TresSugar

Sunday Confessional: I Didn't Mean To Be Insensitive

DearSugar — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 09:00:00 -0700

A few days ago, my sister emailed me with some terrible news. Her dog, that she had for 7 years, had been unexpectedly rushed to the emergency room in the middle of the night. He was in horrible pain, and after taking an x-ray, she and her husband discovered that he had cancer. A tumor had ruptured and there was nothing the vet could do. They had to put him down.

She had raised him from a puppy and her 2-year old girl adored the dog. While I was devastated for her loss, I'm not really an animal person so I really couldn't sympathize with her.

After work, I called to tell her how sorry I was, and to see if there was anything I could do. I was a little scared to call, I just didn't know what to say and in my nervousness, I blurted out the suggestion that she should get another puppy from the breeder that my friend had just gotten a dog from. She got really upset, yelled "How could you even bring up the idea?" and then hung up on me.

I admit that it was probably too soon to bring up replacing their dog, but I was only trying to make her feel better. She totally took it the wrong way and now she's not speaking to me. Do you think she is over-reacting or was I truly being an insensitive person?

Source

Helping a Grieving Friend

DearSugar — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 11:00:00 -0700

We have all been through sad times in our lives, experiencing a death in your family, the death of a pet or close friend, or a boyfriend. Even when it's expected, it's never easy to come to terms with life's roller coaster ride. Having a friend there to support you can make a world of difference, so what are you to do when you're one of those friends? Here are some helpful tips to keep in mind when you're supporting a friend who is experiencing a loss.

Be there for them, but don't bother them. Give them a simple phone call to let them know you are thinking of them and let them know you're ready to spend time with them when they are ready.
Send them a condolence card or flowers (if it's appropriate). If you know your friend's family, and they are grieving as well, send them a card too. Everyone appreciates the kind thoughts.
If your friend does want to see you, let them feel free to express their emotions and thoughts openly. Let them cry, be angry, upset, or quiet. Just listen and be there to offer emotional support in anyway they may need it.
Talk about the loss in a natural way. Don't avoid the topic and don't bring it up too much either. Sharing memories, even if they are sad, will help in the healing process.

Want to know what else you can do? Then read more

It's nice to let them know you understand how sad they are. You can bring up a past experience you've had losing someone, but I wouldn't talk about it too much. Remember that this is about your friend's loss, and not about yours.
Try and be helpful with their everyday needs. Bring them food, offer to run errands, clean their house, make phone calls for them, offer to watch their pets or children - your friend will really appreciate you helping with the things they may not have the energy or time to do.
Go to the funeral even if they say it isn't necessary. Seeing a friendly and caring face will make them feel better.
Be patient with them and give them time to grieve. It may take several days or weeks until they're ready to talk or see you. Just be understanding and let them have as much time and space as they need.

I hope this helps if the time ever comes. Feel free to share your tips too, since we all want to do what we can to help a friend in need.

Source

Rhode Island Governor Vetoes Same-Sex Funeral Rights

TresSugar — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 13:00:00 -0800

Rhode Island's state legislature thought it would be a good idea to give same-sex partners the right to plan each other's funerals when one partner passes away. It's a right married couples have, of course. But Gov. Don Carcieri said: not so fast! The socially conservative leader vetoed the bill because it's part of a "disturbing trend" threatening heterosexual marriage. I'm confused. How does a gay person planning a loved one's funeral have anything to do with someone else's marriage?

Those who support the veto point out that Rhode Island recognizes neither gay marriage nor civil unions. Still, many people are shocked that the governor would intervene to deny same-sex partners some comfort during a hard time. The state's attorney general has called the veto "cruel and heartless," and lawmakers in the Democratically-controlled legislature said they would work to override the veto. Hopefully they will succeed!

Ted Kennedy Passes Away at 77 After Long Battle With Cancer

TresSugar — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 22:38:57 -0700

We're sad to report that Senator Ted Kennedy, the youngest Kennedy brother, passed away Tuesday at his home in Hyannis Port, MA. Although the infamous incident at Chappaquiddick marred his reputation, Kennedy in later years was known for championing healthcare reform, better working wages, and equal rights, he was called the "liberal lion of the senate."

Most recently, he was known for his love of Portuguese water dogs, which he shared with the Obamas when he gave the first family their dog, Bo.

The Kennedy family released this statement:

We've lost the irreplaceable center of our family and joyous light in our lives, but the inspiration of his faith, optimism, and perseverance will live on in our hearts forever. We thank everyone who gave him care and support over this last year, and everyone who stood with him for so many years in his tireless march for progress toward justice.

Coming just two weeks after his sister Eunice Kennedy Shriver's death, we wish the Kennedy family well during this extraordinarily hard time.

Infamous Reform School For Girls Closes Its Doors

TresSugar — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 07:00:00 -0700

The idea of a reform school for girls seems to come straight out of a B-movie from the '50s, complete with stock characters like the naïve innocent, the hardened mean girl with a heart of gold who ends up plotting a way for them both to escape, and an evil warden who gets in their way. It's hard to believe that such a place could still exist.

Until August of this year, the notorious Beloit reform school for girls in Beloit, KS did exist, and the school, founded in the 1890s, only recently shut down because the state could no longer afford to house the remaining 21 girls to the tune of $200,000 a year.

Although the school's founders had good intentions, Beloit's dark history includes the severe mistreatment of girls, many of who were running away from physically and sexually abusive homes. In effect, the abused were shipped off to be further abused. How bad did it get? In the '30s, a superintendent who was influenced by Nazi eugenics practices had 62 of her charges involuntarily sterilized. To read more about the history of Beloit and how it evolved, read more

Beloit was founded and in part funded by the suffragist and pro-Prohibition group The Women's Christian Temperance Union in the 1890s. Sometimes, the girls there were practically "indentured" by farm families in this rural town in order to earn the food they ate. (This was all before the state took over.)

At the time, according to Russell Jennings, commissioner of the Kansas Juvenile Justice Authority, girls "were really viewed in our society much more as property." They didn't even have to run away to be deemed "incorrigible" or "wayward." They only had to be, as he put it, "a pain in the neck."

In a file from a girl housed (incarcerated?) at Beloit in the '30s, her offenses were that she "associated with Mexican men" and "became intoxicated at dances." Another woman was sent to the reform school for "being immoral (with father)."

A federal law passed in the mid-1970s ended the practice of sending girls to reform school when their offenses, if they'd been committed by adults, would not be considered crimes. But their incarceration continued in Kansas until 1983. Now, troubled teenage girls are sent to community centers where they can get the help that they need.

In spite of its history, for some who stayed there, Beloit was a haven from abuse at home. "I will always believe that because of Beloit and the staff, I am where I am today," said a 50-year-old who is happily married with three children and counsels survivors of sexual abuse. "They saved the lives of unwanted children."

Source

Could You Do Your Partner's Job?

TresSugar — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 14:00:00 -0700

Despite the passing of the "lion of the Senate," the people of Massachusetts might soon have another Senator Kennedy at their service. Democratic leaders like Sen. Orrin Hatch and Sen. Chris Dodd think that Vicki Kennedy would be an appropriate replacement for her late husband Ted. Orrin said:

"She is a very brilliant lawyer. She's a very solid individual. She certainly made a difference in Ted's life, let me tell you. And I have nothing but respect for her."

It would be up to the voters ultimately to decide if Vicki has what it takes to serve them, but her legal training and experience witnessing her husband's career in the Senate might make her qualified to replace him temporarily.

Of course not everyone could just start doing their partner's job on the spot. An English teacher probably couldn't go to work as a computer engineer right away without some serious training. Could you do your partner's job if you had to? Feel free to apply the question to past relationships, too!

Can You Spot the Ellie Greenwich Song?

TresSugar — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 14:08:30 -0700

Legendary songwriter Ellie Greenwich passed away yesterday at the age of 68. Her 1960s songwriting had a major impact on pop culture of the 20th century, and I'm almost positive that you've had a song written by Ellie stuck in your head many times before. See if you can pick out songs written by Ellie in this quiz.

Take the quiz

Front Page: Journalist Robert Novak Dies at 78

TresSugar — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 08:00:26 -0700

Robert Novak, the columnist and TV commentator who famously outed CIA operative Valerie Plame, died yesterday at age 78. - LA Times
The White House may use an obscure budget maneuver to pass healthcare bill without Republican backing. - CNN
A series of blasts in Baghdad killed at least 75 people and injured hundreds. - AP
Hurricane Bill became a category 4 storm but will likely veer away from the East Coast. - Miami Herald
A bikini-clad Britney Spears appeared on Letterman last night to read the top 10 reasons she'd make a good president. - MTV

John Hughes: Influential Director - and Pen Pal

TresSugar — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 08:00:12 -0700

Director John Hughes, who passed away Thursday at age 59, made a big impact on those of us who grew up watching his films and crushing on his characters. But he made an even bigger impact on Alison Byrne Fields: he was her pen pal.

As she recounts on her blog, We'll Know When We Get There, Fields and Hughes sent letters back and forth between 1985 and 1987, after Alison poured her heart out to Hughes praising The Breakfast Club. Initially, she got a form letter back and wrote Hughes again, chiding him. Find out what happened next.

Which John Hughes Character Did You Crush On the Most?

TresSugar — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 15:15:31 -0700

We just got the sad news that director John Hughes passed away today at the age of 59. Hughes was the creator of many lovable characters. From the swagger-charged Ferris Bueller to Judd Nelson as the rebel John Bender in The Breakfast Club, Hughes had a knack for writing classic teen characters. Earlier today we discussed which movie character is your dream man, but now I'd like to narrow it down. Out of all the characters credited to Hughes (see a full list here), which one did you crush on?