TresSugar

The How-To Lounge: Avoiding the Phone Obsession

DearSugar — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 13:00:00 -0700

It wasn't all that long ago when people used to sit by the phone waiting for a call. But just because times have changed and we can now drag our phone around with us everywhere we go, it doesn't mean that we've stopped the obsessive when-will-they-call behavior. In fact, having access to our phones every minute of every day only makes us more likely to worry about when the darn thing will ring! To work on avoiding this obsessive phone behavior, just read more.

If you're the type who checks your phone incessantly only because you have it with you, I think it's time to start weaning yourself off the cell. Leave your phone at home when you're running errands or watching a movie, then work your way up to a full day off. It's hard at first, but once you get used to life without it, it can feel like a big relief.
If you really can't bear the idea of not having it (you know, in case of an actual emergency) try keeping it turned off during specific times of the day. You may be surprised how knowing your phone is off will quell your urge to know who might be contacting you.
Make a rule not to check your phone when you're with other people. Not only can it be rude, but avoiding doing so is a great excuse to disconnect for a while.
If you're waiting or hoping for a phone call from that special someone, things get more difficult. The waiting game is a hard one, and it almost always leads to obsessive checking for missed calls. Try giving yourself specific amounts of time between checks - I usually opt for every 45 minutes.
Stifle your anticipation by keeping your mind and your hands busy. Do something that requires both so you literally won't be physically able to pick up the phone.

OK, a mild cell phone addiction never killed anyone, but still, learning when to put your phone aside will give your speeding brain a rest for a while and take the wait out of the waiting game.

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You Asked: I'm So Nosy!

DearSugar — Thu, 22 May 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

Whenever I meet new people, I completely obsess over them. I look for them on social websites, I Google them and email/call way too much. I know that I shouldn't do this, but I cannot stop myself! Curiosity killed the cat, I guess. I have ruined three relationships over the past three years with some really cool people. I don't have many friends, so I think this is a reason why I do this. I know this sounds rather ridiculous, but I don't know how to stop - what is wrong with me? - Relentless Rachel

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Relentless Rachel,

In all fairness, I think most women obsess about new potential mates, but if your constant probing is breaking these relationships, something's gotta give. You say you don't have many friends, so I think it will behoove you to find an outlet to talk about these men - write in a journal, or talk to the few friends you do have, a family member, or even a therapist so you have someone to share that excitement with.

There's nothing wrong with surfing the Internet looking for information on him; we're all guilty of that. But try not to overcontact him - remember, distance makes the heart grow fonder! Though I'm not one to play games, there is something to be said about giving someone enough space to miss you - being too available can be a turn off to some men. So going forward, Rachel, whenever you get that urge to contact him, call anyone else, take a walk, bake something, or read a magazine. When you have too much time on your hands, it's easy to overobsess. Breaking your cycle won't happen overnight, so just do your best to make baby steps until you've reached a comfortable place. Good luck!

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News to Me: Perfectionists Are at Risk for Depression

DearSugar — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 07:00:00 -0800

I'm sure you all have a little voice inside you that says to work hard and be the best you can be, but some people let that voice take over their lives. There's nothing wrong with having perfectionist tendencies, but according to a New York Times article, researchers are worried that being too hard on yourself and others may put you at risk for mental illness.

According to the story:

Some researchers divide perfectionists into three types, based on answers to standardized questionnaires: Self-oriented strivers who struggle to live up to their high standards and appear to be at risk of self-critical depression; outwardly focused zealots who expect perfection from others, often ruining relationships; and those desperate to live up to an ideal they’re convinced others expect of them

While it's perfectly normal to want to do well at your job, if those feelings expand to your personal life, you could be at risk for depression or even suicidal thoughts. Why is that? Perfectionists can be overly self-critical, and that pressure can be too much to handle. Also, perfectionists may have exceedingly high expectations of others, which can in turn ruin their relationships.

Perfectionists can also be obsessive-compulsive - working long hours to get a project done earlier than needed, or redoing work to make it just right. Their fear of failure is what drives them to be super-human and to do above and beyond what may be possible.

Dear's Advice: If this sounds familiar to you, it's probably a good idea to talk to a therapist so you don't have to deal with these feelings on your own.

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Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Examined on A&E's Obsessed

TresSugar — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 09:48:12 -0700

Trina is afraid she’ll murder someone. Nidia has a phobia about her bowel movements. Rick can’t stop compulsively exercising, adding up the numbers on license plates, or turning clockwise at regular intervals. He wants to stay healthy forever and ward off old age.

Like 3.3 million other Americans, they have obsessive compulsive disorder. A&E’s series Obsessed follows them as they work with cognitive behavioral therapists who try to get them to examine the thinking behind their obsessions so that they can replace those beliefs - and the compulsive acts performed on their behalf - with healthier ones. To find out more about OCD and to watch a clip from Obsessed, read more

Obsessive-compulsive disorder is one of those psychological disorders with an (almost) self-explanatory name. A person with OCD suffers from extreme anxiety based on a phobia about something - germs, a messy room, worry they’ll harm someone. The sufferer, as a result, feels compelled to do something time-consuming and often physically punishing to ward off the fear.

In the case of Nidia in the video here, she had such a fear of her bowel movements that she would shower up to three hours after going to the bathroom, using enemas and toothbrushes with such force that she had to have two blood transfusions from cleaning herself too vigorously. By the end of her CBT treatment, she began to see improvement. Rick, however, did not, making a statement that lends some insight into the disorder: “I have mixed feelings about giving up my compulsions because then I’ll be forced to analyze my compulsions and that person may suck."

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A&E's Obsessed Looks at Hair-Pulling OCD

TresSugar — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 13:00:00 -0700

A friend of mine confessed not long ago that, in high school, she had trichotillomania, an obsessive compulsion to pull out hair on your head or body in order to manage anxiety. In her case, it was a small patch of hair on her head underneath her long hair where she hoped no one could see the bald patch she was creating.

This week, A&E's Obsessed follows Todd and his extreme trichotillomania. In addition to this problem, which gets in the way of his relationship with his wife and daughter, he's got a host of other issues: possible bipolar disorder and compulsive rituals involving counting, talking in segments, and writing on the walls of his "den" before he can even leave the house. Although he wants help, his case is so extreme that his cognitive-behavioral therapist ends up recommending that he go to a psychiatrist.

A&E's Obsessed Explores Extreme Hoarding

TresSugar — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 10:35:00 -0700

Do you have a slight problem with being messy? This week's A&E’s Obsessed, in its exploration of the obsessive compulsive disorder extreme hoarding, will have you cleaning up your apartment or desk and feeling for poor Russ, who can't stop buying things and also can't bear to throw anything away. "I get attached to things," he says, "because I don't have people to care about."

As a result, Russ's apartment is packed to the gills with furniture, mattresses, antiques, and tchotchkes that literally keep him from getting past his front door. In fact, he admits he's slept in front of it before because he couldn't get past his junk. He sometimes even sleeps outside, where he says there's at least fresh air and no feeling of claustrophobia. To find about Russ and extreme hoarding, read more

Why would someone accumulate so much stuff that his home becomes uninhabitable and unfit for guests? According to Russ's cognitive behavioral therapist, a hoarder cannot distinguish the level of an object's importance with respect to other objects. Everything is important, everything imbued with sentimental value, everything may be something the hoarder will need in the future.

In Russ's case, losing his mother was the trigger for his hoarding. "When I touch or hold a keepsake," he says, "it's like being held nearby her." But we're not just talking about photos of his mother or things she owned. Russ struggles with his therapist to throw away a dime store Santa figurine because it's wearing a purple scarf - his mother's favorite color.

Lucky for Russ, he has a great therapist and the true desire to let go of these objects and their relation to his losses so that he can clear the way for a new life.

The How-To Lounge: Ending Those Obsessive Worries

DearSugar — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 10:00:00 -0800

If you’re anything like me then you probably have the tendency to obsess over little things all day long. I keep wondering things like what did that conversation mean? Was I wrong? The problem with these obsessive thoughts is they don’t get you anywhere, instead you just end up turning around in circles, rehashing the same thing over and over again in your head. To learn some tips for banishing these obsessive thoughts, read more

I actually think that a little obsessing can be beneficial when you’re processing something, so I don’t recommend avoiding it all together. The next time the worrying begins, really embrace it. Give yourself thirty minutes and put all of your energy into it. You might be able to work through it faster that way.
Sometimes we get shy when we’re obsessing over something because we don’t want people to know how obsessive we are. However, opening up and leaning on your friends for support is another great way to process your concerns. Another person's point of view could be just the thing you need. Keep in mind that your friends will only have a limited capacity to listen so don't overwhelm them.
Write it down. You can either write in a journal recounting the experience or your feelings, or you can write a letter to the person who you’re thinking of. You don’t have to send it, but it can be a great way to get everything out all at once.
Get distracted. Start planning something, a dinner party, your sister’s birthday, a work happy hour, anything that will keep you busy.

And of course, time will usually do the trick. Be patient with yourself, and forgiving too!

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Group Therapy: I'm Obsessing Over His Ex-Girlfriends

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 04:00:00 -0800

I am so intrigued by my boyfriend's exes that I'm starting to become obsessed with them - I've even gone as far as signing up for Facebook so I can stalk them online! I'm definitely not usually like this, but I can't seem to stop myself from reading their profiles and looking through their pictures. How can I learn to just relax and know that he wants to be with me and not them? He's given me no reason not to trust him, but I can't pry myself away from the computer - Help!

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

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Diary Of An Obsessive-Compulsive Mailman

GiggleSugar — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 14:00:00 -0700

No, this isn't trick photography--he's really doing what you see, poor guy. (Does he see dead people in there?)

Group Therapy: He Needs Space, but He's Still Calling

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 03:00:00 -0700

My boyfriend of three years said he needs space. He said this after a long period of arguing and confusion over my big-time jealousy issues and clingy behavior. I don't feel he is trying to break up with me, since he's sent me at least five emails since he asked for space three days ago, and we have spoken on the phone (him being the one who called) at least three times a day. So I am a bit confused.

I think he is trying to say I need to stop my compulsive need to be around him 24 hours a day, and just back up a bit. What I need to know is how do I do this? I do obsess all the time about what he is doing, and I'm starting to truly believe I have forgotten about my own life. For the record I have toned down my calling, emailing, etc. a ton to show him I can let him breathe. Any advice or tips on how to handle this situation is greatly appreciated.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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