TresSugar

The Rules of Casual Sex

DearSugar — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 07:00:00 -0700

We've discussed how a friends-with-benefits situation can lead to problems. But if you're single, sometimes you want to be able to enjoy a little nooky with a partner who you actually know, so there are some perks to having a trusted booty call. Of course it's all about finding a balance between physical intimacy and emotional detachment. In the hopes of helping achieve this perfect and elusive equilibrium of the casual hook-up, Daily Bedpost has formulated a list of 25 rules. I picked my favorites below, and threw in a few of my own, too.

Both parties must be either single or in open relationships.
Exes you are currently friends with make ideal booty call partners. However, if one party broke the other's heart, pursuing a booty-call arrangement is a no-no (at least for 24 months).
If you're not having fun, then by definition, it isn't a proper booty call.
Just because the sex is casual doesn't make it an appropriate topic for casual conversation. Be discreet.
Don't assume that duration implies relationship progression.

Click here to see the rest of Daily Bedpost's rules, and to check out my additions, just read more.

If you feel yourself getting emotionally invested, don't convince yourself that he's feeling the same way. In fact, as soon as you notice those feelings rising without reciprocation, end things.
Don't use someone who has feelings for you as your casual hook-up. Imagine how you'd feel if someone did that to you.
Even if you're not sleeping with anyone other than him, get STI tests regularly. (You don't know who else he might be having sex with.)

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Group Therapy: How Can I Make Sex Last Longer?

Tue, 07 Oct 2008 03:00:00 -0700

I've been with the same guy for three years, and we've always had a very active sex life. I only see him on the weekends during the school year, but we usually have sex about three or four times each day that I am home. However, even after three years, it seems like we can't go longer than around 10 minutes. I know that sometimes he is quick the first time, but I really am aroused after that time and want to have sex again. He needs about an hour before he can go again. Is there anything we can do to make his recovery time shorter? I feel like if our foreplay is longer, things just end up happening faster. Any advice would be great.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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Dear Poll: Do You Like Getting Looks?

DearSugar — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 13:00:00 -0700

A little flattery can go a long way when it comes to boosting the ego, but even praise can get excessive sometimes. To be honest, I’ve never been a fan of the male gaze; no matter the guy, I just don’t like being stared at. My girlfriends see it as a form of flattery, but to me, being ogled is just too much. Is this flattery you can get behind, or do you prefer to grab your compliments verbally?

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Do Tell: What's Your Definition of Perfect Foreplay?

DearSugar — Sun, 25 May 2008 10:00:00 -0700

While quickies can be fun, I think there's something to be said for languishing in some serious foreplay. Not only does it really get you in the mood, but it's a great opportunity to communicate your needs to your partner.

I think foreplay is best when you take your time, letting a burst of intensity sneak in every once and a while, but some people like foreplay to be short and sweet. Every woman's different, and we all have our own set of likes and dislikes, so do tell: What's your definition of perfect foreplay?

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Group Therapy: Is Our Relationship Boring Already?

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 03:00:00 -0700

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost four months, but have had feelings for each other for almost a year. We slept together for the first time about a month and a half ago and it was boring! It was plain old missionary and he finished and pulled out before I even got into it. Since then, nothing has changed and I'm worried that we've already fallen into a routine by a) almost skipping foreplay altogether and b) rarely changing positions. He never focuses on pleasuring me while we're having sex and while I understand that it's nearly impossible to continue sex after he's ejaculated, how can I communicate that I need satisfaction too without hurting his feelings?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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Dear Poll: Have You Ever Fantasized About Someone Else?

DearSugar — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 13:00:00 -0700

It’s always been assumed that every once and a while, men fantasize about another woman while having sex. But for women, fantasizing about someone else often leads to feelings of guilt and relationship insecurity. However, truth be told, just as a small crush is perfectly normal, so is fantasizing about someone else while doing the deed. Taking it to an extreme is never good, but a casual appearance by Javier Bardem is fine by me! So ladies, tell me, have you ever fantasized about someone else while having sex with your significant other?

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You Asked: He's Not Pleasing Me in Bed

DearSugar — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I are both 20, and we have been dating for almost two years. We're a very sexual couple and have sex at least three times a week, however I'm not so sure it's because he's attracted to me or because he just needs the sex. He watches porn every other day and masturbates daily. When we have sex, I usually pleasure him orally first and then we have sex because he says he won't go as fast that way. But a lot of the time after I go down on him, he won't be able to get an erection again so I end up on top doing all the work.

I just can't help but feel that he isn't attracted to me sexually, but just wants the sex from any girl. It's very frustrating both emotionally and physically. We're in love and have a very good relationship, but I just wish he wanted to please me (instead of just himself). What do I do to bring it to his attention without making him feel insecure about his sexual abilities? His lack of interest in pleasing me is making me feel unattractive and unwanted. Please help!

- All Give and No Get Gracie

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more.

Dear All Give and No Get Gracie,

It doesn't sound like either one of you are communicating when it comes to your sexual needs and concerns. First of all, from a physical stand point, it doesn't make sense that your boyfriend wants to experience oral sex immediately preceding vaginal intercourse; men take a substantial amount of time before they can maintain a full erection after an orgasm. Though it can be as short as thirty minutes, it's still not immediate, meaning that engaging in sexual activity with you isn't going to be nearly as pleasurable as it would be if you waited for his body to fully recover.

However, your boyfriend has mentioned that he's worried about lasting long enough, so I have to wonder if he's paranoid about premature ejaculation and so avoids the possibility completely. Again, this is something that you can only learn by opening up to him and asking him to open up to you. Explain to your boyfriend exactly what you told me. Let him know that you want to learn more ways to please him during intercourse, and you want him to be more involved with your sexual satisfaction as well.

It's important to remember that your sexual needs are incredibly important. As with all other parts of a relationship, sex requires talking, so the only way to get what you want is to tell him! And don't forget to ask him what he wants, too. Good luck.

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What's With Elexa?

DearSugar — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 08:00:00 -0700

Have you ever seen Elexa condoms at the drugstore and wondered what made them so different? Yeah sure, they have a very lovely colorful package with a sexy woman on the front, but there's more to it.

Elexa is a brand made by Trojan, that's specifically designed for women. They make a premium line of products created from a woman's perspective that are designed to help women experience a more fulfilling, safe sex life. I think we all need to be signed up for that!

I've already told you about the vibrating ring, but check out these other Elexa products.

Intimacy Gel	Freshening Cloths
Natural Feel Condoms	Stimulating Condoms
Ultra Sensitive Condom	Vibrating Ring

A Fun Thing to do With Your Lover

DearSugar — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 08:00:00 -0700

I know I'm always looking for ways to spice up the action in the bedroom, so here's a fun idea you can try out. It's called "YOUR Turn - MY Turn," and here's how it works.

Choose 2 consecutive nights that you and your partner are available. If you want, you can even plan a 2-night weekend getaway somewhere.
Let it be your partner's turn first. That means for the entire night, they get to decide what you do to them and for them. Do they want you to make them dinner, and then have chocolate-covered strawberries and champagne in a bubble bath? Do they want a full body massage? Do they want you to dress up in a special, sexy outfit? Or do they want to choose certain sex positions they always wanted to try? It's totally up to your partner to decide - but you do have to make sure that whatever they're asking is respectful and not causing any pain or uncomfortable feelings.
Then the next night, guess what? It's YOUR turn. Do you want to go out to dinner and then come home and have your partner give you a 30-minute foot massage? Do you want to try using a new sex toy? Do you want to make love in the shower? Or maybe you want your lover to spend an hour kissing every single part of your body. It's totally up to you.

This "YOUR Turn - MY Turn" idea is great if you and your significant other have reached a boring plateau in your relationship. It'll bring back some of the fire that got you two together in the first place. Plus it gives you a chance to ask for things you might feel shy about otherwise. It's also a way to show your lover how much you appreciate and love them. Could you think of a better way to spend 2 nights?

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Dear Poll: Coming to Our Senses

DearSugar — Tue, 06 Mar 2007 14:12:21 -0800

When we're busy, tired or overwhelmed, it's easy to become less aware of our surroundings, less connected to ourselves or others, and less tuned in to our pleasures. But our 5 senses act as the conduits for comfort, contact and enjoyment, and we rob ourselves of many rich experiences when our awareness strays.

For the rest of today, try to notice the sensual information around you. Do you need to go in search of quieter sounds, a little breeze, or the smell of wet leaves?

If you had to prioritize, which sense is most important to you? Which sense seems most sensitive?

And, in the spirit of prompting a thorough inventory, if you had to give up one of your senses for a year, which would you sacrifice?

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