TresSugar

You Asked: I Can't Accept His Sexual Past

DearSugar — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I recently ended a very long relationship and marriage. My husband was my first and only sexual partner, and I was his. We started dating in high school and we lasted 16 years. I've started to get back out there again, but everyone I encounter has had much more of a past than me.

Having recently discovered the number of partners the guy I'm currently dating has had (over 30), I was shocked and crushed. How do I get over this and not have it affect my feelings for him? - Virginal Virginia

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Virginal Virginia,

Choosing to be with just one person was a decision that worked for you, but that's not to say it's the right choice for everyone. I understand that having 30 sexual partners is foreign and maybe a little scary to you, but it doesn't make the guy you're dating a bad person. You have to remember that you were in a committed relationship with someone for 16 years - think how differently your life would be if you were single all those years?

There are men out there who aren't as sexually experienced, so if that's a quality you desire in the person you date, this guy just might not be the one for you. With that said if you're willing to look beyond this number of his, ask him whatever questions or concerns you have about his past and hopefully he'll be able to curb your apprehensiveness.

Source

Love It or Leave It: People I've Slept With Pillowcase

DearSugar — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 07:00:00 -0700

I don't need to tell you that the Internet is a bizarre place. It doesn't take much time to stumble upon weird sites or products, and it seems that anything having to do with sex is especially popular. Just recently I came upon this gem - it's an Everyone I've Slept With Pillowcase ($50). It serves two purposes. It can help you keep a record of everyone who's spent the night at your place (you know, in case you can't remember). But it also acts as a bold declaration to the world of what happens between your sheets (for those who like to share).

Can you imagine showing up at someone's house, being handed a Sharpie, and seeing this huge list of names?! Personally, I like to keep this kind of information to myself, but what's your take? Do you love the idea of this pillowcase, or do you think it's completely absurd?

News to Me: 1 in 10 Men Have Overlapping Sex Partners

DearSugar — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 11:00:37 -0700

Call me old-fashioned, but I only date one guy at a time. That means I only have one sexual partner at a time, and I thought that was what most people did. Apparently not. According to this ABC News story, a new study shows that one out of every 10 men, observed over the course of a year, had sexual relationships with more than one woman at a time.

If these guys are having sex with a bunch of different women, those poor unsuspecting ladies probably have no idea. Not only is it disrespectful - and pretty sleazy if you ask me - but the practice also may be contributing to the spread of HIV and other STIs. Of course, using condoms is a great way to prevent HIV and other STIs from spreading, but unfortunately, they don't protect you 100 percent.

I hope this study will increase awareness about how important it is to practice safe sex. My advice: Before you get intimate with a new partner, be sure that both of you get tested for all STIs, especially HIV.

What do you think about this news? Do the results of the study surprise you?

Source

Some Doctors Object to the Pill on Moral Grounds

TresSugar — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 12:00:00 -0700

In the very first episode of Mad Men, Peggy Olson goes to the gynecologist seeking a prescription for the pill. Watching the scene, I cringed as the doctor grills Peggy about why she would want the contraceptive pills if she were not married. He says: "As a doctor we'd like to think that putting a woman in this situation isn't going to turn her into some sort of strumpet." Although he gave her the prescription, he tells Peggy he will take her off the medicine if she "abuses" it.

If you're thinking: thank goodness I don't live in the 1960s when doctors were allowed to pass judgment on our sex lives, think again! A recent USA Today story explains how doctors are using conscience clauses to object to the pill as well as to abortion. One doctor in San Antonio told the paper that the pill would not protect her patient from the "emotional trauma from multiple partners" or sexually transmitted diseases. She said: "I could not ethically give that type of medication to a single woman." Wow. This modern doctor goes even further than the one featured on Mad Men!

The Bush administration enacted an ambitious conscience clause that says that hospitals receiving federal money cannot refuse to hire nurses or doctors who morally object to abortion or even certain forms of birth control. These regulations, which could limit access to contraception for women who rely on public clinics or those who live in rural areas, have yet to be rolled back by President Obama as promised. What do you think about doctors who withhold contraception from women because of moral objections?

Teen Sex and the City - and the Country

DearSugar — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 11:00:00 -0700

If you believe shows like Gossip Girl, you'd think that city-dwelling teens were the randiest and most rebellious. But a recent story on Slate reminds us that teenagers in rural areas are often more sexually active.

According to the article:

Several studies have shown that rural teens are more likely to have sex than their urban counterparts, that they lose their virginity earlier, and that they have more sexual partners.

The story cites various statistics indicating that country-dwelling teens have higher rates of high-risk sexual behaviors, including sex with multiple partners and infrequent use of condoms.

I'm certainly no researcher, so I can't speak to the accuracy of the statistics. But anecdotally, I can say that I know plenty of people from both urban and rural backgrounds who were promiscuous in their teens. Teen sex certainly isn't limited to cities; in fact, it often seems like nonurban teens have more sex. What do you guys think? Did you grow up in the city or the country, and what was the attitude toward teen sex where you grew up?

Photos courtesy of The CW

Binge Drinkers Are at a Higher Risk For STIs

DearSugar — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Over the weekend I came across an article that I just had to share with all of you. A study performed at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine found that binge drinkers (five or more alcoholic beverages at one time) are more likely to engage in risky sexual behavior, making them (particularly women) more likely to contract an STI. We all know that binge drinking lowers inhibitions, but the findings of this new study are very sobering:

Across gender, women binge drinkers are more likely to have anal sex than men binge drinkers. Within gender, women binge drinkers are three times as likely to have anal sex, and twice as likely to have multiple sex partners compared to women who do not drink alcohol. Compared to non-drinking women, women binge drinkers are also five times as likely to have gonorrhea.

To make things even worse for women, anatomical differences place women at a higher risk of contracting STIs, since men infect women with disease more efficiently than women to men.

This is pretty frightening stuff, but is it all that shocking? Of course alcohol affects everyone differently, but what are your thoughts on this news?

Source

Would You and Your Partner Be Into Swinging?

DearSugar — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 08:30:00 -0700

Are you and your partner a little bored in the bedroom and need to spice things up? Have you ever thought about swinging?

Swinging might not be what you think it is - it's when a married or committed couple engages in any kind of sexual activity with another couple (who's also into swinging), multiple couples, or a single individual (threesome). It could involve kissing, oral sex, or sex while one partner watched their significant other with someone else - or vice versa, or 2 couples completely swapping partners.

You never know - seeing your man with another woman, and letting him see you with another man may be a real turn on. It may even make you appreciate your partner even more.

There is no jealousy involved, only openness in expanding and exploring your own sexual relationship. Swinging couples have been known to say that their sexual experiences with others has strengthened the connection they feel with their partner. They also say it makes their own sex life more exciting and that their overall relationship much stronger.

So what do you think....

Tantric Sex Anyone?

DearSugar — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 08:00:00 -0700

Those very words conjure up sensuous and erotic scenes in my mind of intermingling bodies, moist skin, and silky sheets - but Tantra is not just about having mind-blowing orgasms.....

Tantra is a Sanskrit word meaning "weaving," or " expansion." Tantrism is a philosophy and way of life that's all about completely awakening the senses, like a form of meditation. Tantrists see sex as a sacred way to awaken the energy inside them, so that they reach spiritual enlightenment and ecstasy. You don't necessarily have to see it like that, but you can learn from these ancient sexual techniques to improve your own sex life.

Tantric Sex is like a dance with no beginning or end. There is no goal, only the present moment and the spiritual connection you are making -- it isn't just about having an orgasm as quickly as possible. Instead you focus on being completely intimate and connected to your partner -- just being in the moment, together. You harmonize your breath, gaze into each other's eyes, anything that turns you on in preparation for lovemaking so you can communicate on a deeply physical and emotional level.

I'm just getting started so read more

Once you have established that deep connection, then you can slip into actual lovemaking. Tantric Sex encourages you to move slowly and change up your positions. In order for the male to be able to have continuous sex for an extended period of time, the guy has to learn how to have orgasms without ejaculating. This is how you can both reach multiple orgasms. "Practice makes perfect" is the key factor here!

Well, that's as much detail as I can give you!! If I've piqued your curiosity and you want to know more about the specific techniques, I'd check out one of the many books about Tantric Sex like this one called The Art of Tantric Sex. Have fun and enjoy!!

Anal HPV (Yep, That's What I Said)

DearSugar — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 11:00:00 -0700

So I'm sure you're sick of me talking about HPV, the STI that can cause genital warts and certain types of cervical cancer, but I'm not finished yet. There's also another type of HPV you should know about - anal HPV - that's just as common as cervical HPV.

No, anal HPV isn't only contracted through anal sex, although women who engage in this act are definitely more at risk, but so are women who are young, white, with lower levels of education and income, and a history of having multiple sexual partners. It can also be passed through sexual play (by using fingers or sharing sex toys). It's thought that oral sex may also transmit anal HPV, although doctors unfortunately aren't clear about all the ways it can be transmitted.

Why is anal HPV something to watch out for? To find out read more.

The thing to know is that anal HPV can lead to anal cancer. Although this is rare, more than 4,600 are diagnosed with anal cancer in the US each year and nearly 700 people die from it.

Dear's Advice: Doctors are not urging women to get anal Pap tests (phew), so the best thing you can do is to be sure you use protection when you engage in any type of sexual activity. Since many women have no symptoms and don't even know they have HPV, be sure to get tested regularly. If you're not in a committed relationship with one person, you may want to think about getting the Gardasil vaccine. It won't protect you from all types of HPV, but at least you'll be protected against the four types that are linked to 70 percent of cervical cancers and 90 percent of genital warts. Doctors think that this vaccine may also help protect against anal HPV.

Source

DEARSUGAR NEEDS YOUR HELP: The Taboo Of Open Relationships

DearSugar — Thu, 09 Nov 2006 14:12:53 -0800

DEARSUGAR and Wild Child Chastity need your help. She is in a monogamous marriage and is hoping that her husband will come around to the idea of having an open relationship. She misses the exciting and casualness of sex and would like to get that back. How do you feel about this?

Dear Sugar
I am a 29 year old woman who recently got married. I love my husband dearly and we have been together for five years. I have never strayed, and I would never want to break his trust or do anything to hurt him, but I am starting to understand why affairs happen so frequently in marriages.

It's not like I am looking for love or even a new friend, but what's wrong with being able to have safe, yet exciting sex with multiple partners? I've proposed the idea of an open marriage with my husband and he was shocked and confused. Of course I would want to establish mutual boundaries and rules, but so far he hasn't come around to the idea.

I don't understand why. Sex is supposed to be fun and interesting. With my husband we make wonderful and passionate love, but I'd like to have different experiences once in a while without hurting him, of course. Does anyone understand what I am feeling? Wild Child Chastity