TresSugar

Newlywed Week in Review

DearSugar — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 04:00:00 -0700

If you missed any of my newlywed coverage this week, just check out my recap below!

First comes love, then comes marriage, but what comes next? Share with us how you and your spouse dodge those annoying questions.
Changing your name after marriage is a very personal decision so is it for you?
Find out everything you need to know about writing your many thank-you notes!
Getting ready to live together? Check out my eight tips for moving in with your new spouse.
Raising children in a two religion household can be a very challenging situation. Check out what people had to say on this serious matter and weigh-in with your own views.
Be sure to see my advice for combating your post-wedding blues.
What would you do if your new husband wanted you to be a stay-at-home wife?

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

8 Tips For Newlyweds Moving In Together

DearSugar — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 08:00:00 -0700

Deciding to wait until marriage to move in together is a choice that many couples make. And though any couple's move-in is a serious step, there’s something particularly significant about newlyweds starting a life together. It’s exhilarating, but certainly a little scary, so I’ve come up with some tips for moving in with your new spouse.

Talk money beforehand. Discussing and deciding who’s paying for what prior to signing a lease or shelling out a down payment will save you many potential headaches down the road.
Be prepared for an adjustment. Once you’re living together there are certain parts of your relationship that will naturally change. Whether those changes are good or bad will be determined based on your attitude toward them, so stay positive.
Figure out both of your expectations regarding cleanliness. And if they’re different, come up with a compromise you both can live with.

To see the rest just read more.

It’s likely that you and your new husband don’t share the same style when it comes to household décor. Instead of battling it out over every piece of furniture, just come up with an entirely new style that can work for both of you.
As far as making your home habitable - signing up for utilities, fixing up the odds and ends, decorating, etc. - don’t make the common assumption that everything has to be done together. Let each of you take on a responsibility that you’re good at or have an interest in.
It’s OK to keep your own space. Everyone needs personal space, so don’t feel guilty or hurt if you and your husband want to have your own nook, drawer, room, cabinet, or area.
As with every aspect of a relationship, communication is extremely important. Talk about your needs, boundaries, and concerns before they become full-fledged issues.
Take a moment or two each day to show your appreciation to the other. Whether it’s an affectionate hug and kiss, or simple a “thank you,” it’s important to recognize everything the other person does - it will make for a more harmonious relationship in the long term.

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

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Where Do You Stand? Changing Your Name When You Get Married

DearSugar — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 07:00:00 -0700

I have a close friend who's getting married and she has an amazing last name. It's so awesome, in fact, that everyone refers to her by it. Her dilemma then is, should she change her last name and take on her husband's after saying I do? It's a tough decision for any woman: giving up your identity to take on your man's is not a decision that should be taken lightly. Some women may find comfort in the idea of becoming a family and both having the same last name whereas others prefer to hold on to her own family roots; and then there are those who stay safe somewhere in the middle. It's totally a personal preference, so where do you stand on this issue? After getting married, will you take on your partner's last name?

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Do Tell: How Do You Dodge Those Invasive Questions?

DearSugar — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 11:00:00 -0700

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in the baby carriage . . . or does it? While there's a natural progression in all relationships, it seems that people can't help but to meddle in your personal life. The questions start when you first meet that special someone: When are you moving in? And then once you move in together, it's when are you getting engaged? And once you're married, you then get asked about having kids. Of course those are questions that already have a place in the back of your mind, but warding them off when you're either not ready or too fed up with answering them can be hard to avoid. So for all you married women out there, do tell, how do you dodge those invasive questions about starting a family?

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

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The How-To Lounge: Combating Postwedding Blues

DearSugar — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 08:00:00 -0700

With all the excitement and energy leading up to a wedding, it's likely that the day after may seem a bit lacking. Add in the emotions, relief, and exhaustion from your big day, and it's a recipe for postwedding blues. But just because the wedding is over doesn't mean you don't have plenty to look forward to in your newlywed status. Check out my advice for combating postwedding blues, and read more.

Giving yourself something to look forward to after the wedding can make a big difference when easing yourself into the newlywed lifestyle. Consider planning your honeymoon for a week or two after the wedding, or even longer if you prefer; there's no right or wrong time to take a honeymoon.
If your honeymoon is already days away, but you're still worried the lag time will leave you disappointed and listless, try coming up with a few simple postwedding events to enjoy with your friends and family. Being around your loved ones who shared in the wedding excitement will keep your spirits soaring.
It's natural to feel sad, but remember it's not going to last forever. Once you and your husband settle into a routine as newlyweds, things will start to feel much more comfortable.
On that note, as you settle into your new routine, don't forget to incorporate the elements from your prewedding planning life, too. Put more time into your friends and pick up where you left off with your hobbies - both are easily bumped aside during planning mania.
Give yourself some alone time. It may be scary at first, but it's important to reacquaint yourself with who you are when not negotiating a looming wedding. Take long walks, read a new book, or go get a massage.

Just as quickly as postwedding blues come on, they disappear so keep your chin up, and if you need to, there's nothing wrong with going through your photo album to relive the memories from your big day.

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

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The How-To Lounge: Writing Wedding Thank-You Notes

DearSugar — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 15:00:00 -0700

Once the wedding is over and you're home from your honeymoon, it's time to get back to normal life and take care of long list of to dos. Hopefully you took note of who gave you what gift because now's the time to write your thank-you notes.

Time is of the essence so to see my dos and don'ts on how to make this process fast and painless, read more.

If you didn't order thank-you cards to match your other wedding papery, stick to something that has a similar look. These cards should be on the more formal side.
It's best to get your thank-you cards in the mail ASAP, preferably two to three weeks after receiving your gift, and six to eight weeks at the very most.
Be sure to hand write your thank-you notes - email does not suffice!
Make your thank-you notes personal. Mention the gift you received and be sure to note any special efforts made by that guest, if they traveled a long distance, made a speech, etc.
Even if someone didn't attend your wedding but sent a gift, be sure to send them a thank-you note. And remember, wedding thank-you notes should be separate from shower or engagement thank-you notes.
Although some think it's the wife's job to write all the thank-you notes, the husband should do his part as well. Always say "we" instead of "I" and be sure to have both signatures on every note.
Getting all your thank-you notes written can seem incredibly daunting, but if you set aside a few hours a night, throw on some music and open a bottle of wine - it shouldn't be too painful. Do whatever you can to try to make it as fun as possible!

Where Do You Stand: Raising Children in a Two-Religion Household

DearSugar — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 13:00:00 -0700

In today's world, it's not uncommon to marry outside of your race, culture, or religion. That's all fine and well when you don't have kids. But when children are brought into the mix, deciding how to raise them, religiously speaking, could be problematic. What if both parents have strong beliefs in their faith? Some families have no problem teaching kids both (Chanukah Bush anyone?) but is that confusing for the kids? Should one parent convert to the other's religion? Of course, this matter should be worked out before getting married and starting a family, but tell me, where do you stand on raising kids in a duel-religion household?

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

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This American Life Faithfully Takes on Infidelity

TresSugar — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 13:00:00 -0800

I am a faithful listener of the radio program This American Life. Each week the show offers an entertaining and in-depth look into various themes ranging from the financial crisis, to children switched at birth, to the perfect break-up song. This week, the program took on an invariably popular topic of discussion: cheating.

In the intro, host Ira Glass discuses how some happy couples have no problem admitting that they got together because one or both of them cheated. You can see evidence of this in the New York Times Vows page, where newlyweds often use coded language implying that it took infidelity to bring them together. (Of course, they also want to believe that fate was somehow involved too.)

These write-ups will say that a couple's romance was a "bumpy road" or that they "encountered some obstacles." The episode suggests that these couples justify their infidelity by believing that whatever happened, everybody (including the exes) is better off because fate brought together two people who were meant to be. True or not, this is definitely a self-serving conclusion!

Do you think there can ever be a happy ending when infidelity is involved?

Group Therapy: How Many Nights a Week Is "Normal" for a Newlywed?

Tue, 16 Oct 2007 03:00:00 -0700

I am a newlywed and for the first week and a half of marriage, we had sex every night. Now it is more like every other night. I am perfectly fine with it only being a couple times per week but I am wondering what you think. How much sex is normal for a married couple? I don't want to withhold from my husband but I am also not up for it every single night.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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Ask a Newlywed: Can I Confront My Dad About His Girlfriend?

TresSugar — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, a newlywed offers her advice to a woman concerned about her father's younger girlfriend. If you have a question, you can submit them here.

This week's question:

My parents have been divorced nearly 20 years. Since then, my father remarried and was then dumped by his new wife. Now, two years later, he is dating a young woman only 24 years old. I'm 21! I am glad to see him finally so happy but can't help but feel disgusted at this. At 52, he's more than twice her age. I hate the idea of my dad being the kind of man who schmoozes up to young women. I also hate the idea that my dad would be attracted to someone who could be a friend of mine from school.

Do I confront him about this and tell him how I feel? Is it even my business? Or is it OK for me to feel so awkward and awful about this?

Thanks,
21

To see the newlywed's answer, read more.

Dear 21,

It's normal to feel uncomfortable in this situation. In fact, feeling completely indifferent would be a more surprising reaction.

You should explain your feelings to your father in a respectful way. You can tell him that you are happy he has found someone, but that it will take you some time to get used to the fact that he is dating someone close to your age. Your dad might not be aware of how you feel, so if you don't tell him, he could remain clueless.

Since I don't know your father, I can't guess how he will react. I don't think you should expect him to change his actions or dump his new girlfriend, but he might say something about the relationship that makes you feel better, or at least helps you understand him. Either way, it seems that your family is important to you, so it is worth it to communicate your uneasiness so you don't continue to secretly resent your father.

Signed,

A Newlywed