TresSugar

New Rules of Marriage?

DearSugar — Thu, 22 May 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Whether you're dating, planning a wedding, or already married, I'm sure you've gotten a lot of relationship advice from other married folks. If they've listed off any of the soft rules of marriage, you might want to do some new research. On a recent segment on The Today Show, Rosemary Ellis, the editor-in-chief of Good Housekeeping, shared some new and improved rules of marriage that you should check out below.

Old Myth	New Rule	Explanation
Never go to bed angry.	Sleep on it, but before you roll over in a huff, give your partner a six-second kiss.	If you're blood is boiling and you're frustrated with your honey, duking it out all night won't help. Though kissing before you go to bed won't necessarily solve your problems, it will remind you of your special connection so you can talk about it the next day with a clear and level head.

Want to see the other myths? Then read more.

Old Myth	New Rule	Explanation
As you get older, sex isn't as important.	There's no reason you won't grow more sexually connected.	The more comfortable you feel with a person, the more confident you'll be to ask for what you want and try new things.
As a marriage grows, you'll realize that you've grown apart and fallen out of love.	Marriages don't run on feelings - in order for them to thrive, both partners need to do their fare share of work.	Working through your differences and talking through your disagreements and issues will make your relationship stronger.
Couples who stay together have a lot in common.	It's actually the couples who don't have a lot in common who are often happiest.	You don't have to love doing everything together all the time as long as you do set aside time to be together. Also, having different interests is a plus because it'll keep you happy and secure as an individual, which can only benefit your relationship.
Every guy has a midlife crisis.	It's actually a "reinvention," and women go through it too.	Everyone's life goes through change. Maybe your career takes off in a different direction, or your children leave home, or a parent passes away. The first half of your life is different than the second half, but the second half should get better!

I don't necessarily agree with all of these "new" rules, but what about you? Is there some merit to these news ways of thinking about marriage? Share your thoughts in the comment section below.

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Gender, Law, and Marriage: We've Got a Ways to Go

TresSugar — Tue, 12 May 2009 16:00:00 -0700

"How do we define legal gender? By chromosomes? By genitalia? By spirit? By whether one asks directions when lost?"

A fascinating essay written by a transgendered woman underscores the complexity of gender identities in the US along with analysis of how the arbitrariness of marriage laws ignores that reality.

Jennifer Boyland and Deirdre Finney got married in 1988, at which point Boyland identified as male. By 2000, Boyland had begun transitioning to female. Deirdre remained married to her, which meant that, technically, they were in a same-sex marriage in a state that didn't recognize them at the time. (Maine has since became the fifth state in the US recently to recognize same-sex marriages.)

Imagine, if you will, basically being unrecognized by a government you elect and pay taxes to. To find out some of the more absurd cases, read more.

Some states don't recognize sex changes. So if Boyland moved to such a state, she would only be able to wed another woman. (Try getting your head around that for a moment.)
J’noel Gardiner in Kansas, a postoperative transsexual woman, married her husband, Marshall Gardiner, in 1998. When he died in 1999, she was denied her share of his $2.5 million estate by the Kansas Supreme Court on the grounds that her marriage was invalid.
A 1999 ruling in San Antonio (Littleton v. Prange) allowed marriages only if the parties had different chromosomes. This meant that a lesbian could marry a transgendered male-to-female or a woman with androgen insensitivity syndrome. (People with AIS are genetically male, with one X chromosome and one Y chromosome in each cell, but because their bodies are unable to respond to certain male sex hormones, they may have mostly female sex characteristics or signs of both male and female sexual development.)
Her lawyer drew up this dizzying hypothetical regarding the law's absurdity with respect to her identity: ". . . Mrs. Littleton, while in San Antonio, TX," he mused, "is a male and has a void marriage; as she travels to Houston, TX, and enters federal property, she is female and a widow; upon traveling to Kentucky she is female and a widow; but, upon entering Ohio, she is once again male and prohibited from marriage; entering Connecticut, she is again female and may marry; if her travel takes her north to Vermont, she is male and may marry a female; if instead she travels south to New Jersey, she may marry a male.”

It seems about time that citizens with gender identities that don't fit into the rigid binary male or female are recognized with respect by the law. Here's to hoping we get there soon!

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Front Page: Obama Picks Sonia Sotomayor For Supreme Court

TresSugar — Tue, 26 May 2009 08:00:45 -0700

President Obama has selected federal judge Sonia Sotomayor as his nominee for Supreme Court. She is the court's first Hispanic nominee. - New York Times
Following the test of a nuclear missile this weekend, North Korea test-fired two more short-range missiles today. - CNN
California's Supreme Court will rule today whether the Proposition 8 ban on same-sex marriage is unconstitutional. Don't expect the battle to end either way. - Wall Street Journal
Mel Gibson has confirmed that his girlfriend Okasana Grigorieva is pregnant with his child. Mel has seven children with his still-wife Robyn. - Fox News
Reality show Jon and Kate Plus 8 premiered last night, but this time the show focused on the couple's marriage troubles. - lilsugar

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Have Hookups Triumphed Over Dating?

TresSugar — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 06:00:00 -0700

The hookup is spreading! First high school students were too cool to attach a relationship to sex. Then college students followed the trend. And now- working single people can't give up their friends with benefits. NPR reports: Young people can tell you all about the rules of casual sexual encounters, but they're hard pressed to describe a conventional date they've been on lately.

One 25-year-old woman told NPR:

"Going out on a date is a sort of ironic, obsolete thing."

Call me old fashioned, but I still love being invited to get to know a potential lover in a more formal context. That doesn't mean dinner and movie is the only way I will spend time with a romantic interest, but I still think it's a nice way to get to know someone first.

NPR says that perhaps because young people are more focused on their careers and friendships and less interested in starting families until much later, hooking up has more appeal for them than traditional dating.

While new priorities might encourage young people to put off marriage for a while, what's your experience? Is the date really dead?

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Front Page: Gay Marriage Supporters Plan Next Move

TresSugar — Wed, 27 May 2009 08:00:48 -0700

Supporters of gay marriage took to the streets in California to protest yesterday's ruling on Prop. 8. Many also are looking forward, planning the next battle in the fight. - SF Chronicle
The makers of Slumdog Millionaire met with the film's two impoverished child actors in Mumbai today. - AP
President Obama is spending the day in Las Vegas on a fund-raising trip. - USA Today
AT&T may have swayed American Idol voting by giving phones for free text-message services and lessons in casting blocks of votes at parties supporting Kris Allen. - New York Times
Pundit Tucker Carlson has plans to start a conservative website similar to the Huffington Post. - The Hill
If you're curious, here are some pictures from inside George W. Bush's new home. - The Daily News

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Front Page: Arrests Made in the Death of Anna Nicole Smith

CitizenSugar — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 08:30:11 -0700

Los Angeles prosecutors allege that Anna Nicole Smith's two psychiatrists and her companion Howard Stern were responsible for feeding her addition to prescriptions that eventually killed her. They have been arrested for conspiring to furnish her drugs before her death. - CNN
Stocks opened with a strong start today after a good week, showing the markets are ready to rally again. - Market Watch
China is concerned about its US Treasury holdings. - Guardian UK
In separate cases two federal judges have ruled that employees of the federal court are entitled to health benefits for their same-sex partners. The ruling puts President Obama in the middle of the gay marriage debate. - New York Times

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Should Jailed Lovebirds Be Allowed to Marry Each Other?

LibertySugar — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 09:00:00 -0700

California's legalization of same-sex marriage has left prison authorities trying to figure out whether they must allow inmates to marry each other.

Currently prisoners can marry someone from the outside, same or opposite-sex. Back in the days of man-woman marriage, California's proxy rule - which states that both parties must be present at a wedding - helped avoid the all-inmate wedding dilemma. Male and female inmates do not share prisons, thus they both could not attend.

Prison officials are wondering what to do when a same-sex incarcerated couple decides to test out the new law. Concerns likely to shape a newly created policy include conjugal visits, and the safety of the couple around other inmates. Since California's Supreme Court ruled that marriage is a civil right and not to be denied to same-sex couples, would it be disproportionate punishment to deny this right to all prisoners?

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Hallmark Rolls Out Gay Wedding Greetings: Tasteful or Tacky?

CitizenSugar — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 07:51:12 -0700

Though just a scootch late for the famous nuptials of Ellen and Portia, Hallmark has rolled out a new line of greetings, created for just such an occasion. In response to California ruling gay marriage legal, Hallmark saw a fancy card niche to be filled - one that doesn't involve shiny embossed images of a traditional bride and groom. Despite the fact that most states don't recognize gay marriage (CA and MA are the only two) several others recognize civil commitments, and when there's a ceremony, there's a cause for card.

Hallmarks says the decision to offer the greetings was not politically motivated, but rather a response to consumer demand. Their spokeswoman says, "it's our goal to be as relevant as possible to as many people as we can." Indeed they started offering "coming out" cards last year (an event that strikes me as more interesting? I did not know one gave a card for such an occasion!) The new cards contain neutral language, speaking to love rather than a specific event so they're useful for weddings or commitments. Four designs in all will be released this summer.

As 85,000 same-sex couples have become legal in one way or another since 1997 and estimates peg nearly 120,000 more will join Ellen, spelling millions in new business for wedding industries. Is this just smart marketing? Hallmark has already expanded to include cards for "sorry you can't get pregnant," and "good luck in rehab," as well as interfaith marriages - because in greetings, it's the specificity that counts?

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Briefing Book! Clinton and Planned Parenthood Join Forces

LibertySugar — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 13:30:49 -0700

Women's Health: Ideology ahead of science? Hillary Clinton and Cecile Richards urge women to make voices heard about proposed rule from Bush Administration to allow health workers to refuse abortion, contraception, and sterilization. - New York Times
Edwards: Does she have to go away, too? Elizabeth Edwards finally speaks out about husband's infidelity. - Radar
Palin: What do the Clintons and Palin have in common? Mutual respect for each other's political skills. -Townhall
Socialism: We're all socialists now? Republican president announces that government will spend hundreds of billions of dollars to takeover not-insignificant chunk of the economy. - Donklephant
Same-Sex Marriage: Is a religious institution trying to buy an election and change the California Constitution? Large amount of money coming from Utah, along with Mormon neighborhood canvassers, to help pass same-sex marriage ban. - Daily Kos

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Islamic Sharia Courts Legally Binding in UK

LibertySugar — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 00:00:08 -0700

Taking advantage of the 1996 Arbitration Act, a new network of sharia law courts in Britain have legal authority in some marriage, financial, inheritance, or domestic violence disputes. Even the UK's High Court must enforce the decisions of the Muslim Arbitration Tribunal panels set up in five major cities.

The lawyer who set up the courts last Summer explained:

We realized that under the Arbitration Act we can make rulings which can be enforced by county and High Courts. The Act allows disputes to be resolved using alternatives like tribunals. This method is called alternative dispute resolution, which for Muslims is what the sharia courts are.

To see how the panels' decisions can impact women differently than men, read more.

In a recent inheritance case, two sons got twice as much as the daughter according to sharia law. And in domestic abuse cases, which are usually treated as criminal cases in Britain, husbands were ordered to take anger management and receive mentoring from elders.

Businesses use alternative dispute resolution contracts all the time - perhaps the Muslim community just wants to work towards more expedient and culturally appropriate results, too. Even so, should rules based on Muslim or other religious law be signaled out as an unacceptable basis for alternative dispute resolution?

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