TresSugar

Dear Poll: Are You a Phone Person?

DearSugar — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Some people are born talkers. They could gab on the phone for hours on end and still find more things to discuss. Then there are those who almost pray to get voicemail in hopes of avoiding a live conversation. I actually consider myself a good phone person, but when the individual on the other end isn't, it can make for some incredibly awkward conversation. Of course face to face communication always makes for higher quality conversation, but tell me, are you a phone person?

Source

Pillow Talk: Who's Calling?

DearSugar — Mon, 05 Mar 2007 14:30:00 -0800

Dating has gotten cozy with technology in 21st century America. There are dozens of ways for people to contact each other, and giving out your phone number feels like a measure of last resort anymore. And while an e-mail or a text message provides a nice screening step, a phone call still offers important cues about tone, humor and how someone actually interacts, listens, and responds.

Click here to read more

Exchanging flirtatious e-mails at work will no doubt make the day fly by and produce that little high you feel when a message appears. But in the very early stages of getting to know someone, if that's your primary form of interaction with a potential mate, I can't help but see a red flag. According to USA Today

More then 90% of U.S. wireless customers are equipped to send text, according to the Cellular Telecommunications & Internet Association in Washington, D.C. The number sent between these devices has doubled every year, exploding to nearly 7.3 billion messages in June 2005 alone, compared with 2.9 billion in June 2004.

While texting and emailing can be entertaining, there's also a lot of room for misunderstanding, avoidance, mixed messages, and a feeling of connection without the responsibility of connection. Besides, last week's misbehaving online cites a lot of subtle information that one-on-one interactions provide about mannerisms, tone, and eye contact, which in turn help us keep our social expectations and interpretations in check.

Sometimes we all feel a little safer or less vulnerable from a distance, but real security comes from healthy and honest connections, not from hiding or avoiding risk. The courage to ask someone out, to reveal yourself or confide in someone, or to end a relationship -- live and in person -- this kind of courage remains necessary and respectful for us all.

Your words and your voice are your power; don't be afraid of them. And don't be afraid to insist on the old-fashioned ways of talking. Greg Behrendt, co-author of He's Just Not That Into You, suggests that "in the buffet of communication, text messaging should be a side dish, not the entree." We should welcome and explore these additional way of communicating, but as with anything, we must be certain it doesn't become a tool to avoid risk or visibility, which is another way of avoiding discovery, growth and truth.

Source

Flashback! A Phone For Creepy People

TresSugar — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 11:30:28 -0800

For $69 those looking to spice up their phone calls could have owned this "conversation piece" belonging to the same genre as that leg lamp in A Christmas Story.

The ad reminds us that the phone was sculptured by a European artist, which makes it totally classy and not at all tacky. However judging by the photo, it's not so easy to talk on a naked-lady phone. Oh well.

Source

Dear Poll: Who Do You Talk to Most on the Phone?

DearSugar — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 14:00:00 -0700

I'm lucky enough to have my closest friends and family living just five minutes away, yet I still manage to log some serious phone time whenever I have a free moment. Now I know some people aren't that great on the phone, but even if you're more of a face-to-face kind of gal, there's always an exception to the rule so ladies, tell me: Who do you talk to most?

Source

Jersey Mom Takes a Phone Call

GiggleSugar — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 15:30:00 -0800

That nagging Jersey Mom is back and this time, she's equipped with a phone. There are rumors to hear and gossip to spread, but she won't let that get in the way of her household duties. So she's gonna have her some chitchat and do everything but install new plumbing while she's at it. We've all been on the phone with this woman . . .

Do Tell: What's the Last Thing You Read in Print?

TresSugar — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 09:00:00 -0700

The New York City subway roars beneath the city's streets, which means one thing to its riders. No cell phone or Internet reception. (Two things if you don't like climbing stairs!) I consider both to be pluses. No reception means no irritating, one-sided conversations and no furious fingers typing away on smartphones. It gives New Yorkers time to fill their idle moments the old-fashioned way - like eavesdropping on real conversations, or maybe even reading.

Because a blog that chronicles everything its writer sees people reading on the R train isn't enough, the New York Times asked its readers what the last thing they read on the subway was. The top magazine was the New Yorker, the top paper was the New York Times (good job, NYT!), and, more interestingly, the top book was The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.

Since we're not all riding the underground, let me remove technology from the equation and put the question to you: what was the last newspaper, magazine, or book you read?

Source: Flicker User moriza

Ask Someone Dealing With Depression: Should I Be Mad at My Friend For Telling People I'm Depressed?

TresSugar — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, someone who deals with depression gives advice to a woman who is mad at her friend for telling people in her circle that she is depressed. If you have a question, you can submit them here.

This week's question:

I shared my struggles with depression with my closest female friend and told her that I did not want anyone else to know about it. She decided that because I wasn't answering her calls she would call the wife of a leader in our church and ask her for my husband's cell phone number so she could call him, asking about me. My "best friend" told the woman that I was going through something serious and when the woman said, "At least she's not seeking outside help" my friend said, "Well, I don't know for sure if she is or isn't."

Why else would she call her and say those things unless her intentions were to let her know about my situation and to inform her I "might" be seeking outside help for my depression? I found out about this conversation from the leader's wife and she only admitted to it after she knew that I knew about it. She insists that she only had my good in mind.

The thing is, it was a really huge deal to me that these people not be in on it because I know that they would attack me for being depressed in the first place, and also if I sought help outside of the church. The last thing I needed at that time was some church discipline. I was really suffering! I am so mad at my best friend for saying anything; should I forgive her?

Signed,

Angry and Depressed

To hear what someone dealing with depression has to say, read more.

Dear Angry and Depressed,

There seem to be three related but separate issues here: one is your anger at your friend, the second is the question of how your church is handling this, and the third is how to actually manage your struggle with depression.

As someone who has been through a lot with both depression and anxiety, I empathize with your situation. Depression hurts. As for your friend, I think you need to assess who this friend is to you, and whether she reached out to others because she was simply worried and didn't know how to handle it. While the outcome might have been a problem, if she did it out of legitimate concern I think she may be a real friend who just handled things badly because she cares and was confused about what to do.

My major concern with what you have said is that your church community thinks there is something wrong with getting outside help. Admittedly, I am not religious and have never belonged to a church, but I strongly feel that a community of any kind that is truly concerned with one of their members' well-being will support them in what they need, and not be judgmental about what that support might be. I think it would be worth explaining to your friend that what she might have considered finding you support actually feels like discipline, and that she needs to be more sensitive to what you need.

Finally there is the question of your depression itself. I do not want to assume you are in a situation where professional help from a therapist or doctor would be appropriate, but severe depression is something you need to talk to a professional about. If you feel like you are not getting help from your friends, family, or church, you're taking care of yourself by asking for outside help. Doctors are legally required to respect your privacy, and you could ask if they would refer you to a therapist.

Far more people struggle with depression than we can imagine when we are sitting alone with our thoughts, and there is support out there for you. You may just have been going through a rough patch and not need anything further, but depression is too serious a condition not to explore your options. Don't be discouraged if it doesn't seem like you can't find the right person to help you right away, but there are also lots of great people out there who can help. As for your friend, tell her how her action made you feel, give her the benefit of the doubt, and seek some relief for your pain from professionals. Good luck!

Ask a Wise Guy: How Do I Get His Ex Out of the Picture?

TresSugar — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. Today, a person who likes to think of himself as a wise guy will offer some common sense advice. You can submit questions here.
Today's Question:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year. Things have been going very well, except for something he can't seem to let go of. Two years ago he and an ex broke up, and ever since he and I started dating she continues to devote attention to him. It never appears to be romantic, but she's always offering to do him favors, asking him to play with her dog, texting/calling/Facebooking. As far as I know, he doesn't respond all that much.

But that's the problem. By not responding, he has not made it clear that there is no room for her in his life now. So the other day I told him that if he wanted to move forward and have a future with me, he needed to make it clear to her that the past is in the past.

He agreed, but now I'm playing a waiting game. I don't want to nag and ask him when he is planning on having this conversation, but I also want to know when it takes place. She has continued to contact him and he continues not to act.

I'm beginning to wonder if I'm fighting a losing battle. Could there be a deeper reason he's dragging his feet, or is he just being passive aggressive? Am I crossing a line by putting pressure on him? Or should I be drawing a line, and saying enough is enough?

Signed,

Sick of the Ex. To hear what a wise guy has to say, read more

Dear Sick-of-the-Ex,

Wow, this is a tricky one -in fact, navigating exes is a complicated (but necessary) dance in any relationship. I’m also a little confused about what your boyfriend wants. If he really isn’t responding to her “all that much,” then it seems like the message is pretty clear that he’s not interested in spending time with her - and so the whole situation shouldn’t be a threat to you (and you should back off). On the other hand, if he does sometimes call/text/play with her dog, then it seems that he still wants her to be part of his life, in which case there needs to be a lot more clarity between you and him about what’s OK and what’s not.

Here’s where it gets tricky: if you prefer that he have no contact with the ex, and he wishes to maintain a friendship with her, then one or both of you will have to compromise what you want.

Reading between the lines of your letter, I’m sensing that you don’t feel as secure as you should in the relationship. If you’re feeling threatened by a few phone calls and text messages, then I think there’s something deeper going on here that needs to be addressed head on. I think you should have a heartfelt conversation with him explaining why you’re not happy with the situation (rather than telling him what to do), and then figure out together how to deal with the ex. This seems like a better way to handle the situation than “putting pressure” on him, and giving him ultimatums about your future together. If he really cares for you and respects your feelings, then I’m hopeful that you can come to a solution that works for everyone.

And if that doesn’t work, you should go her house and duke it out Jerry Springer style. Guys like it when chicks fight over them.

All the best,

A Wise Guy

Source

You Asked: Is It Too Soon to Fall in Love?

DearSugar — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I've been talking to a guy for a little over two months now. Things have been going great, but I'm away at law school so most of our conversations are limited to text messages and phone calls. We've had one visit since we met and plan on another one in the near future. We really enjoy each other conversationally, and we had amazing chemistry and passion during our visit. We've decided to talk exclusively; however, I have no clue what I'll be doing when I graduate.

Because of this uncertainty, we decided to keep things really casual until I figure out my plans, but two days later, he told me that he thinks he is falling in love with me! Is this possible so soon and with such limited interaction? I feel strongly about him as well but I'm far from ready to say I love you. Are we on two completely different pages here? What should I do? - Weary Wendy

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Weary Wendy,

Since you're still unsure about your feelings for this guy, I think you should just give it more time before making a decision, one way or the other. Use the distance to your advantage and really get to know him. If your feelings grow, you have the option to factor him into your plans after graduation, but if you feel like you're better off as friends, at least you'll know you tried.

It does sound like you are on different pages in the relationship right now, but no, I don't think it's too soon for him to tell you that he's falling in love with you. There is no written rule that dictates when we fall in love; it happens differently for everyone so don't beat yourself up for not feeling the same way. I think you should continue doing what you're doing and let this relationship progress organically. Good luck!

Source

Say What? NSA Workers Detail Eavesdropping on Americans

LibertySugar — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 12:15:51 -0700

The Bush Administration says it taps conversations of Americans only if they involved al Qaeda. But two ex-NSA interceptors say Bush's assertions are a lie, and they have come forward after feelings that their conduct was immoral and illegal. ABC News shared a look into the details of intercepted phone conversations between overseas Americans and their friends, colleagues, or family back home. Now, the Senate's Intelligence Committee has begun its own investigation.

Among the saddest anecdotes shared by the NSA workers is the confession that US officers intercepted American soldiers having phone sex, and then proceeded to alert those around them so they could listen in. The details would then be the topic of conversation during smoke breaks. A US intelligence officer told ABC that all US government employees should expect their conversations to be monitored. For more on how the calls of humanitarian workers were also allegedly tapped, read more.

Even when the system told NSA interceptors that callers were with organizations like the International Red Cross or Doctors Without Borders, they continued to monitor the conversations. One NSA interceptor said by casting the intelligence net to include Americans and aid organizations, the NSA made it harder to find the piece of information that might actually improve national security. The NSA has responded to these allegations saying that the organization follows the law, and that illegalities are not sanctioned nor tolerated. Will you watch what you say next time you pick up the phone overseas?

Source