TresSugar

You Asked: I Am Overwhelmed

DearSugar — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I have more than I ever imagined at this point in my life - I'm a student at a prestigious university, where I'm captain of a varsity sport, I volunteer with children on the weekends, I have the best boyfriend, and my relationships with my parents are better than ever, but I'm terribly unhappy.

When I was younger, my family didn't have a lot of money, which put stress on my parents and me. The need for a comfortable, stable income has always been my motivation to work hard. Currently, I am headed that way, but this competitive school has turned me off. I no longer see myself working a nine-to-five job; instead I think I would be much happier in a less stressful environment.

In the beginning, it was just fantasies about leaving school, but in the past year I've become so depressed about this situation that it's beginning to affect every area of my life. I want to sleep all day, I can feel myself being curt with my parents and boyfriend, and my grades plummeted last semester. I want to leave school, but I feel like so many people would be disappointed in me. Please help me!

-Under Pressure Paige

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more

Dear Under Pressure Paige,

I urge you not to let outside influences and a perfectly normal fear of the future affect your happiness and your drive to graduate. You’re worrying so much about a future that’s not even here yet that you’re missing out on the good things in your life right now.

There is nothing that says you must work a corporate nine-to-five job just because you graduated from a prestigious school. In fact, most people don’t even end up in the industry for which they majored. Furthermore there are plenty of decent-paying jobs that don’t require competition and debilitating levels of stress. But it’s all about having the options available to you - so don’t close any doors prematurely.

For now, focus on your emotional well-being. If you need to drop to a part-time schedule then do so - it’s much easier to pull back a little then leave and try to come back. Focus on the short term; don’t worry about next semester or even next month, just do the very best that you can do for this week. Open up to your parents and your boyfriend, and let them know that you need support while you work through this period of uncertainty - you will get through it. Good luck.

Source

You Asked: Do I Stay or Do I Go?

DearSugar — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

Weeks after finishing college I landed a job for one of the world's biggest companies. It was incredible and 8 months on, I'm still pinching myself. However, the transition from the breezy student life, to the grueling work days where I get home well after 7:30 pm are starting to take their toll.

On top of this I have a boss who can't deal with stress and as a result takes it out on me. He expects so much of me and treats me in a way that makes me feel about 2 feet tall. I'm now dreading coming to work every morning and feeling miserable (which is having an affect on my
relationship.)

This is my first REAL job, so I don't know if I'm just being oversensitive. Is this normal? This is a HUGE opportunity, but the job itself isn't where I imagined myself. But I'm still so young and have a lot to learn. Do I stay or do I go?

--Overworked Olivia

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Overworked Olivia--

They don't call it "work" for nothing. Jobs can definitely be challenging, frustrating, time-consuming, and stressful at times, but if you are feeling miserable the entire time, something has to change. Hating your job and dreading going everyday isn't healthy for your soul. You can't live like this forever, even if it is "the opportunity of a lifetime."

Try to pin down what you can live with, and what you can't. If the long days are too much, is it possible to cut back on your hours, or do some work at home? If it's your stressed-out, inconsiderate boss that's putting you over the edge, do you think you could have a talk with him or possibly switch departments? Even though he is your boss, you've got to stand up for yourself. No one should be speaking to you disrespectfully, no matter how high up on the corporate ladder he or she is.

If everything combined is the problem, and you never imagined yourself at this kind of job anyway, why not take a leap toward the field you intended on? Trying out different jobs will give you varied skills, and will get you closer to figuring out what it is you really want to do. Good luck Olivia!

Source

Private Security Contractors Gone Wild in Afghanistan

TresSugar — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 11:00:00 -0700

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton got a letter on Tuesday from Project on Government Oversight (POGO), and I’m sure she didn’t like what she saw. It was reported that private security contractors ArmorGroup North America guarding the US Embassy in Kabul, Afghanistan, have been behaving not like professionals responsible for keeping American government workers safe, but like crazed frat boys on a particularly debaucherous Spring break.

What have they been up to? According to the letter, "peeing on people, eating potato chips out of [buttock] cracks, vodka shots out of [buttock] cracks (there is video of that one), broken doors after drunken brawls, threats and intimidation from those leaders participating in this activity."

Apparently, this has been going on under the not-so-watchful eye of supervisors, creating a kind of hazing environment that has caused many incoming guards to leave within a year of arriving. Some guards claimed that they actually had to barricade themselves in their rooms because they were afraid that if they didn’t participate in this depraved bacchanal, they would be physically harmed.

This would be unacceptable behavior coming from adults at a frat house, but not only is ArmorGroup North America funded by taxpayers (to the tune of $189 million a year!), but they're also in charge of safeguarding the lives of hundreds of diplomats and other officials who work in the embassy. A representative for the security contractors testified before Congress and said ArmorGroup has been fully staffed since January 2009, but a POGO rep says that they’re chronically understaffed, overworked, and now that these allegations are out - subject to hazing abuse.

State Department spokesman Ian Kelly had this to say about the shocking news and graphic pictures (NSFW): "These are very serious allegations and we are treating them that way," adding that the State Department has "zero tolerance for the type of conduct that is alleged in these documents."

POGO

Young Indians Ready to Hang Up on Call Center Jobs

LibertySugar — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Politicians constantly talk about how US jobs have been shipped over seas. But something else travels with the jobs - stress. While 70 percent of outsourced American jobs go to India's call centers, stressed-out Indian youth want to ditch their unhealthy posts for more fulfilling careers.

You may get frustrated when you have to call another country for customer service, but the combination of odd hours and overwork caused one 23-year-old Indian recent college graduate to have a heart attack! As you can imagine, the call center workers are getting ready to trade the higher-paying jobs for less stress and better hours. BBC interviewed workers who explained, "they quit because it was frustrating to continue to answer calls day after day, year after year. No creativity, no use of mind required. Some say their minds have become cabbage."

A recent satirical video from the Onion tracked how "Obama Promises to Stop American's Sh*tty Jobs From Going Overseas." Do you think the quality of lost jobs should be included in a discussion about outsourcing?

Source

You Asked: I'm Getting Depressed About Being Unemployed

DearSugar — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I just finished my master's in May and I still can't find a job. I am in the education field and I live on Long Island, where jobs are hard to find. My boyfriend and I have an apartment together, and he is working a lot to keep us afloat. We have considered relocating for my sake but figured we would allow some time first. Money aside, I am having a really hard time dealing with being unemployed. I am feeling sad over the fact that my boyfriend is overworked and has to basically support me. I feel like all of the time and money I spent on my education is not paying off. I have a part-time job, I work evenings, so I spend most of the day at home and then miss my boyfriend because he has a day job. At first, I took advantage of getting myself organized and continuing my job search, but now I have a hard time getting out of bed and feel like there is no purpose to my day. I know that I am depressed. I would love to have some input on how I can get out of this slump and get on with things. - Desperate Davida

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Desperate Davida,

I'm sorry you're having a hard time finding a job. We are living in a crazy time right now, so try not to be too hard on yourself - there are a plethora of people in your exact situation. For some advice on the career front, check out this advice from my friend SavvySugar; hopefully she'll be of some help. In the meantime, I have a few suggestions myself.

While I don't blame you for feeling guilty that your boyfriend is working extra hard while you look for a job, try to keep it all in perspective. It doesn't sound like he's miserable doing it, so just be appreciative! I'm sure it makes him feel good to be able to help you, and if the roles were reversed, wouldn't you do the same for him?

Since you are working opposite schedules as your boyfriend, I recommend looking for a new part-time job during regular business hours. Not only will it give a purpose to your day and time with your boyfriend, but getting back in the routine of going to work everyday, no matter what the job is, will make the transition that much easier when you find a full-time job. Since relocating is potentially an option, why don't you give yourself a time frame? If you can't find a job in six to eight months, send your resume out in cities where you could see yourself living.

I know it's probably really disheartening to think all your hard work isn't paying off, but in time, I have faith that it will. Be patient with yourself, let your boyfriend take care of you for a while, and make sure you communicate with him. Perhaps just talking it out will relieve you of the guilt you feel. Good luck.

Source

Mexico's Supreme Court May Overturn Abortion

CitizenSugar — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 11:00:12 -0700

Today Mexico’s Supreme Court is deliberating on whether or not to overturn the 2007 law that legalized abortion in Mexico City.

Primarily meant to help the city’s poorest women, who had received one too many botched abortions at illegal clinics, the law has been met with unrelenting resistance in the Catholic country. Eighty-five percent of gynecologists have declared themselves conscientious objectors, and hospital staff members have been reported as hostile and demeaning, creating unnecessary impediments for women. At right, a woman lays out pictures of women who received abortions, during a demonstration in support of the law. About 8,000 women took advantage of it last year alone.

To see the problems they're grappling with, read more.

With so many doctors objecting, the city’s 14 hospitals have been unable to provide services fast enough, and many women are unable to receive their abortion within the legalized first-trimester limit. Willing doctors have been trained to administer abortion pills and perform speedier (I-don’t-even-want-to-know) abortions. Not surprisingly, problems persist.

To improve treatment, officials are moving low-risk abortions out of overworked hospitals and into smaller public clinics, where they hope staff will be more supportive. But whether or not these improvements can continue hinges on the Supreme Court’s decision, which could come as early as this week.

Source

You Asked: Am I Being Taken Advantage of?

DearSugar — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

My boss is getting married next month, and while I am extremely happy for her, I feel like she has completely dumped all her work on me, not to mention taking off for a three week honeymoon! I have been waiting to get promoted at work for months now and while I am totally willing to pick up the slack around the office, I feel like I am completely being taken advantage of. It just seems so unfair that she gets to take so much time off just because she is getting married. Do you have any advice for me? I am about ready to throw my hands in the air and just quit! --Overworked Olivia

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Overworked Olivia--

I am sorry you are feeling taken advantage of -- that is never a good feeling, but unfortunately, she is your boss so she is really entitled to do whatever she wants if she has gotten the green light from her superior. Since you are up for a promotion, I would use her absence to your advantage. Who will you be reporting to while she is away? If it is her boss, this is your time to shine!!

It is not surprising that she has been so absent and distracted, planning a wedding is extremely time consuming, so instead of letting her get the best of you, throw your frustration into your work. Try to look at this situation as your opportunity to get noticed in the office and hopefully, by the time your boss gets back from her honeymoon, she will have seen how well you held the fort down while she was away. You never know Olivia, this could be all a part of her master plan -- to see if you can take the pressure and handle the large work load, so if you need to throw your hands in the air, by all means do it, but I think it would behoove you to stick it out. Good luck!

Source

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: Why Won't He Have Sex With Me?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean,
I’m so frustrated! I’ve been dating the most fantastic and wonderful guy for the past month. We are crazy about each other. But there's one minor problem. He won’t have sex with me.

Don’t get him wrong. I can vouch for his capacities - we made love on the first date. But since then he’s always telling me how he’s going to “ravage me” and yet, he never does.

The other night I put on a navy-blue see-through teddy that cost me $200 and he fell asleep on my bed! It’s driving me nuts! If he doesn’t start putting his God-given resources to better use, I’m going to be terminally cross-eyed. A number of my friends have suffered from the same exact problem with successful and attractive men. What Gives? - Flummoxed

To see E. Jean's answer read more

Miss Flum, My Flame,

Although I believe a woman should enjoy a romp whenever she wishes, in your case I am going to invoke the fabled Flum Rule:

Never sleep with a man until you’ve flogged his trembling
carcass into a state of frenzy bordering on insanity. (I.e.
until he’s fallen in love with you.)

The male animal is programmed for the chase. (This assures the next generation.) I promise you, the more obstacles you put in front of him, the more he will burn to overcome them. (Note: Lingerie costing $200 does not constitute an obstacle.)

That said, he could be tired, ill, over-worked, stressed, diabetic, depressed, in love with someone else, not turned on by you . . . or any combination of a thousand things. Stop hurling your exceptionally charming self at him, and discover what it is.

To see more advice from E. Jean visit Elle magazine and AskEJean.com

Democratic Staffers Too Tired For General Election?

LibertySugar — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 00:02:27 -0700

The long Democratic campaign is taking a toll on underpaid, and overworked campaign staffers. This campaign of attrition has made history in two ways: it started earlier than ever, and is lasting longer than ever. Not wanting to concede any fatigue, Obama and Clinton staffers push themselves to work at full speed, sometimes not taking even one day off in months.

The New York Times recounted the long list of casualties, which include: abandoned Iowa apartments strewn with t-shirts, postponed weddings, and non-existent family time. Some aides are even - gasp - jealous of loser aides who have had time to get a full night's sleep now that their candidates have dropped out.

Do you think the winning candidate will be helped or hindered by a well-worked staff? When the trench warfare that is the general election begins, will the Democratic infrastructure be exhausted or conditioned? Whose staff do you think has had to work the hardest?

Source

You Asked: I'm Not Wanting Sex

DearSugar — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been dating my boyfriend for two years. Ten months of it was long distance - way long distance between the US and Europe. He has been back in the US for about four months, and I just started graduate school and he hates his job. We have been having a lot of issues recently and there has been a lot of fighting.

One of our problems is that I am not sexual enough for him. I am 24 years old and he is my first and only partner. Obviously we didn't have sex much last year because we only saw each other three times in ten months. Recently, I just haven't felt like having sex. I don't know what's wrong with me but I just don't really like sex that much in the first place. He told me it bothers him that I don't want to and said I should have my hands all over him. He says this is something that needs to change since he is such a sexual person. So I guess I just don't know what to do. Is there something wrong with me? I love him so much but I got tired of having sex. I just don't know why.

-Not Horny Halley

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Dear Not Horny Halley,

I can tell you why. Since you are so inexperienced, you obviously don't feel that comfortable having sex yet. Also, it didn't help that the person you lost your virginity to lived in Europe for most of your relationship, so you didn't get much practice. Maybe you feel a little weird having sex with him because you don't know him that well, so intimacy feels awkward. You also mentioned that you're in grad school, so I bet you're really overworked and tired, which doesn't help with your sex drive either.

Since you haven't had that much sex, I bet you haven't had many (or any) mind-blowing experiences. I'm wondering if your boyfriend is putting forth any effort to pleasure you, because if he's not, and he's just going right into sex, then it's going to hurt and not make you want to have sex ever again. If your man wants to be intimate with you, he needs to figure out how to turn you on, and you can help him by telling him what you like. If you're not that sure, I suggest getting to know what you like by yourself. If you can get yourself to orgasm by masturbating, then you'll be able to explain to your man in detail how he can do the same.

If you truly love him, then I think you guys can work this out. Sex definitely takes practice. I suggest giving intimacy an honest effort because the more you do it, the more comfortable you'll feel, and the better it'll get. If you still don't want to have sex, then maybe it has something to do with how you feel about your boyfriend. If that's the case, it may be time to date other people because there may be someone else out there who can light the fire of passion inside you better than this guy can.

Source