towards the vulva, but each one is unique and beautiful in its own way. A lot of women have the idea that there’s something wrong with their vulvas because they don’t look like what we see in porn or because they have hair, and I think that’s unfortunate. I strongly recommend getting to know your parts and Scarleteen has a great site about that. It’s geared towards teens, but there's lots of amazing info about sex, bodies, and pleasure.

Another option would be to explore some of these concerns with a therapist. When you have an itch on your back, you need someone else to scratch it. Therapists help us by reaching the spots we can’t reach on our own. Lastly, depending on where you are, you could join a body-image support group. While they tend not to focus on sexuality, they can be an incredibly helpful way to work through our concerns about our bodies and how we (or other people) feel about them.

Working through these challenges isn’t always easy, but it can be very rewarding. Whatever route you choose, I hope you find the pleasure and joy that you deserve.

Hump Day: How Can I Become Multi-Orgasmic?

TresSugar — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 04:00:00 -0800

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. Are you confused about sex? Do you have trouble having an orgasm? Is there something you'd like to try but you're worried it's too weird? Send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:

"I keep hearing about women who can have 'multiple orgasms' and I can't figure out exactly what this means. Does it mean a woman who can have more than one orgasm in a night? One orgasm after another with little downtime? (Is that even possible? Most women are so sensitive after having an orgasm!) Anyway, if it exists, is there a way I can become multi-orgasmic?" To hear Dr. Glickman's response, read more

Part of the challenge in defining “multiple orgasms” is that different people use the term to mean different things. For some women, it means more than one orgasm during a single sex session, whether they’re 5 minutes or 30 minutes (or more) apart. For other women, it means one after another, without much time between them.

You’re right that many women are extra sensitive after an orgasm, but not everyone. In fact, some women find that they can just keep going, especially if they change what they’re doing. For example, someone might find that she can have an orgasm from clitoral stimulation and then switch to penetration for a second one. Or maybe she might have one orgasm from oral sex, take a break for a bit with something else to keep the passion up, and then go back to oral sex for a second orgasm. And there are women out there who don’t need a break after one orgasm before they start building towards a second one.

Not all women can become multi-orgasmic, but many women can. Some women find that their ability to be multi-orgasmic can change over time, too. So if it doesn’t happen for you now, don’t stress about it. You may find that in a few years, something changes and suddenly, it falls into place.

One really great place to look for more info on how to do it is Mantak Chia’s book The Multi-Orgasmic Woman. He approaches sex from the Taoist tradition, which works with sexuality as a form of energy that we can learn to channel, harness, and expand. If you’re familiar with energetic practices such as yoga, this perspective might be familiar. He has a book for men and one for male/female couples, too.

Another place you could look for information about this is Tantra. While most people only know about Tantra as a laundry list of sex positions from the Kama Sutra, there’s actually a lot more to it than that. Tantra is a set of practices that teach you to work with your sexual energy and it can help you expand your ability to experience pleasure, deepen intimacy, and have multiple orgasms. There are some good books like Urban Tantra and Tantric Sex for Women, as well as some DVDs.

In my experience, the best way to learn about Tantra is through experiential workshops because these are techniques that are much easier to understand when someone is demonstrating them. Most Tantra classes are fully-clothed and many are designed for people to come solo, while others are for couples. You can find out more about Tantra or look for workshop teachers on www.tantra.com.

One thing that I do want to be clear on: not everyone can become multi-orgasmic. If it doesn’t happen for you, there’s nothing wrong with you. I’ve seen a lot of people become very goal-oriented about it and they often end up sabotaging themselves because they’re not actually enjoying the sex that they’re having. So I encourage you to try it out and see what works for you, but don’t get so caught up in it that you forget to have fun. Otherwise, what’s the point?

Women Worry That Obama Is Throwing Them Under the Bus

TresSugar — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 14:42:32 -0800

Back in January, feminist magazine Ms. hailed Barack Obama as a super feminist. But the president's recent tepid response to protecting abortion rights might mean that the love affair with Obama is about to end for many women. Over at the Daily Beast, women's rights activist Amy Siskind argues that the Stupak amendment, which treats women's rights as a political bargaining chip that can be traded for healthcare reform, is just one more example of how Obama couldn't care less about women . . . except when he's trying to win their votes of course. She writes:

He appointed fewer women into his cabinet than President Bill Clinton. He surrounded himself with czars, more than 90 percent of whom are male. He appointed Larry Summers, of "girls are inferior in math and science" fame, to a key economic post. He played basketball, golfed and fished with men and men only. He had beers with Skip Gates, but ignored it when Rihanna was almost strangled to death. And so on.

Of course it's not all bad. Ms. released a report chronicling the giant strides Obama made for women during his first 100 days in office. These actions included: signing the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act, instituting a new ambassador-at-large for global women's issues, establishing the White House Council on Women and Girls, and overturning the "global gag rule" in order to re-fund global family planning organizations.

Has the Obama administration let you down when it comes to women's rights?