TresSugar

You Asked: His Honesty Hurt Me

DearSugar — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My fiance and I are having some issues in the bedroom. We always agreed to be open and honest about sex since we both want to be equally satisfied, and he recently shared a fantasy with me regarding bringing another woman into bed with us. I know this is a common fantasy men have, but at this point, I don't feel comfortable going along with it. After I told him that my answer was no, he went on to talk about other things he would like me to do. While I want him to be open with me, I felt that the way he was communicating was meant to make me feel badly about myself. He kept saying, "Instead of doing what you normally do, do x, y and z." It hurt my feelings and I responded as if it did. He went on to say that I was making him feel like it wasn't OK to be honest, so am I being too sensitive, or should he have suggested his needs differently? - Shut Down Debbie

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Dear Shut Down Debbie,

It sounds to me like you think your husband is punishing you somehow for turning down his threesome proposal, and while I can't hear the tone is his voice, I bet he was simply being honest with you in order to make your sex life as enjoyable as possible. As we all know, the truth can hurt sometimes, especially when you feel targeted, so talk to your finance about his delivery. I'm sure it was just a coincidence that this conversation took place after your previous conversation, but if you still feel like he was being unfair, simply ask him to talk to you in a more supportive tone.

Talking about sex can be very unnerving, and it can take some trial and error before you're completely comfortable broaching the subject, but I commend you both for taking the initiative to keep the lines of communication open. Hopefully once you move past this bump in the road, you'll be able to understand how to ask for what you both want without hurting each other's feelings.

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You Asked: My Boyfriend Wants Me to Pee on Him!!!

DearSugar — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

So I have a rather bizarre and somewhat embarrassing dilemma. I've been with my current boyfriend for 6 months and we get along so well. We spend all our free time together, and we talk openly about how much we love each other and want to get married someday.

So here's the deal. He's an extremely sexual person, wanting to do things I've never done with anyone before. It's actually been really fun and liberating. But his birthday is coming up and he wants me do do something that may be crossing the line here - he's asked me to pee on him. He says it's a fantasy of his, and it would make him really happy, but I feel really weird about the whole thing. Is this normal?

--My-Boyfriend's-Erotic Elizabeth

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Dear My-Boyfriend's-Erotic Elizabeth--

As weird as his request may be, it's not completely uncommon to want your lover to pee on you. With that said, that's not really the issue here. What really matters is whether or not you feel comfortable doing what your boyfriend has asked. You shouldn't feel pressured to do anything sexually that you don't want to do, even if it is his birthday.

It's great that he feels so open and comfortable to want to share this fantasy with you, but he's also got to understand that it's a strange request. I suggest talking to him about your feelings and reservations. You may need to set up some rules about it, like, "This makes me really uncomfortable and I think it's gross, so how about I pour warm water on you instead?" or if you're up for it, "I'll do it to you but I don't want you doing it to me," or "I'll only do it this one and only time, but that's it." Talking about the experience before it happens will make you both feel better. I hope this helps Ellen.

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Women and Anger: Serena's Outburst at the US Open

TresSugar — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 12:49:03 -0700

Anger in tennis is not without precedent: Jimmy Connors and John "Superbrat" McEnroe were criticized for their oncourt outbursts at linespeople when they didn't agree on a call; they were also beloved for their passion. But a couple days ago at the US Open when Serena Williams disputed a call by getting in the linesperson's face and allegedly telling her she wanted to shove a tennis ball down her throat, some people didn't think that her punishment was enough.

Williams was fined the on-site maximum $10,000 for unsportsmanlike conduct and $500 for racket abuse, and her action caused her the match point. Kim Clijsters went on to win the match and ultimately the US Open.

Some say Serena's endorsement deals are not in jeopardy, and the crowd booed a reporter who insisted Williams address the issue after winning the US Open doubles match with her sister. But tennis historian Bud Collins was quoted as saying that he couldn't believe that Serena got to play doubles, and that she should be suspended for the rest of the year.

I am shocked that an athlete of Serena's caliber would say something like that in anger, and emotional outbursts or threats make me look askance at the person freaking out. I'm curious though, do you think people are more shocked when they see women get angry than when men flip out?

Grab Bag! Kristen Stewart is Queen of the Alt Teens

TresSugar — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 12:30:22 -0800

Kristen Stewart and the history of misfit teen idols. - DoubleX
Pine-Sol hopes that men doing housework turns women on. - Em & Lo
The coolest new vibrator. - Glamour
Four breakup warning signs. - Your Tango
An openly gay Republican has been picked as a GOP gubernatorial candidate's running mate. - Huffington Post
A curious little boy sees a lobster for the first time. Cuteness ensues. - LilSugar

Front Page: Federer Gives Up US Open Finals

TresSugar — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 08:00:10 -0700

Roger Federer loses the US Open finals to Argentine Juan Martin del Potro. - ESPN
Patrick Swayze dies at 57 after a battle with pancreatic cancer. - PopSugar
A Wells Fargo exec is accused of using a bank-owned Malibu house for entertaining. - Los Angeles Times
Joe Biden arrives in Baghdad on an unexpected visit. - AP
ABC's Terry Moran tweets that Obama called Kanye a jackass, then deletes it. - Politico

Could You Ever Be in an Open Relationship?

TresSugar — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 01:00:00 -0700

I happened upon an essay by Sirenita Lake, a woman who will soon celebrate 23 years of non-monogamous marriage. Sirenita believes that being attracted to someone else in no way changes her commitment to her husband, because each relationship is separate. She also doesn't mind if her partners are non-monogamous, because she's not a jealous or competitive person.

Sirenita thinks it's time for people to stop feeling bad for straying from their partners:

Our beliefs about marriage are in permanent, unhealthy tension with reality, with around half of marital partners attempting to be monogamous against their nature, like gays in the past who tried to live straight.

Interesting. So Sirenita thinks that some people are naturally wired to be with multiple people at the same time. I guess that's fine with me, if, like Sirenita and her husband, both partners are in on the arrangement, which neutralizes dishonesty and betrayal. Otherwise, "I'm wired to be with that other woman" sounds like a convenient excuse for a cheater.

Could you ever put monogamy aside and be in an open relationship?

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Oh Snap! Not Your Typical Wine Snobs

TresSugar — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 15:00:12 -0800

A sommelier pours a bottle of Beaujolais Nouveau at an open air wine spa in Japan. The crowd, which may or may not be of drinking age, looks like it's having a fabulous time. I think I know where I'm going on my next vacation!

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How Do I Handle This Strip Club Situation?

Tres Community — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 06:00:15 -0800

This post comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

First of all my husband and I have been married for half of a year now. He's in the Navy and just got deployed, but right before the deployment he was sent to Hawaii for one day. I dropped him off at the airport and it was so hard for me to let him go. He called from Hawaii and we talked for five minutes then he said he had to go and he would call back.

As I was checking our bank account to check on the bills I noticed he had paid to go in to some type of club. While crying my eyes out because of how much I already missed him and knowing he wasn't coming home any time soon, I waited for him to call back. When he finally did I got him to tell me the truth and it turned out to be a strip club. This was his first time going into a strip club. The problem is that I feel so offended and disrespected. I know I'm not unattractive, and I'm very open minded in our sex life. So to me it seems as if I'm not enough for him, and that he didn't care about how I feel about strip clubs. The fact that he was lusting over those girls makes me so angry and upset.

To see the rest, .

When we talked I was so mad and disappointed and couldn't stop crying. But after a while I realized that I've been told not to say anything negative or upsetting to him since he was going on deployment to a very stressful environment. I won't be able to talk to him at all while he's gone, I can only send emails but I can't confront him there either. So I had to pretend that I got over it and that I was OK, so he wouldn't feel bad and guilty. But in reality I feel so disgusted and can't take the thought of him wanting someone else. I'm alone and don't have any family here, this is our first deployment and I'm still trying to handle it. He made things so much worse for me, now I'm not just worried about his safety, but also at the thought of when he goes to a port he's going to cheat on me. I'm just hurt and feel resentment towards him, but for as long as he's out I have to pretend I'm fine and support him through the emails. I know some people might think I'm over reacting, but to me this is just like cheating.

There's lots of great stuff going on in our community - join it, check it out, share your posts or advice in the great groups and maybe we'll feature it here on TrèsSugar!

We All Know This Girl

GiggleSugar — Wed, 14 May 2008 01:00:00 -0700

The girl who won't smile or say "cheese" when it's time to take a photograph. She instead opens her mouth wide open as if preparing for a root canal. Is she trying to make it seem as if she's in the middle of saying something truly interesting when the photo is snapped? Is she spending too much time on MySpace, where the "O" face is considered hot? Or is she just wanting to get everyone's attention? Well, she's got it. Click here for more (yes more!) photos of this girl opening up for the camera.

View 9 Photos ›

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Where Do You Stand: Open Relationships

DearSugar — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 13:00:00 -0700

There's always been a lot of controversy surrounding open relationships - you know, those relationships where a committed couple mutually decides to partake in outside sexual encounters separate from one another. While I’ve never entertained this idea, I know that for a surprising number of couples, open relationships do work. Of course, the couple has to set some general ground rules in order to prevent things from getting out of control, but even then, I can't imagine how emotions don't get in the way - even the least possessive of us still have the potential for jealousy under the right circumstances.

Where do you stand on the subject? Is an open relationship a good idea for a committed couple not interested in society's concept of monogamy, or is it a recipe for disaster?

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