TresSugar

Dear Poll: What's Your Take on Promise Rings?

DearSugar — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 13:00:00 -0800

Ashlee Simpson has been sporting a diamond ring on her left ring finger, which has recently caused quite a stir. Theydebunked engagement rumors yesterday, setting the record straight and clearing up the confusion - the ring is actually a promise ring, not an engagement ring. Ashlee was quoted saying, "it just means that he (Pete Wentz) hasn't asked my dad yet."

This got me thinking - what's the point of buying an expensive ring to wear on the same ring finger as an engagement ring if you're not going to just pop the question? I mean isn't a promise ring just delaying the inevitable? Clearly I don't see the point in taking this step but what about you? What's your take on promise rings?

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Obama's Promises to LGBT Community Not Yet Fulfilled

TresSugar — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 08:30:00 -0700

"I am proud to join with and support the LGBT community in an effort to set our nation on a course that recognizes LGBT Americans with full equality under the law. That is why I support extending fully equal rights and benefits to same sex couples under both state and federal law. That is why I support repealing the Defense of Marriage Act and the "Don't Ask Don't Tell" policy, and the passage of laws to protect LGBT Americans from hate crimes and employment discrimination. "

These words written last year to LGBT Democrats by then presidential candidate Barack Obama ring empty for many today. Here's a breakdown of what the Obama administration has done since January 2009.

DOMA: This week, Obama's Justice Department defended DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) in federal court with a brief that compared gay marriage to incest and pedophilia. The New York Times pointed out that Obama should defend the current law in a less hurtful way, while putting pressure on Congress to repeal it.
Benefits: Under pressure yesterday, Obama extended benefits to the partners of gay federal workers. But he still fell short, leaving open questions about which benefits would be granted and when the benefits would be granted.
Don't Ask, Don't Tell: Since Obama's been in charge, 253 gay service members have been discharged due to the policy, and the commander in chief hasn't put pressure on Congress or the military to repeal it.
Hate Crimes: The Matthew Shepard Act, which would extend federal hate-crime law to include crimes motivated by a victim's actual or perceived sexual orientation or gender identify, is still sitting in committee in Congress.

Should Obama do more to uphold his campaign promises of equality to LGBT Americans, or can that wait until more pressing issues are resolved?

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Intimacy Device Helps Long-Distance Couples See the Love

TresSugar — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 11:43:34 -0700

No, not that kind of intimacy device; this one has glimmers of science fiction. But if you're in a long-distance relationship, some British researchers want to help you get more intimate with your partner. A new invention, dubbed Mutsugoto, allows couples to "communicate intimacy" by drawing with lights on each other's bodies. Sounds hot!

The device promises to go beyond phone calls and email by allowing people to "communicate through the language of touch as expressed on the canvas of the human body." But it's not as simple as reaching out and touching someone.

Here's how it works: couples wear touch-activated rings on their bodies, and a camera mounted above the bed reads the rings. When one person moves the rings over her body, the strokes are transmitted and projected as light on the partner's far-away body. When the strokes cross, the lines change color.

This device might be a creative way for long-distance couples to break their routines of communication, but video chats still sound a lot more practical to me. To see a video demonstration, read more.

Mutsugoto from Distance Lab on Vimeo.

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Fear Factor: Arrested Johns Scared Away From Sex in Class

CitizenSugar — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 08:00:22 -0800

John school is a newish solution to an age-old problem: Prostitution and the men who buy it.

What does it take to get in? Solicit a prostitute on the streets of Los Angeles and get caught once (v. important, for two-timers go to jail). Once there men are yelled at for eight hours and shown, vividly, what can go wrong in the money-for-sex exchange. They see photos of men beaten up by pimps and closeups of bodies inflamed with STDs. And that's just the morning! In the afternoon, they listen to recovering sex addicts and former prostitutes tell their stories, getting a glimpse of the abuse that circulates through prostitution rings. Tuition is $600.

What's in it for graduates? A second chance in exchange for a promise (sealed with a jail threat) to change their ways. Misdemeanor solicitation charges loom overhead for one year, but are dropped for those who make it through with no arrests.

The no-nonsense, exhaustive class is meant to be impersonal, terrifying, and not at all therapeutic. And that's exactly why so many sociologists are surprised it works. Yet if a similar program in San Francisco, which cut recidivist rates by 30 percent, is any indication, it does. To find out why, read more.

Most johns are dabblers not deviants."These guys fall into one of three basic categories," a researcher who studied the San Francisco program said. "Sad sacks who are looking for a girlfriend-like experience; those who don't want to deal with the emotional component of a relationship and just want the sex; and thrill seekers. Only a very small number are actual sociopaths."

Well! There you go. Most aren't crazy. But that doesn't address (not that the justice systems cares) the underlying loneliness that sends lost men looking in the first place.

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Bristol Palin's Boyfriend Levi Johnston, Talks Relationship

CitizenSugar — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 08:00:24 -0700

Though it probably won't change the course of the election in the least, Levi Johnston, the father of Bristol Palin's baby, gave a rare interview with the Associated Press. Just in case you're curious, and . . . oh, fine. I am. Here's what Levi had to say:

On weddings, shotgun:
"None of that's true. We both love each other. We both want to marry each other. And that's what we are going to do.''

So...? Boy/girl?
No names were discussed but he said, 'I'm looking forward to having him. I'm going to take him hunting and fishing. He'll be everywhere with me.''

That dicey "I don't want kids" MySpace page?
Levi says it was created by his friends a couple of years ago as a joke.

On his relationship with Bristol:
'We were planning on getting married a long time ago with or without the kid. That was the plan from the start.''

View 5 Photos ›

To see thoughts on his Bristol tattoo and fatherhood, read more.

How the AP described Levi:
"Johnston is an avid hunter. He's dark haired, tall and muscular, sports a bit of stubble and drives a red Chevy Silverado truck. He'd be the perfect cover for Field & Stream."

On the Bristol finger tattoo:
He says he lost a promise ring Bristol gave him on a caribou hunt, and figured the ink was less likely to go missing.

Has the attention changed him?
"I'm still the same old boy. I'm just a workin' man.''

So. . . you're going to be a dad? You ready?
''We're up for it. I'm excited to have my first kid. It's going to be a lot of hard work but we can handle it.''

Who's going to win the election?
''I just hope she wins. She's my future mother-in-law. She better win.''

So nope, not a story with hard-hitting policy points or sentiments with global reach and import, but fun? Your thoughts on Levi? Is he the "Wasilla heartthrob" the AP says he is?

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Grand-Theft Auto It's Not. Video Games Ease Soldiers' PTSD

CitizenSugar — Wed, 21 May 2008 11:00:52 -0700

Soldiers and Marines are iron tough in battle - though the biggest enemy they face sometimes doesn't show up until they get home. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or major depression afflicts nearly 20 percent of troops returning from Iraq and Afghanistan. One-half don't seek treatment. But a new treatment, Virtual Iraq, allows troops to delve into their trauma without landing on the couch.

With many soldiers avoiding treatment out of fear of stigma, a customized version of the best-selling videogame Full Spectrum Warrior has become a promising option. Since 2005, the Department of Defense has poured funding into it and two other virtual-reality programs targeting PTSD. And psychologists like JoAnn Difede - who treated Sept. 11 victims with a similar program called Virtual WTC - are hopeful. She said:

You don't have to do any work. You don't have to engage in any mental effort. We'll do it for you and then, gradually, we'll let you get involved in the experience in sensory detail.

Slow and steady wins the race with this therapy. A patient's readiness to move on must be carefully assessed. Looking at an Iraqi street scene may begin and end the first session, but slowly sounds and smells and actions are added. It can take months.

How is this even helpful? To see how, read more.

It's a form of prolonged-exposure, or immersion, therapy. The idea is to expose a patient to the source of trauma over and over until the event or situation no longer triggers fear. If you remember psychology and this sounds a lot like "habituation," it's because it is. (Does Pavlov ring a bell? Heh! Bell.)

While results are still pending on the efficacy of Virtual Iraq so far it's promising. After a few weeks of exposure, one marine was able to sleep without medication, felt more relaxed, and could joke around. He said:

Before I felt like there were two people in me. The marine who was numb, who was a tough guy, and the civilian in me, the real me, the guy who isn't serious all the time, the guy who can take a joke. By the end of therapy, I felt more like one person.

Should we be exploring more cutting-edge methods of treating the whole soldier? Could forcing them to relive the sights, sounds, and smells of battle, actually help soldiers cope?

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Green With Ennui: 4 Ways Eco-Mania Wears Out Its Welcome

CitizenSugar — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 14:30:43 -0700

Organic or local? Fuel-efficient hybrid or used car? Will your plastic water bottle kill you? And, FYI, biofuel, which sounded so smart a few years back, could destroy Asian rain forests.

Sigh. Americans have been inundated with information since environmentalism went mainstream with An Inconvenient Truth and "green" became buzzword. It's possible that weariness is what's polluting our air and a backlash is a brewing.

The New York Times calls it green noise. Too much information on constant rotation. Some of it is contradictory. Most of it is vexing. And it's all overwhelming.

But this influx of pro-environmental info isn't just overwhelming people, it could be annoying them. What makes it so counter-productively obnoxious? To find out four ways, read more.

Marketing Ploys
Green is chic! Civilized. Enlightened. Like public radio and brunch. Or so advertisers would like us to believe. In 2007, Americans were between 22 and 55 percent less likely to buy green products than they were in 2006. Market research found people rolling their eyes and saying "not another green message."And let's not forget those ploys that are just bizarre and the marketing against the marketing. I need a nap with an organic blankie.
Conflicting Information
It seems every new piece of information contradicts the last. One man interviewed in the Times article flipped a coin in frustration to settle on his new car: a used Ford Escape hybrid. And then his brother, who works in the solar-power industry, asked, “Where are you going to bury the battery?” Oy!

And I'm not even touching the great Nalgene debate - those reusable plastic bottles, which as late as last summer were smart alternatives to bottled water, that are now a waste of petroleum and, possibly, cancer causing. Gulp.
Scare Tactics
The polar bears are drowning. We're the last generation to roam the earth. Those hurricanes are only going to get worse. Dr. Susanne Moser, the co-author of Creating a Climate For Change, told the Independent there's been too much emphasis on doomsday scenarios and the changes we're told to make yield few visible results. She compared it to a strict diet that only promised less weight gain in the future.
Eco Hypocrisy
The media is not letting the touted green life go unexamined. Did that celebrity just fly a private jet after speaking about global warming? Oh yes she did. Even Al Gore, the prince of greenness himself, has not escaped the media's hypocrisy meter.

Does any of this ring true to you? Is there a limit to the amount of green you can view before you see red?

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Where Do You Stand: Engaged to Be Engaged

DearSugar — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 11:00:00 -0700

I can be picky when it comes to certain terminology - you know how I feel about the use of "banged" and "nagging". Sometimes a word or phrase just gets under my skin, like "engaged to be engaged." Though I understand what the phrase is meant to describe, I find it frustrating, because it seems to put an entirely satisfactory relationship into the context of marriage. Perhaps a couple is more than happy just being where they are and feels no need to justify their relationship status with a totally made-up phrase.

Like promise rings, I just don't get the appeal, but do you agree? Or do you find it a perfectly reasonable description? When it comes to the phrase "engaged to be engaged" to represent a serious couple's status, where do you stand?

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Three Things You Need to Know About Michigan and Florida

CitizenSugar — Sat, 31 May 2008 07:30:51 -0700

We're about to hear the end of the big Michigan/Florida do-the-delegates-count snafu - and they're showing the whole debate live now! I just know you're popping the popcorn and settling in to watch the whole shebang - here are three things to know while you watch the showdown.

The Role of Republicans in the Florida Trouble:

Were the Democrats sabotaged? Though Florida's Republican-controlled state legislature determined the date of the primary and Republican lawmakers did push vigorously for an early contest, it started with a Democrat. State Sen. Jeremy Ring introduced the legislation to reschedule the primary He said, "one thing you can be sure of," he said that Florida will be relevant during the primaries.” He's also said that he wasn't duped by anyone. Then the voting. Not one Democratic member of the state House voted against the measure, and hardly any opposition in the Senate.

I promised three, and I will not ask for a change of the rules after the beginning of the game - for the rest, read more.

Has Hillary Always Wanted the Votes Counted?

Not exactly. Clinton said in 2007 "it's clear that this election they're having [in Michigan] is not going to count for anything." A little bit later, her campaign manager said, "We believe Iowa, New Hampshire, Nevada, and South Carolina play a unique and special role in the nominating process. . . . and the DNC's rules and its calendar provide the necessary structure to respect and honor that role. Thus, we will . . . adhere to the DNC-approved nominating calendar."

Then on Jan. 25 (after Michigan and Florida) she said, "And so I will ask my Democratic convention delegates to support seating the delegations from Florida and Michigan."

What's Likely to Happen Today?

Probably not awarding the delegates according to the popular vote and seating all of them, like Clinton would like. The Rules and Bylaws Committee probably will not reverse the sanctions completely - that's a decision that would set a bad precedent for other states and start the primary season for the 2012 election, around tomorrow. The committee members "have expressed little interest in the option of seating all the delegates." They will probably follow the recommendation of DNC lawyers who say that the appropriate legal resolution would either be to allow half the number of delegates from each state into the convention, or let the full delegations attend with half a vote each. Obama will likely get a party favor of delegates from his missed Michigan contest.

Newsweek has two great FAQs with even more tangly info - just so you'll know exactly what to yell at the screen. What do you think the outcome of today will mean for Hillary?

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Would You Get Engaged on a Whim?

DearSugar — Tue, 13 May 2008 10:00:00 -0700

For those of you that aren't a fan of my favorite show The Bachelor, you'll be glad to know that it's over! But the rest of you were probably glued to the TV last night to see who Matt picked. Shayne was my favorite from the get go, but I have to say I was surprised to see him actually propose at the end. Most of the bachelors get on bended knee and offer the ring as a promise for the future, not necessarily asking for their hand in marriage. Now I'm all for taking a chance on love, but getting engaged on a whim just isn't my style - I only want to be engaged and married once so I'll wait however long it takes to make sure we're both ready to take such a step, but what about you? Would you ever just go for it and take a chance like Matt and Shayne are doing?