TresSugar

You Asked: I Don't Understand Why He's Rejecting Me

DearSugar — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

A friend of a friend asked me out about two months ago. We had known each other for a while, but we really hit it off at our mutual friend's birthday party. He pursued me and made me feel connected to him in a way I hadn't felt in a long time. Things were great for a few weeks; we talked on the phone and texted every day, went out a couple times a week, and we even started sleeping over at one another's apartments.

Then he started to pull back all of a sudden, telling me that he wasn't looking for anything serious and didn't want our relationship to affect his other friendships. This crushed me, and I have a strong feeling that our mutual friend had a hand in this. I've tried to talk to both of them about it, but I can't get a straight answer. Now the guy I was dating barely acknowledges me, even as a friend. I have to initiate every conversation and he always has an excuse for why he can't hang out. I really like him and don't understand how or why things changed seemingly overnight. I just don't know what to do - help! - Blindsided Betsey

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Dear Blindsided Betsey,

Without getting a straight answer from the guy you were seeing, you'll never know the motivation behind his decision to pull away from you. Sure, your mutual friend could have a part in it, but that's just speculation until you get the truth from the horse's mouth, so to speak. Since he's not taking the initiative to spark conversation with you, you have two choices. One, you can let things settle down for the time being, or two, you can ask him to coffee or to meet for a drink in order to talk everything out and understand his change of heart.

At the end of the day, not all relationships work out, and if he continues to avoid you, I'd close this chapter in your life and move on. Fighting for someone who doesn't want to be with you never feels good so hopefully you'll be able to get the answers you need sooner rather than later.

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Dear Poll: Have You Ever Been Heartbroken?

DearSugar — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 09:00:00 -0700

If falling in love makes people deliriously happy, then getting your heart broken is emotionally shattering. And while there may be a lesson to be learned, truthfully I can’t really think of anything good about a broken heart. But alas, it is a part of life. So, have you ever had your heart broken?

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The How-To Lounge: Rejecting Someone

DearSugar — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 09:00:00 -0700

No matter which end you’re on, rejection is an unpleasant experience. Though in some ways rejecting someone might be easier than being rejected, it can still be difficult to negotiate, especially if you want to do it nicely. So if you’ve got to let someone down easy, I have some tips to share. To see them, please read more.

Always proceed with kindness. Even if you don’t feel like being nice at the time, later down the road you’ll be thankful you kept things friendly.
Don’t treat anyone in a way that you wouldn’t want to be treated. Yes, we learned this one back in grammar school, but it’s incredibly true.
Avoid hollow sentiments. It’s easy to throw out all the clichés in the book, but your rejectee will appreciate hearing the honest truth. Applicable to breakups only: never use the “it’s not you; it’s me” line. Even if it’s true, no one believes it.
Consider your words carefully. Just because you’re being honest, doesn’t mean you can’t phrase things to sound gentler.
When people are being rejected, they’re likely to demand answers and get angry. If you encounter a situation like this, try to take their accusatory questions in stride. Their anger is normal, and it won’t help anything to get defensive.

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Dear Poll: Have You Ever Stood Someone Up?

DearSugar — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 16:00:00 -0700

I asked you yesterday what would be worse: to go on a nightmare blind date or be stood up and so far, 53 percent of you felt that being stood up was far worse. I happen to agree - being rejected by someone who hasn't even given you a chance sure is a blow to your ego. But all the times I talk about the notion of standing someone up, I've asked you about being stood up, not standing someone up. So ladies, now's your chance to come clean: have you ever stood up an impending date?

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The How-To Lounge: Coping With Rejection

DearSugar — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Rejection is an awful mix between being extremely offended and feeling like an utter failure with some shame and humiliation on the side. And of course, even if you try to avoid it, it’s going to happen eventually. While I don’t have any surefire ways to make rejection painless, I do have a few ideas to make it a bit easier. To check them out, read more.

Because there’s something so embarrassing about being rejected, the natural reaction is to either pretend it didn’t happen or prevent it from happening. I don’t recommend either of these. Begging someone to change their mind will only make you feel worse and acting like it didn’t happen won’t change the facts.
Once you’ve given yourself a reality check, go ahead and feel bad for a while. Even if you didn’t really like the person all that much or didn't really want that job, getting kicked to the curb is always a blow to your self-esteem so don’t be afraid to whine to your friends. Let them remind you of just how amazing you really are!
After you’ve worked through the sadness and embarrassment, it’s natural to start to feel angry, but instead work on not taking it so personally. While you may be a completely amazing person inside and out, not everyone can love you - it truly is their loss!
When it comes to relationship rejections, always keep in mind that you don’t want to waste your time on someone who doesn’t want to be with you. Even if you really liked the person and saw potential, if they don’t want to make it work with you then it’s never going to work.
Don’t let it scare you. Probably the most important part of handling rejection is making sure that it doesn’t hold you back. Unless you’re willing to miss something really great, you have to pick yourself up and get back out there!

Rejection isn’t fun, but a little can go a long way when it comes to learning an invaluable lesson about yourself, so take it in stride. Most rejections end up being hilarious stories down the road anyways!

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Group Therapy: Is It Normal to Feel This Way?

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 03:00:00 -0700

Last year, I fell really hard for my best guy friend. He had feelings for me too but was also interested in another girl. I took a risk and told him how I felt, and he rejected me. He's been dating the other girl for about nine months. We are still extremely close, and he makes a lot of time for me in his schedule because we enjoy each other's company so much. However, my feelings regarding him have changed recently.

We've had a few very emotional talks in the past couple months, and I've realized that what I want isn't always good for me - I wouldn't even date him if he dumped his girlfriend and asked me out. I'm finding myself irritated with him more often, and I even feel sick when he talks about his girlfriend. When I'm not hanging out with him, I almost feel angry at him. Our friendship has never been better, and I'm so happy that I don't have feelings for him anymore, but is it normal that I resent him so much?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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Group Therapy: Having trouble getting over it.

Mon, 13 Aug 2007 14:00:00 -0700

This really attractive guy pursued me for a good 2 months before I agreed to go on a date with him. As we began to date I knew I was having a really great time with him but was holding myself back because I was afraid to like him. After a month and half into dating, I finally accepted the fact that I did like this guy and began to let my gaurd down. That's when he began to retreat. Sure enough, after 3 months of dating he called it quits.

I was pretty shaken up. I had tried to protect myself from being hurt and apparently didn't entrust my heart to the right person....again. So here it is 4 weeks later and I'm still upset. I'm having a hard time dealing with the rejection. I don't know what happened, or how it happend. One day things were great and the next they weren't. I'm usually fine during the day, but at night I get upset all over again and just wish he'd call me or come back.

Any advice on how to deal?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

Choose Your Own Adventure: Rejected Titles

GiggleSugar — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 08:00:00 -0700

Choose Your Own Adventure was a series of children's game books published around 1979 - 1998 which allowed you to take the role as the protagonist and make choices that determined your/your character's fate. It was written in the second person ("You are about to enter a cave...") and let you choose your own adventure ("If you decide to start back home, turn to page 4..."). Here are some rejected titles. I wonder why?

View 5 Photos ›

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Rejected Valentine's Day Cards

GiggleSugar — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 08:00:00 -0800

Preprinted holiday cards - why can't they be honest for a change?

Front Page: Maine Voters Reject Gay Marriage

TresSugar — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 08:00:12 -0800

Voters in Maine voted to repeal legislature-approved gay marriage yesterday by 53 to 47 percent. - Politico
Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin will host the Oscars together this year. - BuzzSugar
Michael Bloomberg has won a third term as New York City's mayor, after spending a record $90 million on the campaign. - New York Times
Convicted rapist Anthony Sowell has been charged with five counts of aggravated murder, as investigators in Cleveland, OH, continue to search for bodies in his home. - CNN
Roman Polanski's defense team will argue for the dismissal of the director's sexual assault case during a hearing to be held in US court on Dec. 10. - LA Times
Judge who disapproved of interracial marriages resigns. - CNN

Source: Flickr User Hodgey