TresSugar

Do You Have a "Gay Best Friend"?

TresSugar — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 10:05:11 -0700

Every single woman needs a gay best friend to give her crucial dating and fashion advice, or so the axiom holds. There's even a definitive book on the genre of friendship - Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys - which celebrates "one of the most important relationships in a straight girl's life."

In a piece in Salon today, writer Thomas Rogers has a more critical take on the stereotypical relationship. He writes:

From Sex and the City (Carrie and her queeny sidekick Sanford) to The Real Housewives of Atlanta (NeNe Leakes and her "gay boyfriend"). It's turned what was once a special relationship between two cultural outsiders - gay men and the straight women who love them - into an eye-rolling cliché. It also turned me and other young gay men into something unexpected: a must-have item.

Rogers argues that the so-called gay best friend should just be called "a friend." That works for me. Is there someone in your life you consider to be your gay best friend.

You Asked: I Can't Commit, What's Wrong With Me?

DearSugar — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I have this problem; I make up my mind about girls within days or weeks of dating them and then I don't know how to proceed. I will realize, for whatever reason, that it's not going to work out long term so I break up with them. I am usually very quick to inform them that I don't see myself marrying them, and in turn, they get hurt feelings and blame me for being a bad guy. I don't know what my problem is; most of the girls I date are incredible women; sweet, confident, smart, beautiful, etc, and hurting them is never my intention, so is there something I am overlooking? I would like to keep some of these girls as friends, but that almost never happens. Do you have any advice? - Heart-Breaker Henry

To see DearSugar's answer read more.

Dear Heart-Breaker Henry,

Let me start off by saying that I don't think there's anything wrong with you because it hasn't worked out with any of these women; you just haven't met the right one yet, that's all. While honesty is always a good policy, especially in the world of dating, you might want to shy away from telling them that they aren't marriage material. Some of us women are ubersensitive about the M word so instead, just tell them that you don't see a future with them and leave it at that - it might decrease the number of hurt feelings.

If you feel these women are perfect on paper, try looking back and asking yourself what the common thread is. Is it a lack of chemistry, or are you attracted to the same type of girl over and over again despite your lack of success? Whatever the theme is, try to break the cycle - go out of your comfort zone and date some women that don't fit your mold. You might be surprised to see that what you like isn't what you thought after all. In the meantime, I think you can continue to be honest about your feelings, but try not to make decisions prematurely - sometimes it takes a few weeks to get to know someone's true colors. I hope I was of some help!

Source

You Asked: Why Am I Still Thinking About Him?

DearSugar — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

About two years ago, I started dating a guy who I was head over heels about. We had so much in common and I loved being with him. For some reason, I got super insecure in the relationship, and he eventually broke up with me.

About six months later we made an attempt at reconciliation, where all I did was try to be patient and apologize, and he completely took advantage of my insecurities and treated me like crap. He was mean and horrible and refused to try to work on things with me. To make a long story short, we eventually stopped speaking.

It's been about nine months since we spoke, and he destroyed me, but for some reason, I still compare every guy to him, him being compared favorably! I don't understand why I can't get over this or what is wrong with me. Any advice or suggestions? - Stuck in the Past Paula

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more

Dear Stuck in the Past Paula,

It's really easy to idealize a past relationship, but it's important to be realistic about your ex. Although you did have good times together, you need to remember that when it came down to it, he didn't treat you in the way you deserved to be treated. We all have ex boyfriends and, in order to learn what it is that we want and don't want out of our next relationship, listen to the lessons you learned.

It's perfectly normal to compare boyfriends, but be true to who they were. If you only focus on their best qualities, you aren't being fair to yourself or your new flame. Since you are still favoring your ex boyfriend out of these comparisons, it's pretty clear that you are not quite ready to let go of your past. Time is a great healer and remember E. Jean's advice, finding a good guy is just a numbers game. Make yourself available and remember that you're going to have to kiss some frogs before you find your prince, but sooner than later your ex will be a part of your distant past. Good luck.

Source

You Asked: Should I Break It Off Before He Does?

DearSugar — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I have been going out with my boyfriend for almost seven months now and it's been great. The only thing is that one of my not-so-great friends likes him, too. My best friend said she heard a rumor saying that they are seeing each other "undercover," and talking all the time over IM. My friend also found out that this girl is telling him to break it off with me and he's actually been thinking about it. My best friend is not the kind to lie but I don't want to believe it. When I asked my boyfriend if it was true, he just said they were friends but that he thought she was hot. Do you think I should stay with him or break up? I really do love him like I've never loved anyone else, but I also know that love can make you blind to the obvious. I don't want to end up getting my heart broken.

-Insecure Samantha

To see Dear Sugar's answers read more

Dear Insecure Samantha,

There's nothing wrong with your boyfriend thinking that someone else is good looking - I bet you think other guys are hot too. The thing that matters is whether or not he's cheating on you. Jealousy is a nasty character trait which makes people do crazy things sometimes, so if you have no evidence that your boyfriend's been unfaithful, ignore the rumors that you hear. If you believe in your heart that he wants to be with you, then I'd stay with him.

The key to a healthy relationship is trust and honesty, so keep the lines of communication open and get this girl out of your head. Of course there's no guarantee that you won't end up with a broken heart, but at the end of the day, at least you can say you gave the relationship all you had before quitting over petty gossip. I hope things work out for you two.

Source