TresSugar

Dear Poll: Are You Easy to Get Ahold Of?

DearSugar — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 13:00:00 -0700

In this day and age, where most of us carry a BlackBerry, a cell phone, an iPhone, or maybe even all three, it's easier than ever to get ahold of people. My mom, for instance, always has her phone with her, no matter the day or the time. Then there's my BFF, who is notorious for never answering her phone and lagging on her email responses. While I understand the need to disconnect every once in a while, I love knowing that I can always rely on certain people in my life to answer my call or return my text. Where do you fall on the accessibility spectrum? Are you one that always has your phone out on the table, just in case, or do you prefer to remain a little out of touch?

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Picture It: Biden Fails to Make Amtrak Event Less Dull

CitizenSugar — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 13:30:16 -0700

Joe Biden and John Kerry held an event today at Union Station, announcing that Amtrak will receive $1.3 billion in funding from the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act to expand passenger rail capacity. Biden said, "For too long, we haven't made the investments we needed to make Amtrak as safe, as reliable, as secure as it can be. That ends now."

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You Asked: Is He Interested or Not?

DearSugar — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I'm just getting back into the dating scene after being in a four-year relationship. I met a new guy about a month ago, but we've only been on a handful of dates. He's intelligent, funny, attractive, we have very similar personalities and we always have a great time together. The only thing is I'm not sure if he likes me. He says he does, but what causes me to question him is his sporadic contact with me. We'll go on dates and then not talk for days in between. I really like him but I don't want to waste my time with someone who is not reliable. Should I give it time, or should I erase his number from my phone book? - Frustrated Fife

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Frustrated Fife,

Dating someone who is inconsistent or on a different time line than you can be incredibly frustrating, but it doesn't mean that he's not interested in you. The only way to know how he feels is by asking him, and although you're still in the early stages of dating, I think it's completely reasonable to let him know that you need a little more consistency in order to feel secure in this relationship. If he's not willing to give you what you need, he may just not be ready for a commitment, but if he does give you the confidence you're looking for, I think you should give it some more time. Since you haven't defined your relationship, perhaps this talk is exactly what you both need in order to step things up a few notches. Good luck.

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Sex Myth: Pull and Pray Works if the Guy Has Control

DearSugar — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 07:30:00 -0800

I'm with you; there really is no perfect form of birth control. Either you have to deal with taking hormones that affect your mood and decrease your sex drive, or you have to use condoms, which can make sex less enjoyable. You can also chart your cycle, but one little mistake and you can end up with an unplanned pregnancy.

Then there's the pull and pray method. While having unprotected sex, the guy pulls out and ejaculates outside the woman's body. No sperm inside means no baby, right? Perhaps, if not for one teeny detail. To find out what it is, read more.

Pre-cum, or pre-ejaculate as it's also called, is the one thing many couples forget about. This is the bit of fluid that releases from the man's penis before he ejaculates, and yes, it can contain sperm, and it only takes one little swimmer to reach a woman's egg in order to get her pregnant. The bottom line is this: if being a mom isn't on your current to-do list, do not rely on the pull and pray method, even if your guy can control his member's actions. Remember that he has no control over the release of pre-cum, so take the time to find a more reliable form of birth control that works for you.

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Dear Poll: Do You Prefer a Serious Man or a Kid at Heart?

DearSugar — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 17:00:00 -0700

I can appreciate a serious guy who is mature and looks at things from a rational point of view, but too much seriousness can be dull. Since I have to be able laugh, I love a guy who's a kid at heart, but not at the expense of his reliability. The ideal guy would possess a perfect combination of both traits, but if you had to choose, what would it be for you?

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Voters in Swing States Removed From Rolls Illegally

CitizenSugar — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 08:45:49 -0700

Since voting is already under way in Ohio, this Times investigation of voters being removed from the rolls in violation of federal law is troubling to say the least. At least six swing states appear to have illegally removed voters, ironically while these states were trying to comply with the 2002 Help America Vote Act intended to, um, help America vote.

Just how the states have deviated from the law varies: in Colorado and Michigan they're removing voters less than 90 days out from an election (not OK except in cases of death); Indiana, Nevada, North Carolina, and Ohio seem to be misusing Social Security data to verify voter registration (as illustrated in this graphic); and three other states have troubling use of the data as well. Under federal law, using Social Security data to verify voter registration is to be an absolute last resort as federal databases are less reliable than state.

To see what the investigation found, read more.

The Times found that, for instance, Nevada used the Social Security database more than 740,000 times to check voter files and found 715,000 nonmatches. Though the irregularities don't appear to be partisan, due to aggressive voter drives by the Obama campaign, those voters could be disproportionately affected.

With episodes of voter fraud already surfacing, and questions as whether foreclosure or mental illness affects voting status, does this new information indicate serious problems with our voting system? Do you anticipate big problems at the polls next month, or are these isolated incidents?

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You Asked: My Life Has Fallen Apart, Now What?

DearSugar — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I really feel like I am at the end of my rope. A year ago, I met the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. We didn't become official until this February, but since then his ex has been trying to contact him nonstop even though he's told her to leave him alone. I graduated from school this year and got a job. I lost that job this week. We live together so I imagine my not having a job has him under some stress.

Since then, I noticed he has resumed contact with her and in turn, has started acting mean towards me. He has called me fat and has referred to me as a loser. Now he has refused to have any physical contact with me, and has basically vanished out of the apartment without a trace. He claims he needs space, but won't say until when. He doesn't even seem sorry for the way he's treated me.

I don't know what to do and I am starting to feel very hopeless. I have no immediate job prospects, I have no money, and the guy I thought loved me now apparently wants nothing to do with me. I can't even call him because he will just tell me to leave him alone. I don't know what to do and I really am feeling severely depressed, to the point of immobility. I don't understand how things can change so quickly.

- Down and Out Deanna

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Down and Out Deanna,

The loss of a job and the disintegration of a relationship are difficult enough on their own, let alone together. I don't blame you for feeling lost and hopeless, but losses are a big part of life. Learning how to effectively cope with loss can mean the difference between being sad, and suffering through months of depression. As terrible as it is to be abandoned by the person you love in your time of need, learning how your significant other acts in a crisis is an amazing indicator of his personality.

What your boyfriend's behavior tells me is that he's not reliable for emotional support when he's stressed out. Instead of helping you work through this, he's using cruel language to berate you. You may not want to hear this now, but trust me, the end of this relationship is a blessing in disguise. Now you know who your boyfriend really is. It's painful, I know, but you'll have an easier time making it through this without someone you love calling you a loser.

First things first, reach out to your family and friends for support. Get them to help you update your résumé and see if their own companies are hiring. If you're really strapped for cash, reach out to your parents or a sibling for a loan; put it in writing if need be and mutually decide on a reasonable interest rate if necessary. And, of course, let them be there for you emotionally, too. No matter what, remember that you will get through this and will only be stronger for it in the end. There is happiness even in the darkest times, so don't stop looking for it.

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Michigan Asks: Does Foreclosure Take Away Right to Vote?

CitizenSugar — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 12:15:45 -0700

The housing crisis suddenly has a whole new address: voting rights. Yesterday the chairman of the Macomb County Republican Party was quoted in the Michigan Messenger as saying he's set to assign election challengers with "a list of foreclosed homes and [we] will make sure people aren't voting from those addresses." The statement voting laws, which require an address and a desire to make sure proper election procedures were followed. Furor erupted immediately, with Project Vote issuing the following statement:

The Macomb County GOP's plan is a cynical partisan attempt to suppress the vote of thousands of low-income and African-American voters. . . . Just because you're behind on your mortgage doesn't mean you lose the right to vote. . . the challengers will still achieve nothing but to slow down voting and create an intimidating atmosphere at strategically chosen polls.

The chairman has since announced to the Detroit News, "I never said anything even close to that. We won't be doing voter challenges on foreclosures, and we've never had a plan to do it." Challenges are allowed at the polls if the challenger "knows or has good reason to suspect" a voter isn't eligible, a rule the Secretary of State has clarified to need "reliable sources or means." There's also a new state law requiring voters to produce photo identification.

Outdated addresses could be a very real problem this election. Ohio earlier this summer said that 3,700 people are registered to vote at vacant addresses, and another 27,000 have filled out change-of-address notices without updating their registration. Will foreclosures and outdated voter lists affect the accuracy of the results?

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Are You Into Self-Deprecating Humor?

DearSugar — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 10:00:00 -0700

If you've ever seen Notting Hill, you witnessed Hugh Grant woo Julia Roberts with that quirky, self-deprecating sense of humor. As it turns out, a recent article in The Daily Mail says that same sense of humor can actually work in real life! Anthropologist Gil Greengross conducted a two-year study on the role sense of humor plays in seduction. Of course having a good sense of humor is attractive, but according to his findings, it's actually self-deprecating humor that is the most attractive. He explains:

It is a risky form of humour because it can draw attention to one's real faults, thereby diminishing the self-deprecator's status in the eyes of others. But based on the idea that verbal humour evolved to function as a fitness indicator, self-deprecating humour can be an especially reliable indicator, not only of general intelligence and verbal creativity, but also moral virtues such as humility.

I think occasional self-deprecating humor can be funny, but overall, I'm not a fan. What do you think? Are you generally attracted to men who use that kind of humor?

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What Motivates Female Suicide Bombers?

LibertySugar — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 03:00:13 -0700

Last week's terrorist bombing in Iraq, carried out by a woman, made many of you question the logic behind suicide bombings. While men are still far more likely to be suicide bombers than women, more and more women are ready to die and ready to kill. Male or female, the endgame is always the same, but what leads them to a crowded square with a bomb strapped on is not.

Time magazine tells the story of Hasna Maryi, a suicide bomber who found her calling after her brother died en route to his mission when a fellow jihadis's belt prematurely exploded. She was devastated: he would never be a martyr. His only path to salvation, she decided, was for her to complete his mission. Religion was not her motive (she hardly cracked the Koran growing up), but redemption was.

Hasna's story is not an anomaly. Research findings reported in Studies in Conflict and Terrorism found female suicide terrorists were more motivated by personal reasons and more likely to be recruited through peer influence, exploitation, and self-promotion than men, who found their fury in religion and nationalism and were recruited through religious persuasion.

In eJournal USA (as in paid for by the US government, just a disclosure . . .) the article "Women As Victims and Victimizers" examines the complicated question of why? To find out, read more.

What's in it for women? After all men are promised 72 virgins and everlasting paradise. Do women get 72 male virgins? No, of course not. Earthly motives, rather than celestial rewards, appear to inspire - or more likely corner - women into the role.

In fact, the most reliable predictor of a woman's involvement in terrorism is her relationship with a terrorist. Here's how it might happen:

The loss of a loved one, usually the dominant male in their life.
A need to reinvent self because of alleged or real sexual misconduct.
An inability to conceive children or not being considered marriage material.
A desire to improve the status of women in society.
A need to prove that they are just as dedicated as men to the cause.

Women's motivations are undeniably complex and should not be disregarded as pure emotion. But do explanations like these help you understand female bombers? Are they truly different than men? Could it be that these women are already suicidal and their culture provides an acceptable context - even an admirable cause - for them to die?

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